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Relapse Prevention

Eating disorders make for very poor travel companions on road trips. I found this one out the hard way. If you take an eating disorder out of its natural habitat, it is going to freak out. Usually, one of two things happens: (1) you throw caution to the wind for the duration of the trip and eat everything (been there) or, (2) you are so anxious about the changes that you restrict further (been there, too). Either way, it's not much fun. And vacations are supposed to be fun.
One of the most important actions to be taken in eating disorder recovery is to talk back and say ‘No’ to the voice in your mind, while fighting against the disease. My co-author Jess pointed this out in last week’s post. Of course, this is easier said than done, and I can only empathize with you if you find yourself struggling with it, since it's a situation I had to go through, and still experience at times when I’m having a rough day trying to maintain my eating disorder recovery.
I've talked some before about how eating disorders take over your head - whether that be what you are doing and eating that day, or how you compare to the girl across the room. I can say now, nine months after discharging from inpatient and residential treatment for anorexia, that the voice of the dictator is far quieter than it has ever been. At times, it's even disconcerting - it feels as though I've lost a part of myself, or perhaps as if my best friend was giving me the silent treatment. Please let me be clear: I am not trying to glamorize my eating disorder. Far from it (and that is a topic for an entirely different post). I am simply marvelling at how I have come to this point, which felt impossible just a few short months ago.
I dedicate this post in loving memory of Benjamin Eric Smith. Being Thankful For My Bulimia Recovery Almost a year ago this month, I was invited to be a guest blogger on this Surviving ED blog. ‘Why not?’ I thought, after finding out more about what it entailed.  
It is not my intention to make this blog post any form of commentary on religion itself, but as a part of an inter-faith family with Easter and Passover coming soon, I recently got to thinking of how religion’s restrictions on what we eat can impact someone in eating disorder recovery. 
It's hard to believe that this time last year, I was packing my bags and preparing for my third stay at an inpatient and residential treatment center for anorexia nervosa. I had been discharged from my second stay barely eight months before. Today, I'm coming up on nine months out of treatment (a record for me) and am solidly in recovery. So what made the difference?
Okay I'll admit it, eating disorder recovery maintenance doesn't always feel natural or easy and it's not always a pretty picture. I've been getting a lot of questions from people wanting to know if I find that eating disorder recovery gets easier with time. I also get asked if I still feel discouraged in maintaining eating disorder recovery.
Not a day goes by without me feeling grateful about being able to share with you on this blog my lived experience with an eating disorder. The concept of giving back to others who stand where I once stood makes me very happy and truly helps me maintain my recovery.
At times, I don't feel comfortable around food, even in ED recovery. Some people seem surprised when I mention that, at times, I'm a bit uneasy about sharing a meal with others, or eating in public. "But aren't you doing well?" Yes, I'm doing well,  thank you, but . . . ! Even in ED recovery maintenance, eating can potentially be stressful. I'd like to share some tips with you on how I get through it. And you can get more comfortable around food because as I've said many times, no matter where you're at in your eating disorder recovery, you are a stronger person than you think.
One of the major adjustments I've had to deal with in the last 6 years since I've started recovery from bulimia, has been to accept and love how my body looks and feels without abusing it the way I did for years. Because I suffered from bulimia and not anorexia, it was easier to hide at the time that I was suffering from an eating disorder, because I still looked 'normal' and maintained almost the same weight for a few years.