When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2006, it was I who took in an online questionnaire that I had filled out. I had been hearing a lot about the symptoms of bipolar disorder through medication commercials. Until then, I hadn’t put two and two together that I had bipolar disorder. I knew that I had been depressed and I knew that I had high times of the year when I would drink too much. I knew something was wrong, but I wasn’t sure this was it; until I took that online quiz, that is.

Does it matter that my creativity has dwindled down to almost nothing now that my bipolar medications have taken over? Should it matter that my essence is now a dull wit? Am I willing to trade a part of my soul for a lot of sanity? Should I have to choose between my bipolar medication and a normal life?

I had a terrible dream the other night. My therapist says that dreams are unfinished business. I think it's safe to say that I have a lot of unfinished business that I need to attend to. My bipolar disorder is still hovering there beneath the surface. The high of the bipolar drugs has finished and it's back to normal bipolar me. But, it's better than it was. I just have to remind myself that I'm not my bipolar disorder.

I had a terrible dream the other night. My therapist says that dreams are unfinished business. I think it’s safe to say that I have a lot of unfinished business that I need to attend to. My bipolar disorder is still hovering there beneath the surface. The high of the bipolar drugs has finished and it’s back to normal bipolar me. But, it’s better than it was. I just have to remind myself that I’m not my bipolar disorder.

My name is not Cristina Fender. It’s an alias I use when I’m writing. I use an alias because I’m afraid of what would happen if my real name was revealed. Would I be ridiculed for being bipolar? The stigma of having bipolar disorder is so great that I stay in hiding. I stay in hiding mostly for my family’s sake. What would happen to my children if I came out of the closet?

The road is hard to ride on, but it gets easier as you go along. In this video on bipolar disorder treatment and recovery, join me as I update you on my progress to bipolar wellness.

Do you ever have those dreams where you run and run and you never get anywhere? I used to have those dreams all the time before I started this quest to bipolar recovery. I felt lost. Like I would never get anywhere. And then I began to follow my own advice to those who had asked for it. I began to believe. I believed that what I wanted wasn’t unattainable. This time I ran and smack in the middle of my dream I stopped and smiled. I’m following the road to bipolar recovery and stability and it’s a wonderful thing!

Can you have one without the other? Of course, you could have insomnia by itself, but insomnia and bipolar disorder are best buds. Best buds that drive me up the wall! I would kill for one whole night of 'I can't wait to get up in the morning and live life' sleep. Bipolar gods, are you listening?! Well, in case they're not, I'm off to a sleep specialist to discuss the twixt that is bipolar and insomnia.

There was a noise in our car that had been there for a while. So, we went to Pep Boys to have it checked out. It turned out that the noise was a bad rotor in the brake system, but the break pad was fine. It was nothing to worry about right now. The car would still run fine. However, while they were there, they found out that the radiator was leaking. It cost $309 to fix it. I immediately went into stressed out mode. We had money to fix it, but just barely and we’d be sitting tight until the end of the month. I freaked out. I hate bills. They are always a trigger for a bipolar episode to start.

If I keep getting better, I can be whoever I want to be. Today was a fantastic day. I listened to my affirmations, meditated twice this morning and then I put on my suit to go to a volunteer meeting at NAMI. I was so psyched. My dream of helping others like me was going to come true. And then we listened to what they wanted in volunteers and I sighed. I didn’t want to answer the phone or pay a membership fee. I wanted to get down to the nitty gritty. I wanted to be with my people. I wanted to make a difference.