Schizophrenia is an illness that causes intense pain and distress for its victims. In our suffering, we can seek solace and relief in ways that can worsen our symptoms. Some of us will turn towards drugs and alcohol in a desperate attempt to dull our pain. I, myself, was one of those individuals. Initially, I used alcohol as a way to cope with the pain that I experienced due to my schizophrenia symptoms. This temporary relief came at a great cost, however. Inevitably my illness worsened and my path towards recovery became more difficult.

Schizophrenia is a disease that affects our perception in ways that are unimaginable to most. Deep within the schizophrenic mind are a plethora of villains that haunt us our every waking hour. At one time I believed that these villains physically existed and would bring about my inevitable, torturous death. They stalked me, haunted me, and watched my every move all the time. They knew my thoughts, actions, whereabouts, and movements. They could manipulate my emotions and thoughts at will. I could even sometimes hear them. They would speak to me in angry, torturous ways. In this article, I will introduce you to several of these villains. Some of them are human while others are not. Though none of them exist, all of them were capable of inflicting indescribable pain upon me. These are the villains of schizophrenia.

Within the psychotic mind lies a mysterious place filled with voices and shadowy figures. Therein lies persecution and horror of otherworldly origin. What is it that brings this terror to us? Schizophrenia is a disease that is toxic to our minds, and brings on unusual beliefs and behaviors. An extension of these beliefs are dark, eerie voices from unseen places. These voices come from various origins and seem to have a conscious of their own. How is it that our minds can hear voices from nothingness? Is this a cruel trick of nature? How can a disease be so bizarre and menacing? The voices can unfold in different ways. For me, the beliefs and voices are one and the same. They mesh together to create a woven pattern of unreality, both tortuous and unseen.

Hallucinations are a prominent feature in many people who suffer from paranoid schizophrenia. Many of us will experience visual, tactile and auditory hallucinations during some period of our illness. The most common of these, and the only I have experienced, are auditory hallucinations. Hearing voices is extremely common for people with paranoid schizophrenia, and can be a terrifying and degrading experience for the sufferer.

A New Dawn for Schizophrenia Slipping through the cracks of the mental health system is all to easy for people who suffer from schizophrenia. Some of us wander the streets homeless. Others, end up in shelters and community homes. Though this is a common scenario today, in the future it will be less so. As bleak as the present may seem for many people, there will be a time when people with schizophrenia will defy the stereotypes that are associated with our illness. The reasons for this are as follows:

Having schizophrenia means that I am a bit more paranoid than your average person. The antipsychotics I take may have helped quell most of my symptoms, but they have not eliminated them. I am not “cured” of my schizophrenia, despite what some people believe. The paranoia that stems from my illness is still strongly ingrained within my subconscious mind. It is just better controlled. I do not hear voices, believe that I am Jesus or that cockroaches are underneath my skin. I do not wander the streets thinking that I have special powers, like talking to animals or telepathy. I do not suffer as greatly as I once did, but that does not mean that I am cured. I am a “functional” schizophrenic as I am able to work, have relationships and take care of myself with some difficulty, but that does not mean that I do not have issues.

A common theme amongst people with schizophrenia is that our thoughts are being manipulated by unseen forces. We often find ourselves obsessed with the idea that our thoughts are being erased, inserted and manipulated. Psychiatrists consider these delusions particularly bizarre and to have no basis in reality. I would argue otherwise.

"I do not want to live in a world where everything I do and say is recorded. That is not something I am willing to support or live under." - Edward Snowden The recent revelations by Edward Snowden as to the extent of American spying, is the closest most people will get to experiencing schizophrenic paranoia. The idea that everything you do on your computer is being stored and analyzed by algorithms for use by the state would give anyone the creeps. For a person who suffers from intense paranoia, it only increases the discomfort ten-fold.

Thought manipulation and alien persecution are common themes in delusions associated with schizophrenia. I wrote this poem several months after I was off my schizophrenia medication and believed that celestial beings were controlling my thoughts. In essence, these other worldly entities were the puppeteers of my ideas and actions, and I was their marionette. It was a truly terrorizing experience that many people with schizophrenia endure.

This August, I was the victim of two burglaries by four rumored gang members.  The perpetrators were caught in the act by the Cincinnati Police Force at the scene of the crime.  A plea agreement was reached and sentencing will soon be carried out. Being the victim of a serious crime can be a traumatic event for anyone.  The experience was even more difficult for me because it helped to aggravate my Schizophrenia symptoms.  Paranoia began to set in soon after the crime, some justified and some unfounded.  The boundaries between justifiable paranoia and irrational paranoia began to blend together.  Real and imagined danger became one, and I was left cowering in my room.