PTSD and the Freeze Response

I suffer from freeze response after surviving 47 years of every kind of abuse you could ever imagine. Although, I am known to come back after you with a vengence when I recover. No one expects you to come back ripping them a new one as they deserve & it usually solves the problem. Now, I eliminated most out of my life. I trust no one. I heard daddy beat mommy all my young childhood being pulled out of my bed always after 2am in my PJ's in all kinds of weather to go to Granny's or Aunt's home. I have been molested at 8 by sick half-brother, spousal raped at 22-23, almost date raped at 30, Vegas police threw me in the middle of pimp, prosotute, crack alley knowing I'd be well taken care of, set up in TX to make it look like I stole a car from some1 with ties to the Mexican Mafia, date raped 12/24/10, my food was poisoned 12/20/11 by some1 who wanted more than friends..yeah, like that was going to gain him some points with me. I have been beat by 6 "men". One held a knife to my throat saying he was going to cut it. Then I managed to get onto the bed where he threatened to cut my diamonds off. I left go of the headboard saying, Go ahead! I wonder how many years you will get for one finger & I'm willing to lose it to find out. I ended up with a concussion and imprint of the bottom of his sneakers in my back in deep purple. That's okay they will get theirs because the Lord loves me & so does my grandparents who've been watching all of them abuse me including my own daughter.

I become so overwhelmed that i become "paralyzed" Mentally, (can't think at all) and physically,(frozen to couch) .. I wonder if there is a way to stop it, or interrupt it,once i realize it? Right now, i see no options. <3

[...] tells you all about his ex-fiance, going into filthy, lurid detail about their sex romps. You have the typical abused person’s freeze response.  You get off and feel sick & dirty.  He even tells you about when he and his wife have [...]

Michelle, thank you for the incredible resource of this blog--I look forward to exploring. I experienced the freeze response many times in reaction to verbal abuse growing up (sensitive kid), then again in a relationship I drew to myself to recreate those conditions and begin to heal. The physiological description of an animal's response is the closest I've found to describe a strange reaction I had to a deep breathing/shiatsu experience--ferocious release of energy, semi-paralysis of limbs. Thank you for helping me with the puzzle pieces!!

This is such a great post! It sounds like we have some similar traumatic reactions in our past. You are very brave. Thank you for writing this.

i am a CSA survivor. It started when i was 4 and finalky ended when i was 32. At age 10 or 11, i spkit completely from myself. I actually stood in the corner and saw my body being abused. Total disociation. As a 57 yr. old adult and i still cant seem to get my body and emotions to work together. Either i can have a physical relationship or i can be emotional relationship. My councilor said they may never get together. I would have to remain diligent. I have. But it hasnt really changed.

I'm just like the polar bear! I experience a trauma trigger, I freeze, I have a seizure and then I take a deep breath and it's all over and I feel refreshed. This has been happening to me for over 13 years! How do I make it stop? Do I focus on the freeze part? I experienced the majority of my trauma as a child where I could only freeze in reaction to trauma. Perhaps if I can recognise when I am freezing, and then choose to act rather than freeze. I keep having dreams where I am being attacked, abused or rejected, and I react in anger which I never do. It's almost like my mind just wants to be able to act in a traumatic experience, rather than feel powerless. I have a lot of aggression under the surface. When I think about it I just want to punch and break things and attack.

I have the freeze-response also. Not always, but first off, I always 'wait' and check if I'm right.
When someone is indeed trying to take my clothes off or ís telling me that he has a knife, etc.
I have to take a moment and let that in.
Normally I would've believed my own ears, but during sexual abuse at 12, I was told that I should ignore the bad feeling I got, because it'd make me look stupid if I told.
Therefore, my first reaction is thinking. Usually, 'it' already happened, someone touching my butt or someone grabing my knees in public transport..
After that, I can stand up for myself and say something, or ignore it and walk away.
But when I'd imagine myself in a situation in which I'd have to push someone off of me or when I'd bullied and thrown on the floor, I can already feel my arms starting to 'freeze up.'
So I'd be shaking a little and my arms would feel like pudding, I'd be tired and just lay there and cry.
I hate that freeze-response, because I would have the energy, but it just paralyzes me.
The only thing that happens is that I move very slow if I try my hardest to move and I continue to mention; NO! or 'STOP!' even untill the person is gone.

This is the most real thing I have seen about PTSD online... Everything else is just a bare-bones list of general symptoms, but this is great and makes sense! I have PTSD from witnessing my unmedicated bipolar mother physically and verbally abuse my family when I was very young (I once saw her throw an iron skillet at my dad's head head which he ducked but it was still very scary), verbally and emotionally abusing and neglecting me and while I lived alone with her, (as well as her seeking me out to corner me and scream and rage at me after I moved out) and she would yell, scream, cuss, throw things, and be angry at me always. Not to mention she caused me much physical illness through her obsessive control and neglect.
Now, whenever there's a crashing sound like someone throwing something out of frustration, especially accompanied with loud, angry cussing, or if someone raises their voice at me in anger when I've done nothing wrong, I shrink, shake, and freeze... If someone is angry, even if it's not at me, I become quite afraid of that person and feel I must placate them.
I recently had the most concerning episode yet; I dropped something I was holding, trembled a bit and froze at initially hearing a crash and a shouted cuss word in the next room, and then fearfully sought out a corner which made me feel a bit safer before I heard more crashing and yelling/cussing, which made me completely freeze up... I was sitting in the corner with my knees to my chest, hands above my head at eyebrow level, staring at one place where any person would have to pass through to get to me, and I couldn't move except for some shaking... When I heard more loud, angry, sounds, I started making a weird, quiet, trembly, panicky noise but it went away when it was quiet again. I felt like I was back in my mother's house and she was in a dangerous mood, even though I knew I wasn't, and I couldn't shake the vague flashbacks. When my fiance came in and saw me (he is very safe and non-violent), he was very non-threatening and tried to hold me and comfort me, but I couldn't move myself to cooperate and when he moved my limbs out from my body a little, I started shaking violently until they were put back. I couldn't speak well- I was extremely stuttery- and it took a very long time to even be able to stand, and when I did, my legs where almost too wobbly/shaky.
I know that when I panic, curling up in a corner makes me feel safer, and my core being exposed is especially frightening, as is eye contact. But, I'm not sure what to make of the frozen muscles, difficulty speaking, and shaking more when taken from my defensive position. Do you have any insight on those symptoms?

When I was verbally abused in the car by a old friend it was clearly a trigger for me from physical verbal abuse n my body did I believe flight but when I couldn't escape the car I froze then when the attacks kept coming even though I was frozen I went into fight mode as a defence n then I managed to muster up enough energy to flee somehow tho I was a shaking wreck trying to run to my house
So you can fight or flight after the freeze response if freeze response means attacks aren't stopping

I experience something like that months ago. I grew up in an emotionally and verbally abusive household and I was being bullied at the same time. When all my friends turned against me and I had no where to go and no one to turn to, I started scratching myself and I had an odd out of body experience. I was aware, but I wasn’t myself. Eventually I snapped out of it when I heard myself say something disturbing, but I haven’t forgotten that feeling.

my dad left at age2 so my mom drops us off at my great grannys while she toured fla.forayear cameback big as abarrel preg.iwas being molested by her uncle,the molestion never stopped there was always some old man around the corner ,then at 13 my step dad tried to rape instead of leavin i was married by christmas turned14 in april

Is this why when I experience panic attacks from my PTSD I sit in a completely frozen state still? I shiver, sure, but I often stare straight ahead, and tend to start tuning out my senses (ie I sometimes feel like I can't quite focus on what I'm seeing or hearing). Also lately I've realized I have a deep fear of death from my PTSD stemming from when I was 2 and fell out of a truck, breaking my neck (among other damages). Is there a way I can create a sense of calm, even about something so inevitable that I have no control over it?

Thank you so much for this. Between Michelle's articles and everyone's comments, I have never felt so understood. Though I cried as I read each word, it galvanized me to stay in the fight to end the control of these thoughts and experiences. You have no idea (actually, you may be the only people who do) how much I needed this support at this moment.

Thank you Michele for this article.
I find that I get easily overwhelmed, and can easily reach a state of sensory overload (thanks to PTSD and depression). My emotional reactions become slowed down to no response at all, except that I can listen and observe while sitting very still. I feel a natural calm, where I can't be hurried, and I can't process anything more. It seems to be a natural protective mechanism for the vulnerable person that is me now.
It's great for dealing with Narcissistic abusers who are trying to upset you, but not so good for normal interactions that you actually want to participate in.
One incident comes to mind:
I didn't let any man hold me for six years (since the traumatic experience in 2011)
I didn't go out with anyone for six years.
I didn't realise that I didn't feel safe until I met the man I gave a chance to (in 2017).
We met in the street, he was out walking and said hello to me. I was attracted to him within ten minutes, and so suddenly the inevitable conversations about my health and PTSD triggered shame and caused parts of my brain to go offline from stress.
I felt some dissociation, and observed myself from a distance after that. I quickly became overwhelmed, and couldn't speak for a while. Seeing this, he said nothing, he just opened his arms to me, and I let him hold me.
I felt like a wooden statue in his arms. I felt neither pleasure nor displeasure.
Nothing.
He asked me out for coffee, and I agreed, although on the way home I told myself all the reasons why it couldn't work out. I thought that I was too broken to be loved.
Over the next week I felt shame like acid burning my heart whenever I remembered how I'd let him comfort me in his arms by holding me. He was a stranger, and I'm very private, and dignified. What was I thinking?
I felt nothing for the next ten days, during which my subconscious mind was processing everything, then suddenly on the tenth day, I realised that he'd made me feel safe.
I was flooded with wave after wave of endorphins!
I've never felt anything like it.
Such pleasure!
It made me laugh with happiness.
No man has ever made me feel safe before (wanted, yes, but not safe & protected) and since the violent assault and indecent assault by the surgeon I went to (in 2011), my body had shut down.
On our date I had cycles of feeling overwhelmed, showing no emotional response, and absolute physical stillness.
I just let that be what it was, and then after a little time I felt energized and interested again. And ready for more kissing. He sat with his arm around me when I was overwhelmed. It was lovely, just what I needed.
The next day I slept until mid-afternoon. There was so much to process. It was happy exhaustion.
I have long been aware that I freeze when someone is furiously angry, either near me or if it's directed at me. My grandfather had Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and so did his daughter, my mother. She controlled with rage explosions (screaming and dramatic gesticulations, accusations and lies, endless criticisms and threats of violence, and threats to leave). We were always walking on eggshells.
When I was an adult and working professionally I really became aware of it, if someone would threaten me aggressively or try to intimidate me with anger. This was probably due to trauma bonding with my mother; there was no way to account for it otherwise. She was also sexually abusive and sexually jealous (cue waves of revulsion and nausea).
My Co-dependant father was passive-aggressive, and would suddenly lash out at us without warning. He'd drag us out of bed to punish us spitefully for some mistake kids thoughtlessly make. Often when he'd come home at night from work, my mother would drop a rage bomb to get a massive emotional response from him (N-fuel, according to HG Tudor's narcsite.com), and we little kids who were sitting up at the dinner table would scurry and hide. I used to get under the kitchen table as soon as he'd come in the door.
It was like being in an earthquake.
I hated it.
I didn't have words to defend myself from my parents, and it was like my brain froze at that point of development. I had to work really hard to overcome it, and learn what to say. I'm still developing those skills.
Thank you to everyone who has shared their private heartaches here. You aren't alone in your struggles.

So I freeze when my wife is upset, even though it may not be with me. She could be stressed about something or work or the kids and I shut down, sometimes for days. I go cold. Numb. It's pushed us to almost divorce a number of times. She has threatened to kill herself and I don't have a single thing to say. I have almost no memories from my childhood to the age of about 12. I remember my stepdad, he was a marine and a police officer. I was very afraid of him but I remember him. I remember things he said and did. But my mom, whom I lived with till I was 16-17, I remember nothing. I don't remember anything at all about her. I know she was there. I know because my younger sister told me but it's like my mom didn't exist. My parents split when I was 8. Dad moved to Florida around age 11. We spent weekends with him when he still lived here.... I don't have any memories with him either. Now in my married life, my wife and I trigger each other regularly. I need physical attention and she can't because of her PTSD and that triggers her. My memory is terrible and it feels like I have 2 personalities. One wants to be helpful and loving and have fun. The other wants to disappear and die or just vanish. He also doesn't want to fix anything. He always wants to run away. Last night I turned my phone off and disappeared for 9 hours. I came home and it took me a while still to calm down and switch back.

Where is the video link about the freeze response? I have that. If I am insulted or someone treats me unfairly or confronted, I am shocked into being unable to respond at all.