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This is the golden age of political correctness, and for the mentally ill in our midst, it simply couldn’t happen soon enough. Horrible slurs like porridge-head, cracker academy graduate, and el whackadente have been replaced by culturally sensitive terms such as, unreality-enabled, extra-normal, and sanity-challenged.
But removing the fangs from common speech is just the beginning. Increasingly there is sensitivity about what questions may be considered appropriate to ask a person wrestling with mental illness. Here are just a few of the most common of them, now considered intrusive, prejudicial, stereotypical, and rude.
1. Why don’t you just get over it?
2. Is what you’ve got really a disease, or it is it just a character flaw?
3. Did you ever try growing up?
4. Why is there a duck on your head?
5. Have you looked into Scientology?
I’m glad to report that the use of knee-jerk, judgmental questions like these is on the way out. But my feeling is, why stop there? Now that we’ve built up a little momentum, let’s expand the list of verboten phrases – questions and comments simply off limits when it comes to the mentally ill among us.
When people ask, "Why do women stay in abusive relationships?" the answers are often too simple. There could be financial reasons, but if the abusive spouse died, would the victim wonder if they could support themselves to the point of doing nothing to advance their employability? (No.) There are the children to consider, but if the abusive spouse died, would the victim insist on finding a replacement right away? (No.)
Although finances and children are reasons victims cite for staying, one true reason they stay is a deeply implanted fear that they cannot make it in the world alone. My abuser implanted this fear so deeply in my mind that instead of recognizing the abuse in my relationship, I instead prayed that he would die. I consciously acknowledged the fact that he made my life hell, but the thought that I could divorce him remained outside my realm of consciousness. Abuse causes illness of the mind and body, and brainwashing sets both illnesses in motion.
First, let's define empathy on a basic level. According to Wikipedia:
"Empathy is an ability with many different definitions . . . ranging from caring for other people and having a desire to help them, to experiencing emotions that match another person's emotions, to knowing what the other person is thinking or feeling, to blurring the line between self and other."
In short: Empathy is the ability to understand other people, recognize their pain and have an instinctual desire to help them.
It is 12:20 a.m. and I'm hot. Sweaty. And decidedly not hungry in spite of the fact that I've barely eaten all day.
Then I look at my thighs. My upper arms. The little pouch of my stomach. And I groan, realizing that I'm about thirty pounds heavier than my lowest weight while in the midst of anorexia.
I want to be healthy, right? I want to be free of anorexia. . . yes?
Or am I still ambivalent after all this time?
We still hear it sometimes: it's the family's fault.
"They were too demanding during childhood."
"That mother is so overprotective."
"No wonder you have issues; your parents are cold and withdrawn"
"If we can just get you away from your family dynamic, you will recover so much more quickly."
You know, maybe sometimes that is true.
Learning to think positively can be a difficult task, and hinder growth and self-esteem. Our author talks about how to overcome negative thought patterns and embark on a path to positive thinking.
Anger is often anxiety's evil twin. We may express ourselves out of anger, but our problem is anxiety and all of its worries and fears. It can be very helpful to know when anxiety is behind anger; then we can address the right problem. So, do you have an anger problem or an anxiety issue?
It's a myth as old as trauma--"I let it happen." It's easy to believe it and blame ourselves for the trauma that led to our symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD). But it's a myth that can be very destructive, and we need to realize that.
No one ever says, "When I grow up I want to be a drug addict." As for myself, I recall my mother using that term and I had not a clue as to what she was talking about. I could not conceive of the idea that a person could not control his behavior. Becoming an addict was the furthest thing from my mind.
I like the topic of the post--although I do not like living with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It's something I have not written about in previous posts, so let's talk about it.
Where do we go from here? Most of the family thinks just to let her hit bottom and then if she reaches out to help any we can. Some want to just keep paying her bills and just let her sit in the house with no responsibilities. Never been on medication and impossible to get to her when she refuses to talk to ANYONE.
Help.
On the day we agreed to videochat to make things less awkward IRL she woke up with a migraine so we rescheduled to the day after, I made sure to assure her that it was okay and to take her time. Later that day, in the late evening we had a nice chat but suddenly she stopped replying, even though nothing had happened. The day after I texted her good morning and said I hope she was feeling a little better. she wouldn't open my texts.
A couple days after I sent her a longer text saying that even though I had only known her for a short time I care a lot for her and would like to know how she are doing, telling her I'm there for her, assuring her I'm not going anywhere even though things might not be very easy. She wouldn't open it.
A week later I sent a text saying not to feel bad about not answering and that I will be there when she is able to answer again. It's been two weeks since this and she still hasn't opened my texts. She hasn't been active at all.
I don't know what else I can do. I assumed she might have fallen into a depression. I have tried to just not think about it anymore, and I haven't that much but when I do it sort of kills me inside...