Getting Help For Your Child's Eating Disorder

Signs your child's thoughts about eating are severely disordered plus types of treatment for eating disorders.

(ARA) - At a time when childhood obesity is a major topic everywhere you look, we must be sure not to overlook another problem that child-care specialists are concerned about. Today parents need to be concerned with both ends of the spectrum regarding weight, health and body image.

"Not only are our kids increasingly too fat, they are also too thin or trying hard to be," says Carolyn Costin M.A., M.Ed., director of The Eating Disorder Center of California and the Monte Nido Treatment Center. She finds herself working with younger and younger people these days; kids who have problems with hating their bodies and either not eating enough or resorting to tactics such as vomiting to get rid of unwanted calories for fear of getting fat.

She says kids as young as six complain about stomachs that stick out or brag excitedly about having the chicken pox because it means going to bed without dinner which means less calories. Kids see their moms dieting and they want to diet too, even if they don't need to.

Recovered from anorexia nervosa herself, Costin has been helping others in both outpatient and residential settings recover from these disorders for almost 30 years. In her book, "Your Dieting Daughter," written to help anyone raising a child today in this "Thin is In" world, she tries to help people understand the mind set of those with eating disorders. Her own patients helped her develop a list of ten common thought patterns those suffering from eating disorders commonly have. She calls this list "The Thin Commandments" and tells parents they can use this as a checklist to help determine if their daughter (or even son) has a problem.

The Thin Commandments

1. If you aren't thin you aren't attractive.
2. Being thin is more important than being healthy.
3. You buy clothes, cut your hair, take laxatives, starve yourself. Do anything to make yourself look thinner.
4. Thou shall not eat without feeling guilty.
5. Thou shall not eat fattening food without punishing yourself afterward.
6. Thou shall count calories and restrict intake accordingly.
7. What the scale says is the most important thing.
8. Losing weight is good. Gaining weight is bad.
9. You can never be too thin.
10. Being thin and not eating are signs of true will power and success.

"If these commandments are a way of life for a child or anyone, this is evidence of a serious problem and a potentially life-threatening illness," says Costin. "One of the things that is so difficult to understand is the dedication to thinness beyond reason. I know how hard it is to comprehend how someone could relentlessly pursue something that is killing her and ruining her family."

Eating disorder recovery is a long-term process. Treatment, including therapy, nutritional counseling and medical monitoring, is extremely expensive with therapy generally extending for well over five years. Research shows that it can take up to six or more years for full recovery to take place. Families have sold their homes to pay for treatment.

Depending on the severity of the illness, treatment for these eating disorders can be handled in various ways:

  • Outpatient: Individual, family or group therapy sessions take place in a therapist's or other professional's office - usually conducted one to three times a week.

  • Inpatient: 24-hour care in a hospital setting which can be a medical or psychiatric facility or both. Usually, this is short-term for stabilization purposes.

  • Partial Hospitalization or Day Treatment: Some programs offer treatment three to six days a week, with varying hours and services.

  • Residential: Residential programs which are highly structured can substitute for the more sterile hospital setting when 24-hour care is necessary or useful in interrupting the eating disorder symptoms. Many of these programs, like Monte Nido and its sister facility Rain Rock in Eugene Oregon, offer treatment very similar to a hospital inpatient program but in a more relaxed environment and natural serene setting.

Eating disorders have the highest death rate of any mental illness. In the United States, conservative estimates indicate that after puberty, anywhere from 5 to 10 million girls and women and 1 million boys and men are struggling with eating disorders. This illness is real.

Costin often laments that young girls today are lacking in any training or ability to place a value on the more soulful aspects of life. She spends time with her patients helping reconnect them to what is sacred and to something bigger than themselves. Girls increasingly spend time on self-absorption and criticism, and find themselves with only one acceptable and easy to focus on goal..."I am a success if I am thin."

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, November 8). Getting Help For Your Child's Eating Disorder, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, June 29 from https://www.healthyplace.com/parenting/eating-disorders/getting-help-for-your-childs-eating-disorder

Last Updated: August 19, 2019

Interviews with a Narcissist: Table of Contents

Video and chat interviews with Sam Vaknin, self-proclaimed narcissist and expert in narcissism and narcissistic abuse.

Watch also an extensive collection of videos on narcissim and narcissistic abuse by Sam Vaknin


 

next: Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited Homepage

APA Reference
Vaknin, S. (2008, November 8). Interviews with a Narcissist: Table of Contents, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, June 29 from https://www.healthyplace.com/personality-disorders/malignant-self-love/interviews-with-a-narcissist-toc

Last Updated: July 5, 2018

Recovery From Codependence and Thanksgiving

"One of the gifts that came to me early in my codependency healing process was a little expression that helped me start changing my perspective.   That expression was, "I don't have any problems, I have opportunities for growth".   The more I stopped focusing on problems and obstacles, and started looking for the gifts, the lessons, attached to them, the easier life became.

I became a part of the solution instead of getting stuck being the victim of the problem.   I started seeing the half of the glass that was full instead of always focusing on the half that was empty.

Every problem is an opportunity for growth.

My subconscious Codependent attitudes and perspectives caused me to take life personally - to react emotionally as if life events were being directed at me personally as a punishment for being unworthy, for being a shameful creature.

Life is a series of lessons.   The more I became aligned with knowing that I was being given gifts to grow from - the less I believed that the purpose of life was to punish me - the easier life became.

Everything happens for a reason; there is always a silver lining"

Since it is Thanksgiving time, it seems only appropriate to talk about one of the most important tools in the codependency recovery process - gratitude.   Being grateful for what we have, and keeping things in perspective, is vital in the struggle to stay in the now and enjoy today as much as possible.

There are two aspects of empowerment that come into play here.   One is;   that empowerment involves seeing life as it is and making the best of it (instead of being the victim of it not being what it "should" be);   the other is realizing that we have a choice about where to focus our mind.

To have a healthy, balanced relationship with life we need to see life as it really is - which includes owning and feeling the pain, fear, and anger that is a natural part of living - and then have a Spiritual belief system that helps us to know that everything happens for a reason, that allows us to choose to focus on the silver linings rather than buy into the belief that we are victims.


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Society teaches us to view life from a perspective of fear, lack, and scarcity.   Rather we view life from that place of fear or go to the other extreme and deny that we feel any fear - either way we are giving power to the fear, we are living life in reaction to the fear.

Growing up I learned from my male role model that a man never admits he is afraid - at the same time that my role model lived in constant fear the future.   To this day my father can't relax and enjoy himself because impending doom is always on the horizon.   The disease voice, the critical parent voice, in my head always wants to focus on the negative and expect the worst just like my father did.

This programming to focus on the negative was compounded by the fact that I learned conditional love (that I would be rewarded or punished according to what I deserved - which, since I felt unworthy, meant I had good reason to expect doom), and that I had to learn to disassociate from myself in childhood.   I had to learn to go unconscious and not be present in my own skin in the moment because emotional honesty was not allowed in my family.   All Codependents learn to find things outside of self - drugs, alcohol, food, relationships, career, religion, etc. - to help us stay unconscious to our own emotional reality, but the primary and earliest way almost all of us found to disconnect from our feelings - which exist in our bodies - is to live in our heads.

Since I could not be comfortable in my own skin in the now without feeling the feelings, I spent most of my life living in either the past or the future.   My mind was almost always focused on regret for past or fear of (or fantasy about) the future.   When I did focus on the now it was with self-pity as a victim - of myself (I am stupid, a failure, etc.), of others (who victimized me), or of life (which was not fair or just ).

It was wonderfully liberating in recovery to start learning that I could start to see life in a growth context.   That I had a choice to focus on the half of the glass that was full instead of giving power to the disease which always wants to focus on the half that is empty.   When I focus on what I have, and have been given, that I am grateful for instead of just focusing on what I want that I don't have it helps me to let go of the victim place my disease wants to promote.

What works for me is to remind myself of the difference between my wants and my needs.   My Truth is that every day that I have been in recovery all my needs have been filled - and there has not been a single day that all my wants have been met.   If I focus on what I want that I don't have then I feel like a victim and make myself miserable.   If I choose to remind myself of what I have and how far I have come then I can let go of some of the victim perspective.

Ninety-eight per cent of the time when I am in fear it means that I am in the future.   Pulling myself back into the now, turning the future over to my Higher Power, and focusing on gratitude, frees me to have some happy moments today.

When I was about two years in recovery there was a time when I was talking to my sponsor on the phone.   I had just lost my job, the car had broken down, and I had to move out of my apartment in two weeks.   Talk about tragedy and impending doom!   I was laying in bed feeling very sorry for myself and very terrified about how painful it was going to be when I became homeless.   After listening to me for a while my sponsor asked me, "What's up above you?"   It was a stupid question and I told him so.   I was pissed that he wasn't giving me the sympathy I deserved - but he insisted that I answer.   So I finally said, "Well, the ceiling".   And he said, "Oh, so your not homeless tonight are you?"   And of course, everything worked out fine in the next two weeks.   My Higher Power always has a plan in place even when I can't see any way out.

We all have much to be grateful for, to give thanksgiving for, if we just choose to look at the half of the glass that is full.   So, have a grateful Thanksgiving.

next: The True Nature of Love - Part I, What Love Is Not

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, November 8). Recovery From Codependence and Thanksgiving, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, June 29 from https://www.healthyplace.com/relationships/joy2meu/recovery-from-codependence-and-thanksgiving

Last Updated: August 6, 2014

No Expectations, Fewer Disappointments!

We often expect our love partner to make the best choices for themselves and our relationship and when they are not our choices, we often get angry or disappointed. . . or both. Most people call this situation a problem; a problem we create by our expectations.

Try this: 'no expectations, fewer disappointments.' It's that simple. Not easy. Simple.

No Expectations, Fewer Disappointments!No expectations equal unconditional love. We all experience the need to have healthy choices exercised and when they don't show up, we either chose to have conversations about them or not. If the choices are abusive and therefore unacceptable, we begin to think about making a responsible choice to leave the relationship. However, always picking our lover apart because their choices are not the ones we would make can only point the relationship in the direction of failure.

A constructive argument; one that does not seek to make your love partner wrong and make you right; one that searches for understanding; one that releases tension and facilitates an emotionally healthy breakthrough, can help your relationship evolve to a new level of love and understanding.

When we disagree, our relationship can often become 'temporarily out of order.' Arguments that bring anger to the boiling point are most destructive. Restoration is a process. It requires patience, understanding, acceptance and much love. Discuss with an intention to resolve the conflict. Give up being right. Arguments create negative distance. We must move through conflict as quickly as we can. Life is too short to maintain negative distance between love partners for lengthy periods of time.

Men and women often perceive the same situation differently. They both are watching the same picture but to one, the picture may be blurred and out of focus. To the other, everything is crystal clear. There are as many opinions about things as there are people. Not everyone is on the same frequency.

When you do the work of healthy love relationships, you are always about the business of fine-tuning your relationship so that when different versions of the same picture show up, you can lovingly communicate your different perceptions and love each other for having shared them in a healthy way.


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How wonderful to be in a relationship where love partners feel free to express their wants and needs. It is a healthy relationship where love partners can ask for what they want from each other and feel the freedom to say yes or no without feeling that they 'should' respond in any particular way. Learn to be okay with the answer you get. Rejection and disapproval are not in the vocabulary of lovers who are in a healthy love relationship.

Be challenged by engaging in meaningful conversation. Talk about things that are important to your relationship. Don't leave anything out. Develop a relationship that creates the freedom to talk about what needs to be said, without arguments. . . only conversations. It's not easy. It takes giving your love partner the freedom to speak what is in his or her heart. It takes knowing that what they speak about is only their opinion, they have a right to it and are responsible for it. The challenge is to be okay with that.

If we could accept the notion that everyone is doing the best they can, regardless of whether their choices are our choices, our attitude about our relationship would improve and perhaps the relationship we have would become the relationship we enjoy being in.

next: Is Your Relationship Stranded at Malfunction Junction?

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, November 8). No Expectations, Fewer Disappointments!, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, June 29 from https://www.healthyplace.com/relationships/celebrate-love/no-expectations-fewer-disappointments

Last Updated: May 22, 2015

Danger of Coercive Restraint Therapies

Read about the dangers of coercive therapy for children with attachment disorders.

A Dangerous Alternative Mental Health Intervention

Read about the dangers of coercive therapy for children with attachment disorders.

Abstract

Physicians caring for adopted or foster children should be aware of the use of coercive restraint therapy (CRT) practices by parents and mental health practitioners. CRT is defined as a mental health intervention involving physical restraint and is used in adoptive or foster families with the intention of increasing emotional attachment to parents. Coercive restraint therapy parenting (CRTP) is a set of child care practices adjuvant to CRT. CRT and CRTP have been associated with child deaths and poor growth. Examination of the CRT literature shows a conflict with accepted practice, an unusual theoretic basis, and an absence of empirical support. Nevertheless, CRT appears to be increasing in popularity. This article discusses possible reasons for the increase, and offers suggestions for professional responses to the CRT problem.

Introduction

The term coercive restraint therapy (CRT) describes a category of alternative mental health interventions that are generally directed at adopted or foster children, that are claimed to cause alterations in emotional attachment, and that employ physically intrusive techniques. Other names for such treatments are attachment therapy, corrective attachment therapy, dyadic synchronous bonding, holding therapy, rage reduction therapy, and Z-therapy. CRT may be carried out by practitioners trained in extracurricular workshops, or such practitioners may instruct parents who perform all or part of the treatment.

CRT practices involve the use of restraint as a tool of treatment rather than simply as a safety device. While restraining the child, CRT practitioners may also exert physical pressure in the form of tickling or intense prodding of the torso, grab the child's face, and command the child to kick the legs rhythmically. Some CRT practitioners lie prone with their body weight on the child, a practice they call compression therapy. Most practitioners restrain the child in a supine position, but some place the child in prone when using restraint for calming purposes.[1,2] Although it is less common than it once was, CRT practitioners may employ a rebirthing technique, in which the child is wrapped in fabric and required to emerge in a simulacrum of birth.


 


CRT practices are generally accompanied by adjuvant child care practices that may be carried out by a therapeutic foster parent or by the child's adoptive or foster parent. These practices, which we may call coercive restraint therapy parenting (CRTP), stress the adult's absolute authority.[3] For example, a child receiving CRTP is not to be told when or if he/she will see his/her parents again. The child may not have access to food without the parent's involvement and may not use the bathroom without permission. Food may be withheld, or an unpalatable and inadequate diet may be provided. A child who asks for a hug or kiss may not have one, but the child is required to respond to the adult's offers of affection and to participate in developmentally inappropriate rocking and bottle-feeding.

Read about the dangers of coercive therapy for children with attachment disorders.CRT is employed primarily in the treatment of adopted and foster children whose parents believe that they are lacking in affection, emotional engagement, and obedience -- a group of factors that CRT advocates consider to show attachment. CRT practices may also be applied preemptively to asymptomatic adopted children, on the principle that these children are concealing their pathology, which will emerge later in serious forms, such as lying and cruelty. Practitioners of CRT and CRTP use the conventional diagnosis of reactive attachment disorder, although they claim to be able to detect a more serious disturbance, which they term attachment disorder. Attachment disorder is diagnosed by a questionnaire instrument, the Randolph Attachment Disorder Questionnaire (RADQ), which obtains parent answers about issues, such as the frequency with which the child makes eye contact.[4]

Concerns

There is obvious potential danger in the use of physical restraint and the withholding of food characteristic of CRT and CRTP. The impact of these practices began to be apparent with the death of 10-year-old Candace Newmaker in Evergreen, Colorado, in April 2000. Candace's asphyxiation in the course of a rebirthing procedure at first appeared to be a freak event due to the mishandling of 2 CRT practitioners, but further investigation revealed a number of other child deaths caused by parents following the instructions of CRT advocates. It appears to be the CRT belief system, rather than specific techniques, that causes adults to make dangerous decisions.[5]

In response to Candace's death, some professional organizations, such as the American Psychiatric Association,[6] issued resolutions condemning CRT practices. Two issues of the APSAC Advisor rejected the beliefs and practices of CRT. The journal Attachment and Human Development dedicated an issue to articles on this topic, most of them strongly condemning the use of restraint as a therapeutic measure. Two activist Web sites, Advocates for Children in Therapy and KidsComeFirst.info, were created for public education purposes. Medicaid has declined to pay for CRT. A Congressional resolution condemned the use of rebirthing, although without mentioning other CRT practices.[7]

These points suggest a successful anti-CRT movement. On the contrary, however, CRT advocacy and practice appear to have increased despite all efforts against them. Over 100 commercial Internet sites offer or advocate CRT and CRTP. State government Web sites list CRT publications as appropriate reading for professionals and adoptive parents (for example, NJ ARCH), and describe CRT beliefs in the guise of educational material (for example, "Child and Adolescent Mental Health Problems"). Services of CRT practitioners (for example, Post Institute for Family-Centered Therapy) have been used for military dependents, a group that is particularly vulnerable to concerns about attachment and that may be seen as suitable adoptive parents for children with attachment problems (National Adoption Information Clearinghouse).


Purpose

The purpose of this study is to analyze the theoretic background of CRT and to compare it with evidence- supported information about human development, to critique the research offered by CRT advocates in support of their views and practices, and to evaluate CRT and CRTP practices, concluding with a statement about the importance of this issue. This material will enable readers to recognize the vocabulary and assumptions associated with CRT and to consider how to respond to patients who broach this subject.

Method

It has not been possible to observe CRT directly or to hold serious discussions with practitioners or advocates. However, there is a great deal of related material available commercially or via the Internet.

An important source was a series of audiotapes of conference papers, published by the Association for Treatment and Training in the Attachment of Children (ATTACh). A related organization, the Association for Prenatal and Perinatal Psychology and Health (APPPAH), also makes conference tapes commercially available.

CRT advocates have produced their own training tapes that can be obtained commercially. CRT practitioners, such as Neil Feinberg and Martha Welch, and the CRTP advocate Nancy Thomas have shown their philosophy and practices on videotape.

CRT advocates have published statements of their opinions, a few of these through standard publishers and professional journals,[8,9] but most through self-published print materials and through Internet sites. Commercial organizations offering CRT and CRTP services, nonprofit advocacy organizations, and parent support groups provide descriptions of the CRT belief system on the Internet. Most of these do not provide details about CRT practice as it is to be found in other sources.


 


Courtroom and professional licensing board material was a useful source of information. Several prominent CRT advocates have surrendered their licenses following disciplinary action connected with injury to a patient or other misconduct. Some courtroom materials (for example, Advocates for Children in Therapy) have discussed the actions of parents or practitioners who employed CRT. The most detailed discussion of CRT methods occurred in the trial of Connell Watkins and Julie Ponder for the death of Candace Newmaker; the author attended the trial and has examined the transcript of Watkins' testimony. Of particular value in the Watkins-Ponder trial was the fact that the practitioners videotaped their proceedings with Candace, and this 11-hour videotape was shown in its entirety in the courtroom, although the judge did not permit it to be released to the public.

The author, as an expert witness, also had access to the discovery in a related licensing matter involving CRT practices. Confidentiality does not permit specific reference to this material, but it is appropriate to say that statements in the discovery were congruent with all other evidence about CRT.

Although, as a general rule, newspaper articles may be an inadequate source of information about mental health interventions, newspaper accounts of 2 cases were of help. One of these involved the trial of the adoptive parents of Viktor Matthey, who died of hypothermia and malnutrition; he had been fed on uncooked oatmeal for some time.[10] Adoption services had been provided by Bethany Christian Services, an organization whose Internet site links with CRT organizations. The other case involved the long-term starvation of 4 adopted boys by a New Jersey family.[11] The New York Times account of this revealed a number of CRTP practices at work.

Results

Investigation of the sources described above revealed sharp contrasts between evidence-based treatment and CRT practices. There is a systematic theoretical background for CRT and CRTP, but it is severely at odds with either accepted theory or research evidence about the nature of child development. The research evidence offered by CRT advocates in support of their practices is so flawed in design as to be useless.

Practice Issues

The use of physical restraint and other coercive practices by CRT advocates stands in the sharpest possible contrast to conventional mental health practices. However, other contrasts also exist and have been noted by CRT proponents (Attachment Disorder Site). Generally, CRT views emphasize the authority of the adult and reject any active decision-making role to be played by the child. For example, parents are to establish behavioral goals and the child is not to participate in this process. Children are to be told the words to say that are thought to express their emotions; adults do not wait or follow the child's lead in this matter. All information is to be shared with the family; the child does not talk privately with a therapist. Finally, wraparound services are rejected on a number of grounds, including the idea that children may be given rewards that the parents do not approve of.


Theoretic Background

CRT advocates claim that their belief system is derived from the theory of attachment developed by Bowlby and Ainsworth,[12] but examination of CRT materials shows little relevance except for the use of the term "attachment." In fact, CRT beliefs appear to derive from a combination of fringe systems, including the work of Wilhelm Reich,[13] Arthur Janov,[14] Milton Erickson,[15] and the various body therapy proponents (for example, Soul Song).

Many CRT and CRTP advocates assume that each cell of the body can carry out mental functions, such as memory and the experience of emotion (for example, Official Site of Dr. Bruce Lipton). This belief implies that physical treatment, such as restraint or compression, can alter thinking and attitudes. In addition, body cells may contain memories that interfere with processes, such as emotional attachment, and physical treatment can erase those memories so that the individual is free to develop loving relationships. Another implication is that a sperm or ovum, as a cell, is able to store memories and emotional responses.

Many CRT and CRTP advocates assume that personality functions and attitudes date back to the time of conception or before (Emerson Training Seminars). According to this view, a fetus, or even an embryo, stores memories of events, including the mother's emotional response to the pregnancy. If her feelings are positive, the unborn child begins to develop an emotional attachment to the mother; if she is distressed by the pregnancy or considers abortion, the unborn child responds with rage and grief over this rejection and cannot form a normal attachment.

CRT and CRTP advocates assume that all adopted children, even those adopted on the day of birth, experience a profound sense of loss, grief, rage, and desire for the vanished birth mother. This emotional pattern interferes with attachment to an adoptive mother.


 


CRT and CRTP advocates assume that anger and grief must be removed through a process of catharsis. The child must experience and express these negative feelings in an intense manner. He or she can be helped to do this by a therapist or parent who initiates restraint and physical and emotional discomfort in order to stimulate expression of feeling.

Unlike conventional child development researchers, CRT and CRTP advocates believe that normal attachment follows an attachment cycle[1] consisting of experiences of frustration and rage, alternating with relief provided by the parents. On the basis of this assumption, they posit that emotional attachment in the adopted child can be achieved through the alternation of distress and gratification of infantile needs, such as sucking and the consumption of sweets. Some CRT proponents warn that conventional therapy, with its emphasis on following the child's communicative lead, will in fact worsen an adopted child's emotional status.

CRT and CRTP advocates believe that cheerful and grateful obedience to parents is the behavioral correlate of emotional attachment, and that this is true for children of all ages. A parent's sense that the child is aloof and unaffectionate is the best indication of disordered attachment.

A comparison of these CRT points to conventional theory and evidence-based views of early development shows little or no overlap beyond the idea that emotional attachment occurs in infancy and has some impact on behavior. Cells outside the nervous system are not conventionally believed to be capable of memory or experience, nor are memories considered to go back to preconception or even to the embryonic or early fetal stage. Although a mother's emotional state and stressful experiences during pregnancy do appear to have some effects on development, these effects have never been specifically related to her attitude toward the pregnancy, nor is that attitude easily isolated from postnatal events. Emotional attachment is generally considered to be a process beginning after the fifth or sixth month after birth and resulting from pleasurable, predictable social interactions with a small number of interested caregivers. Attachment behaviors vary with age and developmental status and at some stages include negative actions, such as tantrums or arguing. Attachment disorders are not easy to define or to diagnose, but, like most early emotional problems, they are best treated through techniques that facilitate the child's enjoyment of social play and mutual social interaction, as well as by treatment of factors, such as maternal depression.

Research Evidence

The difficulties of clinical outcome research are obvious, but professionals working with outcome issues have set out criteria for effective work of this type.[16] One useful approach has involved the concept of levels of evidence, which can be used to define the conclusions that can legitimately be drawn from different research designs.

CRT advocates in the 1970s showed little concern for research evidence,[17] but in more recent years have become aware of the commercial value of claiming an evidence basis. Internet sites offering CRT frequently include claims that a favored treatment "works" and that conventional treatments not only fail to "work," but cause exacerbation of problems. A small number of empirical studies of CRT have been published or posted on the Internet; these are critiqued below. Surprisingly, there are no CRT studies at the lowest level of evidence, the case study level, although there are scattered anecdotes about cases. Of no surprise, there are also no randomized, controlled trials, and, considering the deaths and other problems associated with CRT, it seems unlikely that an institutional review board will ever permit such research. Available research reports are at the second level of evidence, with quasi-experimental designs, and can thus not be used to support conclusions about causality. It should be noted that there are a number of confounded variables in all of these studies; children who receive CRT usually are separated from their parents for a period of time, and they experience CRTP carried out either by foster parents or by the adoptive parents.

The use of a paper-and-pencil instrument, the RADQ, is frequent in research reported by CRT proponents.[4] An understanding of the development and nature of this instrument is a necessary beginning for a survey of CRT research.


The RADQ is a questionnaire that is to be answered by a parent or another adult who has spent a great deal of time with the child. Diagnosis of an attachment disorder (reactive attachment disorder, or the CRT- posited attachment disorder, depending on the investigator) is based on the adult's responses to statements about the child. These statements uniformly refer to undesirable behaviors or attitudes; there is no check for response bias, so an adult who agrees with every statement creates the highest possible attachment disorder score. The items on the RADQ were not derived from empirical work. A number of them actually come from a questionnaire that has been in existence for decades, at one time being used as a measure of child sexual abuse, but originally coming from a survey meant to detect masturbation.[18,19]

A major problem of the RADQ is that it has not been validated against any established objective measure of emotional disturbance. Validation was against a Rorschach test administered and scored by the creator of the RADQ, who also administered and scored the RADQ.[4] A degree of spurious respectability has been given to the RADQ in the last few years as a result of psychometric studies concentrating on the internal reliability of the test, but this does not, of course, speak to validity issues.

The RADQ and other ad hoc questionnaire measures used in studies of CRT outcomes are thus inadequate evaluative devices. Similarly, there is no evidence to support claims that a child's movement patterns can be interpreted to yield an attachment disorder score.[20] There is 1 empirical study of CRT published in a peer-reviewed journal.[9] This report, based on a doctoral dissertation at a distance- learning institution with problematic accreditation, has a controlled clinical trial design with serious flaws in the comparison group. The investigation studied children whose families had contacted the Attachment Center at Evergreen and expressed their wish to bring the children for treatment because of behaviors categorized as disorders of attachment. All the parents were asked to respond to a questionnaire about the children soon after their initial contact. One group brought the children for a 2-week intensive treatment, during which time the children had little contact with the parents and stayed in therapeutic foster homes for CRTP, while the parents themselves often vacationed. The comparison group in this study was comprised of families who had made the initial contact with the Attachment Center, but for reasons of their own had not brought the child for treatment. Both groups were asked to respond to a second identical questionnaire about a year after the initial contact had been made. The investigators concluded that the treatment group improved more than the comparison group in the course of that year.


 


This study has been used by CRT advocates as evidence supporting the efficacy of their practices. However, one would expect some degree of improvement in the course of a year, both because of maturation and regression to the mean. The difference in amounts of improvement could result from the many variables confounded with the treatment variable: the reason for the comparison group's failure to attend treatment (marital disagreement over the decision, financial concerns, physical or mental health needs of other family members, or employment problems); the effect of separation from the parents on the children in the treatment group; the effect of separation from the children on the parents in the treatment group; the parents' vacations and travel experiences; and cognitive dissonance factors encouraging the parents to believe that there must have been a positive outcome resulting from this expensive and disturbing experience, or a negative effect if they were unable to come for treatment. Design problems thus make it impossible to accept this study as evidence supporting CRT.

Two simple before-and-after studies claiming to support CRT have been posted on the Internet (Adopting.org and Attachment Treatment & Training Institute). The first, by Becker-Weidman, administered the RADQ and a behavior checklist to parents of 34 children before and after CRT. Becker- Weidman concluded that CRT had caused changes in the children, basing this statement on significant differences between test scores. However, the treatment variable in this study was confounded with simultaneous maturational change. In addition, natural variations in behavior and attitudes may be involved, because parents are most likely to bring children for mental health treatment when their behavior is at its worst, so that spontaneous improvement occurs during the time of treatment but not because of treatment.

The second, similarly designed study by Levy and Orlans is difficult to follow because of the lack of detail in the Internet posting, but its conclusion that CRT is effective appears to be subject to the same criticisms as the Becker-Weidman work.

Discussion

CRT lacks an evidentiary basis, is derived from an unconventional theoretic background, and is at odds with practices accepted by the helping professions. There is clear evidence of serious harm done to children by adults influenced by the CRT view. Professional organizations and academic publications have rejected CRT practices and beliefs. Nonetheless, Internet sites offering CRT flourish, and state agencies promulgate the CRT philosophy. Why is this happening, and what can be done? First Amendment Issues

The apparent public regard for CRT may be related to advertisement and advocacy that are protected as free speech under the First Amendment.[21] Advocacy of CRT cannot be prevented even when CRT practices cause injury. The media, the Internet, and practitioners themselves are all free to claim safety and efficacy for CRT.

The mass media have made a practice of presenting CRT as exciting and acceptable. From the depiction of CRT years ago in the Elvis Presley movie Change of Habit to a Dateline program in 2004,[22] CRT has been shown as strange and frightening but effective. The media have never presented clear arguments against the use of CRT.

The rise of the Internet was a gift to CRT advertisers, who can now contact and be contacted by families in every part of the country. Internet parent support groups have allowed families involved with CRT to develop cultlike support systems that counter criticisms of CRT practices. A recent survey reported in The Wall Street Journal showed that in 2004, 23% of Internet users searched for experimental treatments,[23] providing a large audience for CRT-related material.

Although practitioners who cause harm directly are legally liable, it would appear that many CRT practitioners are moving from practices of which they themselves restrain children to an approach of which they teach parents to do this. Any injury to the child is then caused by the parent. The practitioner's speech to the parent is protected, as are workshops and courses that claim efficacy for CRT.


Professional and Institutional Responsibility

As was noted earlier, some professional organizations have adopted resolutions rejecting CRT. However, other organizations have acted in ways that support CRT practices. These actions include publication of a book by the Child Welfare League of America[24] and approval of continuing education credit for CRT workshops by the American Psychological Association and the National Association of Social Workers.

One accredited educational institution, Texas Christian University, Fort Worth, Texas, now offers credit- bearing courses involving the CRT belief system. A number of unaccredited institutions, such as the Santa Barbara Graduate Institute, Santa Barbara, California, also do so.

What Is to Be Done?

Given that curtailment of freedom of speech is neither possible nor generally desirable, it cannot be expected that advertisement of CRT will stop. Professionals who are concerned about CRT have the responsibility of employing their own freedom of speech to present the facts to other professionals and to parents who consult them, bearing in mind that the concepts and empirical evidence are not easy to summarize. An important start would be for all relevant professional organizations to adopt resolutions rejecting CRT and to communicate those resolutions to the media. In the meantime, physicians should be prepared to respond to parents' references to CRT and should realize that poor growth in adopted and foster children may result from CRTP practices.

About the author: Jean Mercer, PhD, Professor of Psychology, Richard Stockton College, Pomona, New Jersey

Ed. Note: The American Academy of Pediatrics states: "coercive therapies, including "compression holding therapies," "rebirthing therapies," or promotion of regression for "re-attachment," have no empirical support for efficacy and have been associated with serious harm, including death."


 


back to: Complimentary and Alternative Medicine

References

1. Cline F. Hope for High Risk and Rage Filled Children. Evergreen, Colo: EC Publications; 1992.
2. Federici R. Help for the Hopeless Child. Alexandria, Va: Dr. Ronald S. Federici and Associates;
1998.
3. Thomas N. Parenting children with attachment disorders. In: Levy T, ed. Handbook of Attachment Interventions. San Diego, Calif: Academic Press; 2000.
4. Randolph E. Manual for the Randolph Attachment Disorder Questionnaire. Evergreen, Colo: The
Attachment Center Press; 2000.
5. Shermer M. Death by theory. Sci Am. 2004;June:48.
6. American Psychiatric Association. Position Statement: Reactive Attachment Disorder. Washington,
DC: American Psychiatric Association; 2002.
7. Myrick SH. Congessional resolution 435. In: Congressional Record. 107th Congress, 2nd Session,
17 September 2002. H6268. Introduced July 8, 2002.
8. Levy T. Handbook of Attachment Interventions. San Diego, Calif: Academic Press; 2000.
9. Myeroff R, Mertlich G, Gross G. Comparative effectiveness of holding therapy with aggressive
children. Child Psychiatry Hum Dev. 1999;29:303-313.
10. Dowling M. Mattheys convicted of abusing Viktor. Newark Star-Ledger. May 20, 2004.
11. Kaufman L, Jones RL. Child agency tries to grasp how one case got away. New York Times.
October 28, 2003:B8.
12. Bowlby J. Attachment and Loss. New York: Basic Books; 1982.
13. Sharaf M. Fury on Earth: A Biography of Wilhelm Reich. New York: St. Martin's Press; 1983.
14. Janov A. The Primal Scream. New York: Putnam; 1970.
15. Erickson M. The identification of a secure reality. Family Process. 1962;1:294-303.
16. Chambless D, Hollon S. Defining empirically supported therapies. J Consult Clin Psychol. 1998;66:7-18.
17. Zaslow R, Menta M. The Psychology of the Z-Process: Attachment and Activity. San Jose, Calif: San Jose State University Press; 1975.
18. Dawes R. House of Cards: Psychology and Psychotherapy Built Upon Myth. New York: Free Press; 1994.
19. Underwager R, Wakefield H. The Real World of Child Interrogations. Springfield, Ill: C.C. Thomas; 1990.
20. Randolph E. Broken Hearts, Wounded Minds. Evergreen, Colo: RFR Publications; 2001.
21. Kennedy SS, Mercer J, Mohr W, Huffine C. Snake oil, ethics, and the First Amendment. Am J
Orthopsychiatry. 2002;72:40-49.
22. Mercer J. Media watch: radio and television programs approve of coercive restraint therapies. Sci Rev Mental Health Pract. 2003;2:154-156.
23. Landro L. Web grows as health research tool. Wall Street Journal. May 18, 2005; D7.
24. Levy T, Orlans M. Attachment, Trauma, and Healing: Understanding and Treating Attachment
Disorder in Children and Families. Washington, DC: Child Welfare League of America; 1998.

back to: Complimentary and Alternative Medicine

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, November 8). Danger of Coercive Restraint Therapies, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, June 29 from https://www.healthyplace.com/alternative-mental-health/personality-disorders-alternative/danger-of-coercive-restraint-therapies

Last Updated: July 11, 2016

New Things are Happening!

I am pleased to announce that we have changed BLOGS and little by little we will be transferring all previous posts to this site. AND. . . new posts will be added on a more frequent basis as soon as that process is complete. Thank you for your understanding.

Because of an incompatability on our new server to allow us to post new posts we haven't been able to update our BLOG since July, 2006. The old BLOG system just flat didn't work on our new server.

Unfortunately, none of the previous comments to my posts could be brought forward, sooooo. . . get busy! We want to hear from you now!

In the meantime, visit our Relationship Articles Menu for more good stuff!

Pass the word to your friends! Larry's Relationship BLOG is back in business!

Stay tuned! Icon wink

 


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next: Who YOU are Being Makes a Difference!

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, November 8). New Things are Happening!, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, June 29 from https://www.healthyplace.com/relationships/celebrate-love/new-things-are-happening

Last Updated: February 3, 2015

Insecurity

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, November 8). Insecurity, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, June 29 from https://www.healthyplace.com/self-help/self-help-stuff-that-works/insecurity

Last Updated: March 30, 2016

Immediate Relief of Negative Feelings

How do you feel?

IF YOU FEEL FINE, this page is not for you; at least right now it isn't. Mark this page for later and head over to the search page. Come back when you need some immediate relief from a negative emotion or situation and click on one of the descriptions below.

Angry Bored Tired
Worried Impatient Annoyed
Frustrated Discouraged Stressed out
Insecure Depressed Discontented
Relative upsets you   Improve performance
Parenting problems   Trouble-makers at work

After you've read one of the chapters above, write the principle on the piece of paper (at the end of each chapter is the principle in bold letters) and carry that principle with you, concentrating on applying it for the next few hours (or days).

Click here for bite-size samples of self-help stuff that works

Learn more about applying the principles in your life in a way that will really make a difference:
From Hope to Change

Here's another angle on the same subject: How do you take a good insight or effective principle and translate it into a real change in your life?
Personal Propaganda


 


What is the most powerful self-help technique on the planet? What single thing can you do that will improve your attitude, improve the way you deal with others, and also improve your health? Find out here.
Where to Tap

Would you like to be emotionally strong? Would you like to have that special pride in yourself because you didn't whimper or whine or collapse when things got rough?
There is a way, and it's not as difficult as you'd think.
Think Strong

next: The Ancient Hindus Used the Same Technique as Modern Cognitive Science to End Human Miser

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, November 8). Immediate Relief of Negative Feelings, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, June 29 from https://www.healthyplace.com/self-help/self-help-stuff-that-works/immediate-relief-of-negative-feelings

Last Updated: March 30, 2016

The Twelve Steps of Co-Dependents Anonymous: Step Eleven

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us
and the power to carry that out.


The Twelve Steps are a spiritual experience.

Through the steps, I have realized that all humans are spiritual beings. I must accept, love, and nurture my spiritual self as much as I accept, love, and nurture my physical, emotional, intellectual, and social self.

I am coming to realize that unless I actively nurture my spiritual self, all the other parts of myself will suffer. To take care of myself, I must attend to all my needs, including my spiritual needs. By attending to my spiritual needs, I go a long way toward attending to all my other needs. This is a paradox of recovery.

As a spiritual being, then, I have sought spiritual nurturing and sustenance from a Higher Power, a Spiritual Being I choose to call God. For me, this Spiritual Being is and is not the Judeo-Christian God of the Bible.

For most of my life, I did not know God as a Spiritual Being. I only knew God as a product of my religious upbringing and training. I only knew a God that was someone else's interpretation of God. Mine was a second-hand god that fit the Sunday-school descriptions of a stern old man on a throne in the sky, zapping sinners with thunder and requiring all followers to become rule-bound, shame-bound, religious zombies. I didn't think God took any real personal interest in me, other than to make sure I was living "by the book" no matter what kind of living hell that might create in my life.

But by God's grace, I came to know God as a Spiritual Person. I came to realize that God was always intensely interested in me. God was always helping me. God has a plan especially for my life. I came to know God as an all-loving, all-powerful, all-knowing FRIEND. Someone who loved me and longed for me to love myself as much.


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I came to know God as a Spiritual Friend through prayer and meditation. I started out with the Judeo-Christian concept of God I knew, and gradually opened my mind and my eyes to discovering more about God. The more I discovered about God, the more I discovered about myself. To know God is to know myself better, because God created me. The better I know God, the better I know myself and God's will for my life.

I discovered that my entire life is a prayer. I don't have to be in a church building to pray. I don't have to be on my knees to pray. My every waking moment, my every action, my every word is a prayer—a humble offering to God of my will in favor of God's will.

Every day is a meditation to God, because I discovered that God is always present. God is a Spiritual Being and I am a Spiritual Being. God is inside me, outside me, all around me. God is me and i am God, because I am part of God's creation. God's essence has been imparted into me, because I am of God—I am an expression of God's creative power—unique, valuable, and worthwhile. I am an integral part of God's masterpiece in the making.

What is true of me is true of every single human being.

Yes, this is God as I understand God. Yes, this is me, as I understand myself at this moment in time.

The process of my knowing God is a conscious process. That is, knowing God is a deliberate choice and action in which I engage. Previously, my knowledge of God had been unconscious, second-hand knowledge. Now, I have direct contact with God, direct experience of being with God, first-hand intimacy with God. Through the steps, I have learned to walk with God.

What do I pray about? I pray exclusively about God's will for my life.

Little by little, God is making His will known to me. I consciously surrender my will to God's and in so doing, make room in my life for God to reveal more of Himself and more of His will. For me, God's will is that I humbly defer to God's way, God's will, God's power, God's direction, and God's wisdom.

God's will is also that I freely admit God's control of my life.

God's will for me is as infinite as God. I am certain I have only seen one small piece of the whole puzzle. But God's will for me is to trust God. God's will for me is serenity and happiness and peace. God's will for me is wonderful, extraordinary, beautiful, and amazing.

I no longer worry about figuring out how to carry out God's will. God will carry out God's will through me, in God's time, by God's power, for God's glory. God's will for me is that I become a channel through which God's will is done, on earth, as it is in Heaven.

next: The Twelve Steps of Co-Dependents Anonymous Step Twelve

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, November 8). The Twelve Steps of Co-Dependents Anonymous: Step Eleven, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, June 29 from https://www.healthyplace.com/relationships/serendipity/twelve-steps-of-co-dependents-anonymous-step-eleven

Last Updated: August 7, 2014

Honesty is Necessary in Love

"Love is nothing without truth."

How Honesty Effects Relationships

Honesty is Necessary in LoveI had always thought myself to be a fairly honest person, and by society's standards I was. But what society considers honest and what true honesty really is, are two separate things. We've been systematically taught in our culture to make lying a part of our lives. We do it so often that we don't even notice it anymore.

Honesty is telling "the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth." Society's definition of the truth telling is to tell the truth ONLY if it doesn't make anyone uncomfortable, doesn't cause a conflict, and it makes you look good.

I'm not talking about the big lies, but more about the consistent, persistent "lies of omission" and "white lies" we tell people almost everyday. For me, I didn't even consider these small untruths to be lies until I experienced the exact opposite. The whole truth.

It hadn't realized exactly how dishonest I was and how much of myself I was holding back. This dishonesty caused me to feel disconnected from others and created small walls between me and my partner. When I withheld my whole truth, I withheld others from seeing all of me. This may be fine in most relationships but not in my primary relationship with my spouse, I wanted all of me to be loved, even those parts I judged as bad or wrong.

If I wanted to create true intimacy and closeness, I was going to have to let my partner see ALL of me. This was very scary for me because what if he got angry, or hurt, or decided "all of me" was not what he wanted and left the relationship? But then, what kind of relationship would I have if he only knew part of me?

"Honesty can be tough but it's necessary if you want a close intimate relationship."

Below are two excerpts from books I feel do a good job of explaining how honesty effects relationships. The first one is from the book "The Unimaginable Life - Lessons Learned on the Path of Love" by Julia and Kenny Loggins.

Truth is the expression of love and is therefore always the necessary healing and loving action.


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Mother always said, "The truth hurts." To this homily we would now add, "The truth heals." Love has taught us to be extremists for the truth. It is the surest path out of the old relationship-sabotaging belief systems. Many of us were taught that telling the truth is sometimes not being kind or loving, that it can separate us from what we want most, but telling the truth only separates us from our lies and our confused, limited self-images. Sure, the truth may hurt sometimes, but it never wounds the way a lie or half-truth can.

Most of us were taught to avoid pain at all costs, so it is a challenge to stand in our truth, knowing that it may seem to hurt a friend or lover or a member of our family. But when we don't tell the truth, it drives an invisible wedge between us and our lovers. If the goal is to stay within the awareness of love, the truth must be practiced continuously. Our greatest fear is that the truth will be abhorrent to our lover and we will end up alone. The reality is that the longer we are together, the more we practice the truth, the more trust develops and the easier the truth becomes. When we hide nothing, we can give everything.

In the book called "A Child of Eternity," there's a section that says what I've been trying to say for years regarding honesty in relationships. This is quite a nugget. Enjoy.

"Adri stresses the importance of living in truth, not as an esoteric principle but as a discipline. I really didn't understand what she meant by this until she created a lesson to teach me.

My brother, Jamie, Michael, and I were sitting together with Adri in August 1991, about to begin a meeting. Adri decided that we were not operating in a state of truth and she challenged us to recognize that and to do something about it before we started in.

Once she pointed this out to us, I knew it was true. I sensed in us all, not lies but states of incomplete truth. Still I hadn't intended to do anything about it. Why?

Because the state of half-truth is a normal one for most of us. The three of us weren't harboring dark secrets or lies that threatened to destroy our relationship or our work. We were simply suppressing all the little untruths - trying to avoid any troublesome confrontations.

Jamie went first, and confronted Michael about feelings he felt Michael was denying. Then I followed suit, questioning both Jamie's and Michael's commitment to this work. Lastly, Michael talked about how hard the whole process was for him.

Even though these weren't particularly significant concerns, still the difference in the room and between us after they were aired and cleared was amazing. I found myself in tears, first because I was certain, on a very deep level, that if I told all my truth, I would be abandoned - and secondly, because of course that didn't happen. That's the healing power of truth.

As Adri told us, "LOVING IS NOTHING WITHOUT TRUTH."

Although our issues and responses were different, what we learned had an enormous impact for each of us. I think we really understood, for the first time, how different our lives - and the world - would be if we could all operate out of a state of truth and love.

Within a loving context it becomes safe to reveal one's own truth. In retrospect we could see that suppressing truth limited our ability to love one another. And when we limit our love, we truly limit our lives.

As we experienced what it was really like to be in truth, love, and alignment, we became painfully aware of just how rare such moments are. Yet it was incredibly energizing to realize that we all have the potential to live in such a state. It is within our power, each moment, to choose truth over lies and love over fear."


Honesty, What a Concept

Honesty is Necessary in LoveOn Friday, January 16th, 1999 John Stossel of the ABC 20/20 News team did a story on Brad Blanton's book "Radical Honesty: How to transform your life by telling the truth." I watched it because I wanted to find out what exactly "radical" honesty was.

As it turns out, "radical honesty" is ....well....honesty. What astounded me most about the program was that people thought telling the truth WAS a radical idea. Don't you find that just a bit odd?

At the end of the story, Barbara Walters even warned viewers, "don't try this at home without someone trained in this." Tears ran down my face as I rocked with laughter and disbelief. Don't try this at home?!? Honesty?!? Are we so lost as a culture that we regard honesty as a dangerous pursuit without a trained "non-liar" at our sides?? Has the world become so warped that we consider telling the truth, a dangerous exercise? It seemed extremely bizarre to me.

But yet, maybe it's not so bizarre. Haven't all of us been taught that it's better to lie to someone than to hurt their feelings? That there are just some things you simply never, never tell another? We're not suppose to tell anyone when we've had an extramarital affair, especially not our spouse. And god forbid we're honest with each other about sexual matters.

But have we become so adept at lying, that we've "forgotten" that we are, in fact, lying? Have we forgotten HOW to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth"?

"The liar's punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else."
--George Bernard Shaw

Perhaps we were taught to lie because we as a society believe we actually can hurt another emotionally. We believe we have the POWER to make another person feel something emotionally.


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So who's responsible for how we or another chooses to respond to words? If you truly had the power to make people feel certain emotions, then you should be able to create other people's reactions at will. If you said the same thing to thousands of people, you should be able to get an identical emotional response from all of them, right? But the fact is, you'd get as many different responses as there are people. Each would react according to their belief systems and interpretations of your meaning.

If people understood everyone is responsible for their own emotions, we'd feel freer to say what we think and feel. Most times, it's our own lack of trust in ourselves to be able to deal with other's reactions, that is the stumbling block to our honesty. "How will *I* feel if this person reacts badly" we ask ourselves. "I might feel guilty, so I wont tell the whole truth."

Because face it, people WILL get angry and hurt sometimes in reaction to our honesty. But the alternative of living lives filled with lies and half-truths is not much of an alternative. We end up walking around on eggshells, monitoring our every word, and trying to predict how others might respond. It's a slow, awkward process of communication.

I agree with Dr. Blanton. Honesty about everything truly does open the doors to intimacy, love, and dynamic relationships. Without it, we're all just actors on a stage, reading our scripted lines. And to some degree, I think everyone knows we're pretending to be truthful. It's like we're all walking around holding dead chickens in our hands, making deals with each other. "Pretend you don't see my chicken, and I'll pretend I don't see yours." It's a scam, but one we're pulling over our own eyes.

I have this impossible dream about everyone on earth standing up, and all at the same time shouting out, "I'm a liar!". And as we all look at each other and smile, we could start anew and begin fresh. Then, we could continue our lives with a willingness to trust that its okay to think and feel what we do, and have the courage to speak our truth.

Imagine being real and genuine with each other. Imagine what the world would be like if you could actually believe what people tell you. It might get a bit rocky at times, but it would "radically" change the world.

So maybe honesty is a radical idea in this day and age, but lets do our part in "telling the truth" so honesty becomes common place. The love that would follow would be far from common.

"You know how it is when you decide to lie and say the check is in the mail, and then you remember it really is? I'm like that all the time."
--Steven Wright

next: How To Improve Your Relationships

APA Reference
Staff, H. (2008, November 8). Honesty is Necessary in Love, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, June 29 from https://www.healthyplace.com/relationships/creating-relationships/honesty-is-necessary-in-love

Last Updated: June 25, 2015