I'm currently changing my routine of constant busyness to a routine that includes more rest and more time in stillness. I'm spending more time alone in silence to practice observing my thoughts. I've only just begun to practice, and I've noticed how often my thoughts tend to revolve around food and eating. It's almost like I can't stop thinking about food. I'm at a stage now where I'm ready to lean further into eating disorder recovery, and I can learn from observing the thoughts I observe that revolve around food.  

Thinking About Food in Recovery

Have you noticed how often you think about food?

It can be difficult to notice thoughts as they come and go. We're used to being immersed in our thoughts, especially if we have experience with binge eating disorder (BED). You might think about previous binges and how they made you feel or what you can do to prevent a binge in the future. Maybe you think about food that you're craving. You might not notice if you spend hours a day thinking about food if you're absorbed in thoughts. 

One time I was answering intake questions before starting in-patient eating disorder treatment. One of the questions was, "How often do you think about food?" 

I realized the answer to this question was the exact reason I was there, asking for help. My answer at the time was, "about three times a minute."

I felt tormented by my mind with constant intrusive thoughts about food. The thoughts about food made it difficult to focus on anyone or anything else.  

If you are experiencing constant thoughts about food, I want to pass along hope that your state of mind right now is not permanent. Even if you are at the point where every moment of your day revolves around food and disordered eating, there is a way out. It's possible to have more ease and mental quiet in the process of recovery.

Tips for When You Can't Stop Thinking About Food

I'm only beginning to learn how to observe my thoughts and change the way I respond to them. There are also ways I've learned to cope with thinking about food that helped me regain mental space and energy for life outside of BED. Here are some tips that have helped me.

• Allow all foods -- This is my most effective tool for regaining mental quiet. Our minds focus on what we want (or don't want), and we tend to want what we can't have. If I tell myself I can't eat certain foods, those will be the first foods I reach for during a binge. If I tell myself I can eat whatever I want, I might indulge for a while. Eventually, though, I'll eat what sounds good to me in the moment and stop when I'm satisfied. When you aren't dieting or restricting, your mind tends to grow quieter and less concerned with food. 
• Write down your thoughts -- Writing your thoughts down as they come gives them a place to exit your mind and live somewhere else. When I fill a page with thoughts, I can recognize my current state of mind more clearly.
• Show yourself compassion -- Thoughts usually surface from feelings of worry, anxiety, fear, or discomfort. The function of thinking is to help alert us that something isn't okay. If you notice yourself thinking about food, try to go one level deeper. What is happening around you, causing your mind to respond this way?
• Come back to your senses -- Your senses are always available for you to use as a way to give the thinking mind a break. What does the air smell like around you? What do your clothes feel like on your skin? Does your breath feel shallow or deep?

I hope these tips are helpful for you as you continue your journey and practice not thinking about food so often.

What do you do to reconnect with the life around you when you are struggling with BED thoughts? Let me know in the comments.

Internalized stigma caused me to keep my schizophrenia diagnosis a secret for almost 20 years after my first psychotic episode. I didn't tell friends or share the information with my in-laws when I married. Looking back on that time, it was as if I never let anyone besides my husband get close to me. I didn't realize that I created a bubble of authenticity that only my husband and I inhabited. I put on a face and front for everyone else. Sometimes I wanted to tell people and was close to opening up but remained closed-lipped. 

Internalized Stigma Was the Fear that Kept Me Silent

I stayed quiet about my diagnosis because I feared losing people, being judged, and having people think that any argument or difficulty I had was a symptom of my mental illness. By that, I mean often, when people know a person has a mental illness, they think any time the person gets their feelings hurt or points out a problem, it is due to the person's disease, not something they might have done or a legitimate feeling or thought the person might have about something. I wanted people to treat me as if my opinions, thoughts, and emotions were valid and not a symptom. 

The Cause of Internalized Stigma

All the horror films I saw that involved characters with mental illness and the news broadcasters I heard speculate about mental illness every time a mass shooting occurred, contributed to how I viewed schizophrenia. These negative and scary portrayals made me feel that schizophrenia was somehow wrong or bad. I knew that many people, like me, didn't have personal experience with the illness (before I was diagnosed with it) and only had the media representation to formulate their opinion. Even if people don't believe everything they see and hear, these characterizations and assumptions can still create misunderstandings about what schizophrenia looks like in different people.

Along with the negative view of schizophrenia in the media, there were jokes about people hearing voices. The speaker at a conference stood up at Christmas time in front of 100s of people and said that the song that people with schizophrenia love during the holidays is "Do you Hear What I Hear?" Having my illness as a punchline where many people laughed made me feel like an outsider and that I was defective. This event, in turn, made me more reluctant to share my diagnosis. 

All these things combined frightened me away from disclosing that I had schizophrenia. I didn't want to be the monster, the punchline, or the possible mass shooter. I wanted people to notice my kindness, successes, sense of humor, etc., and not think everything about me is related to an illness I didn't ask for and didn't do anything wrong to get. 

Changing the Messaging About Schizophrenia

Thankfully it is now common to see people open up about severe mental illness in public places like social media. Everyone who writes about their experience helps us rise above the stereotypes, especially considering all our experiences are unique. I have to wonder if social media was around when I had my first episode, if I might have come out and talked about life with mental illness a lot sooner. 

I'm tired of explaining bipolar disorder to people. I realize this is a terrible sentiment to one who actually does this for a living, but it's one I've found myself thinking about at times. In some respects, explaining bipolar disorder and mental illness in general to people is extremely rewarding; in other ways, though, it's just a slog. Having the same conversation over and over again about mental illness with someone who has no clue is exhausting.

Explaining Bipolar Disorder to People

I have explained bipolar disorder to crowds of people, in one-on-one scenarios, online, and in pretty much every other way possible. I can do it in my sleep. I can anticipate their questions. I see their initially-confused looks behind my eyelids. While every conversation is different, they are also all strikingly the same. Again, it's making me very, very tired.

However, what I do is explain aspects of bipolar disorder to other people. That's what I do every day of my life. I've created a career from it. I value it, and I think it's important. Myself, and everyone out there, trying to eradicate mental illness myths and supplant them with truths is doing something beautiful. But that doesn't make it easy, nor does it mean I have infinite energy for it.

It's Okay If You Don't Want to Explain Bipolar to People 

For the average person, I just want to say it's okay if you don't want to explain bipolar disorder to other people. If you're tired of it, if you've had enough, I understand. If you just want to walk through your day and not make it a learning experience, that's totally okay. You shouldn't feel like it's your job to educate everyone. Even I, Bipolar Disorder Education in Chief, need a bit of relief sometimes.

Explain Bipolar How You Want, When You Want

I realize the reason that I'm saying I'm tired of explaining bipolar disorder to people is that I'm burned out. This happens to everyone. It might be happening to you. When you do something 1000 times, or even 100 times, it can be a bit much, no matter what it is and no matter how altruistic you might want to be.

So, if you need a break from all the explaining, that's okay. I'm going to try to allow myself a moment of grace and not think about everything as an educational moment. I can just blend in and let things go. And so can you. 

When I reflect on my recovery from mental illness, it comes down to three key factors. This blog will go over these three things. I know how difficult the struggle is with mental illness, so I hope they’re helpful to others.

The First Key to Mental Illness Recovery: Self-Reflection

When I talk about self-reflection, I’m talking primarily about being analytical with your mental health symptoms to notice when they occur, what outside factors were involved, and how they impact you. Paying attention to each of these things can help you identify and assess triggers so you can be more proactive about putting coping techniques in place or even just recognizing when your mental illness symptoms flare up.

Taking time to self-reflect can be done in a number of ways and doesn’t have to be complicated. Whether you want to use some sort of tracker that a therapist or other mental health professional might give you or whether you want to do like I did, which was journaling and writing my feelings out, these can be beneficial to recognizing patterns.

You don’t need to dive in with an analytical perspective at all. You don’t need to start writing, thinking, “What am I going to get out of this?” Just start keeping track and making a note of things, be in the moment, and then go back later to look for patterns and better understand your mental illness.

One other thing I’d like to mention is there may be moments where you see there were no discernable triggers, and that’s okay, too. Sometimes mental illness symptoms flare up without any reason. Even that can be helpful information.

The Second Key to Mental Illness Recovery: Education

Like self-reflection, mental health education can occur in a number of ways, but it’s ultimately about becoming familiar with your mental illnesses, understanding how they impact you, and why. By learning more, you can begin to see the biological and environmental factors, which can also be an asset to your self-reflection. When you know more, you can recognize and understand more, including triggers and symptoms.

You might learn from a mental health professional, from doing your own research, both, or some other combination of ways.

The Third Key to Mental Illness Recovery: Acceptance

Educating myself about my mental illnesses led me to the third key to mental illness recovery: acceptance.

Acceptance of mental illness means taking it for what it is, understanding that it has long-term impacts on my life, and knowing that it may never go away. It potentially sounds bleak, but it’s actually been very freeing for me.

It’s given me the capacity to work with my mental illnesses to find coping strategies and an understanding that’s brought me out of suffering to a state of peace. To me, that’s what recovery truly embodies: no longer suffering from mental illnesses and living a full and good life regardless of their existence.

The Result of Combining My 3 Keys to Mental Illness Recovery

These three concepts—self-reflection, education, and acceptance—have allowed me to truly recognize the biological components of mental illness, helped alleviate self-blame for my struggles, and given me a variety of tools to understand what I have been going through and how to put strategies and tools in place to cope with symptoms.

If these keys to mental illness recovery resonate with you, I’d love to hear about it. Let me know in the comments, or let me know what’s helped you in recovery or taking steps toward recovery if you’re not quite there yet.

Welcome to a syndication of Snap Out of It! The Mental Illness in the Workplace Podcast with Natasha Tracy.

Snap Out of It! talks to Christina McCarthy of One Mind at Work, the leading brain health nonprofit committed to healing the lives of people impacted by brain illness and injury through global, collaborative action. Christina talks about both the moral and the business case for making workplaces accessible to those with mental illness and how her past experiences have driven her to care deeply about mental illness. She also talks about the unique gifts that those with mental illness offer a workplace.

If you want to hear how people with mental illness can positively impact workplaces, this is the interview for you.

Snap Out of It! is available across podcast platforms. For more on this podcast, check out http://snapoutofitpodcast.com.

There was a time in my life when I was irate and unhappy with my environment and everyone around me. I would lash out at the slightest inconvenience and feel justified in my actions because of my trauma. I continued this behavior until I started therapy. After years of extensive therapy, I've realized those actions were not helpful, and I feel more empathy after verbal abuse than before it. 

Verbal Abuse and Feeling Empathy Is About Finding Common Ground

Although I still carry around some negative feelings from my verbally abusive past, I try not to let them cloud my judgment. Unfortunately, that doesn't always happen. Sometimes, I have bad days where I may snap or get upset when facing a minor situation, but generally, I tend to be more empathetic when someone is not cordial or agreeable. 

I like to keep this old quote in my mind, "Be kind because everyone you meet is fighting their own battle you know nothing about."

The origins of this saying go back to around Socrates' time, but the premise still rings true today. Empathy for someone angry or rude to you in a tense situation extends the grace they never received from someone else. I try to remember that the upset person at the grocery store who yelled at me could have just escaped an abusive relationship and are fearful of what lies ahead. 

Empathy Is Not an Excuse or Forgiveness 

Some people may view empathy towards others who act out as allowing them to continue their negative behaviors. It is vital that no one thinks of empathy as a way of excusing mistreating others or forgiving a person's harmful actions. When I apply this grace to others, it's because I feel better about myself. 

I am not continuing the cycle of abuse by using the person's misdirected anger to lash out at someone else. I don't carry their hurtful words around with me as I used to in the past. 

I've learned that it is all about what I can control. Since I cannot control how others talk to me or treat me, I can control the situation I am in, and I can control my response to such negative comments. 

So, the next time someone says something hurtful to you, remember your options to handle the situation with empathy and understanding. The other person may be hurting deeply inside and unable to process their trauma well. You can move forward more positively without letting it pull you back. 

As someone who has been a professional writer for almost 10 years (and a writing enthusiast for my whole life), I am a firm believer in journaling. Granted, I have not maintained a consistent journaling rhythm in the season where I find myself now. But when I commit to this self-care practice on a regular basis, I feel connected to my goals, priorities, and intentions for healing. Moreover, I am compelled to take meaningful, decisive actions that align with those priorities. So if you, like me, have fallen into a journaling rut over the past weeks or months, here are some journaling topics to refuel your motivation in eating disorder recovery.

10 Journaling Topics for Eating Disorder Recovery Motivation

Journaling is one of my favorite coping mechanisms to restore balance, cultivate resilience, stabilize my emotions, and reframe my thoughts when the anxieties of daily life tempt me back into an eating disorder spiral. There is something intuitive and therapeutic about molding my abstract human experiences into concrete, salient words I can make sense of. Writing is how I process what it means to be alive—to heal, learn, stretch, and grow. It helps me understand my feelings, lean into discomforts, confront fears or challenges, and nurture self-awareness. I recommend it as an outlet to refuel motivation in eating disorder recovery.

It can be so beneficial to have a safe, private medium in which to freely sort through all the complexities of healing—the emotions, doubts, insecurities, behavioral urges, and unforeseen circumstances. Whether you are a seasoned journal writer or new to this practice entirely, I would encourage you to reach for a notebook and a pen in moments when you feel too overwhelmed to do anything else.

And if you are not quite sure where to start, below are 10 journaling topics to refuel eating disorder recovery motivation. 

1. How would it feel to cultivate a relationship of love and acceptance with your body? 
2. What steps can you take to experience total freedom in the areas of eating and exercise?
3. What would you invest time and energy in if you were not consumed by an eating disorder?
4. How do you define healing, and what are a few specific "whys" that make you want to heal?
5. How would your friendships or family connections strengthen if you committed to recovery?
6. What are some truths you can use to combat and reframe negative beliefs about yourself?  
7. What internalized cultural messages is it time to release at this stage in the healing process?
8. How do you react to triggers, and can you make a plan to handle them more constructively? 
9. How can you tend to your unresolved traumas, uncomfortable emotions, or unmet needs?
10. What are some qualities (both internal and external) you appreciate about yourself?

Use these Journaling Topics for Eating Disorder Recovery Motivation

Do you find journaling to be a useful, beneficial tool for healing? What are some journaling topics you turn to in moments of temptation, difficulty, or overwhelm? Does journaling help refuel your motivation in eating disorder recovery? I would love to hear your insights and experiences, so please share them in the comment section below.

The next global pandemic is here, and it's not what we expected. Mental health is at a tipping point in the United States and the world. Even before the COVID-19 pandemic, anxiety, depression, and other mental health disorders began steadily trending upward. With one global pandemic slowly moving into the scope of our rearview mirror, another timely and urgent pandemic has prevailed: mental health.

Understanding the Catalysts of the Mental Health Pandemic

The rise in individuals battling mental health issues is not a new trajectory. In a 2017 study conducted by the American Psychological Association, findings reported a 63 percent increase from 2005 to 2017 in young adults ages 18 to 25 experiencing symptoms of major depression.¹ This was three years before the global pandemic that would turn our world upside down and would trigger those numbers to increase further.

The COVID-19 pandemic did a number on our mental health as a society. Being isolated from friends and family, suffering insurmountable losses, and losing our jobs, the odds were stacked high against us. Now, on the tailcoats of the pandemic, many are still struggling to adapt to a new normal. Social anxiety among young adults has grown exponentially. In a 2021 study commissioned by Morgan Stanely, 62 percent of 18-year-olds from a pool of 516 U.S. teens reported concern about experiencing social anxiety following the COVID-19 pandemic.² Mental health struggles are prevalent and pervasive in our society and have been for most of our history. The only difference now is that, thankfully, we actually talk about them.

What Now? The Path Forward in the Mental Health Pandemic

I don't know what the future holds regarding the mental health crisis. I can't pretend to have all the answers becomes none of us do. What we do have, however, is our voice. We can spread awareness, fight stigma, and do our part the best way we know how. In terms of our individual mental health, we have the power to seek help, to change the trajectory of our story.

With that said, when we look at mental health as this enormous, overarching concept, it can be overwhelming, and the road can feel neverending. When I feel these emotions creep in, one thing that helps me is breaking it down into one action, task, or next step. I ask myself not, "How can I overcome this?" but, "What is the next step I need to take to put myself on the path to overcome this?" 

If you add up enough right next steps, you are well on your way to conquering the more significant issue, whatever that may be. Progression is well within reach, and you may be further along than you are giving yourself credit for.

Lastly, I encourage you not to lose sight of the fact that we are all in this together. The mental health pandemic affects many of us, and unity is better than isolation. Check in with your colleagues, friends, and loved ones. Let them know they are not alone, and remind yourself of that fact while you're at it. 

Sources

1. Sliwa, J. (2019, March 14). Mental Health Issues Increased Significantly in Young Adults Over Last Decade. American Psychological Association. https://www.scribbr.com/citation/generator/cite/webpage/

2. Morgan Stanley. (n.d.). Social Anxiety in Teens: Post-Pandemic Survey. Retrieved October 12, 2022, from https://www.morganstanley.com/press-releases/reemergence-program-us-teens-social-anxiety-survey-post-pandemic

A few days ago, my schizoaffective anxiety almost convinced me that I was dying--again. Here’s what happened.

Dealing with Physical Illness When You Have Schizoaffective Disorder

About a week ago, I woke up and noticed I couldn’t flex my left foot. I had psychotherapy that day, and my therapist suggested I call my general practitioner. I did, but he was out of town, so the nurse referred me to someone else. The next day, my husband, Tom, came home from work early and took me to a walk-in clinic. I had x-rays done and got prescriptions for blood work and an MRI.

There was a snag in getting my blood work done, which really stressed me out and probably contributed to my thoughts about dying. One of the tests was a precautionary one for Lyme disease, and before I received the results, my schizoaffective brain fixated on the idea that I might have Lyme disease, even though I hadn’t been bitten by a tick or hiking in the woods, where I could be exposed to ticks.

I Want to Live, But Anxiety Can Make Me Think I'm Dying

I started to think, “What if I die of Lyme disease?”

I don’t want to die. I want to live and be with Tom. I want to live and be with my whole family.

I was terrified. I was even scared to go on the Internet and do research about the illness. But, finally, I did. And I found out that most cases of Lyme disease can be easily treated with antibiotics.¹ Maybe next time, I should do my research before I let my anxiety disorder freak me out and convince me I’m dying.

But I learned something throughout all this. I learned how much I want to live. I really don’t want to die. I’ve already got a handle on my suicidal thoughts, but it’s an extra booster to realize that I want to live. I’ve realized that I have so much to live for.

As of this writing, I’ve gotten the test results back--no Lyme disease. But I still haven’t had the MRI. So, as ridiculously relieved as I am not to have Lyme disease, I still don’t know what’s wrong with my foot. I do know that I’m a bit flabbergasted by this foot problem. I already have arthritis in my knees, and now this? It doesn’t seem fair. But life isn’t fair, right? My schizoaffective disorder makes me really stress out about this stuff, too. As Tom always says, we’ll see what happens. And we’ll move forward no matter what.

If you feel that you may hurt yourself or someone else, call 9-1-1 immediately.

For more information on suicide, see our suicide information, resources, and support section. For additional mental health help, please see our mental health hotline numbers and referral information section.

Source

1. Lyme disease - Diagnosis and treatment - Mayo Clinic. (2020, October 24). Retrieved October 10, 2022, from https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/lyme-disease/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20374655

Relapse is a possibility every self-harmer faces during recovery—but is it normal to miss hurting yourself once you get clean?

Do You Miss Hurting Yourself Now that You're Clean?

If you've stopped self-harming and thought to yourself, even once, "I miss hurting myself," know that you're not alone. Yes, it's normal, and it's completely understandable. After all, you turned to self-injury for a reason—and if that reason, or one like it, persists, it's only natural to miss the emotional outlet that self-injury may once have provided for you.

So please, don't get caught in the trap of thinking that it's wrong, stupid, or messed up to miss hurting yourself. Healing isn't easy, nor is breaking a habit—particularly one you may have relied on for months, or even years, on end. It's okay if you sometimes feel like it would be easier just to give in and go back to hurting yourself. Many people do. Why else do you think people relapse?

Rather than shaming yourself or falling into the trap of guilt for feeling this way—which can potentially cause you to spiral right into a relapse—try to accept that you feel this way and then ask yourself why you miss it. Chances are there's something difficult that you're struggling with. Instead of turning back to self-harm, consider other options for coping, such as journaling, mindfulness, exercise, or cognitive behavioral therapy exercises. Consider, too, whether it might be time to reach out for some extra support from a friend, family member, support group member, or mental health professional.

Do I Miss Hurting Myself Now that I'm in Recovery?

Personally, there isn't much I miss about hurting myself. I don't miss the pain of the act itself, nor do I miss the pain I was in that led me to try it in the first place. I don't miss feeling torn between wanting scars and wanting to keep my secret, well, secret. And I definitely don't miss those first long years I spent trying to recover on my own before I finally reached out for help.

But am I still sometimes tempted to turn back to self-harm to cope? Yes, I am. I'm not sure that's something that ever fully goes away, though it sure would be nice if it did. The difference is that the temptation is so much easier to ignore now that I've had years of practice doing so—and building a recovery toolbox full of healthier alternatives.