I've often been asked how I can be so high-functioning as a bipolar. I would say that my number one most useful bipolar management tool is empowerment. I'm talking about self-empowerment in which you believe in yourself. Empowerment, a bipolar management tool, causes you to think positively about bipolar disorder. It doesn't negate all the bad, but it makes you see the good. It's important to see the good. Life can't go on without it.

Do you ever get so angry that you want to spit? I'm talking about the kind of anger that crawls up inside of you and squats, like it's never going to leave. The kind of anger that makes you slam doors and snarl tersely at your family when they ask you questions, has hit me today and I need to make it leave. I want it gone, but the internal struggle against my bipolar triggers is a battle to the finish. My chest is tightly constricted and I find myself wanting to be in a dark room.

I make it a practice to open the blinds in my house every morning.  My therapist suggested it once.  I appreciate the practice, even if I don't feel like it on some days, because I ache for the sun.  Will today be the day it is sunny?  Will today be a good day where I get everything accomplished on my personal agenda or will I wallow in self-doubt and bipolar clouds?

My kids are taking a bath. The sound of gurgling water fills our little apartment. The dishwasher hums loudly. My youngest is crying. Today, everything feels like it's crowding in on my psyche. I applied my positive thinking approach until the moment that I screamed for my youngest child to get into bed for her nap and then I collapsed.

Now I can sit back and reflect on those early days of my bipolar life.  I lived each day in fear of the next. I mostly feared that I was going crazy. I feared that my sanity was to be taken away from me easily. I feared that I would end up in a cold, confined padded cell.

I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 on October 6, 2006. I remember the date like it’s my birthday. It’s the day my whole world collapsed and I became a person I didn’t recognize. I was branded, disgraced and humiliated (Living With Mental Illness and Self-Stigma). It was I who took in the online questionnaire to my psychiatrist, hoping that I was wrong.

Cristina Fender, diagnosed with Bipolar I in 2006, is a wife and a mother raising two young girls in Texas.  Her oldest is six going on thirteen and is obsessed with Twilight. Her youngest is two going on zero since she prefers to be the baby of the family and is currently refusing to use the potty like a big girl. Cristina spends most of her time chasing around kids and picking up after them while dealing with bipolar symptoms. This award-winning blog, Bipolar Vida, features a journal of her life and how bipolar effects how she lives her life.