Developing Hope in PTSD Recovery

I relate to this so much - "For weeks I might wallow in sadness and self-pity thinking my life was doomed to darkness until some event (it could be as simple as seeing a beautiful sunset) brought me out of my head into a world of possibility. In an unexpected instant I would develop hope again.". Thant is why I fejected the idea of having depression for so long because if I could just get a different perspective everything seemed better. I now understand how a violent trauma coupled with drug and alcohol used for repression, can change your brain forever. http://healingtakesalifetime.blogspot.com/p/blog-page.html this link takes you to my blog and a paper I wrote based on my research. Hope is so important. Hope changes everything!

What is hope? I don't have it. I don't see it getting better. Everyday I fight to be here. What does hope do? I have no clue. Its not getting better. I'm getting worse! I've tried so many things. Hope is hopeless. People le when they say it gets better.

Teresa, I know it's hard to get through a day sometimes but then it becomes a week and before you know life is moving forward. Are you seeing a therapist? I have been fortunate to have some good ones.Please look at my blog, it is based on my faith but even if you don't share that we share the task of healing. Don't let the bad guys win by handing over the rest of your life. The trauma has already taken enough. Hope can be a change of season, a new adventure, a change of venue, anything that keeps you from focusing on what happened. Hope changes your perspective and when I focus on something or someone else there is purpose and a glimmer of light and light removes the darkness. Little steps lead to bigger ones. You can change your story. You are in charge.
Lisamarie

Hi, 3 years ago this May 5, 2015, I witnessed my husband's suicide in the backyard of our home. We were married 10 yrs. I have had experience with traumatic events in my life, but nothing could have prepared me for this. I have been hospitalized, had 6 ECT treatments, participated in a intensive outpatient day program, am actively involved in therapy and see a psychiatrist regularly. Everyday is a struggle to get up, and do what I need to in order to get through the day. However, I do it, every single day, because I keep telling myself that I have PTSD, it doesn't have me. There is hope, I believe that. I believe that if you are able to work with the professionals and medication management for the anxiety, sleep disturbances, etc., you have a better chance of healing at some point. I am not saying it just all goes away one day, but you can actually find a light at the end of the tunnel. Please, let's do this together!!!

where does hope come from? I honestly do not know how to keep positive emotions. I don't recall happy childhood moments. I can't look forward to stuff. because there is always the after, when it all comes back crashing down on me. I absolutely dread the pain and fear that it causes me! I have an amazing therapist who I feel safe with. Being safe is so important to me. I lose my safety when I leave a session. I literally fall apart. I can't seem to hang onto things he has said and shown me. I am so frustrated with myself! I feel like a failure and a reject. I'm fighting to hang on. Every day. Nights are awful! I don't sleep. I sit in terror and trigger and panic. Without going into detail, I have complex ptsd, major dpression and attachment disorders. My therspist told me because of the childhood abuse and neglect and not being wanted, the horrendous abuse and traumas that happened later, has made it harder to to feel safe. I'm asking how do I get hope? What does looking at a sunset have to do with hope? I'm so tired and alone. Full of hurts and pain. Deep soul pain. I'm sorry I'm just wanting to find hope? Can someone help me?

Teresa, I don't know how to tell you to have hope, but I'm experiencing the same things you are. I understand, I too feel like I'm going crazy. All that you described happeno to me as well. It helped me to know, I'm not so defective, and that what I'm going through is the same struggles you are experiencing. I go from being totally hopeless to getting angry and fighting and saying I will not allow you (my past abusers) to destroy me through PTSD. My hope is just to survive at times, but I'm getting tired as I'm sure you are also. Hopefully it helps you just to know you're are not alone as it did me, by reading your story

I am in the same boat as Teresa. I haven't had hope in a long time or any positive emotions for that matter. I don't see an end to any of this. I just got out of my first hospitalization. It lasted 2 months and I am just as lost ever. I'm supposed to go to IOP starting in a couple weeks but if it's just groups I don't know that I can bear it. I want to be able to handle my own life yet it's always out of my grasp. I've been inundated with appointments and what not and am on meds for the first time. It's bad enough the side effects make things almost worse but it's all just so overwhelming. The question I have been asking since I started feeling things weren't right, is how do I get hope back. I know it's important but if I could turn it on, I feel I would be in a much better place.