I recently celebrated some general life and sobriety milestones. These are good things; things I should be--and am--happy about. But even positive milestones in sobriety can be emotionally fraught, and that's a potentially dangerous situation for people in addiction recovery.

In recovery, unrealistic expectations and resentments can pose a problem; maintaining sobriety is much more than simply not drinking one day at a time. Certainly, that's all most alcoholics can handle at first. But to be truly happy in sobriety, recovering alcoholics eventually have to work on developing emotional sobriety. One of the biggest culprits affecting my emotional sobriety is resentment towards others. I have also been warned that resentments often lead to addiciton relapse if not dealt with and resolved. Here I discuss managing sobriety expectations and resentments. 

Early in recovery, a young woman who had gotten sober several years before me gave me some good advice. She said that when I felt like drinking, I should make a list of possible actions I could pursue and rank them in order from least destructive to most destructive. Actions such as praying or taking a bath would probably rank high on the list, while drinking and suicide would come in last. In the middle, I might list such things as shirking responsibilities to watch TV all day or going on a reasonable shopping spree. (I should mention, I have not struggled with shopping addiction.) When I felt the urge to drink or use, I was to start at the top of the list and work my way down.

The most recent Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), published in 2013, changed the criteria for evaluating substance abuse problems and problems involving compulsive behavior, such as gambling. The DSM-5 includes the word "addiction" for the first time, in reference to pathological gambling, which the manual lists as a "behavioral addiction."

I took my last drink of alcohol (hopefully for good) on February 19, 2007. I smoked my last cigarette (also hopefully for good) on December 31, 2010. In contrast, my friend quit street drugs and alcohol years ago, but she doesn't know the exact dates. 12-step programs emphasize dates. Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous and Overeaters Anonymous all celebrate sobriety dates, clean dates and abstinence dates, respectively. For me, my sobriety date is extremely important. It commemorates a miraculous day when I was given another chance to live. The day I quit smoking is important to me too, but I might not remember it if it didn't coincide with New Year's. Perhaps I care more about my sobriety date because my struggle with alcohol was much harder. Even so, for the clean and sober folks I know who do not commemorate a specific clean date, (mind you, this is the minority of clean and sober folks I know) it is not because their sobriety isn't important to them.

Last week, I wrote about the costs of drug addiction.  This week, I’d like to focus on the rewards of addiction recovery. For many active addicts, their drug of choice is kind of like their best friend. The drug addict and the drug have this kind of love-hate relationship often seen in the best and worst of partnerships. So it’s no wonder that when the addict tries to let go of the drug there is often a great deal of difficulty.

Addiction is a particularly destructive thing. Addictive behavior is often thought to center around drug use or a particular behavior, which I believe, to some degree. However, there are many that think that addiction goes much deeper than that.

Jails, institutions and death.  These are the ends of addiction.  And as far as the death part is concerned, it doesn’t always mean physical death. Have you ever watched the TV series, The Walking Dead?  Well, that’s what addiction can do to a person, metaphorically speaking.  The addict is devoid of any real kind of life source and is simply feeding off of others to maintain his existence.

When I look back over my time in addiction recovery, it would seem that this process was linear. In other words, it would appear that there was some kind of flow that provided me with a sense of well-being and confidence that I would no longer have to worry about picking up a drink or drug again. But this couldn’t be further from the truth. The reality, for me, is that recovery from addiction rarely occurs in a straight line.

Surrender (v) - to give oneself up, as into the power of another; submit or yield. Addiction is a powerful thing. For millions that live with this disease, life can be a constant struggle to go on from day to day. Often, despite their own best efforts, many addicts have difficulty coming to terms with their illness. This is often displayed in the form of such defense mechanisms as denial, blaming, and intellectualization, to name but a few