Throughout my life, I've had to deal with two diametrically opposed traits of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD): inattentiveness and hyperfocus.

Hyperfocus and Undiagnosed ADHD in a Child Called Michael

When I was 13, my family and I went on a camping trip. One night, as everyone else slept in the main caravan, I parked myself on a deck chair in the awning and read books one and two of a trilogy--back to back.

What's remarkable about this story isn't the reading of the two books. What's remarkable is how I remember feeling when my dad emerged from the caravan the following morning to ask why I hadn't been to sleep. Hyperfocus--the state of total absorption in one task--had thrown my sense of time off by such a huge margin that it felt slightly unsettling to learn how long I'd been reading.

The Pitfalls of Hyperfocus in ADHD

The hyperfocus of my youth was normally only present when I was reading books. More specifically, hyperfocus was only really present during leisure reading: curriculum-mandated school books, outside of English class, were given scant acknowledgment. So, while I was able to breeze through Enid Blyton's back catalog at a fair clip, I was unable to give my studies a fraction of the same attention.

That's because the polar opposite of hyperfocus is inattentiveness. Incidentally, inattentiveness negatively affects grades. Unfortunately, that was my default.

Anyway, now that I'm an adult with obligations and responsibilities, I can't afford to be inattentive. Nor can I afford to be blasé and spend uncountable hours in a time-blind reading fugue.

I Use a Timer to Deal with Hyperfocus in ADHD

In my job as a writer, completing projects relies on my performing all the various tasks associated with writing--researching, the writing itself, editing, etc. Naturally, some sections take more time to complete than others. And, even though time allocation is far from a scientific pursuit, it is remarkably easy to hyperfocus on a single task--at the expense of the project as a whole.

For example, maybe I start out conducting research on X. Then, before I know it, the world has gone from light to dark, my stomach has been grumbling for an indeterminate amount of time, and the only real evidence I've researched X is the microscopic tab bunched up in the far left of my browser window.

To avoid this scenario, I use a well-known online timer. After a rough estimate, I simply plug in the amount of time I think is appropriate and work on that task until the beeper sounds. It isn't a perfect system, but it's much better than the alternative.

How do you deal with hyperfocus and time blindness? Let me know in the comments.

Anxiety and self-confidence usually don't coincide with one another, in my experience. I've also found that it is important to find ways to boost my confidence. Otherwise, it is easy to allow my anxiety to overwhelm many aspects of my daily life.

Why Anxiety Can Cause Low Self-Confidence

When you deal with anxiety constantly, you are overrun by anxious thoughts. And often, these thoughts include every misstep, every error, and every poor decision you've made, either recently or even years ago.

And even if the overwhelming thoughts aren't about mistakes you've made, you somehow convince yourself that you've done something wrong or that you are going to do something wrong in the future. And this results in feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.

How to Boost Your Low Self-Confidence When You're Anxious

But there are things you can do to boost your low self-confidence. I've learned that I can't let my anxiety overtake me to the point that I am fearful of making any kind of movement forward in my career or personal life.

1. Surround yourself with supportive people. It's essential to surround yourself with people who are going to boost you up rather than make you feel worse about yourself. When you struggle with anxiety, you do this to yourself enough that you need people in your corner who will be supportive and help you feel more confident.
2. Use self-affirmations. This is all about self-talk. I've had to repeatedly tell myself some of the self-affirmations that I've found help me feel more confident, and even then, sometimes, I have a hard time believing them. But with practice, I've recognized that reciting to myself self-affirmations can actually be very powerful.
3. Use mindfulness and self-compassion. Sometimes, your self-confidence might drop because you're focused on a mistake or misstep that you've made. And then, what I've found with my anxiety, is that I'll replay the mistake repeatedly in my mind, creating this whirlwind of anxious thoughts. This does nothing beneficial for me but makes my anxiety worse, so it's critical that I stop those thoughts in their tracks. When you practice mindfulness, you focus on the current moment, and you do it without judgment. But it is just as important to do so with self-compassion. Instead of beating yourself up over a mistake, you practice mindfulness and self-compassion to recognize that you are human and that it is human to make mistakes. This is a practice I have to remind myself of constantly.
4. But don't be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone. Sometimes, it is when we step outside of our comfort zone that we experience the most growth. And when you step outside of your comfort zone, you might find doing that, in and of itself, helps you to feel more confident.

What do you do to boost your self-confidence? Share your strategies in the comments below.

Living with borderline personality disorder (BPD), many aspects of my identity have felt unstable over the years, including my sexuality. I came out as bisexual in 2000 or 2001, but after about a year of dating women, I went on to date cis men almost exclusively. My sexual attraction to women never went away, but the way I feel about it has fluctuated. I had trouble accepting my bisexuality.

It isn't just my unstable sense of self that's to blame; I've also struggled with internalized homophobia since childhood. Over the past two decades, I've experienced brief periods when I could embrace my queerness and acknowledge my attraction to women without self-judgment; however, most of the time, I've felt compelled to hide this part of my identity from others -- and myself.

My BPD, Acceptance of Bisexuality, and Internalized Homophobia

One of the key components of my BPD is the compartmentalization of various parts of my identity. My bisexuality feels like it's separate from the rest of who I am as a person. I feel like my bisexuality has been pushed down and buried out of my fear of being judged and rejected. 

I don't judge anyone else for being queer. If I'm being honest with myself, though, I do sometimes wish I was straight. I just don't know what to do with my feelings of attraction to women. These feelings are so uncomfortable most of the time, and they often seem foreign to me, like they don't belong to me.

The sensation of feeling estranged from myself is not an unfamiliar one. I felt invalidated quite often by my parents as a child, and this seems to have set a precedent in my life for needing the approval of others to feel good about myself. I've noticed that I tend to edit out the parts of my identity that feel prone to being rejected in any given situation, including my sexual orientation.

This isn't a healthy way to live; who we are shouldn't be defined by the opinions of others. Still, that's my life with BPD: I feel like a different person from one day to the next, and I can't seem to stop presenting a curated version of myself to each person I meet.

I Need to Accept My Bisexuality and BPD

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being bisexual, and I shouldn't feel bad about having BPD, either. Both are things about me that I can't control. I need to accept -- and even celebrate -- the fact that I'm queer, and I owe myself a lot of respect for coming as far as I have with BPD.

It's easier said than done. There's still a lot of stigma about both bisexuality and BPD. I think the only way forward is this: to find the courage to accept all parts of my identity as being valid and bring my full self everywhere I go. There's always a risk of getting rejected for my sexual orientation or mental illness, but I can't let that stop me from living my life as authentically as possible. I have the right to a happy, healthy life as much as anyone else does.

In the aftermath of one of my mental breakdowns, a wise friend once told me that "sometimes you have to think your way into acting differently, and sometimes you have to act your way into thinking differently." I guarantee he didn't come up with this catchy phrase himself, but I give him full credit for introducing me to the notion that when it comes to changing your feelings, your body is as valuable of a mechanism as your mind. If your mind is already sour, thinking yourself into a more positive experience probably isn't an option. You're better off acting your way into thinking differently—or better: biohacking your way into thinking differently. 

Biohacking Mental Health

Biohacking has become all the rage in fitness culture, but it's rarely talked about in mental health circles. In layman's terms, biohacking is making research-backed behavioral and dietary alterations to your lifestyle in order to achieve the desired outcome. People use biohacking to become more muscular, to focus longer and harder, and to improve their sleep, to name just a few examples. I'm a bit of biohacker myself, but I find it most valuable as it pertains to my head. What I'm talking about is biohacking bliss. 

You may or may not be surprised to read that, despite its name, mental illness is as much a feature of the body as of the mind. Your "state of mind" is a physiological phenomenon; whether you're excited, angry, bored, or joyous, your feelings are being generated and perpetuated throughout each and every one of your bodily systems. We could argue about the chicken and egg of whether emotions begin in the body or the mind, but we won't. Let's leave it at the understanding that emotional experience can be successfully altered through ground-up strategies.

If you're looking for bliss and finding it difficult to get there through your thoughts, here are a few ways to hack your body to improve your mind. 

5 Free Biohacks to Be Happier Today

1. Take a walk. Getting sunlight into your eyes is one of the best ways to keep your circadian rhythm—basically the internal clock of your body—on point. This helps your hormones and neurotransmitters to fire at the right times and in the right doses. Likewise, forward motion will put your eyes into a state called "optical flow," which calms your threat detection system, turning down the stress response.¹ 

2. Drink a coffee and take a cold shower. Dopamine, not simply the "feel good" neurotransmitter, is the molecule of motivation, and motivation is a critical component of wellbeing. Caffeine (whether in coffee or otherwise) elevates levels of dopamine receptors, allowing you to feel more of this important molecule.³ If you're brave, couple a cup of joe with a cold shower. Studies have shown that cold water immersion can increase dopamine levels by 250 percent.⁴ 

3. Do some cardio. Raising your heart rate and getting your blood flowing can help put your body into a state of relaxed alertness by triggering a slew of beneficial physiological processes. Whether it's high intensity (high knees and sprints) or medium intensity (yard work or vinyasa yoga), doing even just a few minutes of cardio is a surefire intervention for anxiety, sorrow, and stress.⁵ 

4. Touch some nature. Contemporary living has plenty going for it, but one thing it lacks in spades is tactile experience. We were made to feel the world. Grass under our feet, tree bark under our fingertips, and rain and sun on our skin all ground us by providing information about our environment, which calms our amygdalas.⁶ So go ahead and release your inner hippie with some tree-hugging and barefoot walking. 

5. Slow your exhale. Lengthening your exhale beyond your inhale slows your heart rate down and triggers your parasympathetic nervous system, the "rest and digest" counterpart to your "fight or flight" response.⁷ If you remember nothing else from this list, remember this one. We can't control much in life, but we can control the pace of our breath, and this can help us control our experience. Breathe in and breathe out slowly.  

Sources

1. Forbes, B. (2022, April 3). Why Optic Flow Restores Us. BO FORBES. Retrieved October 23, 2022, from http://.boforbes.com/blog/why-optic-flow-restores-us/

2. Effects of Light of Circadian Rhythms. NIOSH. CDC. (n.d.). Retrieved October 23, 2022, from http://www.cdc.gov/niosh/emres/longhourstraining/light.html

3. Volkow, N.D., Want, G.J., Logan, J., Alexoff, D., Fowler, J.S., Thankos, P.K., Wong, C., Casado, V., Ferre, S., & Tomasi, D. (2015, April). Caffeine increases striatal dopamine D2/D3 receptor availability in the human brain. Translational Psychiatry, 5(4), e549-e549. https://doi.org/10.1038/tp.2015.46

4. Fuchs. M. (2022, March 10). Are ice-cold showers good for you? I tried it for two months. Washington Post. Retrieved October 23, 2022, from https://www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2022/03/10/benefits-of-a-cold-water-immersion/

5. Borrega-Mouquinho, Y., Sanchez-Gomez, J., Fuentes-Garcia, J. P., Collado-Mateo, D., & Villafaina, S. (2021, February 24). Effects of High-Intensity Interval Training and Moderate-Intensity Training on Stress, Depression, Anxiety, and Resilience in Healthy Adults During Coronavirus Disease 2019 Confinement: A Randomized Controlled Trial. Frontiers in Psychology, 12. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.643069

6. Harrison, L. A., Kats, A., Williams, M. E., & Aziz-Zadeh, L. (2019, February 5). The Importance of Sensory Processing in Mental Health: A Proposed Addition to the Research Domain Criteria (RDoC) and Suggestions for RDoC 2.0. Frontiers in Psychology, 10. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpysg.2019.00103

7. Komori, T. (2018, May 16). The relaxation effect of prolonged expiratory breathing. Mental Illness, 10(1). https://doi.org/10.4081/mi.2018.7669

A few months ago, I talked to my therapist about the sources of my low self-esteem and constant comparisons with other people. I thought it originally started from childhood bullying by other students. But my therapist mentioned that two of my former teachers' emotional abuse might have had long-term effects as well. To learn more about my experience with abuse and how it still affects me in adulthood, read on.

2 Examples of Emotional Abuse from Teachers

In elementary school, I did not realize that the things my teachers did were considered emotional abuse. Here is what happened.

• When I answered a math problem wrong, my teacher ripped up my paper in front of the class.
• During band practice, my band instructor yelled at me for getting a note wrong.

At that time, I justified my teachers' words and actions with thoughts like, "I'm stupid," and "I ruined the entire song."

Those instances gave me the message that my teachers were right to punish me. But during my therapy session, I realized they displayed abuse by humiliating me in front of my peers and making me feel bad about myself.

How This Abuse Affects Me in Adulthood

After I acknowledged that my teachers emotionally abused me, I told my therapist this happened a long time ago. I should have been over it. He made the point that the abuse did not stop in my childhood; it continued in my adulthood, too.

In one of my first jobs after college graduation, a coworker sexually harassed me. During a few jobs after that, coworkers often called me slow because I did not do my job as fast as they did. Several years ago, when I asked a boss if I could try a new position, she did not even discuss the matter; she just laughed at me. At a restaurant a few years later, a coworker yelled at me for making a duplicate order. Then he told the other coworkers about it. They looked at me and laughed.

All of these examples made me feel awful. I felt like I couldn't do anything right. I often ruminated on how stupid and inadequate I was. Every time this happened, I felt like a sad little girl all over again. It seemed like there was no escape.

My Therapist Helped Me Deal with My Triggers

My therapist taught me that there was an understandable explanation for my self-esteem and comparison issues. He validated my feelings about abuse in adulthood. But he also encouraged me to practice positive self-talk, thought disputations, and affirmations. Here are five affirmations I use after something triggers memories of abuse.

1. I am a human being worthy of love.
2. No one has a right to make me feel bad about myself.
3. I am not the same girl I was in school. I am wiser and stronger now.
4. Like everyone, I have strengths and weaknesses. They do not define me as a person.
5. Even though there are cruel people in the world, there are also kind and supportive ones.

Welcome to a syndication of Snap Out of It! The Mental Illness in the Workplace Podcast with Natasha Tracy.

This week on Snap Out of It!, I talk with, well, me. I share my own story of what it’s like to work with a mental illness. I talk about mental illness stigma in the workplace and finally leaving the workplace because of mental illness. I also talk about some basic statistics about why mental illness in the workplace matters, and I answer your questions.

If you’re curious about what people with mental illness go through in the workplace, this is the episode for you.

Snap Out of It! is available across podcast platforms. For more on this podcast, check out http://snapoutofitpodcast.com.

The ongoing side effects of verbal abuse can be complex and last for years. However, one exceptionally painful emotion that still resonates with me, even decades after, is guilt. It can be hard to move past it, and it may also invite its close friend, shame, to the party. 

Why Are Guilt and Shame So Prevalent? 

Although I can only speak for myself, I know there are others out there who can identify with feelings of guilt and shame after suffering verbal abuse. Abusers use harmful tactics to chip away at a victim's self-esteem, making them feel low and not worthy. 

Then, when a victim finally finds the courage to ask for something they want or need, they are overcome with guilt, believing they are selfish and not deserving of great things. Eventually, the shame of knowing the abusive situation is wrong, but you cannot do anything to change your situation amplifies these feelings. 

These debilitating emotions are what abusers rely on as part of their method of keeping victims submissive and under control. An abuser may employ several tactics, including gaslighting, excessive criticism, and manipulation. Unfortunately, I've been the target of these and many more strategies to ensure I remained complacent. 

Stopping the Guilt and Moving Past the Shame 

It takes a lot of hard work and personal effort to learn healthy ways to stop feeling guilty. If you are ashamed of being the victim of an abusive situation, you can get help and move past this into a better life. Even after years of extensive therapy, I still battle feelings of guilt when I think something is my fault or I should have done something differently. 

Sadly, these emotional demons still come up periodically. Some days, I am confident to stand my ground and battle them head-on. But, unfortunately, I lack the courage to fight them and succumb to the negative feelings on other days.

Healing is a long, ongoing journey that is a unique process. Your path will look different than mine as you progress towards a better life, and that's okay. The important thing to remember is that as you move to a healthier life, every step you take can help you learn about yourself and develop new, positive relationships with others. 

I prefer the version of me without an eating disorder—honestly, I do. Just a few short years ago, I never thought I would be able to utter those words from a sincere, authentic place. But so much about a human can change and transform in recovery. I used to fear that I would not recognize myself in a healed state, that I would lose my sense of personhood in the absence of those compulsions and behaviors I identified with so strongly. This fear still creeps in sometimes, but now I can spot the distortion beneath it. These days, when I look in the mirror, it's deeper than recognition. I see the real me, not the masked, hollow pretense I once believed was me. It feels exposed and vulnerable, but it also feels right. 

Why I Prefer the Version of Me Without an Eating Disorder

The short answer is this: I am actually interesting now. When I reflect on who I became under the influence of my eating disorder, I envision this shell of a girl consumed by an illness. At the time, I felt tough and invincible, but in reality, I was engulfed in emptiness and apathy. I had no concern for my own existence, and I barely noticed the intersecting lives of those around me. All I cared about was an ever-present anorexic voice in my head—the one shaping my beliefs, dictating my choices, and mobilizing my actions.

I feel compassion for that young, oblivious iteration of myself, but I have so much more to offer as the person I am right now. I have a passion for justice, equity, and inclusion. I have a fierce love for humanity. I have a talent for writing and the arts. I have an appreciation for nature. I have a taste for the quirky and eclectic. I have an insatiable spirit for adventure. I have a loyal devotion to my relationships. I have a firm obligation to the truth. I have a desire to learn from other stories, worldviews, or experiences. I have a genuine interest in those I cross paths with. I have a commitment to my own personal growth, even when it's uncomfortable.

None of those traits were remotely evident or accessible when I lived in the constant shadow of anorexia. But that is the beauty of healing—it peels back those defensive layers of hurt, fear, brokenness, and self-preservation to make room for the vibrant, multi-faceted human being underneath. I prefer the version of me without an eating disorder because, for the first time, I feel unapologetically alive. I am present. I am awake. I am grateful. I am connected to myself. I am attuned to others. I am transforming into someone I have always wanted to be. I still have so much growth in front of me, but the results make it all worthwhile.

What Do You Love About Yourself Without an Eating Disorder?

Do you prefer the version of yourself without an eating disorder? What specific qualities do you love, affirm, and celebrate about who you are at this stage in recovery? What are you learning about the values, attributes, passions, talents, and quirks you have to offer? What personal revelations and self-discoveries are you excited to make as you continue this healing process? Let me know in the comment section below.

The secret shame of self-harm is a heavy burden—one that, especially when borne alone, can slow us down and hinder the healing process. Self-harm recovery begins with learning to let the shame of self-harm go.

Feeling Shame for Self-Harm

Self-harm isn't shameful, yet many of us feel shame and guilt for hurting ourselves; I know I used to. It felt wrong that I should feel so low when I knew there were people in the world living in far worse circumstances than I did. I felt stupid for feeling like I needed to hurt myself to feel better. I felt embarrassed about my wounds and the lies I used to cover them up. I even felt ashamed, at times, that my wounds weren't more serious—like they somehow didn't count as real self-harm.

It took me a long time to realize this kind of shame around self-harm is emotional quicksand. The longer you wallow in it, the deeper you sink, and the harder it becomes to pull yourself back up and onto stable ground. The difference between this and real quicksand, however, is that no matter how deep you sink into shame, it is always possible to climb back out again. It isn't easy—in fact, at times, it may feel impossible—but in my experience, it's a critical part of the healing process.

Letting Go of Self-Harm Shame

So, how do you let go of your self-harm shame? It may not surprise you to know that I do not have a simple, easy answer that is guaranteed to work for everyone. As is often the case when it comes to mental health, the best strategy for you will be tailored specifically to your unique circumstances and needs.

Unfortunately, this means I can't tell you precisely what you can do that will allow you to release your secret self-harm shame and move on. This is why, if you are able, it's best to work with a licensed mental health professional who can provide you with insight into your recovery needs and guide you toward the recovery strategies that will work best for you.

However, I know not everyone has equal access to healthcare—and not everyone reading this post is ready to reach out for that kind of support just yet. As such, I'd like to share the techniques that worked well for me. I hope this list will help you begin exploring your options and, eventually, build your own list.

• Journaling: Writing about my shame (and recognizing it for what it was) was my first step toward healing.
• Positive self-talk: I practiced replacing negative self-talk with positive self-talk to rebuild my self-esteem and lessen my feelings of shame.
• Forgiveness exercises: I wrote letters to myself to express compassion and forgiveness until I finally began to believe in them.
• Reading: I read about others' recovery journeys, which helped me gain perspective and greater empathy for myself and others in my situation.
• Connecting: It took me a long time to get to this step but sharing my experience with others helped me realize I had nothing to be ashamed of.

There are still days when I feel my old shame hovering behind me like a shadow, waiting to catch me in a dark moment. What my shadow doesn't know, however, is that even though I do still have those dark moments—everyone does from time to time—I'm getting better and better at finding my way back to the light.

I sleep a lot. I always have. From a certain point of view, I'm lucky that I can sleep, but it's rarely enough. This was worse when I had young children to look after, plus a house, a spouse, and a full-time job that had me up nights resolving issues. Like so many working people worldwide, my remedy to combat sleepiness and fatigue was to guzzle coffee. But I'm retired now, a young retiree at 57. I had hoped to be full of energy without the burden of full-time work. I thought once I retired and got ample regulated sleep, that the feeling of sleepiness would go away. It hasn't. 

I'm Sleepy More Often than Not

I'm not currently depressed. Yes, I've suffered chronic depression and seasonal affective disorder (SAD) in the past, many times during which my need for sleep was overwhelming, as is the case for many who suffer from depression. But since retiring, depression has, thankfully, taken a holiday.

Beyond my usual daytime sleepiness, things worsened this past year for two reasons:

1. I cut out virtually all my caffeine intake to help manage my anxiety: no caffeinated coffee, tea, or soda. Caffeine throughout my day helped take the edge off the "sleepies," as I called it. Adopting a life with less caffeine helped reduce my anxiety. It's a no-brainer: I'd rather the sleepies than the anxiety, so I'm not going back to caffeine.
2. I was prescribed medication to help manage nocturnal panic attacks, a low-dose antipsychotic I take before bed. This medication has a residual effect in the morning. I wake up okay, but I'm drowsy again within about an hour. As with the caffeine, however, I'd rather be drowsy from this medication, which has been a tremendous help, than have to deal with terrifying panic attacks.

Life's a trade-off, I guess.

I genuinely feel for insomniacs, people who desperately want to sleep but can't or suffer from chronic sleep disruption. My sister and my best friend fit into this category, and it's awful for them as it breeds an entirely different kind of exhaustion. On the flip side, I've known people who get four to five hours of sleep a night and thrive. I've envied them.

Having Anxiety Is Literally Exhausting

My eldest daughter, like me, has always needed a lot of sleep. She now has two children to look after, plus a house and spouse, and she runs her own business. Like mine, her chronic need for sleep goes beyond what some might call "normal," which took her on a journey that led her to her diagnosis. She has attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).  

This got me thinking. Those of us with mental illness suffer many physical symptoms along with psychological ones. Speaking for myself, here are just a few physical symptoms I've suffered associated with anxiety and panic:

• Nausea
• Vomiting
• Shakes/tremors
• Sweats
• Headaches
• Muscle tension
• Racing heart
• Rapid breathing
• Heart palpitations

Add to these some of the psychological symptoms, like:

• Guilt
• Shame
• Fear
• Blame
• Self-deprecation
• Self-loathing
• Low or no self-esteem
• Anger
• Mood swings

Mental illnesses are taxing, to say the least. I have suffered many of the listed symptoms since adolescence. It makes sense that my body's way of coping with my anxiety is to sleep. 

Understanding How Mental Illness Affects You

Along with my doctor, I've seen many mental health professionals in my life, and not one of them pointed out how living and dealing with mental illness symptoms may be why I need so much sleep. My daughter's research about her chronic need for sleep, which she shared with me, helped connect the dots for me. I still need a lot of sleep. Don't get me wrong. But my daughter gave me an unexpected perspective on why I need so much sleep. With this insight, I can cut myself a break—because I've felt guilt over how much sleep I need. I understand myself a bit more now, and every little bit of understanding helps when navigating life with mental illness.