Schizophrenia and Parenting: Step In or Let Go?

My intelligent, talented son had a somewhat mild psychotic episode about 8 months ago. His live-in girlfriend called me (they live in another state) and I caught a plane to visit them the same day. There is no mental illness in our family, and my son has always been calm and rational. He has a college education. When I arrived, he seemed happy to see me. He hugged me and was welcoming. He was rather fixated on topics of space and time, however, he was still calm and peaceful. He could be redirected to talk about other things for awhile, although he continued to circle the conversation back to the spce/time topic. When we (his girlfriend and I) told him we felt worried about his mental well being because he was behaving in a way not usual for him, he responded he didn't want us to feel worried and agreed to see a counselor. We went with him to a few sessions, his personality seemed to return to usual, and the counselor believed he was fine and perhaps we had overreacted. Then about two months ago, his girlfriend called to report that he was "delusional" again. I again travelled to their home this time to find my son pacing, and ranting incoherently. He was not happy to see me, didn't seem to recognize I was his mother, and shouted for me to leave. He was becoming angry and agitated, so I left. His girlfriend (they have been together for about 12 years) felt very worried. We contacted the counselor he saw at the first episode, who referred us to a mental health crisis team. They sent police to the house but they were unable to do anything to help. So we consulted a judge. I had to give a statement about my son's behavior. Ultimately, he agreed to check himself into a mental health facility, but once there, they had another hearing with a judge and then sent him to a state mental hospital. While he was in the state hospital, he called me everyday. During those calls, he was calm, rational, and pleading with me to help him get out of the faciltiy. He was only in the state hospital for a week and they released him. Once he was home again, he relapsed into the agitated and delusional state again. This time, his girlfriend just tried to stay calming, encouraged him to eat, and waited. It took about 4 weeks before he regained his usual personality. She is encouraging him to seek treatment, however, this time he is resistant. He doesn't trust the doctors because of the state hospital commitment episode. He will not talk to me now, convinced, I exaggerated his behavior to have him committed. I am so sad and worried about him. He is so bright, talented, and capable. I realize how fortunate he is to have a girlfriend who loves him and is patient and will help him try to get through this. But as his mother, my heart just hurts from worry. I pray he can recover and move forward and even that one day he will let me back into his life. Until then...I wait for and cherish the updates from his girlfriend.

I am the mother of an 8 year old boy.He was fine until last October when he punched himself in the face leaving a bruise.He started taking meds which then caused OCD and odd behaviors.He was hospitalized for cutting his skin and for grabbing the steering wheel trying to make me crash my car.Changes made to his meds,difficulty in school,slowly getting worse. After complete meltdowns in Dr's offices;he was given Risperdal. Although, i see improvements,he is now periodically hallucinating about a worm that speaks to him and tries to get into his arms.He also advised that it was the same black worm that caused him to cut his skin the day he was hospitalized.They diagnosed him as ADHD with depression.I think this diagnosis is incorrect.My heart aches every day for him as he struggles to have a life like every other child around him.

I guess the most frustrating thing is as parents we know when something is wrong and we take them to see numerous people for help.Trying to get some kind of diagnosis is hard. I have heard from different professionals that it looks like ASD, ADHD.Where as other professionals say this is not ADHD.Waiting to see a Pediatric Neurologist.Now with the most recent hallucinations,Im concerned this may be schizophrenia as his dad was diagnosed with that before he was born.The past months have been hell and seemed like a light switch just turned off for him. At the end of the day, I tell him that tomorrow will be better

Even though I know I shouldnt promise that but there has got to be some light at the end of this tunnel.Family members have made comments telling me I just need to spank him when he has melt downs or asks the same questions repetitiously.Everyone has the answer to how to discipline him.Especially those without kids.I pray that all our children young and old are able to find peace day to day. I hold and love him on his good days and his bad days.Seems like now because he is young, mom is his safe place. I know that will change one day but am trying to be here to help him get thru his days and nights one day at a time.

My beautiful 23 year old daughter was told in Jan 2014 she has schizophrenia, I didn't quite believe it but she was unable to take care of her 2, 3 and 5 year old children. DSS took them and I cared for them four months while working full-time, it was hard but I love them. Meanwhile, my daughter has not done one thing to 'get better,' and may lose her children. They are in foster care now with a wonderful husband and wife and I see them often. I need to complete an IVC to try to get her help. When she was committed in Jan. she refused medication and they sent her home in five days. It has just gotten worse. Her paternal grandmother had bipolar and her paternal uncle has schitzophrenia and is forced to take a monthly shot. She suffered a severe concussion last Fall and her behavior got worse after that so in ways I want to believe her problem is the roll-over accident not MH issues. Prayer is getting me through. I'm glad to read others who are searching for answers too.

Im so glad to read about situations, such as the ones I read today - can relate, my son Chris has schizophrenia and also refuses meds and medical help.He's 29, diagnosed when he was 16, tears me apart to see him so isolated and has no ambition,not to mention his grooming. when he was younger he dressed nice, now thinks clothes have chemicals,etc. also food,cooks own weird food -once he broke down and asked me why this happened to him,and all I could do was console him, and he had a meltdown- I have faith in God and pray everyday for him - has taken over our upstairs rooms, but figure he's safe here not out there in the world. I really wish he could find a simple job he likes and a girlfriend, plus self medicates with beer, but used to do a lot of drugs when younger

Look for supportive housing. Good luck, it is soooooooo difficult.

My son was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia five years ago after a nightmare of strange and unbearable behavior including threats against me. At one point I had him arrested and Baker Acted him into a facility but they let him go after two days claiming he was fine and my problems with him were simply domestic. In other words it was my fault and I was reaping the problems of an adult child that was raised poorly. I got a restraining order against him because I was afraid of him and he went to live with his grandmother. During his time there he treated her okay but got into trouble arguing with some woman and threw a cup at her. Eventually he was jailed for that because he missed the court date. I simply left him in there before he got into worse trouble on the street. During that jail time the staff noticed he wasn't "normal". He got into fights with other inmates on purpose because he LOVED solitary confinement. Eventually the state, public defender and judge agreed he needed to be hospitalized. Finally he got the meds he needed but it was a long road to get people to listen to me. He is still living at his grandmother's house. I see him every day and he seems to be doing better but he will never live a normal life. He has no friends...doesn't like to socialize and spends most of his day drinking beer and talking to himself but he stopped being violent. People...(family and friends) have stopped being close to me and stopped calling me because the illness is so misunderstood they feel I did something to cause this. They pretend to "understand" when I talk to them about it and then they pull away. I view the world and people so differently now. I don't miss not having friends. People suck. They live in their little lala land world and they sicken me when I hear them speak with their "myths" about life. Some are glad this happened to my son so they can put themselves and their parenting above me.

My son is 32 with paranoid schizophrenia. He has been in and out of hospitals 10x in a year. The Clozapine was wonderful for 10 years and he was independent with my help. Then after getting too low on the dosage he was never able to control the symptoms. Now the doctors have him on 3 meds. He believes he's dying even though doctors say he is fine. He has alienated his father and brother who really don't want to see him anymore. I brought him back from the institution and have him at a group home but he can only be there a couple more months. I figure he should have a guardian but wonder if I should be the guardian or an agency. He isn't violent or aggressive lately and longs for me to take him back in. He wants to be in an apartment on his own but I fear I would have to be his full time caretaker and he would become negative and nasty again. He's lost his Section 8 and I really don't think he can handle being on his own. Has anyone tried to hire personal care staff like the staff at his group home to work with him on buying groceries, cooking, making sure he would get to medical appts, etc.? I would like to see support in the community for our adult family members with mental illness that goes beyond group home living and independent living to bridge the gap between them. I think there should be a way to do this using Medicaid home and community based support money. Can I find some cheer leaders to support this notion?

My uncle and his son are schizophrenic. My uncle and father were abused as children. When my little cousin was five years old he watched his dad shoot his mother in her leg. My uncle spent 14 years in prison and when he came home he lived with my grandmother. My uncle scared me all the time talking about building aircrafts to get away when the government attacks and living in the woods and only eating fruits and veggies because it's "perverted" to eat an animal or drink milk from an animal. Almost two years after he came home he shot my grandmother in the head while she was sleeping. This was the most devastating day of my life. He doesn't believe he did it he says "they" set him up. Now his son is currently incarcerated for chasing down a biker who cut him off while driving and attempting to slit his throat. The man lived thank god. Now I'm concerned because my dad believes my uncle was set up and he's been talking crazy about my mom saying she's cheating when she's at work and tells us all he sees the devil in us. My dad has always been abusive to my mother and was abusive to me as a teenager. I can hardly understand anything he says, nothing makes sense. I'm really worried he's going to try to hurt my mom or someone else in the family. But nobody will try to get him admitted because without him we can't afford our house. I'm lost and scared and don't know what to do.

I cannot do this any more. My older sister, in her early 60's, has been in 1 terrible group home after another. She is schizophrenic and for some reason, I am the 1 she is angriest at and least likely to listen to. I am her younger sister and she hallucinates quite frequently that I am dead. After DECADES of hospitalizations, arguing with her to switch psychiatrists, begging the psychiatrists to try something new, begging her to let me move her to a new group home, unsuccessfully having her live with me a few times and getting evicted because of her, I now sit here and I cannot do this anymore. No family will help with her. My daughter used to help, but now is mad at me and blocking my phone calls, so she is not even calling my sister. We finally thought a few years ago that we had found a decent group home. Then my sister started losing weight several months ago. She is a heavy smoker and I thought she might have lung cancer. Then she fell at that place hitting her head and e_m_s was called because she was unresponsive. Her lungs looked okay at the hospital. 10 days later, she fell again breaking her left hip. The woman who owns the place put my sister in a wheelchair and waited almost 3 hours to get her to the hospital in a car. Then she informed me by text my sister was "hurt" and she left my sister alone at the emergency room. After surgery, my sister was transferred to rehab today. This will only be for 1 week. I am trying to find another place to move my sister to and only have a few days to do this. In the meantime, I have reported this place to adult protective services. And my sister has been calling this place and telling the owner she is coming back there after rehab. When I brought up the subject of finding another place, of course my sister rejected the idea. She cannot go back there. In the middle of all this I am dealing with my own health issues. I have stage 4 liver disease and have now developed heart issues, which is stopping the doctor from treating the liver problems. That's my new doctor. I switched doctors because my old doctors were doing nothing for me. The last few days, I find myself counting pills. I have many. Portal hypertension, varices, depression and anxiety. I have pills for them all. I could never do it, take them, for who would take care of my sister? I pray to God and tell Him it is all in His hands. But I am holding on by a thread.
Karen

I have read all of the posts and I am sorry for all of your pain. It is not your fault your child has a brain chemistry problem. Once your child is an adult in my opinion it is not totally your responsibility to fix it. Myself, my brother, nephew and daughter have schizoaffective disorder. The best thing my loved ones did for me is let me fail.Yes I have been homeless and addicted, I suffered and I am sure it was painful to watch but boy pain is the best teacher.My loved ones did not make me homeless, I did. They did not force me to get high I did that. Now I am good but the rest of my family that is mentally ill are doing bad. I mean I am not cured. I see things and hear things that nobody else sees and I talk to the people In my head all the time but I do not add to the problem. I pay my rent and take my meds and someday I hope to work. If my loved ones had rescued me I don't believe I would be where I m at today. So I hope this helps. If you don't put yourself first there is no way to help anyone else

So sorry for your difficult life. But you care, and you have not abandoned your loved one. I worked for years in a social work position dealing with people with mental illness and their families. Most were bewildered and so concerned, not knowing what to do. Some just divorced themselves from the situation, going about their business as though the ill person did not exist. You people love and care, so I have so much respect for you all who keep trying.

Hi Randye, I am in the process of reading your book. Excellent! When I read it it so parelels my own life I can't believe it!! I am finding it very helpful. I have 4 kids, a single mom as well. Over the past 1 1/2 my 23 yr old has been diagnosed with undifferentiated schizophrenia, psychosis & mood disorder. My home is a HCBS lisenced home. My oldest daughter, 37, is disabled with Autism, anxiety, PTSD and functions at a preschool level. I am her primary caregivers. My son can not live at my home because of the lisence, until he gets a DPS fingerprint clearance card and passes a criminal history check. He just got released from the psychiatric hospital and is now in a BHRF ( behavioral health residential facility). He keeps calling me every day, severalntime and wants to come home. He refuses to sign the applications for SSD or other for "fear" ghat the government has some conspiracy that affects him. I feel so sad for him! This is not the son I have known for 20+ yrs. I need some advise from some one. About if I should let him come back and live at home or if its better for him to stay. I just need to hear what others might think. Thank you....

Hello,
My 15 year old daughter has been diagnosed 1st with anxiety, depression, bipolar, and now, come to find out she's likely schizophrenic. She's been hospitalized twice, attacked family members several times, and has a pending court case, has attempted suicide, shaved her head, regularly self-mutulates, her bedroom is beyond gross, failing everything in school, often refuses to go to school, has no respect for authority. Refuses to take meds, or pretends to take them. Stays up for day's, has an eating disorder. Just stated the other day that she has had audable hallucinations for year's and talks yo a lady in a nightgown regularly, that she knows isn't really there. I don't know what to do anymore. I have no real support. Her father, my husband, doesn't like to get involved. I'm truly scared of my own kid. She smashed all sorts of dishes the other night because I said no to going to Cumberlands at 9pm on a school night. She didn't come home last night until 10:15pm and then demands that I allow her to sleep out, again, a school night, and states that I'm unreasonable. What are the best treatments? When is it time to find a residential school?!?

Brianna, lass... it is almost a year since you wrote about your father here. I doubt you will see this reply. I hope you do - I feel compelled to urge you to protect yourself and to try to talk your Mon into doing the same. No house is worth losing your life over. The things he is saying are very frightening to me...I am so very worried for you! It does sound like he can be a very grave danger to you...

One of the hardest thoughts to face is losing a child! My son is 29 years old and was diagnosed with this illness 2 years ago with medication and treatment it seemed to have gone away, recently he had another episode and is being treated inpatient. One of the things I've learned about this illness is to get educated and talk to other families that are living through the same illness! With hope and support we can get through this!

Desperate to find a group home. We can't find any and have no help. My 22 year old son is now on 10 hospital stay in two years. He can't come home and I am afraid it will be the streets when he is released. When at home is it frightening and disruptive and he gets even worse. We are trying to apply for Medicaid and disability,but he doesn't want disability. Where can we get help or encourage him to live Ina a group home if there even exists one. Amy. Desperate for over 3 years now. It seems like schizphrenia or schizoaffective disorder or delusions. Pick one , too many doctors and no one helps. One even said nothing was wrong and took him off meds. He has the most stabile 9 months ever, until he used pot again. Then psychosis =Hosp= home= hosp = home= psychosis etc. Throw in drugs and you see the problems. Breaks my heart but we can't function when he is at home. Everyone is scared.

Just over a year ago my beautiful 30 year old daughter became full blown paranoid schizophrenic and turned against all of her brothers and sisters and myself. She perceives me as her worst enemy and fears me. I am unable to help her in any way and she refuses to believe anything is wrong with her. She was misdiagnosed as "bipolar" as was her twin father and uncle, both of whom were prescribed prozac and both of whom committed suicide. I am desperate to help her but do not know how. I pray every day it is all I can do.

My ex-partner was a paranoid schizophrenic, I think. Certainly he was paranoid and had delusions and I think hallucinations. He seemed fine at some times, very paranoid and delusional at others. And prone to "minor" violence.
He lives with his parents. He has left home from time to time, but always gone back. Piecing it together now, I think he kept trying to forge a life outside the family home (as with me) but this would trigger his paranoia and he'd always go back. And they always took him back.
I used to sense this awful atmosphere in their home but I could never put my finger on it. Now I think I see - they were waiting for our relationship to crash, like all his others, and for how it would trigger him.
I don't know what will happen to him after they pass on.
He got dangerous towards the end. So I can't have him in my life - not that he wants to be! I do wonder what would happen if he called and said he needed help. I don't think I'd be able to say No, so I hope he doesn't. Because it'd be hell and wreck me like last time. And he can't help it and he can't change and there's no use pretending he can.

Most people who are trying to care for a loved one with mental illness are desperate for help. We are all in a 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' world. We can't take it anymore, but we can't give up because we can't bear the thought of our loved one suffering more than he/she is already. We see ourselves as the only ones who care, because for many of us, we are the only ones who care. Our lives are not our own..
We are either trying to help our loved one with the illness, or we are trying to appease the other people in our lives (who, oftentimes, resent the one with the illness) so we can continue to help the ill one. It's great that there is a caseworker that some of us can call if we think our love one is regressing, but most of us don't have that , and are a long way from ever having someone to call.

Our son got mentally sick at 17 , hearing voices, paranoid etc. He used meth to hold the voices back. He is 35 now. Joe has been in and out of hospital, jails, and group homes, he has lived on the streets for weeks at a time. Sometimes taking his meds. doesn't even help that much the side effects are hard on him seems he still can't think clearly and sleeps all the time. The worst part is what is going to happen to him when we are gone? The program he is in now is pretty good compared to other group homes. He has a case worker and I alert her also to any changes I might observe but Joe has learned how to mask. There is nothing for these people to do, no where for them to go, they need to be able to keep busy. I have also seen through the years that having some spirituality helps to stop some of the pain these poor souls feel. The bottom line is a person has to want to feel better, has to want to take their meds regularly, has to want to help themselves.. How do you make a person want what you want for them? This last episode Joe was on the streets for a month our family was beside itself not knowing if he was alive or dead. I reported him as a missing person ( he can be a harm to himself or others) was just about to flyers around town, when his brother saw him. Joe wouldn't go with him so we called the police they picked him up and Joe is in the hospital. I am sure they will release him within 2 weeks, hopefully his case worker will have a place for him. Yet I know it will happen again. I do think it is time we think of our own health , but I want someone to tell me how? Never have written on-line. Thanks for listening our stories are so much the same, I will keep all of you in my prayers.

Thank you so much for your comments here, and the courage to tell your stories. Yes, indeed, we know the struggles well - and the sadness, the loss, the heartbreak, the desperate need for help and hope.
In the four years since I wrote this post (soon after my book was published), I am happy to report that our son Ben has had improvement in his life. This was, frankly, beyond my wildest (tho realistic) expectations - and is still precarious. Two days without treatment and much would be lost. Still, I want you to know that with treatment (and structure, purpose and love/community), our loved ones can do more than just stay out of the hospital. It takes time, too, and patience - but Ben has a job, a car, friends and even aq credit card. It is possible - but someone had to give him a chance exactly when he was ready to take it. We are grateful for every good day, believe me...but also worry about the future. If we are not here to supervise medication, etc., what will happen?
Families need support and a way to plan...and so much more. This is so hard - but there is hope. We want to work to help people see possibility in those with schizophrenia. But the balance is hard to maintain. Ben lives with us now, and cooperates with the house rules. What will tomorrow bring? who knows? Parents are left, still, with the bulk of caregiving. And so we fight for the right to a future for those we love.

Hello,
My brother Johnathan is 24 years old and had officially been diagnosed with schitzophorenia about a year ago. My parents divorced when I was three (Johnathan was 8). Our father had gotten custody of us, which was a good thing because our mother was not "fit". They had both been victims of addiction, my father cleaned up, my mother is still having trouble today. Anyways we lived with my father and my grandparents. I think the first time my brothers(Johnathan, and Thomas our oldest brother) got in legal trouble they were In first grade, they got caught steeling. No legal punishment just put in cop car until they got picked up. By junior high school my brothers were smoking pot and dabbling with other things. It was their 7th and 8th year they were caught steeling cough syrup from the store. They were gonna "Robo fry" which is when you take a bunch of cough syrup and get high. They were both put on probabtion, Thomas stopped his pot smoking and other misbehaviors, long enough to get off probation anyways. Johnathan only got worse, always failing UA's, getting in more trouble, doing cocaine, extasy, stealing my grandparents pills, eventually developed a huffing problem when he was trying to stop smoking to get off probation, he would huff gas paint thinner, anything he thought would get him high it seemed like. It seemed like nothing could stop him. No matter how much my father tried to get him going down the right path, it never worked. My father ended up taking Johnathan out of school because it seemed that he was getting into more trouble there, that was his 10th grade (something my dad regrets to this day). Johnathan had no desires to do anything but hangout with friends, and have the kind of fun that only gets you in trouble. My brother Thomas was right there with him though, he just stayed out of trouble some how, so that didn't help Johnathan at all. It was a constant struggle. My 8th grade year,my grandparents died, which wrecked my father. We ended up losing the house, my father had been injured in his job was unable to work anymore. We moved in with a friend of Johnathans with no other option, but In a year or so that went bad. Me and my dad went to live with family friend, but my brothers were not aloud there because they had burnt some bridges. They were couch serfing for awhile on the streets...it was heart breaking. Everything felt so hopeless. My grandmother on my mom's side took them In. She lived in hot springs Montana, a very small town. It felt good to know they weren't on the streets but that little town would be the last straw. My grandmother supply my brothers with her methadone ( she also had a pill problem she still doesn't admit to because the doctors gives them to her). It was bad news...eventually my brothers would get involved with meth that ran rampant in that bored little town. Johnathan snapped though, got some bad dope. Next thing I know I am getting a phone call from Johnathan that the house is surrounded by police and that they are gonna fry him. Ever since that phone call, my brother was no longer the same brother I grew up with. He never talked much anymore, when we would be sitting there just watching tv, he would be starring at you with a disgusted look on his face, and when you'd ask him what's up he just looked at you. Not a word. And when he did talk, some of the most terrifying things I've heard. My grandma's had my brother for a year now. My brother thomas went to work for my uncle, and is doing good. My dad is still living with family friends, working around the house for them, and has Been trying to get on social security for sometime now. I live with my boyfriend and we have a apartment. Johnathan is worse than he has ever been. My grandma has been trying but can't do it anymore. He denies his condition, doesn't want to take meds. Every time my grandma had taken him in to get diagnosed, he would be normal, he would tell them that he didn't want my grandma back there with him and they would, he would tell them he is fine and they would just release him. My brothers not stupid, he is very smart especially when it came to the legal system,because he'd been in it so long. Right now he is still with my grandma, he is supposed to be in Idaho for probation but he has nowhere to live there. It's soo hard anymore. He has burned all of his bridges. I love my brother to pieces, I feel so hopeless...the guilt of not helping is eating at me. I feel trapped. I want him to come stay with me but I know I would be biting off more than I can chew. Let alone since he isn't in Idaho doing his probation he is surely wanted right now. I need help, I'm only 19 years old and I don't know what to do anymore. My family is so broken up, I'm scarred he will never get the help he needs. My dad doesn't even know what to do anymore. My grandmother is barely hanging on, and I'm stuck in between feeling like I need to focus on my future, and the need to help my brother before he hurts himself or someone else...I just don't know how. SORRY about the novel, just needed to let it out... it sucks so much to suffer as you have to sit and watch your brother suffer...Im on the edge.

Hi Carrie -
I am so sorry to hear about all you are going through. At 19 years old, this "should" be a time for you to focus on yourself, and your own future. My daughter went thought many of the same feelings regarding her brother. We, fortunately, are in a good place today, as Ben is in treatment and his life is stable and purposeful for now. It is very hard to "force" someone into treatment. You must try to look out for yourself however you can; the truth is (however harsh) there is only so much you can do for your brother - and without support, it's so hard to know what to do at all. Have you reached out to your local NAMI chapter to see if there is a support group near you? That could be of help. You are not alone. All your challenges - and feelings - are normal, and shared by many others.
Your entire family could also benefit from taking NAMI's Family-to-Family Course. This information saved our family in so many ways. I hope some of this helps
Randye

My father has had problems for three years now. He has all the signs of a schizophrenic just like his cousin larry but was only diagnosed for depression and bi polar. He takes two pills in the morning and seroquil to sleep at night. He just recently chased my mother away with his violent threats and now im stuck with him. He thinks that the voices he hears in his head are religious figures and he believes himself to be a psychic.
I have no idea what to do. If he cant get coffee or cigars he gets violent and starts throwing things around and yelling. When i tell him im not gonna deal with that behavior he askes me where am I gonna go then, knowing that I have been unemployed since his first diagnosis. I am 34 years old and would like to finish my courses since I only need 1 credit to graduate but I have to spend my time doing everything for him. Even when he was mentally healthy he left everything up tp my mom now he is doing it with me. I miss my mother but she says she will never return. I almost feel like killing myself as a way out. That way my mom would get some insurance money and be okay for a while. I am taking a hatred to my father a serious one and if he gets in my face again I might do something like stab him up. Im gonna try to dump him off on his mother since we cant pay the bills fully here without my mother. Im completely screwed and sorry to say but suicide is looking better everyday. I really hate this situation I am in.

My brother has been crazy his whole life and mine. My mom and dad fought the system and got him the best meds and the best help they could. He's made my life a living hell because he thought and still thinks that demons speak to him. His Schizophrenia is the worse because it fell on religion. So it goes that all his mind is consumed with is the devil. I understand now why he has the illness he had a birth defect that cause his brain not to sit level in his head. So it cause the mix up signals. Because of all this stress from my brother who pretty much ruin my life and my younger brother life growing up. Because he was hell want to fight all the time just mean and would do noway. Would not listen would not try just cause complete hell day in and day out. My dad died at age 62 and I have been looking after my mom and brother ever since. I just feel robbed of my life. I can't begin to explain the feeling I have right now about all of this. I'm one strong person I can take a lot. Recently my mother decide to go take a walk outside naked. She is old and yes there is a hint of dementia. But the real truth is she is also a Schizophrenic. I just found out and I am so upset over this. I am doubting my life and how I think and all my decisions because my family has this disease so bad in the family. I only had one child because I was so scared they would have this disease. And she is okay I guess she has her dad's genes. But no way in hell would I have had a child knowing my mom had this illness to. My life has been nothing but drama. I have taken care of them and fought the hospitals when they would not put my brother in because he was not taking his meds. I finally got the state to help me and they gave him a guardian and he lives in a nursing home. I'm just full of emotions right now I just can't believe my mom has this to. And it all makes sense now she never was happy and always upset about something and she was not a mother to me. I raised myself and my 2 brothers. Now who has a chance in hell of having a happy life when you grow up in mess like that. Well I think me surviving this is a miracle. But let me tell you something when it's your mom, your child your husband or your brothers or sisters. There is noway you can turn your back on them. They will end up on the streets either dead or have killed some one else. I wish there were more help for the mentally ill I have lived and I would not wish this no one. I'm trying to figure out now if I'm okay or am I 20 shades of bad shit crazy. any advise is much appreciated
Sophia

Sophia - wow, you have had so much to deal with. I am so sorry. I highly encourage you to connect with others who share this experience - and there are many more than you might think. Have you contacted you local NAMI affiliate? Please keep reaching out for help and support, and never feel guilty about taking care of yourself and your family. Anyone else on this thread with words of advice, please chime in.
Randye

My husband and I have been married three years, known each other for five. He has two grown sons, 29 and 31. They both lived in the house with him when I met and married him. The 'boys' mother passed away in 2006. The youngest snapped in 2010, attacking the brother and father. No charges were filed, and the father did not let the youngest stay in a state facility. So, in 2013 both boys were in their own apartments, the youngest we watched closely, but how close can you when you aren't there? He eventually stopped taking his meds and stopped going to his counselor, the only way we know this...this past Christmas we got a call that he was in the ER. I was scared FOR HIM, not of him. I thought the worst, he had been attacked, or someone hit him on his bike, etc. Assuming that HE was the victim. Not the case, thank God NO ONE was injured. We live in a military town, so a couple days before Christmas he drove to the base, parked his truck, went to the gate guards and told them that "Jesus, has sent him to get his friend." The gate guards called the local police, and they took him to the local hospital.
My world never knew that kind of pain, that someone you love could be taken away. Like I said, I did not know the circumstances, only what my mind would allow. When I got to the emergency room, they let me in, I was looking frantically, trying to peek behind curtains, they said, "No mam, he's in the back." In the back???? I had no idea there was a back. Through double doors, and now no rooms around, a glass door with a buzzer, a camera they look to see if they let you in or not, we go in and he was strapped to a bed, no sheets, it was sad, my heart breaks now just thinking about it. He wasn't hurting anyone, yet they strapped him down. He wasn't even cussing. He was scared. I saw a teen in his eyes, not a grown man. He was sent to a local county mental hospital, and stayed for a week. Ever since he has been back in the house, some days he acts like it was an act, some days he acts like he has no idea what happened. He has been diagnosed schizophrenic, and I'm at a loss what to think. Some days he takes his meds, some days he doesn't. Yes, he lives in the house, so I check up on him, I open his med bottle and sink so low as to count the pills, then he gets mad when his father and I tell him, he needs to take his meds. If we ask anything physical of him, he says," I'm sick" But he can run around with his friend 8 -14 hours a day. He will come home at 9 and want to eat. I don't think this is "ill" but I have no idea. I question him a lot, and so now he has his father and his friend as the only ones allowed to speak to his health provider. Like I said, I have reasons to believe he can be pulling our legs, and then again, my husband thinks his son is perfect, minus his illness.

Carol, so much of what you say sounds familiar. So sorry for all you are going through. Please do yourself the favor of getting some education and support - NAMI has a great program called Family-to-Family, mentioned in my book Ben Behind His Voices, which helped us so much when going through all you are experiencing. You are not alone - though you must feel alone. Take care of you, and learn all you can. There is hope!

It's been 5 years since my son was diagnosed with Sz or Sz affective. He was stable for about 3.5 years, going to college/holding a part time job but he got tired of feeling like a "vegetable". He decided to change medications (and we - mostly myself because my husband is too busy working/traveling for work ??) have always been there --supporting my son. These past 5 months and up to date , no medication tried seems to be right for him. He has been prescribed several but all of them have a side effect that he hates or cannot tolerate. He is still in this very delusional cycle that never ends! and the doctor thinks that he's making up some or all of these side effects ......I'm not sure what to think at this point. Emotionally I go from wanting to help him to being extremely angry, very angry because he is not complying with the medication.....but then who can reason with someone who refuses to go to a hospital........or complying with a medication after 3 or 4 days of taking it. The first 2 years he went to the hospital by force at least 7 times. One time it was voluntary but I feel desperate and I have to work fulltime. I'm so stressed out, He lives with us. I feel like sending him out to the streets but then, is that helping? I'm not sure if I could deal with the guilt or the fact that he will be wondering and getting heavily involved with drugs.......

I lost my best friend to what I believe was Schizophrenia. I had known him since first grade, he had a rough upbringing so I always tried my best to help him out. He is one of the smartest people I know and I could always count on him to figure out the math problems that I couldn't. :) We moved out together when we were 19 and worked together for a number of years. When he was 23 I noticed he was withdrawing a bit, but he was always somewhat shy and liked his private space so I didn't think too much of it. Until we were having a graduation party and he was supposed to be there. He never showed up and went missing for a few days. He ended up calling us and we picked him up, he was wearing brand new clothes that looked almost like a costume. Something that he would never wear but for some reason was. He ended up telling us that he tried to commit suicide... There were parts of his story that didn't quite make sense so I decided to ask him about those parts. He ended up telling me that he thought we might be poisoning his food, spying on him with the CIA, and working against him for some reason unknown. I decided it may be best to call the police to see if they would 51 50 him since he did just try to commit suicide a few days before. Unfortunately, the cops showed up and informed my roommate, girlfriend, and I that he didn't have the authority to take my roommate to get help because as of that day he was not a threat to himself or others. But the cop ended up suggesting that he goes to the hospital with us and to my surprise he went. To make a long story short the hospital 51 50'd him and suggested he takes medications. Which he didn't take and now his view of us working against him was complete... I tried my best to keep touch with him but it was mentally draining and I was not at a point in my life where I could really support him. However, I feel extreme guilt for letting a friend down and wish I could do something to help. My plan is to make enough money to some how help him in the future, but by then it may be too late. He is now homeless and i'm afraid he is too far gone. I've seen him walking the streets mumbling to himself and it hurts to think that maybe I didn't do enough.
So I guess I suggest trying your best to help whoever it is as quickly as possible. Or you may lose your chance to help them at all. But I know how stressful the situation can be and understand if you decide to let them go. But my decision to let my best friend go haunts me to this day. It's been about 6 years since this all happened and I still wonder if I made the right choice. Maybe I could have helped him, or maybe the stress of taking care of him would have hurt me or my family in the long run. Maybe all of that stress would have been for nothing and it wouldn't have helped him at all.
It truly is a horrible disease and I hope in the future there are more resources for families and friends dealing with this pain.
Sorry for the rant, it just felt nice telling a part of the story.
Ian

Oh, Ian, thanks so much for sharing your story. It sounds heartbreakingly familiar, and people who haven't gone through this may be unaware of how mental illness affects friends as well as family. You did your best, and please know there is probably not much else you could have done.
One of the most difficult symptoms of schizophrenia is called anosognosia. According to NAMI, "When we talk about anosognosia in mental illness, we mean that someone is unaware of their own mental health condition or that they can’t perceive their condition accurately." We who love those with mental illness know how hard it is to use reason - and how ineffective it is when the inner world of our loved ones has a very different reality.
Thank you for sharing. All you can do is be there for your friend should he ever realize he'd like some help. You can also advocate for the right to call others in to help, and for a much better system of mental health care.
In hope always,
Randye

I've been through all of this over the past 20 yrs. My son was first diagnosed at 17 when was in architecture school at the University of Miami. We made arrangements for him as outpatient program at a nearby hospital after bringing him back home. At that point, he moved into a group home and then his own apartment. I'm fortunate, we have a family law practice and he worked several years doing very well. Every three years he would go off his meds and and start drinking. This always ended very badly and he would be back where he started. At one point while living in a group home he started going back to college and finished a five year degree in architecture. That was in 2006, when the economy tanked. All the architecture firms were laying off people. He had lots of wonderful interviews but no one was hiring. That led to more drinking, going off meds and two hospitizations. This is the way it goes. He has to be brought in by the police, usually for doing something violent . This last time he bashed my head into the microwave. He is angry at himself and somehow ends up blaming me. He was hospilized for two weeks and this time his doctor and my husband outlined a very detailed self improvement plan. He was willing to do anything this time to improve his life. We were resistant to allowing him to come back to the apartment we had provided him. He has been back fo five days and has complied and is reengaging with his treatment plan. It's an ongoing challenge to keep moving forward. The goal is to establish clear boundaries and expectations. Establish a relationship with a good psychiatrist with admitting privileges to a psychiatric hospital. If you can keep insurance coverage,or work at getting SSI or SSDI and Medicare or Medicaid. Connect yourself and loved ones to NAMI or Thresholds if you live in Chicago. It's so hard and so labor intensive, but it can lead to stability of the family unit. Sometimes I do feel as though I would like to wash my hand of the whole thing because the stress is overwhelming. I do know that would lead to homelessness in most cases and it would be even more difficult to get them back to stability. I have decided to keep moving forward to help my son live a stable life. You can find solutions but it really take knocking on a lot of doors until one opens.... My heart goes out to all of you. Take a deep breath and I just want to encourage you to try to make a plan and stick to it. If you work the plan in a calm manner, things will improve. God Bless

My sister came back from Iraq, after hotel was bombed while she was asleep. This was 10 years ago. She suffers PTSD and is delusional now, thinks I work for FBI and two months ago left my mothers home. We found out after 2 months she is now in New York, we live in Dallas. Someone called us saying they found her on the stairs of a church. They wanted us to pick her up, we said she won't get in car with us, she thinks we are after her. The system is broken, we can't do anything for her, she was a Dallas police officer for 12 years. Are family is drained, we pay for hotels, extended stays because she moves every 2 months.

My son had early onset Schizophrenia diagnosed by 14, he is now 49 years old. I feel like I tormented myself for years, with is there a better treatment, if only if only. He is in a state nursing home for mentally ill. I am only now getting to a point that I can say this is how it is, I am thankful he has a place to stay and medication. It changes your life and your family's life. The only people who come close to understanding are members of NAMI support group.

I feel for everyone. My son is like so many at 17 he tryed crack. That was the begining of it all. He was hospitalized in out of jail ect, then Progress . Made it through college, he beagan to party with his fraternity. Not good...fast forward he had a hard time finding a job after college. He stayed with us, trying to help him not to become depressed. At first it was so nice we set ground rules..we had a son we enjoyed back. Well short lived he decided to self medicate he said for sleep. He is 31 by the way the youngest of our four. He got a job and a apartment after a stress full time in our home. We have no idea the trigger now I am sure drugs, daily life. He has threaten to kill me and then his father he states we took everything from him, his wife, kids, nice house etc None of such things he has ever had. He now is ranting on social media crazy things also stating soon he will destroy anthing we care about then us. Many of you have seen a paranoid schizophrenic on drugs in full rage mode, its amazing how strong they are and nothing nor can any one reason with them. My son is over 6'2 fit and studied marshal arts.. we never have been a target . I can not get anyone to intervention I called all the police in our county. No help. People say from his post he is not sleeing or really eating but smoking and drinking isolated. We belive the threat, we feel like sitting ducks.. what can we do. I am so lost I feel, I lost a son, I hurt seeing him suffer, but then terrified. I do not see how this can end good. Ideas any one. The police said they can not act on text or social media rants. They said it will do no good to get a restrating oder. We are so lost what do we do.?

ErrantSkye- Thank you so much for your honesty. It's very helpful to me since I'm currently dealing with my 28 year old son who refuses help. I've had to crush his pills and make him drink them, just to make sure he takes his medication. When he doesn't, he goes off the deep end and is destructive and aggressive.
He's been arrested several times due to vandalism and intoxication in public. He often self-medicates with drugs, alcohol, cough medicine, or anything he can get his hands on. We let him move back home about 7 months ago and it's getting worse everyday.
He's emotionally and mentally abusive to me, not to anyone else. I believed for so long that since I'm his mother he felt that my love would continue, in spite of his abuse. And, he's right, I will always love him. But, at this point, I think it's best for my safety and for him if he leaves.
I worry about him because he has nowhere else to go. The rest of the family has tired of helping him and have basically abandoned him. I worry that, as a homeless person, he will be hurt or killed. I don't know how to reconcile that in my mind. I don't know how to let him go and live with myself if something happens to him. At the same time, I'm worried I won't live much longer if he stays. He started threatening my life and threatening me with bodily harm. There has not been a situation yet in which he's harmed me, but he breaks my things, punches my car, cuts my clothes, etc.
After reading about your struggle and how your family made you do it on your own, gives me some comfort in knowing that I'm not a crappy mother for making my son responsible for himself.
Thanks again for sharing with us. You have no idea what that means to me. I have no reference w/this illness, I'm so lost.
Best wishes- Melissa

I am 28 and started becoming "schizophrenic" near the end of 2012. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, then depression, then anxiety, on multiple medications, which all stopped at 18 when I started smoking marijuana and nothing else. I have used hallucinogens, acid, mushrooms. I tried heroin and meth once. Curiosity, nothing more. I smoke pot daily as my means of medication, no other drugs, very little use of alcohol. My issue is, I think schizophrenia is misunderstood, maybe it even exists on a spectrum, as does autism. The voices I hear in my head sound like they are thoughts of me coming from other people. Mostly negative, sometimes positive ... I live with my dog in a tent...Schizophrenia is misdiagnosed. All wounds of the spirit and mind can be healed with love and understanding. Walk up to your afflicted and tell them you love them and together you will beat whatever is hurting them. Send them good thoughts and emotions, hug them with your mind. You would be amazed.

Hi Michelle,
I don't know if you will get this 2 years later. Please have your son tested for Lyme's just to be sure. It can attack the brain, joints, heart, anything. There are also co-infections such as Erlichia. A kid this young seems to me at least the possiblity of infection should be considered. I had good luck with Cowden's Protocol, a group of rain forest remedies. It shoud be overseen by a praticioner. Lyme's is well-understood on the East coast but elsewhere in the country doctors seem to discount it

I have a 21 year old son who was diagnosed 1 year ago with schizophrenia and bipolar. The journey has not been an easy one, watching him go through manic episodes and calling the medical screeners and police to calm him down. Eventually he just ends up in the hospital for 2 weeks and comes home to repeat the behavior. He has been admitted to group homes, only to be kicked out and also shelters which he bass left on his own a d walked back home. The dark circles under my eyes from crying and lack of sleep are proof of how tormenting this is.
The last outburst or episode my son had was the worst in which he began yelling at the neighbors and walking around town paranoid that someone was after him. He told the screeners that 100 people were in his room and wouldn't leave. The 1st time he referred to three imaginary people!e who were not so nice and dominating his life.............horrific.
The medications didn't seem to be working, but I think there may finally be a light at the end of the tunnel. He is now receiving the injection Invega Sustana and taking resperidone and lithium. Unbelievable difference and now I can talk to him like nothing is wrong. hallucinations are gone, still some paranoia but not as severe, anger is gone and he spends less time baracaded in his room. I truly hope these meds are the answer to helping him in his long journey to coping with his disorder.

The right medication and treatment can most certainly make a difference! I'm so glad you seem to have found the right combination.
Randye

My son is 30 years old he was always very active in over the top kid when he was around 17 I started seeing differences so I guess maybe I was in denial in high school we started getting in trouble and drinking and using drugs started getting arrested it going to juvenile detention center he was stealing he want of going to prison at the age of 18 he was very defiant they kept them in isolation most of the time they would not let me visit him when he came out he was a totally different person he was in there for 3 years he was in there for punching a boy in the nose. I was a single mom and didn't have a lot of money to hire a lawyer we really got railroaded it is been very very hard as you all know have done everything I possibly can he has terrorized my home and my daughter I got to the point where I was terrified of him and even me having him home he wouldn't take his meds or he would take his meds and abuses meds are abused drugs she did end up getting on disability so it gets a small amount of money every month even when he lived at home he just would regret I would try to get him to get involved in things Boley is a program here in my area for the mentally ill I had them set up in an apartment and he didn't want to go he would smoke cigarettes and drink sodas all day isolate sometimes not eat stay up all night scream scream at the neighbors scream at people on the streets he also ran out into cars when he first came home from prison I tried to talk to the Mental Health math straight to having committed I've done so many different things I've called mommy I don't have a lot of money and they wanted money for bridges stration and different things most of the meetings and things don't coincide with my schedule as I work I have a support system for a minute 12 step recovery group I also went to Al Anon meetings which helped but after all these years and seeing the struggle that me and my daughter has been through I feel it's time to save our lives I got a restraining order against him because it became unbearable because of my couch and throw my things away I was afraid he would get physical with me or my daughter my dog who is a 90 pound chocolate lab is terrified of him I know it's not really him because his true self is a beautiful soul he always was and always will be but in this life he has this illness but I had to let him go and he is now taking a bus somewhere he does have a cell phone any calls me that can't let him back in my house not after all the opportunities he's had to go into housing and different things and he refused I know how terrible this can be but I do believe you have to take care of yourself first I will not feel guilty because I didn't cause this I can't cure it and I can't control it but I can live my life I can pray for him it's hard to let go but today me and my daughter have peace in our life we know that he is in Gods hands and whatever happens is way out of our control I guess having faith has helped a whole lot it is too bad our country doesn't have more help for the mentally ill it is really deplorable my prayers to all of you and know that you're not alone but I do believe that you need to take care of yourself if everyone suffering then if you don't have to suffer what is the best what's the best for the overall good I had to get to that point I'm so sad this disease has happened to my son but I know that he would want me to live a peaceful and happy life his true self thank you

hi,TR.
my name is Tuya. i have son who is diagnosed schizophrenia a year ago. My son was best son I ever have,but now he can't concentrate for anything,he changed all . i am glad your son find right medicine, my son is now 7-th medicine. i am not sure it's right for him. he is talking ziprexa 10 mile grade.I wish is there any hope that makes ky son back. i am so emotional today, sorry, thank you for listening to me.

My adult stepson (28yo) was diagnosed schizo-affective, bipolar along with a couple of other things 7 years ago. He has been hospitalized three times over that time span the most recent about two months ago. My wife and I have a difficult time with him taking meds as he is non compliant and is in denial about his condition. He sometimes gets verbally abusive towards my wife and I . It unnerves my wife and I tell him that his behavior won't be tolerated but there is no negotiating with someone who isn't all there. It has made our lives hellish. I have and do go through a wide range of emotions and pray that my wife and I do not fall victim to my stepson behavior. I have spoken to my wife numerous times about group homes for him but she is resistant. I understand this is her flesh and blood and I have been in his life since he was 6 yo. I am not dismissive of my stepson because of his illness but the older he gets the harder it gets dealing with him.