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Every so often, I am reminded that my son Ben still has to work hard to stay focused on the world as we all know it: work, play, conversations, whatever we are watching on TV. Without his medications, that feat is nearly impossible; with treatment, it's certainly easier. But not without effort. Not without strength.
The issue with feeling unlovable. The issue? It can be an issue and pardon me for being redundant here. The topic for this post was derived from a comment a reader made. This person mentioned the word unlovable in the context of mental illness. I quickly scribbled the word down and put it away for a couple days.
I open my day-timer today and see the word, UNLOVEABLE, written in large and bold text by my own hands. I sort of grimaced, watching the rain fall from a gray sky outside my window, and wondered if I really had to put it in bold, I mean, it's not as if I have no experience with feeling unlovable. I feel it often, and if you struggle with mental illness, well, perhaps you do too.
Most, including myself, would argue that, particularly without treatment, bipolar disorder is a decrease in functioning. Untreated depression and mania disrupt every part of a life in negative ways – that’s what drives people to get treatment in the first place.
But if bipolar disorder is an illness and is a decrease in functioning, why hasn’t evolution naturally selected out bipolar disorder? Why do we still see bipolar disorder today?
People with ADHD are often eager to explore all the possibilities of better managing their ADHD challenges. Even though studies show that medication is up to 70-80% effective in reducing the core symptoms of ADHD (inattention, impulsivity and distractibility), there is no “magic pill” that alleviates all the struggles or cures ADHD. The impact of ADHD is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and most ADHD medications wear off within 4-12 hours. That leaves many hours in the day that often require alternative ways of coping with and managing ADHD symptoms.
Ongoing Problems Lead to a Second Inpatient Hospitalization
My recent posts have described my experiences with Bob and inpatient psychiatric treatment. I'm not sure why I'm revisiting that experience now, other than Bob's currently doing relatively well and I don't think I've previously detailed his hospitalizations here. Reading my own words, I'm amazed at how far we've come--and worried about the future.
There are positive and negative coping skills you can use when you're stressed. As a person with borderline personality disorder (BPD), I have to work especially hard to use the positive coping skills. The negative coping skills, such as self-harm, are my default coping skills. Recently I've learned a few things that make choosing the positive coping skills easier.
Bipolar disorder is associated with extremely high (mania/hypomania) and low (depressed) moods. This is typically seen with emotional changes, behavioral changes, energy changes and so on.
Psychosis, on the other hand is the presence of delusions and hallucinations. Delusions – false beliefs that persist in spite of the existence of contrary evidence – and hallucinations are most closely associated with schizophrenia.
However, symptoms of psychosis can occur in bipolar disorder and depression as well.
For a very long time I struggled with severe and crippling anxiety. At one point, around the age of fifteen, I could not leave my home. Literally. Anything outside of my home, my four-walled room, was terrifying. School--impossible. For as much as I tried to emulate my siblings, to smile and laugh, to have friends and go to classes, to come home and talk to my parents-I simply could not.
My heart would race when stepping outside of the door; my legs would wobble, unsteady, unsure (The Silencing of Agoraphobia).
According to The National Center of Addiction and Substance Abuse, up to one half of those with eating disorders — including anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorder — abuse alcohol and/or drugs. (see Eating Disorders and Addictions) This is a dangerous combination.
I didn't believe it would happen to me — until it did.
Last year, a small ill kitten showed up at my front steps without a home in the middle of winter. Being allergic to cats I tried to chase him off of my porch, but he persisted to visit. The more often he visited, the more he reminded me of the homelessness that I had experienced years ago as a result of my illness, Schizoaffective Disorder.
Twice in my life I was homeless for extensive periods and in need of help. I am aware of the suffering and humiliation that this can cause, therefore I felt it would not be right to allow him to suffer. Eventually, I took him in and gave him the name “Mr. Giggles”.
Where do we go from here? Most of the family thinks just to let her hit bottom and then if she reaches out to help any we can. Some want to just keep paying her bills and just let her sit in the house with no responsibilities. Never been on medication and impossible to get to her when she refuses to talk to ANYONE.
Help.
On the day we agreed to videochat to make things less awkward IRL she woke up with a migraine so we rescheduled to the day after, I made sure to assure her that it was okay and to take her time. Later that day, in the late evening we had a nice chat but suddenly she stopped replying, even though nothing had happened. The day after I texted her good morning and said I hope she was feeling a little better. she wouldn't open my texts.
A couple days after I sent her a longer text saying that even though I had only known her for a short time I care a lot for her and would like to know how she are doing, telling her I'm there for her, assuring her I'm not going anywhere even though things might not be very easy. She wouldn't open it.
A week later I sent a text saying not to feel bad about not answering and that I will be there when she is able to answer again. It's been two weeks since this and she still hasn't opened my texts. She hasn't been active at all.
I don't know what else I can do. I assumed she might have fallen into a depression. I have tried to just not think about it anymore, and I haven't that much but when I do it sort of kills me inside...