Schizophrenia and Parenting: Step In or Let Go?

My son doesn't have schizophrenia but he does have adhd and severe anxiety. I know it's not the same but I worry so much about him. He wouldn't go on a school trip today because of his anxiety and it was a really nice trip to NYC. I'm scared of what he is missing out on. I'm also scared because his adhd makes him have these horrible rages (only at home) but they are so bad he will start throwing stuff around, flipping couches and hitting my husband and now me. Not hard but still. I worry so much.
Michele

this rings many bells for us especailly the last paragraph .thank you

My son 25 and about to be released from his ninth hospitalization in 4 years. He admitted himself because of fear of hurting himself. Once he got there and was stabilized he stopped taking the medicine and they released him. this was the first time he made a verbal threat to me while in the hospital and they still did not mandate that he take the medicine because (it was only over the phone) and he did not threaten anyone else. I am only one left who will deal with him in the family. I feel hopeless.

Dear Mominga, What Randye said, is so true. You have to learn not to take this disease personal, my 24 yr old son has schizoaffective & I know how incredibly hard this is & it's never ending, round the clock worry & staying on them but it's so worth it. I have met so many mentally Ill with no family support & I can understand why it happens but can't comprehend how it does, if that makes sense??? They need us & it's not their faults, this is such a debilating devasting disease that affects their brains, the very thing you need to live a productive decent life & people do say oh they need a good kick in the ass & I say would you tell a diabetic, a cancer patient, someone on dialysis that? Don't give up & hang in there if at all possible.

When your child threatens you....take it very seriously....my son at threatened my husband and I didnt think it was possible that he would really do anything and guess what he stabbed him in the head with a knife and almost stabbed me too....he ended up in a long term psych hospital for 3 yrs now and they tell me he may never get out....what amazes me is I knew he was diagnosed with schizophrenia but I never believed he would do such a thing ....ever.....he is smart, he graduated college, got a stock broker license, but the voices in his head were telling him to do terrible things and finally couldnt fight them anymore...he has been on every medication there is and still has the paranoia and delusions....this is a terrible disease and I keep blaming myself, why didnt I see it earlier, why didnt I see this coming.....but what could I have done even if i did....if they arent violent, than there is nothing you can do .....it has to happen.

The dilemma to care or to let go the child with schizophrenia presents, for disturbed parent, a Big Question in any case. By me, as professional worker in Mental Health Service, the best way to manage this serious illness is to be a kind of parent like they with mentally health children. This mean, that as parent should be a partner with your illness child in long-time treatment of its mental disorder, without any surplus careful undertaking. There are some specific demands for parent in fruitful treatment of child with schizophrenia:regular medication, instantly psychiatric intervention in aggravation of illness, and mostly important is psych-education on nature of this disease. As we know, every child has got its characteristic abilities, desires and habits that request an individual approaching of parenting. Why this statement should be exclusion for child with Schizophrenia?

My 31 year old son was born with learning disabilities and he is Bi-polar He has always had a very violent nature even as a child Once he was banging his head I think he was 10 I literally had to sit on him until he calmed down We had many episodes like that. When he was 14 I asked him to take out the trash everything was calm and he got up walked to the kitchen and began choking me My daughter his twin sister just happen to come in the house She screamed your killing her, she's turning purple She began pulling on his shirt I remember his eyes they were a Whitish color All of a sudden he snapped back to reality. I have always been afraid of my son. As a child I made sure he received all the help I could give him Even institutions
Now recently 2 years ago he became paranoid schizophrenia He is scarier than ever My other children want let him stay with them for the same reason he is violent, he bosses you in your own home he lords over you When he is not yelling and throwing a fit he sits quietly and gives everyone evil looks He is very controlling
I also have a mentally challenged son who does live with me but he is just the opposite of my other son He is like a big teddy bear.
My son with the schizophrenia has no where to go no money etc I have had him set up several times to get housing, food stamps and disability he will not do it He tells me I am just trying to control him
I want to help him, but he will not listen to anyone and I can't talk to him or he goes off I have already called the police several times in the last two weeks.
I want to help him so bad, but he want do anything he refuses and tells us we just don't want to help him He wants us to get him a lawyer for his hallucinations that he believes are real. I think he has lost all sight of any reality I told him he couldn't stay here any longer if he doesn't try to help himself He said give me some gas money and I will go back to Ft Worth
He has lost all of his friends there is no one in Ft Worth to help him he has ran everyone off I am a single mom and I have to protect myself and my other son I don't even go to sleep until he does and he stays up all night He was in my face screaming and I saw those white eyes again it scared me to death. They actually change color when he goes into a certain frame of mind. I so want to help him but I am afraid ,I have to let him go I don't know what to do. I was going to get guardianship over him but my daughter said if you do that Mom he will come after you the first chance he gets and no telling what he would do to you. I know she is right.
Oh, I know I am ranting but my heart is breaking.

Thank You
Well the last couple of days he has been a little better although I don't know how long that will last I had a talk with him last night again about housing, and disability, and he didn't blow up I was amazed ,I figure if I take babysteps with him first get him living close to us but not in our home that will help us all. I will definitely check out NAMI Thank you so much :)

As I was reading the article about the mother with the schizophrenic son, I thought about my own illness and l live with my mother. I am more depressive than manic. My mother says nothing's wrong with me, yet she says I act like a zombie. I've suffered from bipolar disorder since I was 14 years old and I receive no support from my family. I had to suffer through this whole ordeal alone. Often I suffer from panic attacks and illusions even though I'm getting better. My two sisters ailenate me and treat me unfairly.
When I think of families with mental illness I also think of my father's family. I have several cousins who suffer from depression and schizophrenia. One of my cousin is suffering with bipolar disorder with me now. His sister says his symptoms are worse than mine. He screams and hollers at people. Last year, I was so filled with anxiety so bad I used to walk through the house at night, not sleeping or having the ability to sit down. I'm 58 years old. It's embarassing having to live with your mother and having her take care of you. My Case Manager, after a suicide attempt, told my mother to control my meds. She wouldn't give them to me. She said I should wean myself off of them. When I told my Case Manager what was going on, she let me take my own meds.
My mother and sisters treat me like I suffer from Leprosy. They go places and never invite me, like they're ashamed of me. The only supportive relative I have is my father's first cousin's wife, who I stayed with when I was 18 years old. At 18 I went to stay with my father's first cousin, who was a classic case of manic depression that there ever was. I often wondered why his wife, who is so supportive of me, never attempted to get treatment for her husband. He died of cancer at 56.
I often feel guilty having to stay with my mother and having her watch me but frankly she doesn't give a damn. I decided not to have children or get married. Sometimes I blank out and exhibit outrageous behavior. If I get upset enough I might attempt murder. One of my sister's likes to start arguments with me and the first thing I thought of was stabbing her with a kniife. I told her, "You know I could kill you and not go to jail because I'm mentally ill". Daily my mother leaves me alone and never aks how I feel. She still won't admit something's wrong with me even though my father committed suicide 10 years ago, September 12.

My name is Jackie. I deal with a different look on life. Ever since I was little, I could here voices in my head, get highly paranoid, agitated, and violent. I just got diagnosed 3 months ago with schizophrenia and about 8 months ago I had my first children, a beautiful set of twin girls. Now more than ever my paranoia is getting worse. I face the daily struggles of fear against myself with my children. I am so scared that I will get angry and hurt them. I know I won't but it still worries me. I take medicine for it and the medicine may make my feelings of agitation and the violence go away, but it doesn't stop the voices or the paranoia go away.
I am sorry that you go through what you go through, but even though people think we have a choice on the way we act or behave, but we really don't. Think about it from his point a view. Try to find what triggers his behavior and try to avoid those triggers.

My son is 28 and was diagnosed with schizophrenia at 18, he has spent the last 10 years of his life in hospital, at first he was not sectioned and used to come and go which iterupted his treatment, he was finally sectioned when he was about 20. About two years ago i was told he was treatment resistant, he responded best when on Chlozapine, but has had two bad reactions so can no longer have this treatment. During all this my son maintains he is not ill and that myself and the hospital staff are pltting against him to keep him in hospital. I see him about once a month (60 mile round trip) and speak to him on the phone. At first I used to see him more often and speak to him most days, this has become very difficult to to his increasing frustration and the fact that he blames me for him being in hospital. I cannot give him my home phone number or he would ring constantly throughout the day and night, he has my mobile number and rings me usually about 20 to 30 times a day (I have to manage his calls so have to have my phone on silent during work hours) this breaks my heart, but keeping him at arms length is the only way I can be of any use to him at all, he has little or no support from his fathers side of the family (we have been divorced since my son was 8). I am his only regular contact with family and I feel constantly under a huge amount of pressure because of this. I love my son but feel helpless and unable to support him. I know he feels lonely and lost in hospital and he has said things over the years that make me worry that his care is "questionable". He has had several consultants over the years, many named nurses, and seen other patients come and go, his most recent consultant has come to a point in his treatment where there is no more treatment that can be offered which hasn't been tried on him before, she has suggested that she would now like to try referring him to an ABI (aquired brain injury) consultant for a second opinion (in case there is any alternative treatment which could be given which isn't currently available with in a secure mental health environment). I have no idea where this will lead and what my son's long term prospects are, i just cannot see a future for him and although he is fortunate to have the NHS to fall back on his quality of life is still very poor. I have a visit booked with him tomorrw which I am dreading as I know that it will (as always) break my heart, he will be loving and happy to see me for the first five minutes, then he will get frustrated and angry that he can't come home with me so will start to shout and swear at me and then tell me to go, I'll drive home with tears in my eyes and curse a god whom I do not beleive in for allowing this to happen to my son and others like him, and year after year this continues in the same way, I would rather my son be physically handicapped, I'd happily push him around for the rest of his life in a wheelchair and deal with everything this would bring, at least he would be able to live at home and people wouldn't judge him.

I am so glad I found you maybe I as the parent of a 22 year old son who in the past 2 years was dianogised a paronoid schoizophrenic iam realizing after reading so manyother stories that maybe my son is doing pretty good in spite of the fact most days i feel his not

I have a 26 year old schizoprenic.I can not get help from anyone. I have asked the Marchman Center, SS, family, and his father.I am disabled and have a hard time just taking care of myself. The biggest problem is that he is noncomplient and says nothing is wrong with him and becomes very angry if I try to talk to him at all.He requires constant checking after because he leaves the stove on, water running or the doors open. He will not pick up after himself.I try but he refuses to talk to me at all. He is verbally abusive. I am trying to support both of us on my disability. Do you have any suggestions?

I have a 22 year old son who was diagnosed with Schizophrenia 2 years ago. He was sent to prison for 22 months for a drunk diving accident. He went off his meds and hears voices all the time. He is being treated at a hospital facility, finally. He will be released from prison in two months. How do I help him with his illness and the getting out of prison thing. Everyone sounds so hopeless.

I am mentally ill with bipolar 1 and Anxiety disorder. Everyone in my family has some sort of personality disorder but they all make me out to be the only person with a mental illness and the black sheep because they all have jobs and are secure. Everyone imposes some kind of rule on me and if I break the rule they all feel justified by instantly hurting me as much as possible. My sister screams at me violently and throws me out of the house. My brother will attack with his fists if I offend him or his friends. My mom calls the cops on me and the cops hurt me (broke my wrist, threatened to kick my teeth out, locked me in a cold cell for two days alone for nothing) and my dad abandons me in bad neighborhoods or kicks me out of the house onto the street. People robbed me when I was all alone, people tried to kill me three different times but I escaped on foot, and there were many, many nights I was homeless and vulnerable to being attacked or worse on the streets. In the hospitals I had people try to rape me in my sleep and I was assaulted six times and each time either strapped down for a day, moved to a violent part of the hospital, or kicked out onto the street when I never hurt anyone when I was attacked. I had a doctor lie to the police about me screaming at him and I was jailed for a month for a crime I didn't commit. I had a nurse in an ER touch me inappropriately. I had landlords rip me off and take all my stuff to the dumps three different times. People do whatever they want to me and nobody cares because I'm "mental" and you all wonder, all you distressed caregivers and parents, why people with mental illness want to commit suicide every waking moment? Life is a horrible nightmare to some degree but I'm a fighter and recognize my illness. I got an education and am learning how to be successful besides all the horrible things that have happened to me. It was not my fault that I have a disorder, a disease, I didn't choose it but many people punished me for being this way. I have no love for life, it's hard to wake-up everyday, it's hard to smile anymore. I just get through it all hoping for the best atleast I know what to expect. I'm going to move away far away from people that hurt and abandon me and hopefully have a good life or not, who really knows.

Our 27 year old daughter has been diagnosed with schizoeffecta disorder. She has been hospitalized three times but is taking her meds by injection from the community services board every two weeks, so she is not psychotic. She barely goes to work, her room is a wreck, clothes, shoes, mail, money thrown about the room and she is smoking weed every day. She has gained about 25 pounds and sleeps most days, then goes out to smoke every night until late and comes home around 2-3 a.m. Usually when she is home she is sleep or texting on her phone. She rarely talks with us and does not really have a relationship with our 24 year old daughter (her sister). I go to NAMI meetings, but don't feel like they really give me any concrete approaches to take. She will have times when she says she will make an attempt to get healthy, i.e., exercise, go to work on time, interact with us and her extended family. But she does not follow up. I want to ask her to move out because it is so painful and stressful for me to see her just give up, but I am afraid of what she may do on her own. She was a loving, extremely intelligent (full scholarships to college and law school..she quit lawschool after two years)focused young person and now she is someone totally opposite. I just don't know what's best to do.

My son (35) has it . There is no life for him and no help for us. Just we are sorry.. I have spent all I have trying to help . It's a never ending fight .you can,t win.l

Thank you for your resonse Randye. Today has been pretty rough...my daughter promised to go to work, but this morning decided to go "hang out" with her friends..which means smoke weed. Sometimes I feel like she's just not putting up much of a fight against this illness...like she's bought into it so she doesn't have to do the hard work. I told her I am tired of the broken promises and now I feel terrible because she won't answer my calls or texts...this is such a rollercoaster ride and I grieve for her..I miss her so much.

dear wantingtohelp, i relate to you oh so well. i have a sister 27 as well, schizophrenic. The amt of torture she she has put me(her younger sister) and my mom & dad thru cannot be described. From calling the police to yelling vulgarities to us and strangers to throwing eggs outside the windows to getting tattoos to trying to stab me and my mom. She lost all her jobs and demands my parents to supply her the money. I just dont know where to begin.
We went to see a psychiatrist n she is now on meds. The doc says she gotta take it for the rest of her life. My family is broken. happiness has been lost. The meds side effects are another worry.
I just feel like committing suicide every now and then.

I reached out to my daughter's therapy team becuase I can see all the red flags popping up...my daughter does not go to work (not sure if she still has a job) and I was informed that she has missed numerous therapy sessions and her last appointment for her shot (resperdol). She told her therapist that she has been going to work everyday and has NOT told them she is smoking weed everyday. I want to talk to her, but am afraid it will push her father away. yet it freightens me that she will end up back in the hospital (she has no insurance and the hopsital is for indigent patients) I am praying the serenty prayer and believe I cannot just sit by and wait.

I have a daughter thstnis 31 years old. Has struggled for the last six years. Because of the hippa laws and laws to protect patient rights our family is up in arms. Our daughter has been in and out of hospitals, she has doctor shopped and hopped to get the meds she wants, this last time she overdosed on haldol and wound up hack g a reaction thet she said "allergic reaction" but tomus an allergic reaction is taking the prescribed dose. Not more than the bottle says. She was admitted and was in the psych ward, once again as she has had 7 other hospitalizations, only to work her magic to be discharged on her own accord. It'd frustrating to us that she won't take a y medication before she googles it and denies she has schitzophrenia, has turned our family upset down with worry. We are doing the tough love now and are fearful of get g the call that we need to make Fu wrap arrangements with you. We know we can't help someone that refuses help or think they need help. Our daughter will get a job in a different state and works long enough to get fired and collect I employment. she's very bright and manipulative. She hears voices, thinks car aentenas are taping her, thinks everyone will take her money, everyone is against her and everyone has a conspiracy. twice she went to the police that her father and I were taping her in the shower only to have the police see that she thought the shower head was a video camera. She thinks it's all of us and she doesn't have any problem.how do we get our daughter committed long enough to get to the root of the problem?? We are so sad and frustrated. any suggestions? A parent that will go though hoops and loops for her child.

I have a 23year old daughter who sounds similar in some ways to wanting to help's daughter. She also alternates between being positive - exercising, going to classes etc., and deep depression. It breaks my heart because she has no friends at all. She seems to make friends but she has always had problems socially plus she will go into her own little world and start laughing to herself. Her room is a disaster - there is no room to walk in it and she hasn't slept in her bedroom for years. Years ago, she told me she had claustrophobia and said could she just sleep on the sofa for a short time (she has been sleeping there ever since). She has been in hospital three times over the years and was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder but she says there is nothing wrong with her and she won't take medication. The Dr. at the last hospital told her if she didn't take her medication that I would eventually have no alternative but to make her leave the house. The threat worked for a time but she knows I wouldn't be able to do that to her.
I first thought her behavior was because I had spoiled her - she has always been very strong-willed and I gave in to her to avoid her throwing a temper tantrum (because that in turn would also mean my husband would throw an even bigger tantrum). As her temper fits became worse I also thought that it might just be just a hormone imbalance. When she began talking to herself and hitting herself I was devastated and had to call 911 because I couldn't get her to stop. Now it is five years later and life with my daughter is like a roller-coaster. There are times when she can be thoughtful and sweet but mostly she is verbally abusive to myself and her brothers and I just don't know what to do - I know that she will never get herself better without medication.
Over the last few weeks she has been getting worse again and also panicking that she has everything wrong with her, from having a seizure/heart attack/head tumor/ worm inside her to severe allergy to something. She has been refusing to eat or drink properly and called 911 twice. The first time the paramedics said they thought it was an anxiety attack and we took her to the emergency room to have her checked as well(the Dr. there said the same thing). She began asking me every day to take her to the emergency room so I made her an appointment with her GP and he said it was anxiety and to visit her psychiatrist. Then she called 911 when i went to the grocery store and i came back to find they had taken her in the ambulance to the hospital. When i got there the Dr. was quite firm with her and said she needed to be responsible and also to visit her psychiatrist. Last night she went in for a shower at 7:00p.m. and we eventually managed to turn off the water at the main at midnight. She wouldn't come out and when I tried to talk to her through the door she just shouted abuse back. It is noon of the next day and she is still in the bathroom laughing to herself. I dread the thought that I'm going to end up having to call for emergency services again but i don't know what else to do.

Thank you Randye,
I did buy the book I am not sick I don't need help and am reading through it.
I have heard other people refer to group homes and it sounds like a wonderful idea. My daughter behaves very differently when other people are involved, I think she has too much emotional control over us (especially me). I don't know if group homes are a possibility (we live in California) but I have just contacted NAMI by e-mail and the lady who replied suggested I call and ask for information about the family to family.