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A mental illness that saps sufferers of motivation and energy, depression notoriously impedes productivity. For many people living with depression, even basic day-to-day chores seem to take herculean effort. The inability to get things done is frustrating on its own, but even more maddening is the vicious cycle it perpetuates.
I recently went to my obstetrician for a routine check-up and got onto the dreaded scale after the holidays (never a good thing to do, in my opinion). The nurse said, “You must have had a really good Christmas.” I cringed as she told me I gained 10 lbs. I packed on10 lbs. in a month! Even though I am seven and a half months pregnant, this is definitely not a good thing. This got me worried that I’ll have another huge baby (my first one was close to 9 lbs. which is large for someone my size). So the wheels started turning in my head for ideas on how to be healthier—physically, mentally, and emotionally.
I am Kellie Jo Holly, and I participated in the cycle of verbal abuse with my soon to be ex-husband for almost 18 years. I retain the relationship with him because we have two sons together who are now teens. Leaving the marriage did not end the abuse. Stopping verbal abuse has more to do with my reaction to it than convincing him to stop!
What could cure my anxiety? In answer, all I've got is a deer in headlights expression to go with the sign that says 'wrong way, go back!' So no, I don't have a cure for anxiety. But I have some ideas.
Although our obstacles are on a smaller scale, we too know what it's like to be stuck 100 years behind the rest of the country. We face discrimination and hostility because of a psychiatric diagnosis.
Sometimes people don’t believe I’m particularly sick. They meet me, I look fine, I interact, I charm, I wit and all seems, if not normal, at least something reasonably normal adjacent.
And that’s fine. It’s by design. Being a high-functioning mentally ill person, I can’t really afford to run around with my hair on fire. But faking normalcy, happiness and pleasure is a tricky and very expensive bit of business.
Living with dissociative identity disorder (DID) presents unique difficulties, whether you're the one that has it or the person who loves the one living with it. I can only imagine how frustrating, confusing, even painful it must sometimes be to have a partner with DID.
I've witnessed how challenging it often is for my own partner and, if some of the comments I've received here at Dissociative Living are in any way representative, her experience is typical. But it's also largely ignored. Partners of people with DID don't get that much support or encouragement, primarily because only those who've been there can truly understand (Caregiver Stress and Compassion Fatigue).
It took Kellie Holly almost fifteen years to realize she was in a verbally abusive marriage, and another three to get out of it. Living with verbal and emotional abuse conditioned her to doubt her instincts, and convinced her that she was the cause of her relationship problems.
Don't just manage anxiety: Be there
We don't have to break the bank to cope with anxiety but we do have to be there. For ourselves. For each other. That's half the job done.
But isn't a job, it's life: A messy, complicated, nerve-wracking love affair with breathing.
I really can't tell you how important support is in coping with that, and with mental health conditions. There are rare moments, between the devil and the deep blue sea, in which we will all experience it: Genuine validation.
I’m a science gal. I practically drown in the stuff. True, I have a natural curiosity for pretty much everything, but also, I try to keep abreast of what’s happening in the research areas of mood disorders and psychopharmacology. Yes, it’s a lot of work.
I certainly don’t catch everything, but one thing I did catch a while back was this, “Study Finds No Difference In Nonsuicide Mortality Between Two Anti-Psychotic Drugs.”
Basically, neither Zyprexa nor Geodon will kill you more. But is that actually what the study showed?
Where do we go from here? Most of the family thinks just to let her hit bottom and then if she reaches out to help any we can. Some want to just keep paying her bills and just let her sit in the house with no responsibilities. Never been on medication and impossible to get to her when she refuses to talk to ANYONE.
Help.
On the day we agreed to videochat to make things less awkward IRL she woke up with a migraine so we rescheduled to the day after, I made sure to assure her that it was okay and to take her time. Later that day, in the late evening we had a nice chat but suddenly she stopped replying, even though nothing had happened. The day after I texted her good morning and said I hope she was feeling a little better. she wouldn't open my texts.
A couple days after I sent her a longer text saying that even though I had only known her for a short time I care a lot for her and would like to know how she are doing, telling her I'm there for her, assuring her I'm not going anywhere even though things might not be very easy. She wouldn't open it.
A week later I sent a text saying not to feel bad about not answering and that I will be there when she is able to answer again. It's been two weeks since this and she still hasn't opened my texts. She hasn't been active at all.
I don't know what else I can do. I assumed she might have fallen into a depression. I have tried to just not think about it anymore, and I haven't that much but when I do it sort of kills me inside...