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Mental illness symptoms are as cold and generic as inhumanly possible. “Depressed mood.” “Loss of energy or fatigue.” “Psychomotor retardation or agitation.”
Ah, yes, those things. They sound like a bummer.
Although, actually, they don’t. They sound like characteristics of a lab animal.
And one of the pesky symptoms of depression is “easy to tear.” You know, you cry a lot.
But everyone cries, so how bad could that possibly be?
Earlier this week, I write a post Mental Illness Recovery: Will I Stay Well? Following the post, I started thinking. I asked myself that very question: Will I stay well? The answer? No, not forever. Forever would be nice. I then wondered how I could become comfortable with this.
Is that possible?
Nikky suffers from verbal abuse. Her husband terrorizes her and their children with volatile language and sometimes backs it up with physical violence. She cringes when he goes off and I imagine her sitting in a tiny ball, trying to protect herself as well as she can from the fitful blows that may rain down at any second.
Perhaps a part of her wishes that he would just go ahead and do it. If he hits her and uses up all that hateful energy, then perhaps she could heal in peace. She does not say this, but many other abused women I've spoken to do.
Anorexia is not a choice.
Anorexia is not a lifestyle.
Anorexia is not about vanity. Or being thin. Or seeking attention. Or...
Anorexia is a serious, potentially life-threatening mental illness that effects millions of people—women and men, young and old, rich and poor, black or white.
Anorexia could strike your loved one. Or your mother. Your girlfriend.
Or you.
Though this blog has focused primarily on my issues with reality, depression lives behind my schizoaffective disorder. I currently struggle with depression the most. Even on antidepressants, I still suffer from severe bouts of depression which disrupt my social life and work.
Getting a diagnosis of schizophrenia, or any mental illness, after years of confusion, judgment and blame is both devastating - and a relief.
For Mental Health Awareness Day, here's how it felt for our family. Watch.
One day I was in a pub eavesdropping on the girls deep in conversation next to me. They were chatting about bisexuals. They were commenting that they would never date a bisexual as really bisexuals were heterosexual that were just playing around with homosexuality and eventually they would “turn back” into heterosexuals.
Well, I, being bisexual was a little insulted by this. I have not “turned” into anything. I simply am bisexual like they are simply gay.
I realized though that it was lucky for me that I heard these girls talking because I could cross them off my list as I have no desire to date sanctimonious, self-righteous, ignorant women.
And I also realized this: it’s their loss.
I’m great.
I only lost sanctimonious, self-righteous, ignorant women while they lost me.
And the same is true of mental illness. When someone rejects you simply because of a medical illness that you didn’t ask for and over which you have no control, you are only losing someone ignorant while they are losing the amazing person that is you.
How self-esteem affects mental health conditions in adulthood and why developing healthy self-esteem is important in combating mental health conditions.
I am twenty-seven years old as I write these words. I own my own home and I have a dog I adore. I cook and I clean and I talk to my family on a regular basis.
Surviving a psychiatric crisis is one thing. Overcoming one is something completely different.
About eleven years ago, I was hospitalized in a highly secure psychiatric hospital for drug-induced psychosis. Not one of those fancy, new age psychiatric hospitals either. It was the type that sat on top of an ominous hill on the outskirts of town. The type that spawned hundreds of urban legends about town about the ‘people on the hill.’ The type that hadn’t been painted in fifty years and reeked of death, urine and incarceration. An asylum, essentially.
Where do we go from here? Most of the family thinks just to let her hit bottom and then if she reaches out to help any we can. Some want to just keep paying her bills and just let her sit in the house with no responsibilities. Never been on medication and impossible to get to her when she refuses to talk to ANYONE.
Help.
On the day we agreed to videochat to make things less awkward IRL she woke up with a migraine so we rescheduled to the day after, I made sure to assure her that it was okay and to take her time. Later that day, in the late evening we had a nice chat but suddenly she stopped replying, even though nothing had happened. The day after I texted her good morning and said I hope she was feeling a little better. she wouldn't open my texts.
A couple days after I sent her a longer text saying that even though I had only known her for a short time I care a lot for her and would like to know how she are doing, telling her I'm there for her, assuring her I'm not going anywhere even though things might not be very easy. She wouldn't open it.
A week later I sent a text saying not to feel bad about not answering and that I will be there when she is able to answer again. It's been two weeks since this and she still hasn't opened my texts. She hasn't been active at all.
I don't know what else I can do. I assumed she might have fallen into a depression. I have tried to just not think about it anymore, and I haven't that much but when I do it sort of kills me inside...