Personal Stories of Depression and Treatment - Matthew

"I started having sleep problems, panic attacks, seeing nothing good and losing hope." ~ Matthew, age 34

I suppose you could say I caught depression. My girlfriend suffered from depression. She was going through a hell of a lot of stress and she cracked! First time was a bit of a shock as she lost a lot of weight, suddenly became irritable, negative, cold and basically discharged everything on me! I didn't know what was going so I took all her criticism to heart. She eventually came out of her first episode after about five months and everything seemed to be on the right track. Then after around nine months, she seemed to be slipping back into it. This time, I spoke to a friend who suffered from depression and she told me that's what my girlfriend could be dealing with.

After reading a few books about depression everything seemed to fit; the libido was down the drain, lack of sleep, negativity and all that. I tried to convince her to see someone. I spent seven months trying until I finally couldn't handle it anymore and had to get out. It was the best of two horrible choices, staying in and getting my self esteem trampled on or getting out! She kept on saying how she didn't have any feelings anymore. Apparently emotional numbness is normal.

At the end, I was exhausted but holding on. Then I started having real sleep problems. I was already at 6 hours of sleep (not enough) but went down to about 3 and woke up with panic attacks, seeing nothing good and losing hope. I had read enough to know what was happening so I went to see a psychiatrist who prescribed antidepressants ... and boy was I glad I did. I think I got mine early (still wish I'd gone earlier!)

A week later my sleep was better. After 2-3 weeks, I started smiling at comedy shows again. After around 6 weeks, I was back to being pretty much me; still heartbroken but able to see the sunny side of life too.

I stayed on the antidepressants for 6 months, then stopped and had a shaky spell. I restarted for another two months. Now I try to control my stress rather than let it control me. And, so far, so good. I will keep an eye on myself, however, as I don't want to go back to the depression and those panic attacks!

All I can say is that if you suspect that you might be depressed, DO SOMETHING. You don't have to continue suffering and the distress you can cause to those you love and who love you can be devastating.

Read more about men and depression here, women and depression here.