Blogs
I believe the holidays hit everyone. Sometimes that hit is very positive, sometimes it’s really negative, but I think that hit is real and pretty universal. If it’s not parents, it’s siblings, if isn’t not kids it’s money, if it’s not partners it’s the planning of perfection. In short, there’s something for everyone to be stressed about at this time of year.
For me, personally, I can’t count the number of times I would leave my family and cry and sob for hours as I drove home. Holidays have never really hit me positively.
And as I’ve said before, even if you’re lucky enough to get a positive kick from the holidays, even good times can lead to bad health. But knowing the hit is coming, is there anything we can do to soften it?
Many abuse victims suffer from posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), me included. The other day in the middle of writing the post about my ex's abusive anger, I had to take an hour break before I could finish it. My body reacted the same way it did when my ex ran up on me--panicky, wobbly, . . . fearful. It helps to know what is happening at times like these. If I didn't know that PTSD influenced me both physically and emotionally, I may think I was just plain stupid for still being this way. As it is, I recognize the PTSD symptom and take necessary steps to ground myself and bring myself back into the present to deal with the PTSD and the memories of abuse.
I'm Jess. I'm twenty seven. I love to take jumping pictures. I have more books than my bookcase can hold, all organized by genre. I sing along to Broadway show tunes while I work. I graduated with a bachelor's degree in Psychology and History and I’m in the process of applying to graduate schools. I have huge heart for people with special needs and mental illnesses.
Oh, and I'm recovering from Anorexia Nervosa.
This is a two-part series where I explore the inner-world of Electroboy, Andy Behrman. Mr. Behrman speaks openly about bipolar disorder, substance abuse, hypersexuality, the Electroboy movie, stigma and of course, his dream of being the first 'omni-sexual male' on Mars.
When I began my website way back in 2008, I chose the title "Verbal Abuse Journals" because, somehow, the word Verbal seemed to soften up the word Abuse. Back then, to me, "Verbal Abuse" was the name of a band or the type of angering insult one might hear from a stranger on the street. Verbal abuse was almost a joke, a simple case of mama-not-teaching-you-how-to-talk-nice, as far as I was concerned. I felt comfortable using the term verbal abuse to help describe my marriage because it wasn't really abuse. It couldn't be scary abuse--it was just an ugly vocabulary. And people can change their vocabulary.
I write this just a few hours after having spoken at a legislative breakfast in Connecticut, where looming budget cuts seem aimed at "saving money" by cutting funding to non-profit agencies that provide needed services to people who have disabilities or disadvantages ranging from poverty to down's syndrome to mental illness...people who, with these services, have a chance to rebuild their dignity, their potential, their futures.
Without these services? The costs are astronomical - financially as well as emotionally. Homelessness, hopelessness, aimlessness, illness relapse, even crime.
And here we are, moments later, hearing the news that another shooting has occured - this time in our own backyard, in Newtown CT. A shooter has opened fire in an elementary school. An elementary school.
Does this have anything to do with untreated mental illness? I have no idea, yet - but it is one of the first things that comes to my mind.
During my own PTSD decades (yes, I struggled for 25+ years!), one of the toughest things for me was having to be around other people when I felt horrible, depressed, anxious, angry, sleep-deprived and just generally dysfunctional.
There are some truly wonderful people out there who are loved ones of people with mental illnesses. These people want to help their loved ones with mental illnesses and many of them read this blog in an effort to understand what it’s like to have a mental illness and how they can help.
It’s a beautiful thing.
So if you’re the loved one of a person with a mental illness, here are some things you might want to think about during the holidays.
When the disease of addiction goes untreated, the ends of this disease are jails, institutions and death. There is hope however when an intervention is possible. This video explores these topics.
If you are like me, you want to make sure those around you are happy. We strive to keep peaceful relationships in our lives and often assist others in need. Hey, we care about them right? The problem is if you always feel compelled to help or overextend yourself, it can come at the expense of your own happiness. That's what usually happens to a people pleaser.
Where do we go from here? Most of the family thinks just to let her hit bottom and then if she reaches out to help any we can. Some want to just keep paying her bills and just let her sit in the house with no responsibilities. Never been on medication and impossible to get to her when she refuses to talk to ANYONE.
Help.
On the day we agreed to videochat to make things less awkward IRL she woke up with a migraine so we rescheduled to the day after, I made sure to assure her that it was okay and to take her time. Later that day, in the late evening we had a nice chat but suddenly she stopped replying, even though nothing had happened. The day after I texted her good morning and said I hope she was feeling a little better. she wouldn't open my texts.
A couple days after I sent her a longer text saying that even though I had only known her for a short time I care a lot for her and would like to know how she are doing, telling her I'm there for her, assuring her I'm not going anywhere even though things might not be very easy. She wouldn't open it.
A week later I sent a text saying not to feel bad about not answering and that I will be there when she is able to answer again. It's been two weeks since this and she still hasn't opened my texts. She hasn't been active at all.
I don't know what else I can do. I assumed she might have fallen into a depression. I have tried to just not think about it anymore, and I haven't that much but when I do it sort of kills me inside...