Stress and mental illness is difficult to deal with for everyone, but possibly more so for those of us with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder. For those of us who do live with these disorders, stress can escalate other schizoaffective disorder symptoms that increase anxiety.  This is what it’s like to live with stress when you have schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder.

Schizoaffective, schizophrenic voices are a nuisance, to say the least, but schizoaffective, schizophrenic voices can say good things. I usually try not to listen to them, but sometimes my schizoaffective voices are so loud even music can’t drown them out. And sometimes, as other people with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder may know, the voices say good, or even helpful, things. What’s up with that?

People so often assume that those of us with mental illnesses like schizoaffective disorder (SZD) or schizophrenia are violent. The fact is that people with a mental illness are more likely to be the victim of a violent crime than the perpetrator (Appleby, et al., 2001). In the wake of the horrific Orlando shooting, once again mental illness is blamed as a cause for the attack. And, once again, stigma regarding violence among those with mental illnesses, like schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder, is reinforced.

Paranoia, extreme anxiety and delusions often go hand-in-hand with schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder. If a person has schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type (like me), paranoia can attack with extreme anxiety, another offshoot of schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type. Here’s what it’s like to experience paranoia, extreme anxiety and delusions with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder.

I have schizoaffective disorder, meaning, simply, that I have a combination of bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. And I experience auditory hallucinations, even on Easter. I accept hearing voices, but I don't like that it happens. It’s hard to say what brings them on. Sometimes it’s a mix of anxiety and overstimulation; sometimes it’s one or the other. But, whatever the cause, as anyone who hears voices will tell you, hearing voices is not fun. It's difficult to accept hearing voices, but sometimes that's the only way to cope.

Anxiety can bring about schizoaffective and schizophrenic voices, as I've written before. And I've written about how much they scare me, even though I know they’re not real. When I say “voices,” I literally mean hearing voices-- actually hearing them-- even though they aren’t there. It is one of the hallmark symptoms of schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder, and for me it’s triggered by anxiety.

As part of my schizoaffective disorder, I sometimes suffer from suicidal ideation, which is different from being suicidal. Basically, it means I think about killing myself, but I’ve never made an actual attempt. Still, it’s scary, because 10% of people with schizophrenia and 10% of people with schizoaffective disorder die of suicide. Suicidal ideation in schizoaffective disorder, schizophrenia is so scary that one time I decided I had to go to the hospital.

I have schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type. It’s very common for anxiety to accompany bipolar disorder. So that means I have to deal with all the stress, obsessive worries, and other pitfalls of anxiety while dealing with my schizoaffective disorder (and many are in this same situation with schizophrenia). Let me give you a breakdown on what it's like living with schizoaffective disorder and anxiety.

I have been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. But that wasn’t always the case. I was originally diagnosed with schizophrenia. So what does it mean to have schizoaffective disorder versus schizophrenia? For me, it’s meant a long learning curve that was frightening, confusing and reeling in meds changes. My doctor now focuses on symptoms rather than a hard and fast diagnosis. Still, some understanding the differences between schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder is helpful to me and my family.

I have schizoaffective disorder and I hear voices. The first time I heard them 16 years ago, I thought they were faeries. Sometimes I still think that. Faeries are troublemakers. So are my voices.