A moment of normalcy in self-harm recovery can go unappreciated. But we shouldn’t wait until we are feeling sick or depressed to realize how it feels to be happy or content. We often don’t recognize how we feel when we no longer struggle with unrelenting urges to hurt ourselves. In fact, it usually takes a negative situation to make us realize how lucky we were to feel, well, normal. I know it’s difficult to describe what normal means, but let's try to find our own normal so we can appreciate those moments of normalcy in self-harm recovery. What would a moment of normalcy be for you?

Growing up, I did not have a TV in my bedroom. Instead of staring at a screen for hours on end, I would climb the tree in the backyard or run around in the woods. I was the geek who would choose to write in a journal, over some movie marathon. Even now, I do not have one in my bedroom, but I do have a few shows that I obsessively follow. It’s hard not to get hooked on a show if it grabs your attention for some reason or another. However, I’ve noticed that some shows seem to embrace the idea of self-harm without even realizing it. Shows that are set in different eras or in lands of fantasy may cut the skin of others or their own even if it is not for the reason many harm themselves for today.

It’s important to have people you look up to in your life. Some people look up to certain family members or friends. Maybe you looked up to a positive celebrity such as Maya Angelou, who sadly left us recently. Some people may find comfort in teachers or therapists who have positively affected them. By having a role model, you have someone who can guide you towards becoming a role model yourself. Maybe this person was a self-harmer in their past and they overcame the uneasy battle. It’s impossible for them not to have stories that can help you overcome your own struggles with the addiction to self-injury.

It’s just as hard for those who have stopped self-harming to move past daily, difficult urges to hurt themselves. Triggers are everywhere. When some may see a pen cap as, well, a pen cap, you may see it as a way to release some stress. For those who use paper clips to hold together papers together, you may see the sharp edge as the escape you need. These triggers still hit home for those who haven’t self-harmed in years. Even when you have found other ways to overcome negative thoughts, flashbacks of self-harm may still flicker in your mind. Memories are built into the music you listen to, the smells surrounding you and the people you keep by your side. Sometimes, these memories bring you back to an unsafe time.

We all want to be happy. However, many of us fight a battle that makes happiness not an easy thing to hold onto. We tend to stress over the journey to finding happiness or to finding ourselves. Some people cut or burn themselves because they are lost on this path and are at a place in their lives where they think they need to have all of these answers. When these answers aren’t crystal clear, it can cause unneeded anxiety and stress. You can’t always search for happiness or devote your life to finding the ideal person you want to be. Sometimes those answers find you first and it’s up to you to open your eyes and realize it.

For those who struggle with self-harm, emotions are often intense. When you’re in a positive, safe place, you tend to feel as if you will always have the strength to push past those daily stressors. When worried or anxious, your body goes into hyperactive mode, thinking that a small cut or burn may turn off the paranoia. For those who self-harm, anger can be one of the most frightening feelings of all because when you feel this emotion, it is hard to stop yourself from harming your body. It can be difficult controlling unsteady emotions, especially for those with mental illness. Emotions play a huge role in overcoming the need to self-harm. Once you find ways to effectively control your emotions, you may find it easier to control the urges to cut or burn or pick.

A group of us at work recently held an event focusing on ways to help de-stress the frazzled minds of mothers. Even though I may not yet be a parent, I know that parents carry a lot of anxiety on their shoulders. They must be happy and confident for their children while also focusing on their own needs. Sometimes, we too act a certain way to look happy on the outside when we are really struggling on the inside.

When I was working at a residence for youth with mental illness, every day was a struggle. Not only were the youth struggling to stop their negative behaviors, but I, too, was learning to push away my past and work on helping the future of others by using past experience. We would often focus on coping skills that were necessary to move past these urges. Yes, I know I talk about coping skills like a broken record, but once you know the positive ways to redirect yourself, it becomes a little easier to sway away from the sharp objects around you. We always hear about the common coping skills: listening to music, going for a walk or writing in a journal. However, one coping skill that has always stuck out in my mind is self-talk.

I’ve always been cursed with really painful headaches and occasional dizziness. Typically, I try to push through the pain. However, recently I experienced the worst dizzy spell of my life, which sent me to the doctors. My whole body felt disoriented and my eyes were constantly in and out of focus. I felt nauseous and everything around me would not stop spinning, even when I closed my eyes. This dreadful feeling reminded me of how our minds feel when we are trying to tell ourselves not to self-harm – our thoughts keep on spinning and twisting and all it leads to is pain.

Not only did I forget to recognize The Semicolon Project on April 16, I also didn’t submit a blog on the day I was supposed to. I praise myself for being timely and recognizing days that I see as important. I typically am very organized and sometimes I become obsessed with routine. However, when I am a little off with my schedule, I tend to be filled with regret and frustration. You can’t regret something you did or should have done – we are humans and it happens. Don't let regret lead to self-harm.