IDIOT Syndrome To Be Debuted At Tournament Of Neuroses Parade

Q: What is the definition of a split-second?

A: How long it takes the idiot behind you to honk after the light changes.

We all know him; the ill-mannered dolt snarling behind the wheel of a late-model luxury import, razor-edge aggressive, always at the ready to ensure that others make the sacrifices so essential to his success. He lives in the passing lane, climbing up from behind, riding bumpers, and flashing his lights. This is the guy who enjoys calling colleagues for no other reason than to put them on hold.

While none of us know him personally we do have the sense it would be easy to spot him at a party. Rude, impatient, obnoxious and tiresome! We all agree he’s a scourge, a menace, and a self-indulgent narcissistic cad – we love to hate him.

However, our wrath may soon be coming to an end as we revise our opinion and assume a kinder, gentler attitude. Why? Because, according to the AMA, AAA, AA, AARP and AAMCO what we are witnessing is no mere random amalgam of anti-social habits but symptoms of the latest in a long string of newly isolated illnesses.

Ill-Mannered Dolt (Impatient/Obnoxious/Tiresome) Syndrome

Ill-Mannered Dolt Suffering From Impatience & Obnoxiousness Resulting In Tiresome Social Interactions – more popularly known by its acronym – (IDIOT) - Syndrome will be among a glittering array of new diagnoses to be rolled out at the American Psychiatric Association’s annual Tournament of Neuroses Parade.

APA President Chauncy Throckmorton, M.D. was uncharacteristically candid in a recent interview. “We are thrilled to be the ones introducing IDIOT Syndrome to the mainstream mental health community. I mean, now, when I’m cut off by some self-important, bloated, rage-aholic weasel and I call him an idiot; it’s not merely spleen venting, it’s a diagnosis! Who knows? It might even be billable!”

Wolfgang Messerschmitt, author of several best-selling self-help books including, I’m Okay, You’re Not, and, I’m Okay, You’re In My Way, and, I’m Okay, You’re Toast was less robust in his assessment. “Calling a lifestyle a syndrome is ridiculous,” he asserted, “do you really think rudeness that extreme could happen by accident? Of course not! It takes dedication.”

While the debate over IDIOT Syndrome has only begun, the key role played by idiots in contemporary society cannot be overestimated.