Why Can Childhood Sexual Abuse Lead to Promiscuity?
At first, the idea that sexual promiscuity can result from childhood sexual abuse seems illogical. Wouldn't someone who suffered sexual abuse have difficulty creating intimate relationships and work to avoid personal contact? While this can often be the case, a review of the research on childhood sexual abuse (from the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress, or AAETS) confirms that a large number of survivors engage in promiscuous behaviors, even those who turn away close relationships. Here are some of the reasons why childhood sexual abuse can lead to promiscuity.
The AAETS report also supports the finding that childhood sexual abuse is known to result in a myriad of symptoms including depression, sleep disturbances, poor self-esteem, guilt, shame, dissociative disorders, anxiety, and relationship difficulties. Often these symptoms exist under the umbrella of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). In my case, dissociation, shame, and poor self-esteem were the PTSD symptoms I believe led to my promiscuity during my late teens.
Sexual Abuse Survivors Often Equate Promiscuity with Self-Worth
My trauma had ended, but I remained silent about the sexual abuse. In fact, for several years after it ended, I maintained contact with my abuser. The abuse I suffered had been so normalized that I stuffed it away and attempted to minimize it. In fact, my abuse had incorrectly convinced me, that I had to be sexually desirable to have any self-worth.
Promiscuity in Sexual Abuse Survivors Masks Other PTSD Symptoms
Sex became an escape on several levels. It was a dopamine-, serotonin-, endorphin-loaded experience. I did not have to be emotionally attached. I could have the satisfaction of being found attractive, wanted, and worthwhile, while still escaping any controlling relationship or the possibility of abandonment. As a final defense, my reckless encounters could trigger dissociation, which remained my ultimate escape for many years.
My actual symptoms of sexual abuse were still there in all their untreated glory. I eventually realized that I only felt better for short moments at a time. People began to label me and look down on me. My escape began to create more wounds than it could hide. I was becoming even more withdrawn. I needed help.
Replacing Promiscuity with Treatment for Childhood Sexual Abuse and PTSD
It took me a long time to recover from my childhood trauma. Rebuilding a healthy sense of self-worth was a large part of my recovery. I needed help to realize that promiscuity is not a dirty word. Choosing to have numerous consensual partners does not make anyone cheap or morally deficient. What is wrong is shaming someone because they have had sex with multiple partners. At the same time, I needed help to realize that sex without intimacy does not reflect love or affection. We are lovable and worth being around without presenting ourselves as sexually available.
Finally, I needed to learn that promiscuity doesn't cure the symptoms of PTSD caused by childhood sexual abuse. Long-term healing takes time and help. I was afraid to discuss my abuse or my promiscuity with my first few counselors. I wish I had known that a good therapist would not be surprised or judgemental about anyone's trauma or behaviors. When I finally could discuss everything, a tremendous weight began to lift from my shoulders. I needed to tell my entire story to heal.
Promiscuity is a difficult topic to address. I know we heal with each other and strengthen each other by sharing our stories. Please feel free to add to the discussion below. Your email information is private, and I will respond to everyone who comments.
Source
- "Sexual Abuse of Children." American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress. AAETS, n.d. Web. 5 Sept. 2017.
APA Reference
Hollowood, T.
(2017, September 4). Why Can Childhood Sexual Abuse Lead to Promiscuity?, HealthyPlace. Retrieved
on 2024, May 5 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/traumaptsdblog/2017/09/childhood-sexual-abuse-ptsd-and-promiscuity
Author: Tia Hollowood
Wow. All of these replies are so helpful. I feel less alone. I was molested repeatedly by a neighbor boy—I believe a high schooler—when I was either 4 or 6. My older brother delivered me each time to this boy’s house. I guess my brother was a victim too, I had night terrors and panic attacks and was so afraid someone would come in the night and stab me to death. I told my mother about the abuse and she said it was no big deal. A little nothing. My father was sexual toward me in some ways. I was just sexusluzed and used my sexuality to feel self worth. I think getting guys to like me gave me finally a sense of power. They would want to keep seeing me or get a commitment and I enjoyed shafting them. When I was 20 I went to a plastic surgeon to have a bump removed on my nose. Before the surgery he said I had to have an exam. Alone with him in the examining room, he made me take all my clothes off and he gave me a thorough gynecological and breast exam. I told no one. My first marriage was a disaster—an unfaithful, cruel narcissistic. I am in a much better marriage now but suffer from shame, guilt, tons of anger, fear, PTSD, OCD(sexual obsession) fibromyalgia. I know I take my pain out on others. I am in therapy and starting the healing. It has taken decades to really address my issues.
My girlfriend cheated on me for 1.5 years and when I broke it off with her she disclosed that she has CSA history with her half brother (he passed away late 2017 from drug overdose). Our sex life was good in the beginning of the relationship but then we stopped having sex in 2020 during the pandemic because she thought she was “broken” and didn’t want sex or anything and pushed me away - I couldn’t even touch her or communicate with her, it’s almost like she lost complete attraction towards me. Then in 2021 I caught her flirting with other guys and decided to take a break from each other, and come to find out she cheated on me days into our break and has been with the guy ever since - she was living a double life and had a full relationship with this guy, having sex with no condoms, and thought they were soulmates, kids, marriage etc.. (the guy even disclosed that she had her first orgasm with him, something I found hard to believe because she couldn’t have orgasm - which I’m sure is related to PTSD from CSA trauma) long story short, i broke up with her and told her I wouldn’t talk to her until she got a therapist, and after a month she did, but has been in contact with the guy still.. when I found this out I went no contact on her again and finally starting my journey to heal. I’m confused because she still tells me that she loves me and she doesn’t know who she was when she was with him, and why she did the things she did. I’m sure she did that to just keep me around but I’ve heard of CSA victims cheating on spouses they actually love and infidelity is some sort of coping mechanism to self sabotage a good relationship.. can anybody relate to this or give me any insight?
My childhood sexual abuse, together with a lifetime of other abuses (including spousal attempted murder), firmly entrenched me in the promiscuous camp. I played a sort of sexual Russian roulette with my body all my life. Reading others’ comments is simultaneously comforting and saddening. Healing doesn’t happen in silence or solitude. After a lifetime of repression and suppression, I finally healed at 56 and am now enjoying reciprocal true love. My healing came from my researching and chronicling via writing my first book, a story of triumphing over trauma, “Roar: Primed for Peace. Self Heal from Trauma for Health, Happiness & Harmony.” 95% of our brains operate at the subconscious level and if we want to change our negative, limiting beliefs and self-destructive behavior, we have to address it accordingly. You can heal once you find the way. Wishing peace to all of you….
The youngest I can remember is my sexual abuse started at 3 years old by my father. This went on for 10 years. I do not remember my child hold as a little girl , only the abuse. It was garden through out my life time trust. U built walls. I have alot if health issue's. Mentally and physically. I nervous breakdown and close to a few more . u gave been degraded because I was not a virgin in my relationships. I am 63 now. Married 43 years but its be rough. The loneliness. 2 sons the walls I had raising them. Due to fear. But they knew I loved them with all my heart. Till this day still have trouble sleeping , trusting.
I was sexually abused at age 9-14, then at 15-17 I was sexually harassed by the same person who sexually abused me (I'm currently 18). For a majority of all my life and main developmental phases, all I've known is abuse and exploitation.
All my memories in regard to the early stages of abuse have faded in and out over the years. I remember when it first happened, when it got serious, and when it started taking a toll on my mental development and how I perceive sex and relationships.
I began consuming unhealthy amounts of pornographic content, then I began re-exposing myself to sexual abuse by talking to strangers online, I began engaging in promiscuous behaviors and acts, developing destructive kinks on the brink of abuse, and then I went so far as to take explicit and compromising photos of myself which were then sent to a stranger online who wanted to hurt me for his own fun.
I've since stopped a majority of those activities, all that remains is my unhealthy relationship with pornographic content, and residual promiscuous behaviors which I deter by interacting only with family, friends, and coworkers since it's only then my promiscuous behaviors never occur.
I've also found better ways to cope without being destructive to myself, through working out, doing art, and having the occasional self-hug and cry session taking a moment to remind myself I'm okay, and that my emotions are valid.
I haven't yet begun to truly heal from the years of physical and mental abuse, but with each day I'm getting better.
My ultimate reasoning for typing this was just to let someone out there know that I'm doing okay...