The stigma against schizophrenia caused me to be dishonest. When I transferred from the Rhode Island School of Design (RISD) to The School of the Art Institute of Chicago (SAIC), everyone wanted to know why. This puzzled me because it was obvious that SAIC is a top art school by global standards. Still, I wouldn’t have transferred if I hadn’t had a schizoaffective psychotic episode, but I couldn’t tell people that because of the stigma against schizophrenia.

Dealing with schizoaffective anxiety is important to me because anxiety has taken so much away from me. I'm afraid to do so many simple things, like driving in the rain or washing my hair. There are other things I can't do because I have anxiety--I used to be a voracious reader but now I'm so restless I can't get lost in a good book anymore. However, my husband Tom and I have come up with a strategy based on my cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) homework that I'm hoping will help in dealing with schizoaffective anxiety, and maybe it can help you, too.

Yesterday, I forced myself to drive in the rain. My schizoaffective anxiety makes me afraid to drive in the rain. I know a lot of people don't like driving in bad weather. But, for me, the dislike is a lot more intense. I didn't have a problem with it until my schizoaffective anxiety got really bad. And then, yesterday, I made myself drive in the rain. Here's what came of that.

I took an atypical antipsychotic medication that makes you feel numb when I was first diagnosed with schizophrenia in 1999. It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type and tried a mood stabilizer that my doctor allowed the antipsychotic dosage to be decreased. Finally, I felt like myself again.

Recovery after my first schizophrenic episode crosses my mind each year in January. I like this time of year. Not only is the craziness of the holidays over, but everyone seems to slow down for a few months. Of course, I still have to be careful at this time of year because of my seasonal affective disorder (SAD). But I think I like January because, in January 1999, I recovered after my first schizophrenic episode.

When you're receiving the benefit of schizophrenia treatment due to having a psychotic episode (because of schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder), and find yourself on psychiatric medication, it is hard to think that any good may have come out of it. No matter if you racked up two college degrees in spite of it. No matter if you found a loving partner in spite of it. It seems that all the good came in spite of it. But recently I thought of one benefit that came because of getting diagnosed and receiving schizophrenia treatment.

Since I was diagnosed with schizophrenia almost 20 years ago and then with schizoaffective disorder 15 years ago, I’ve gone through scores of psychiatric medication changes. They’re never fun but remain necessary as I work with my doctor to keep the dosage as low as possible and schizophrenia symptoms under control. I’m going through a psychiatric medication change right now after a peak of anxiety. You can probably relate to the way it’s affecting my schizophrenic and schizoaffective symptoms.

Weight gain caused by medication is a reality. I have schizoaffective disorder, which is a combination of bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. I take an atypical antipsychotic medication for schizoaffective disorder that causes extreme weight gain. Although many people with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder who take medications similar to mine make heroic efforts to fight the weight gain, I’ve come to accept it—although it’s been harder to accept that I need the medication in the first place.

I have schizoaffective disorder, which is a combination of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. I recently completed a partial hospitalization for a schizoaffective disorder program, and taking the train to the hospital every day reminded me so much of the time, nine years ago, when my schizoaffective symptoms got so bad that I was admitted as an inpatient in the psychiatric ward of this same hospital. Here’s what it’s like to experience hospitalization for schizoaffective disorder or any mental illness.

I try my best to avoid mania in my schizoaffective disorder. Schizoaffective disorder is a combination of bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. If you think that sounds like it really sucks, you’re right. The mania of bipolar disorder is what brought on my first psychotic episode. During mania, I’ve done some very irresponsible things, like overspending during compulsive shopping sprees. Fortunately, I’ve reached a point in my schizoaffective disorder where I can see the warning signs of mania and divert them to some degree (Managing a Manic Episode). I do usually manage to avoid mania in my schizoaffective disorder.