Healthy coping tools like self-harm comfort audio can play a critical role in the process of getting and staying clean from nonsuicidal self-injury. 

What Is Self-Harm Comfort Audio?

You might have seen this term floating around the Internet already, especially if you've been searching for recovery tools on your own. There's no dictionary definition to fall back on here, but I'd say self-harm comfort audio is any kind of auditory input that helps you cope with cravings and resist the urge to hurt yourself.

That's it. It's that simple—and that adaptable.

Are you a music fan? Any kind of music that lessens the negative impact of your triggers falls under this category. For some people, this might mean listening to soft piano music to calm down, while others might seek catharsis through heavy metal or rap. The genre doesn't matter—it's all about whether it helps you cope.

Self-harm comfort audio doesn't even have to be music. Some folks find ambient sounds, like ocean waves or cafe chatter, more soothing than music with a beat. For others, guided meditations or even just gentle affirmations (which comprise many of the self-harm comfort audio tracks you'll find on YouTube as of this writing) might be more effective.

How to Use Self-Harm Comfort Audio for Recovery

Self-harm comfort audio is easy to find—if you don't already have some go-to, feel-good tracks, you can find something if you poke around music streaming websites or apps. There are also lots of free ambient sound collections on the Internet—and of course, when in doubt, check YouTube.

Probably the most obvious use for self-harm audio is to listen to it whenever you feel a strong urge to hurt yourself. For this reason, it's a good idea to make sure whatever audio you choose is something you can easily access at the drop of a hat.

If you have a smartphone you can keep with you at all times, this will likely be your lifeline to your comfort audio—but if not, you may want to invest a few dollars in something like a small, portable mp3 player and some earbuds. If you like nature sounds, you might also want to find a couple of favorite spots—say, on your porch or at a park—you can easily visit to listen to your favorite sounds in person.

However, in my experience, self-harm comfort audio is most effective when used at other times as well. Using coping techniques like this is not just about overcoming urges in the moment. It's about lessening their hold on you and improving your resilience over time. One important trick to learn is to recognize when you're being triggered. You can then use self-harm comfort audio to soothe yourself before your emotions begin to spiral into urges.

Self-harm comfort audio can likewise be an excellent self-soothing technique for coping with any potential shame, depression, anxiety, or other difficult emotions you may experience if you do give in to your urges despite your best efforts.

I've also found that incorporating self-harm comfort audio into a daily practice, such as a morning meditation or afternoon walk, can be particularly helpful. Having that small swatch of comfort to look forward to each day can be a real boon during (and even beyond) your recovery journey.

Although therapy has immensely benefited me, I've learned it is okay to take a break from therapy. There were times I did not want a break. Sometimes I counted down the days until my next appointment, feeling like it would never arrive. During my darkest days, I talked to a therapist every week, sometimes multiple times a week. However, I also experienced times when I didn't want to talk about my feelings or work through any issues at all. At times, I was not motivated to do the internal work I knew I had to do. 

Moving through the healing process while using professional therapy is a technique that is mentally exhausting and physically draining. I often experienced being so tired and emotionally spent that I could barely complete simple tasks like choosing what to make for dinner. 

It takes a lot of mental effort to work through and process traumatic events from verbal abuse. And although I wanted to do whatever it took to feel better and heal, I sometimes found the work was too much for me, causing me to step back and take a break from therapy. 

Short Breaks from Therapy Can Help 

Whether you are just starting with a therapist or have been seeing one for some time, exploring the option of a short break can help your healing process. I reached a point in my healing journey where I needed to step back and just breathe. Unfortunately, I couldn't muster the brain power to learn a new coping skill or process old memories. 

However, I knew that therapy was helpful, and as much as I didn't want to do the work, I felt I had to go to my treatment. So, I took short breaks in different ways to give me the rest I needed. 

Fewer Appointments

During these exhausting periods, I would prolong my next appointment by a few days or a week. This additional time gave me a few extra days to mentally prepare myself for the next session. It also gave me some much-needed rest to process my emotions and have spare time to try some coping techniques I learned. 

Take a Break from Therapeutic Work and Simply Vent 

I occasionally didn't do trauma work during my appointments because working through abuse trauma is challenging. And since I built up a connection with my therapist over the past few years, I felt sometimes I just needed a venting session rather than therapy.

Instead of doing internal work at an appointment, I would talk about things from my present that I found irritating, helpful, or entertaining. That way, I could maintain that connection I needed while taking a short break from the hard work that I needed to do. 

It's Okay To Rest and Take Breaks from Therapy

Anytime you work to better yourself, learn a new skill, or process feelings from a verbally abusive situation, you will need to rest. This is because the body and mind cannot sustain a constant state, making it necessary to take short breaks.

If you are burnt out from therapy, talk to your therapist about a short break and how you can rest to continue your healing journey. Every individual's process is unique, and you can take all the time you need to work through your situation in the best way possible at your own pace. 

Ignorance is bliss. Or is it? It can be challenging to decipher the true root of ignorance. Is it the literal definition of the word, lack of knowledge or awareness? Does malicious intent fuel ignorance? Does a lack of empathy fuel ignorance? Although daunting, the truth is, understanding the root of the ignorance in question is the first step toward improvement. Regarding mental health stigma, ignorance is one of the biggest obstacles to progress. Let's unpack a few common motives behind ignorance to help gauge a path forward concerning mental health stigma.

Exploring Ignorance Fueled By a Lack of Knowledge

The simplest--and easiest motive to forgive--is a general lack of understanding or knowledge. It's sometimes easy to forget that up until recently, speaking about mental health was considered taboo.¹ In some communities, these beliefs run extremely deep, and mental health, or the stigma surrounding it, is still rarely discussed.² 

With that said, this category of ignorance is also the simplest to remedy. In cases like these, the next step is exchanging lack for abundance. If you are saying easier said than done, remember that the next right step is not always the biggest. I have a friend whose sister started a peer support group at her college, a reasonable feat with extraordinary impact. There is a world of knowledge at our fingertips, and sometimes people just need a nudge to tap into that. Be creative with your friendly nudge.

Considering Ignorance Within the Scope of Empathy

Certain situations in my life have provoked me to re-examine the importance of empathy. To some, empathy may seem innate, but from personal experience, I know this is far from the truth. As an empath, it took me a while to understand this and even longer to be okay with it.

We can't shame others for not having the same lived experiences. We can't expect others to know how we feel. Nevertheless, that doesn't mean we stop trying. Empathy is further in reach when the receiving end is willing to learn and listen. This concept leads me to the last common motive of ignorance, a purposeful unwillingness to learn. In other words, malicious intent. 

Dealing with Individuals Unwilling to Learn

Odds are you've encountered your fair share of stubborn individuals. Maybe you are one yourself (I know I am). That said, there is a clear line between typical stubbornness and intentionally dismissing the viewpoints and experiences of others. One of the biggest obstacles in dismantling mental health stigma is individuals unwilling to stray from long-standing and wildly counterproductive beliefs surrounding mental health.

So, how do we counteract this category of ignorance? Apologies in advance for the lack of zest here, but it's really quite simple: patience and resilience. These two virtues can go a very, very long way.

Sources

1. HealthPartners. (2020, February 24). Stigma of mental illnesses decreasing, survey shows. https://www.healthpartners.com/hp/about/press-releases/stigma-of-mental-illnesses-decreasing.html 

2. The University of Chicago. (2017). Looking at the Cultural Aspects of Mental Health | Crown Family School of Social Work, Policy, and Practice. SSA Magazine Archive. https://crownschool.uchicago.edu/ssa_magazine/looking-cultural-aspects-mental-health.html

One of my favorite memes on social media says something like,

“It’s almost time for me to put away my normal anxiety and put on my fancy Christmas anxiety.”

Christmas is a very anxious--even manic--time of year for many people. But I have a special reason why my anxiety skyrockets around the holidays.

My First Schizoaffective Psychotic Episode Was During the Holidays

I had my first schizoaffective psychotic episode right around Thanksgiving of 1998. It escalated from Thanksgiving through the New Year. It changed my life forever.

Here’s how the world existed during my psychotic episode. I was at the Rhode Island School of Design (RISD), which is really a pretty manic place. There are a lot of celebrity offspring, celebrity alums, and big-name artists at RISD and Brown University, a campus that overlaps RISD’s. I met Ted Turner’s son, who graduated from RISD a year or so before I started there. And George Harrison’s son, Dhani, was at Brown when I was a student. This put me in a pickle because I was obsessed with the Beatles. I didn’t know if I should approach him, knowing nothing about him except for his father’s band years before either of us was born.

When my schizoaffective psychotic episode began, it latched onto all this star-studded fervor. I called my Mom up and told her George Harrison was following me. My brother later asked me if it was good that George Harrison was following me since I was such a big Beatles fan. It wasn’t good. I was scared at the thought of a man I didn’t really know following me, Beatle or not.

My Mom flew from Chicago to Providence, Rhode Island, to be with me while I tried to finish the semester. I went on antipsychotic medication but crushing psychotic symptoms lingered. My Mom took me back to Chicago in time for Christmas, and I transferred to The School of the Art Institute of Chicago a few months later.

This Schizoaffective Sometimes Wonders, ‘Why Me?’

I broke down and started crying while I was writing this. I wonder, “Why me?” But then I think of the dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) coping thought, “Why not me?”

Many people--well, most middle-aged people--say they’ve grown up a lot since college. I feel that I’ve healed a lot since college. I’m happy to say that I’m on a good cocktail of medications and that I no longer hear voices, a symptom that triggered my psychotic episode back in 1998. Anniversaries of bad events are hard for everyone, though. That’s why my anxiety and depression amp up around this time of year. But my support system of family, friends, and doctors help me get through it.

Staying organized helps my anxiety because one of the things that can be challenging, is dealing with a lack of control. Even though I know that I can't control everything, it becomes difficult when I feel like I am in a chaotic environment. It also becomes overwhelming when situations occur that I don't have control over and so, along with it, comes uncertainty.

When I feel this uncertainty and a lack of control, this is an automatic trigger for my anxiety. And so, I have to take specific steps to help me stay calm. One of the steps that is helpful is staying organized.

How I Use Staying Organized to Help My Anxiety 

When I sense a lack of control over something and I know that it is going to affect how I feel, I try to be proactive about strategies that I can use to help keep me from becoming overwhelmed with anxiety. One of those strategies is organizing myself and tasks I control.

I've found that doing this helps me to stay focused on the moment, so it essentially becomes a grounding technique to keep me from being overwhelmed with worry about what can happen in the future. It becomes about taking preventative measures to keep the anxiety at bay. Some of the strategies I use include:

1. I schedule time to deal with things I know are stressful. Whether it is work or even something in my personal life, I've found it can be helpful to block out specific times to deal with something that I know is going to make me feel uncomfortable. By doing this, I intentionally do not worry about it until it is time to.
2. I identify what is within my control. Let's say I am anxious about an upcoming project that I am working on. I will identify the aspects of the project that I can control, and I will focus on those areas specifically. I have learned over time, that focusing on areas of work that I don't have control over only serves to increase anxious feelings.
3. I organize things that I can control, especially if I feel as though I am in a chaotic situation. Life happens, as we know, and sometimes with it comes so much doubt and uncertainty that can lead to feeling overwhelmed with worry. I've found that it is in situations such as this where I experience panic attacks, have difficulty sleeping, and experience other physical symptoms that become so exhausting. Instead, I will distract myself by organizing things that I can manage. It could be something as simple as my desk or my bathroom drawer. Or, it could be tasks within my calendar so that I can manage my time effectively. The action helps me to feel settled and less anxious.

Try these strategies to help you use organization to reduce your anxiety. If you use other strategies, share them in the comments below.

Anxiety can negate your appetite. Anxiety and eating disorders often co-occur—that's hardly a shock to those who live with the harsh realities and ramifications of both illnesses. As the National Institute of Mental Health reveals, 65.1 percent of those with binge eating disorder, 47.9 percent with anorexia, and 80.6 percent with bulimia meet the diagnostic criteria for anxiety.¹

But despite how common this co-occurrence is, there's no one-size-fits-all reaction to being in the throes of anxiety. Some feel an impulse to "stress eat," while others find it painful to eat. I fall into the latter category, but I'm also aware that I need nourishment to function—especially when anxious thoughts and emotions threaten to overwhelm me. So how do I cope when anxiety negates my appetite? As with all facets of recovery, it's a work in progress.  

How the Impacts of Anxiety Often Take Away My Appetite

Yesterday was the mid-term election in the United States. Although I voted by mail a few weeks ago, I was incredibly anxious about the results, telling myself I should have been more proactive to ensure the outcome I wanted—as if my singular actions could control all the variables of an election. While I continuously refreshed the news tab on my computer screen to check the latest batch of polling information, I could feel my stomach muscles heave with tension. It had been hours since my last meal (coffee and a piece of fruit), but the sheer thought of food was nauseating. Anxiety had taken over in both the mental and physical sense.  

In contentious times like this, I have no trouble justifying caloric restriction. It seems rational—or even natural—to skip a meal. "My digestive tract is under too much pressure right now," I reason. "Why stress it out more? Fasting will calm the discomfort."

But I also have enough experience in eating disorder recovery to know that small rationalizations of a certain behavior (no matter how harmless it might seem) can lead to a full-blown eating disorder relapse. Anxiety often does wreak havoc on my stomach and intestines, but that is no excuse to deprive myself of nutrients. So here's how I am learning to cope when anxiety negates my appetite. 

My Strategies to Cope When Anxiety Negates My Appetite

Regardless of how anxious I feel, it's not an option to slide back into my former patterns of eating disorder behavior. This is the commitment I have made to myself, and almost nothing matters more on my list of priorities than healing and freedom from the mental illness that once consumed me. But since I can't just snap my fingers and banish all traces of anxiety, I need an action plan to stand firm in recovery. That means nourishing myself when it would be more comfortable—and so much easier—to continue subsisting on an empty stomach. Below are a few practical strategies I use to cope when anxiety negates my appetite. 

1. I take deep, conscious breaths. When I focus on each slow inhale from my diaphragm and exhale through my mouth, this repetitive motion will help relax the tense contractions in my stomach, which alleviates the feeling of nausea.    
2. I choose easy-to-swallow foods. In those moments when I know it's beneficial to eat, but I legitimately feel too squeamish for an entire meal, I resort to drinking my nutrients. I blend spinach, berries, avocado, cashew milk, and peanut butter into a healthy, filling smoothie that doesn't require much effort or strain to ingest.
3. I distract myself while I'm eating. Most of the time, I practice mindful eating (the intuitive awareness of pleasure and satiation during a meal), but when anxiety hits, I need a positive distraction. In these instances, I'll read a book chapter, watch a funny TV show, work on a crossword puzzle, or listen to a podcast as I eat.
4. I repeat a soothing affirmation. Anxiety thrives on "what-ifs," so I have a mantra that helps me combat anxious feelings with the concrete truth: "This sensation will pass. It has no hold on me. I can return to calm, peace, and balance." 

Do you wrestle with anxiety and an eating disorder at the same time? Is it difficult for you to eat when anxious thoughts or emotions rise to the surface? How do you cope when anxiety negates your appetite? Feel free to share your insights in the comment section. 

Source

1. Eating Disorders: Co-Morbidity with Other Mental Disorders in Adults. National Institute of Mental Health. Retrieved November 8, 2022, https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/eating-disorders#part_2571

Growing up, I left the room when my parents turned on the nightly news. I had no interest. Besides, it was all bad news, or so it seemed: wars, fires, shootings, murders, robberies, injustices, bickering politicians, and so on. No, thank you, I had anxiety around the news.

As I transitioned into adulthood in the late '70s and early '80s, I kept myself somewhat informed, picking and choosing snippets, at best, minimizing my exposure to bad news, especially. But with the birth of 24/7 news channels, the World Wide Web, and especially the advent of social media in the early 2000s, exposure to bad news now seems unavoidable.

Short of sticking my head in the sand, is it even possible to avoid bad news? I limit how much network news I consume, sticking to some local content and a limited amount of global news. My husband enjoys CNN and BNN. He keeps it on as background noise. I try to avoid both for the most part and am thankful he has a "man cave" in which to partake of his need to consume all things business and global news alongside sports news.

I suppose I could leave social media, although I only frequent two platforms with regularity; Instagram and Twitter.

Instagram is primarily for close family and friends and to share my writing about mental health.

My go-to social media is Twitter, which I review twice a day, on average. Its short-form text-based content appeals to my preference for consuming information in bite-sized snippets. 

My profile on Twitter is public. I post links there to my blog articles and follow several carefully selected handles: good news accounts, comedy, museums, history, authors, animals, TV shows and personalities, etc. I utilize Twitter's blocking and filtering features as well. Still, troubling news hits my feed that is often confusing, polarizing, scary news that generates all manner of self-talk. It brings about my news anxiety. I wonder:

"Is this fact-checked or fake news?" 

"Can I trust this news?"

"What does this mean?"

All of this makes me feel like the metaphoric sky is falling, and there's not one thing I can do about it. Though I do my best to scroll past bad news quickly, my brain picks it up, resulting in a general unease, a trigger, as it were, for my anxiety. 

I enjoy scrolling through my Twitter feed but avoiding bad news is becoming exceedingly difficult.

Tips for Consuming News in Moderation to Lower Anxiety

Moderating the news I consume on TV is as simple as turning the channel, assuming I haven't been swept up by some dirty deed or disaster that has me glued to the tube, as we used to say back in the day. The same holds true for content on the Internet. I don't typically frequent news sites, but if I happen upon something I don't like, I simply close the browser window.

Social media is a little trickier. First, the post verbiage entices me. Then, I click the post to read more, whether to see more of the post that wasn't visible, to access a link to an article, or to view an image or video. Then, I start scrolling through the comments, some of which agree with my point of view. Others are negative or incredibly toxic. All the while, my brain is absorbing, always absorbing.

As it seems that social media, Twitter specifically, is, for me, the biggest contributor to my anxiety due to bad news, I have three options to consider.

1. I could leave Twitter altogether, although I would no longer have access to the often fascinating, humorous, adorable, and engaging content I enjoy consuming through this platform.
2. I could stop looking at Twitter daily. But could I honestly do this? It's sad to say that it has become habitual.
3. I could adopt a more rigorous practice of reviewing who I follow and the content they post and do a better job at updating the filters I have in place. If I have a filter and something slips by, look into why it landed in my feed and make adjustments.

For now, I will go with option three and do a better job of curating my content. At the same time, I'll try to reduce the number of times I look at Twitter.

Some might say that my approach is naive. Just because I ignore the news doesn't mean it isn't happening. But, given we live in the age of instant, constant information overload, I feel it's important to moderate what we consume. It's not only important, but it's also essential to both our individual and collective wellbeing.

I Choose to Date Younger Men Despite Stigma

I sometimes wonder if I would face the same stigma for dating men a couple of decades younger than me if the genders were reversed. It isn't that unusual to hear about men in their 40s dating women in their 20s. However, when a woman in her 40s dates a man in his 20s, the main assumption I've encountered is that she must be a "sugar mommy." It's almost as if it's unimaginable that a young man would be sexually or romantically interested in an older woman for any other reason.

In my experience, this is a myth. Some young men genuinely like older women -- quite a few, as a matter of fact. Similarly, some older women are genuinely interested in dating younger men. I should know because I'm one such woman.

In this video, I discuss how my relationships with younger men have had nothing to do with financially supporting them. Instead, one of the main reasons I do it is that my internal age is more compatible with men much younger than me. It's simply the nature of my sexuality.

The healthiest thing any of us can do is accept our authentic sexuality, and that's exactly what I've chosen to do, regardless of any stigma I might receive for it. I date younger men, and it's okay.

See More on Dating

• How to Spot an Abuser on Your First Date
• Sociopaths in Relationships: Dating a Sociopath
• Dating Someone with Depression: Is That a Good Idea?

For citizens living in the northern hemisphere, the days are getting shorter. Shorter winter days can affect your mood, especially if you deal with mental health issues like attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

Daily Walks Help Me Fight ADHD

Daily walks, particularly in nature, help me beat winter blues and keep the worst excesses of ADHD in check. If you're lucky enough to live near a park or anywhere with plenty of greenery, consider taking daily walks to boost your mood. These walks don't have to last for hours. In fact, I reap plenty of benefits after an hour-long walk -- not least of which is the chance to get away from a screen and forget about work.

Do you like walking, even in winter? Let me know in the comments.

See Also

• ADHD and SAD’s Surprising Connection and What to Do About It
• Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) FAQs

I am a Cougar: Accepting My Sexuality Is an Act of Self-Love

In "Dating Like a 'Cougar' Is Leaving Me Lonely," I discussed my mixed feelings about continuing to identify as a cougar. I was worried that the term might be too small of a box to fit myself into. Having thought about it more, I now see the term more like a shoe that fits. It might be a tight fit, but it still fits.

It's not that I couldn't wear other shoes (those other shoes being men my age); it's just futile to claim that the ones I wear don't suit me extremely well. I don't see myself growing out of them anytime soon.

Why does it have to be such a serious topic? I actually love being a cougar. I've decided that there's nothing wrong with it. The heart wants what the heart wants, and we really can't control what we're attracted to. I'm going to stop feeling bad about it and start celebrating it.

I'm Not Apologizing for Being a Cougar

For too long, I've felt I have to apologize for being sexually and romantically interested in younger men. There's a part of me that still believes that only wanting to date men between the ages of about 20 and 27 (and women, as per "Why I've Struggled to Accept My Bisexuality," I don't have much experience in that area) is weird and that I'm a weird person because of it. I think this judgment of myself is one I've been conditioned to believe. I can decide not to believe it anymore. I'm not weird. I'm just me.

There are many misperceptions about what being a cougar means, but I can't let my worries about what other people think stop me from being myself and living an authentic life. What's the alternative: date someone closer to my age when neither my heart nor my hormones are into it? That doesn't seem fair to the other person or me.

If I enjoy dating younger men, and if everyone involved is a consenting adult, then that's exactly what I should be doing. I accept that not everyone understands it. I don't have to worry about getting everyone's approval; the only approval I really need is my own.

It turns out that being a cougar is one of my favorite parts of me. I love myself too much to let that go.