Here's what's happening on the HealthyPlace site this week:

• Why Do People Develop Eating Disorders?
• "Impact of Addiction on Family Members" On HealthyPlace TV
• Dealing with Suicidal Thoughts
• Narcissism and The Narcissist
• Improving Impulse Control Within Young Children

Why Do People Develop Eating Disorders?

Eating disorders therapist, Joanna Poppink MFT says she's noticed a pattern in eating disorder patients who have come to her over the years that could make them susceptible to developing an eating disorder. Her site, "Triumphant Journey," is in the HealthyPlace Eating Disorders Community. Joanna also notes that because eating disorders and their related issues can be so overwhelming, many sufferers feel like there is no hope. So she wrote another article on "Recovery: How Do I Begin." Additional eating disorders articles from Joanna Poppink here.

"Impact of Addiction on Family Members" On HealthyPlace TV

If you have a family member with a drug or alcohol addiction, you know they can wreck havoc within the family. Learn what happens when families cope with a drug or alcohol problem and what family members can do to help themselves.

This Tuesday night, March 31. The show starts at 5:30p PT, 7:30 CT, 8:30 ET and airs live on our website.

• TV Show Blog with this week's show info
• Dr. Harry Croft's blog post on "Effects of Substance Abuse on Family Members"
• Click here for a list of previous HealthyPlace Mental Health TV Shows.

In the second half of the show, you get to ask Dr. Harry Croft, your personal mental health questions.

Dealing with Suicidal Thoughts

Suicide is a difficult subject to address. Many with mental health concerns, given an opportunity, will admit that the subject has at least crossed their minds. On HealthyPlace, we have comprehensive information on suicide; from how to help yourself if you're feeling suicidal to how to help a suicidal person.

Narcissism and The Narcissist

When it comes to mental health and the internet, I've been an observer of what's online for a long, long time.  And I don't think there's a more thorough resource on Narcissism and the Narcissist than Sam Vaknin's "Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited" site on HealthyPlace.com. In fact, thousands of people a month come to HealthyPlace looking for information on narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder and from emails we receive, most are victims of a narcissist.

The site is comprised of over 350 pages of content. Here are some key links:

• Narcissism, Narcissist FAQs
• The Soul of the Narcissist
• Different Aspects of Narcissism and the Narcissist
• About Sam Vaknin
• The book: Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited

Improving Impulse Control Within Young Children

Is your child having difficulty keeping his hands to himself? Or maybe she makes inappropriate statements or gets over-exuberant around other people? This week, the parent coach, Dr. Steven Richfield, writes about: Improving Impulse Control Within Young Children

back to: HealthyPlace.com Newsletter Index

Hundreds of people have asked me why people develop eating disorders. Of course, there are many issues involved, but as I explore this field, over the years I have concluded that there is one outstanding theme that runs through every person with an eating disorder I have encountered.

Early in their lives they experienced, on a sustained basis, relentless boundary invasion on every level.

When a person's physical, emotional, psychological, intellectual, sexual, and creative boundaries are consistently ignored and penetrated that person experiences total boundary invasion. When that person has no control or way to stop, protest or often even acknowledge such invasions, the person experiences helplessness, despair and a certainty that they are worthless to themselves or anyone else.

The consequences of such total invasion are vast. One consequence is an eating disorder.

Having had so many boundaries disregarded, the person has no knowledge or skills in recognizing or honoring boundaries herself. She will eat or starve for emotional relief. She may eat vast amounts of food for comfort value alone. She may deprive herself of food until her life is in danger. She has no internal limit setter that tells her when she has experienced enough. Being oblivious to any boundary means being oblivious to limits of any kind.

The compulsive overeater eats whenever and whatever she likes. Her choices are based on self-medication issues, not feelings of physical hunger.

The anorexic will not eat. There is no limit to her not eating. She will starve herself to death in search of relief from her emotional pain. She knows nothing of the experience enough. She couldn't say, "Enough," to an invader of her boundaries, and she can't say to it herself. The concept of enough has no meaning to her. She often feels that, if she "disappeared" she might find some permanent relief. I have heard countless anorexic young women talk ethereally, with a lost in a beautiful world of angels smile, of how wonderful it would be to be vapor or a light dancing spirit in the clouds.

Ah, such spiritual bliss, they imagine. In reality, it's the final self-protective act, to destroy their bodies and their lives completely. Then they can truly escape the complexities of being alive.

The bulimic will binge grotesque amounts of food. She will literally assault herself with more food than a body can tolerate. She has no limit at all. The compulsive overeater will, at last, have to stop eating if only because of the pain of her distended stomach. Her body sets a final limit. The bulimic has no such limit. She experiences (in her mind) no consequences for the assault of food. When her body cannot bear more, she will vomit it all out. Then she will continue her binge. She may reach her body's limits many times. Each time she does she can throw up and continue.

Eventually she may stop because she is completely exhausted, or she is in danger of being discovered. "Enough" has no meaning to her. There are no limits and no consequences for disregarding her boundaries.

Realistically, of course, there are plenty of consequences. There is tremendous damage happening to the body. And each time people with an eating disorder assault themselves they destroy more of their spirit, soul, self-esteem, sanity, health and value to themselves and others. Each violation deepens their ritualistic behavior, and they become more entrenched in their disorder. The consequence of this is increasing anguish and despair.

So what do I mean by a history of boundary violations? Blatant and extreme boundary violations involve sexual molestation, sexual abuse and physical abuse. Much has been written about these areas now, especially in material exploring Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Use your search engines to find some quality information posted on the internet in these subject areas.

There are other kinds of boundary violations, less dramatic, less discussed and more prevalent which are also devastating to a person's psyche. When, in the name of caretaking, people in authority take over a young person's life, it constitutes boundary invasion. When she has no privacy, when her diary is read, when her things are borrowed or taken without permission, when her efforts in school or sport are overwhelmed by someone else's ideas, goals or personality, when her choices are disregarded or treated with disdain, when she has little or no choice where her personal life, clothes, foods, friends, activities are concerned, her boundaries are being invaded.

Her boundaries are also invaded when, in the name of caretaking, she has no responsibilities of her own and no consequences for her actions. When "the little princess" or the "little prince" can have anything she asks for without putting forth any effort to earn such gifts, she learns nothing about personal effort, limits, consequences or what "enough" means. If she wants something, she gets it. That's all. If someone picks up her clothes, does her laundry, fixes her car, pays her bills, lets her "borrow" money or things and never asks for them back, she experiences no boundaries and no limits.

If she doesn't have to keep her promises, if she doesn't reciprocate with caring activities for people who care for her, she learns nothing useful about herself in relationship to other people. She certainly learns that there are no limits to her behavior or desires.

She doesn't learn that she has meaning and value. She doesn't learn that she can put that meaning and value within her to work to accomplish goals. For example, if she breaks something, whether it is a lamp or a car, her word or someone's heart, it can be up to her to make necessary repairs using her own resources and her own creativity. In such a process she would learn what effort means. She would learn what responsibility and consequences for actions mean. She would learn reasonable limits and reasonable expectations.

Without such learning all she learns are the tricks involved in being cute and manipulative to get what she wants. These are poor and insubstantial tools to rely on when building an adult life.

Somewhere inside, over time, she may gradually realize this. But, having no sense of boundaries, she will only become bewildered and anxious. She will use her eating disorder as a way to numb her feelings of anxiety. She will use her manipulating skills to get what she wants from whomever she can use.

As time goes by there will be less people who will allow themselves to be manipulated. The quality of her circle of associates will decline. She will find herself in bad company. This becomes all the more reason for her to rely on food for comfort. The people around her are less reliable all the time. And finally, they tolerate her presence only because they can manipulate her.

Then she is truly in a total victim position. Her manipulative skills backfire. There are people in this world who are better at manipulating and using than she. She has found them. She has become their target and then their prey. Reliable food or food rituals, including starvation, become her most valuable relationship.

Early in her development she learned through massive boundary invasions (which perhaps seemed so ordinary and unimportant at the time) that she was helpless to assert herself. She learned that she had no private or sacred space to cherish and respect. She also could not acknowledge -- often even to herself -- that she was being thwarted, invaded, controlled, manipulated and forced to deny large aspects of her natural self. She had no recourse except to comply. She complied and developed an eating disorder.

Now that she's older and her manipulation skills are failing her, she only has her eating disorder to rely on. This may be the most crucial time in this person's life. If her pain and despair are terrible enough and she is certain she can not bear this way of living anymore she still has choices. One is to continue down the road of self-destruction. The other is to reach out and get help.

It's a very tough position for her. She would have to recognize that she has had enough. She's never known what enough was. She would have to recognize that she can't bear any more pain. She's never known what a limit was. She'd have to be honest and reach out for genuine help. She has only known about manipulating others.

She's got to feel a lot of anguish and pain before she stretches beyond her life pattern into what might be a real healing and recovery path for herself. She's reaching for something she can't even imagine. No wonder it's so difficult for a person with an eating disorder to decide to get help and allow themselves to begin to trust someone with knowledge of their real personhood. She doesn't know that people exist who do respect and honor boundaries. She doesn't know that there are people who can and will honor and cherish her most private and sacred inner spaces. She doesn't know yet, that someday that trustworthy, respectful, steadfast and competent caretaker she needs so badly can be herself.

next: Anorexia: True Story in a Sister's Words
~ all triumphant journey articles
~ eating disorders library
~ all articles on eating disorders

Here's what's happening on the HealthyPlace site this week:

• A Personal Story About Bipolar Disorder and Life
• "When and Where to Get Help for Mental Health Issues" On HealthyPlace TV
• Anxiety and Panic Attacks

A Personal Story About Bipolar Disorder and Life

After the HealthyPlace TV Show on "The Devastation Caused by Untreated Bipolar Disorder", Marlene wrote in to share her personal story. It's full of twists and turns, provides a lot of insight into the person she was and is, and after facing many obstacles, she writes: "I have used the obstacles in my life as stepping-stones on my path to inner peace."

"When and Where to Get Help for Mental Health Issues" On HealthyPlace TV

Not a day goes by where we don't get at least a half dozen emails that start something like this: "I think I have a problem, but I'm not sure. But if I do, where do I get help?"

This Tuesday night, we're going to be answering those questions with help from our guest from the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). And if you have experienced difficulty in obtaining mental health treatment (whether from financial or other reasons), please consider being a guest on the show. All you need is a webcam and a fast internet connection (cable/dsl). Sharing your story can be helpful to many others.

As always, you'll be able to ask our guests your questions too. The show starts at 5:30p PT, 7:30 CT, 8:30 ET and airs live on our website.

• TV Show Blog with this week's show info
• Dr. Harry Croft's blog post on "When and Where to Get Help for Mental Health Issues"
• Amanda, our Support Network Manager, has suggestions on where to seek help for a mental health condition; especially if payment is a concern.
• How the HealthyPlace TV Show works and how you can participate during the show
• Click here for a list of previous HealthyPlace Mental Health TV Shows.

In the second half of the show, you get to ask Dr. Harry Croft, your personal mental health questions.

You can watch last week's show on "Soldiers and PTSD" by clicking the "on-demand" button on the video player on the HealthyPlace TV Show homepage.

Anxiety and Panic Attacks

A lot of people think it's depression, but anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness - affecting nearly 40 million American adults. Are you one of them?

If you're looking for anxiety self-help information or detailed info on any of the anxiety disorders, you have to visit Dr. Reid Wilson's "Anxieties Site" on HealthyPlace.com. Dr. Wilson is a licensed psychologist who directs the Anxiety Disorders Treatment Program in Chapel Hill and Durham, North Carolina. He is also Clinical Associate Professor of Psychiatry at the University of North Carolina School of Medicine.

Whether you are trying to get over your fear of flying or you want to know how to treat panic attacks or OCD, you'll find it here. Dr. Wilson has also written several anxiety self-help books and book/cd sets on treating different aspects of anxiety disorders.

back to: HealthyPlace.com Newsletter Index

Most of us, from time-to-time, have a bad day or two. It may be the result of a stressful situation occurring in our life, or it may be from the memory of a problem from the past, or perhaps a relationship issue - or, in some cases, for no reason at all. Usually these negative emotional states "lift" and moods return to normal. But sometimes the negative emotions remain and begin to cause changes in our day-to-day functioning. It is at this point that we need to decide "do I need to get some help for my mental state?" If the answer to the question is yes, then the next question is "what kind of help do I need?"

The questions are complicated by the fact that for most of us emotional problems are seen as loaded with stigma. We don't want to be mentally ill, and are often embarrassed by the fact that we even think of ourselves "that way." Even though we have, over the years, come a long way in recognizing that emotional and mental problems are not necessarily a sign of weakness or inadequacy, the stigma regarding mental illness is still present for many, often resulting in their denial of the existence of their symptoms.

So the first step in getting help is recognizing that something is wrong and admitting that you are having a tough time as a result of it. Next is to do some self-searching to see if you can figure out the cause and perhaps the solution. If you can't, then it is time to seek help. But where can you get that help?

The first place to look is in your own support network. It may be a family member or friend. Maybe people at work, at church, or those you associate with every day can help you better understand what is going on. The problem with your support network is that often, in an attempt not to hurt your feelings, they do not tell you the truth, but often a support group is just what you need to resolve your feeling problem.

Many clergy are trained to help with listening, advising and doing more professional counseling.

Sometimes a visit to your family physician can be a worthwhile starting place. They may often recommend a referral for therapy to a counselor, social worker or psychologist. Or they may suggest referral to a psychiatrist, a physician specializing in mental health care.

If you do go to a mental health professional, I implore you to be honest with them about your signs and symptoms. Don't hide feelings or thoughts because you are embarrassed. Often it is helpful to write down a history of your life and your symptoms in brief bullet-points. This exercise may do two things. First, in the preparation of the history you may gain insight into what is really happening, if it has happened before, and what usually occurs to make it go away. Second, when you do see the professional the list helps you become a better "historian" allowing you to get more information in early in treatment resulting in a more accurate assessment of your problem, and therefore more appropriate treatment of it.

Where to find such professional help is the subject of our HealthyPlace TV Show on Tuesday, March 24th, 2009 (watch the show by clicking the "on-demand" link on the player). I also recommend you search the HealthyPlace website for a list of psychiatric symptoms that may alert you to the need for mental health treatment, and what types of mental health treatments are available.

Most important of all -- DO NOT IGNORE your mental health symptoms, especially those causing ongoing distress or getting in the way of your day-to-day functioning.

(Ed. Note: Detailed overview of mental illness, psychological symptoms, and mental health treatments here.

Dr. Harry Croft is a Board-Certified Psychiatrist and Medical Director of HealthyPlace.com. Dr. Croft is also the co-host of the HealthyPlace TV Show.

next: PTSD: A Real Nightmare
~ other mental health articles by Dr. Croft

So offiially my husband and his mom are at the end of their mutual ropes... so not only are we both litterally crashing in her house, my son the only one with a bed, she's trying to raise my little guy and vehimently defending her position. My husband finaly tried to put her in her place and tell her that when he get's hurt he'd like him to go to me before her... she got very upset and they were yelling at each other and she left.

I NEED to get out but my husband refuses. I hate him right now because not only does he not seem to see that I'm almost suicidal but he also can't see that I will be suicidal if I stay in the middle of this VERY awkward situation. I want to stay else where until my husband gets his shit together and finds a better job so he can fucking afford to take care of us and move us OUT of his mom's house. Freaking looser won't take another job because it makes him unhappy... oh bitch and whine like he's the most specail person in the world and he has to be happy, the only person on earth who is happy in their work. fuck.

I'm gonna have some ice cream, throw it up, cut myself, drink some blood, and have another beer. fuck, I should put that on a freaking nightly checklist.

Information for Family and Friends of Sexual Abuse Survivors

What We Would Like You to Know About Us

We grew up feeling very isolated and vulnerable, a feeling that continues into our adult lives.

Our early development has been interrupted by abuse, which either holds us back or pushes us ahead developmentally.

Sexual abuse has influenced all parts of our lives. Not dealing with it is like ignoring an open wound. Our communication style, our self-confidence, and our trust levels are affected.

Putting thoughts and feelings related to our abuse "on the back burner" does not make them go away. The only way out is to go through their emotions and process them.

Our interest in sexual activity will usually decline while we are dealing with early trauma. This is because:

• We are working on separating the past from the present.
• Pleasure and pain can sometimes be experienced simultaneously.
• It is important for us to be in control since control is what we lacked as children.
• Sometimes we need a lot of space.
• Pressuring us to have sex will only increase our tension

We often experience physical discomforts, pains, and disorders that are related to our emotions.

We often appear to be extremely strong while we are falling apart inside.

There is nothing wrong with us as survivors - something wrong was DONE to us.

Sometimes others get impatient with us for not "getting past it" sooner. Remember, we are feeling overwhelmed, and what we need is your patience and support. Right now, it is very important for us to concentrate on the past. We are trying to reorganize our whole outlook on the world; this won't happen overnight.

Your support is extremely important to us. Remember, we have been trained to hold things in. We have been trained NOT to tell about the abuse. We did not tell sooner for a variety of reasons: we live with that fear.

Feeling sorry for us does not really help because we add your pain to our own.

There are many different kinds of people who are offenders. It does not matter that they are charming, attractive, or wealthy. Anybody - from any social class or ethnic background, with any level of education - may be an offender. Sexual abuse is repetitive, so be aware of offenders with whom you have contact. Do not let them continue the cycle of abuse with the next generation of children.

We might not want or be able to talk with you about our therapy.

We are afraid we might push you away with all our emotional reactions. You can help by listening, reassuring us that you are not leaving, not pressuring us, touching (WITH PERMISSION) in a non-sexual way.

Our therapy does not break up relationships - it sometimes causes them to change as we change. Therapy often brings issues to the surface that were already present.

Grieving is a part of our healing process as we say goodbye to parts of ourselves.

From - Triumph over Darkness by Wendy Ann Wood, M.A.,1993

next: Why Dig Into The Past?
~ all Holli's Triumph Over Tragedy articles
~ all abuse library articles
~ all articles on abuse issues