Veganism, Vegetarianism, and Other Food Choices in Eating Disorder Recovery

I was a vegetarian several years before I started in on anorexia. In assessments for treatment, they always ask for that timeline, presumably because it is more likely that the vegetarianism is real if it came long before the eating disorder. Still, the hospital dietitians liked to decide that my vegetarianism was a symptom. Why ask the question if you are going to ignore the answer?
When I was in hospital, I refused to eat meat. I was perfectly willing to take the "supplement" (aka ensure) in lieu of the meat, but I told them upfront that I absolutely was not going to eat meat. (And really, I don't think it is a good idea for them to be so insistent that I eat something that would inevitably make me ill. When you don't eat meat for so long, there is an adjustment period when you start to eat meat again during which you will be ill.) I was told that there were vegetarian options at every meal during another stint in treatment, but in order to stay within the mealtime rules with the vegetarian options available to me, this would have meant that my meals would alternate between veggie burgers and pizza, with one sandwich every three days. I mentioned to the dietitian that I thought this would teach me to be an IRRESPONSIBLE vegetarian more than anything else. My outpatient dietitian had to talk to the hospital dietitian in order to convince her that I am a "for really real" vegetarian.
I don't think that the only correlation between vegetarianism and eating disorders is the idea that it is a healthier, less fattening diet. For me, diet was an easy aspect of life to manipulate because I was never particularly excited about food. Sure, I had my likes, but they were always less passionate than most people's. So it was easy to cut out meat entirely when I became a vegetarian and it was an easy option for controlling my depressive thoughts (as opposed to drugs, alcohol, promiscuous sex, etc.). I also think that a lot of people with eating disorders tend to be very thoughtful generally. They think about the consequences of their actions, sometimes too much, which makes a hospitable environment for an eating disorder (i.e. obsessing over all the things that might result in gaining weight). This factor is also hospitable to vegetarianism; if you don't think about the impact your diet has on the world around you, there is no point to vegetarianism. I imagine there are plenty other reasons why vegetarianism would show up more commonly in eating disordered populations than in the overall population.

Thank you for your thoughtful comments. I know that many people are vegetarians or vegan before developing an eating disorder. But I also have seen some people become vegetarian or adopt other special types of diets (gluten-free, macrobiotic, no processed foods, etc.) after their eating disorder kicked in. I wanted to generate some thoughts about the motivations behind continuing to have a more restrictive diet - because vegetarianism is restrictive - while trying to recover from an eating disorder.
I struggle with this myself, because my values lean toward vegetarianism - I don't like the idea of any animal being slaughtered to put food on my plate. Of course, my ED doctor does not encourage this and would prefer that I would eat any and all types of food. I would say I am about 75 to 85 percent vegetarian just by my eating habits, except that I eat seafood such as tuna and shrimp. I understand about adjusting after not eating a certain food - I did not eat red meat for years while struggling with anorexia, and when I was in recovery the first time, I had a hamburger and ended up feeling quite ill. I'm not sure if it was because I was still afraid of red meat, the thought of it being a slaughtered animal made me sick, or that my stomach truly needed to adjust.
Again, I want to be sure it is clear that I realize many people, including those with EDs, are vegetarian or vegan out of moral convictions. But I also want people - including myself - to be very careful and aware that our food choices might not completely be our food choices, but vestiges of ED sneaking in and trying to convince us to continue to restrict. It is something I have to work on myself, because I definitely still stick to safer foods. I will most likely write about EDs and food choices - and the fact that we all do have the right to make choices - in the future.

i have a similar yet slightly different experience i began to develop very bad digestive problems was diagnosed with ibs and after years of living with eating disorder told to follow restrictive diet for ibs, i was in early recovery at the time and this food choice and restriction has escalated the e.d to worse it has been in my life...i fear food groups, i fear getting constipated, diarhea, b;loating pain..i associate it all back to food which i then fear..any ideas or input SO GRATEFUL..really struggling

Nicola,
I feel so bad for you. Is there anyway you can see an eating disorders specialist to help you work through your fears? Or another option could be a nutritionist, who could get back on track after years of restriction and other problems.
Please let me know how you are doing!

This makes a lot of sense to me. I wasn't a vegetarian before my eating disorder, and although I didn't strictly become one, i did cut out almost all red meat from my diet in order to appease the eating disorder. Even in recovery, i try to avoid meat.
im currently relapsing and trying to refocus on recovery, and i've found that i've become really into the idea of going "raw" ie, unprocessed. part of me wants it for "health", but i know that i'm probably attracted to it because it mirrors the restrictive diet i long for. i know that i just want to be able to justify holding onto a restrictive diet.

Vegetarians and vegans (especially vegans) diets tend to lack essential vitamins like b12, an absence of which can kill you. There is nothing natural about taking health suppliments.
Vegans who force their eating illogic onto their children have been recorded as having malnutriented and grossly underweight unhealthy children. There have even been vegan baby deaths from lack of essential vitamins due to crazy fanatic militant vegan hipstermom breastfeeding while on her vegan diet. CRFMHMoms care more about their diet than their children. Thankfully they are getting criminal charges and their children taken and put in non-negligent homes where they get real food. We don't need more stupid people raising children.

Hi
Interesting blog. I had an ED as a teenager & was never professionally treated;I was never as ill as some people with anorexia and never sought professional help, acknowledged I had a problem or even understood my illness until I was recovered from it.
Before I made a clear, 'knowing' decision to recover & gain weight, but was in a much better place emotionally, I embarked on vegetarianism as a form of control over my eating. I knowingly removed meat from my diet and knowingly enjoyed the control that came with it.
Needless to say, that when I made the decision to address my eating habits and began to recover, some time later I began to eat meat again & slowly reintroduced it into my diet. Looking back, I can almost see a direct correlation between my physical recovery (my mental recovery happened separately)and the re- introduction of meat into my diet.
Just my personal story, but this is the first time I have seen vegetarianism & anorexia linked/spoken about, even though I know several anorexics who are also vegetarian.

After being at CFC, my views on vegetarianism when it comes to my own diet has changed a lot. I am eating meat again, though I've learned that I don't like red meat very much; it's a taste preference. However, I WILL eat it. I usually just don't like to.
Before, I would cry, purge, or throw a fit if someone was trying to force me to eat meat. I'm trying to accept now that meat isn't unhealthy and is fine for me to eat. I still have my Morningstar patties sometimes, but I'm no longer restricting myself to the point where meat is 100% not an option.