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My ex-husband expertly diverted many of our arguments by accusing me of mishandling my baggage. Two examples spring to mind:
I did not ever deal with the rapes, and therefore I hated men and he couldn't talk to me,
I idolized my mother and her decision to leave my dad (for another man, in his opinion), and therefore I was not committed to our marriage and he couldn't talk to me.
Back in the day, hearing these statements led me directly into self-examination or defiance. If I told him I would think about what he said (self-exam), then I only considered his take on the matter (Do I hate men? Am I unsure of my commitment?). Of course, immediate defiance put me squarely in a defensive position, directing the argument into a series of "You always" and"You never" statements that escalated and diverted the argument from the actual topic.
If you've read my previous posts about my son, Bob's first inpatient psychiatric hospitalization at the age of 6, you may understand my mixed emotions surrounding his release after only six days. On one hand, I was happy to have my boy home, and to no longer be under the scrutiny of the hospital staff. On the other, I couldn't help but think six days was a very short time to turn Bob into a "normal," functional kindergarten student.
Depression is a family disease. Not just because it runs in families—but because it can ruin families.
Yet it doesn’t have to be that way. I am a happily married man with three wonderful children, and yet I suffer from depression. And my depression affects the whole family.
Children are incredibly perceptive. My 8-year-old picks up on it even when my bouts with depression aren’t so severe. My 10-year-old keeps things inside, so he rarely comments about it, but he notices.
Spirituality can ease the pain of mental illness, but where should clergy start when working with someone with severe mental illness? Here are some suggestions for clergy members who wish to help people with mental illness and their families.
The topic for this blog came from a phone conversation with someone in-my-circle-of-people-I-appreciate-and-trust. That's a mouthful. In other words: I have a difficult time trusting people. And this person, whom I have known for a verrrry long time (who I love very much), called me one the morning. As she usually does. Without hesitation.
So, What Happened?
ADHD affects conservatively about 5-8% of the world’s population. With the world’s population being around 7 billion…that’s a lot of people struggling with inattention, impulsivity or distractibility! Since math has never been my best academic subject, comprehending such a number has always been a bit hard for me. I guess it means that if I’m sitting in a room of 30 people, at least two or three of those people have a creative, overly active, easily distractible brain just like mine. Or when my child struggles in school, I know I am not alone, because approximately 200 other students/families are struggling with the same academic, homework, discipline and family chaos that me, my child and my family are experiencing.
Yes, psychiatric drugs can cause weight gain. It's not a rumor; it's not a myth; it's true. It's one of the most unfortunate things about medication.
But what can you do about drug-related weight gain?
Q: What is the definition of a split-second?
A: How long it takes the idiot behind you to honk after the light changes.
We all know him; the ill-mannered dolt snarling behind the wheel of a late-model luxury import, razor-edge aggressive, always at the ready to ensure that others make the sacrifices so essential to his success. He lives in the passing lane, climbing up from behind, riding bumpers, and flashing his lights. This is the guy who enjoys calling colleagues for no other reason than to put them on hold.
While none of us know him personally we do have the sense it would be easy to spot him at a party. Rude, impatient, obnoxious and tiresome! We all agree he’s a scourge, a menace, and a self-indulgent narcissistic cad – we love to hate him.
However, our wrath may soon be coming to an end as we revise our opinion and assume a kinder, gentler attitude. Why? Because, according to the AMA, AAA, AA, AARP and AAMCO what we are witnessing is no mere random amalgam of anti-social habits but symptoms of the latest in a long string of newly isolated illnesses.
I lived with an abusive man for 18 years, but truthfully, I didn't understand (or want to acknowledge) that he was abusive for 17 of them. I finally realized what was happening to me a bit more than a year before I left. During that year, I faithfully believed that he would also realize how his behaviors were affecting his family. I thought if I could somehow break through the illusion then he would see, and, more than that, he would want to change.
I failed in my efforts to change him, and that is how it is supposed to be. However, in my control-seeking quest to change my life by changing him, something remarkable happened. I changed my self. In the process, I kept track of what worked and didn't work for me. Perhaps you can identify with both my mistakes and successes.
According to HealthyPlace.com, the National Association of Psychiatric Health Systems reports that 88 percent of their member hospital admissions are voluntary. However, that other 12 percent does exist. Sometimes a person is so incapacitated by their mental illness that he/she may not recognize the need for inpatient treatment. In cases like these, involuntary treatment may become necessary.
Where do we go from here? Most of the family thinks just to let her hit bottom and then if she reaches out to help any we can. Some want to just keep paying her bills and just let her sit in the house with no responsibilities. Never been on medication and impossible to get to her when she refuses to talk to ANYONE.
Help.
On the day we agreed to videochat to make things less awkward IRL she woke up with a migraine so we rescheduled to the day after, I made sure to assure her that it was okay and to take her time. Later that day, in the late evening we had a nice chat but suddenly she stopped replying, even though nothing had happened. The day after I texted her good morning and said I hope she was feeling a little better. she wouldn't open my texts.
A couple days after I sent her a longer text saying that even though I had only known her for a short time I care a lot for her and would like to know how she are doing, telling her I'm there for her, assuring her I'm not going anywhere even though things might not be very easy. She wouldn't open it.
A week later I sent a text saying not to feel bad about not answering and that I will be there when she is able to answer again. It's been two weeks since this and she still hasn't opened my texts. She hasn't been active at all.
I don't know what else I can do. I assumed she might have fallen into a depression. I have tried to just not think about it anymore, and I haven't that much but when I do it sort of kills me inside...