Since I’ve been having major issues with not being able to fall asleep lately, I’ve been up at night browsing the Internet more than usual. My nightly routine has been as follows: write, push dog off keyboard, look at Facebook, write, look at Pinterest, push dog off keyboard and write a little bit more. During those in-between moments, I started remembering how dangerous the web used to be during my days of self-harm. You can find anything on there. You can find pictures that trigger self-injurious behaviors and websites that support those behaviors. There are websites that support stopping self-harm – such as healthyplace.com. However, do those websites overpower the negative ones for those who are curious self-harmers?

Life is weird. That is one statement almost everyone can agree to be true. Nothing is normal about the lives we live, even if we follow the same boring schedule day after day. Even for those who think they have their lives planned to perfection, something out of the ordinary will happen to rearrange that agenda. Something is bound to happen to shake your life up and when it does happen, will you be ready? Will you have those handy dandy coping skills ready to go? Will you stand with a smile and stay positive? We’re all human and many of us won’t be ready to pull coping skills out from our pockets right when we need them.

I’ve never been one to watch movies on a daily basis. Sure, I like movies, but I’d rather watch Big Bang Theory or How I Met Your Mother re-runs. Hell, I don’t even own a DVD player. However, I do appreciate good movies and the work that goes into making films. Sadly, I only knew Philip Seymour Hoffman as Plutarch Heavensbee from The Hunger Games trilogy. I know he played numerous other roles and was an Oscar winning actor. However, after he lost his battle to drug addiction, it got me thinking about self-harm and how big of an addiction it is as well. Yes, I believe self-harm is an addiction.

I’m not a religious person and I’m not the kind of person to argue about religion. Believe what you want to believe – easy as that. I’ve never understood why people feel the need to push their beliefs onto other people. Don’t make people change if they’re not willing to or are interested in changing. Self-harm is similar, if looked at in that light.

I'm under a lot of stress, but I won't turn to self-harm as an answer. No way. After five years without a cut, I will never go back. That’s the thing with being five years self-harm free: I’m so proud of my success that I don’t dare step backwards. But I need to deal with this stress and self-harm urges.

What defines you? Stop for a minute and ask yourself that question. What makes you who you are? Is it your funky personality or your genuine laugh? Is it your passion for art or athletics or academics? Is it your unique imagination? One thing is for sure, it isn’t self-harm.

The ball dropped in Times Square, champagne shot everywhere and resolutions were made. Now, the New Year has officially arrived and even though the northeast got bombarded with a blizzard, those resolutions should still be stuck in our minds. Snow can’t push away the positive choices we will make in the year ahead.

It being the end of the year, everyone makes New Year's resolutions. Typically, people want to lose weight or make more money. Maybe they hope to change their lifestyle or start a family. These are resolutions that are heard over-and-over again and sadly, after January, a lot of these New Year's resolutions are pushed aside. You know, as well as I do, that if you’re someone trying to stop your self-harm, your resolution will probably be to stop hurting yourself for good in 2014. But will you be able to do it?

It’s cold. There’s snow. Ice is covering the roads. Heat is on full blast. For those living in the snowy states, this is what you see everyday. Lately, when I wake up and look out my window, I ask myself, “Why didn’t I wake up an hour earlier to brush off my car?” Usually, because the roads aren’t plowed to perfection, my coffee gets cold by the time I get to work. These are stressors that some people experience on a daily basis in the winter. Without the correct coping skills, self-harmers may see these obstacles as reasons to hurt themselves.

This past year, I’ve spoken to numerous Syracuse high schools about my novel, Noon, and the self-injury topics discussed in the book. Like I’ve said in my past blogs, one character struggles with self-harm and suicide. A lot of my past experiences go into her scenes and, sometimes, I feel bad that I threw all of my baggage into that character’s life. However, it does work as quite the positive self-injury coping skill. Recently, I spoke to a high school about the book and realized, again, how useful it is to talk about the struggles you’ve gone through. It allows you to really open up and show your braver side. This blog was a huge step forward in my opening up about self-harm. When you have the confidence to talk about your past, it shows how much you’ve grown.