Bipolar Depression and Feeling Nothing at All

It suddenly dawned on me that I not recall the last time I truly laughed. It made me cry.

Me Neither Jenna im feeling cool but where is that smile , i don t wanna be cool i wanna wake up

Yea. Nothingness, not feeling anything, things that you used to really enjoy, or goals that you have, they don't matter in this state. Recursive depression is tough. Really tough. It's hard to see the point in keeping going. I've lost a lot from depression. Missed a lot of great family and friend events, just because I don't feel anything out of it. In the nothingness, there is no benefit, no sadness, some loneliness, but mostly just nothing.

I ca connect to this. I feel I have been left all alone like in Highway to Heaven series. All my friends are doing awesome. I feel disconnected.

Yep, that is what my life has been for the last year and a half. Nothingness. I feel bad, but not emotionally. When I feel "good", it's only on the logical level. I don't feel sad because life does not matter one bit. I can't feel sadness. I can't laugh, I can't cry. That's right, I can not cry to save my own life. I tried a few times, and it ends with me having an intense panic attack that makes me think I will kill myself here and now.
I have this clear memory of watching "The hangover" movie when it came out, and laughing really hard. So hard my jaw was hurting. I would give everything, EVERYTHING if only I was able to do that again. To just laugh. Or hell, to cry. If I could only just shed tears while feeling sadness inside. That would be heavenly.
Instead it's nothing. I wake up, I go to work, then to bed. And the most I can hope for is some sort of vague logical fear or being mildly, ever so mildly content. I look at pretty girls and think they are pretty, but I feel nothing towards them. To be in love again, or at least to have a crush...
I truly hope this will subside, I need to feel.

That's me right now, I mean I go through times of feeling really sad, depressed, crying, then nothing. That's the worst, I mean I can fake a smile but then nothings genuine and I really just can't connect, I feel like I should think something's wrong but I really don't care. That's what it's like for me when I get the depression side of bipolar... sad, crying, upset, then nothing.

There's this day that you don't know what kind of emotions are you having and worst part of that is people around you misunderstands you always.

This feeling is so strange because in the past when I was depressed I couldn't stop crying. This is worse. Your advice is to REMEMBER & I believe that is the key. It's exactly like restoring your PC back to the point in time when no problem existed. There are some hypnosis audios by Joseph Clough that I listen to which help you do exactly that. Very effective free app available on your play store. There are many free audios but the depression & anxiety audios cost a couple of bucks. I just want to FEEL again. I have so much to be excited about! Beautiful day! Business I love! Yay! REMEMBER. We didn't always feel nothing.

I don't cry, I don't feel "sad" necessarily, I just feel numb. Nothing fazes me. If I hear a piece of bad news or good news, I can't even process it. My emotions and face will remain blank. I KNOW I should be reacting to this news somehow but I can't. It's like falling in a deep hole and seeing/hearing nothing.

Im on this right now. Like, when you chose to be happy yet you'll know it wont last still you chose to do it and now its time to end everything. art of letting go makes me feel exactly like this.

Hi I have a friend with bipolar disorder that lives with me he is very unhigenic and if I remind him to bath he totally ignores me he even sends money to people that he never even met and he lies all the time please explain to me why my friend feels nothing for his own life anymore

hello people of the internet, i am 21 right now, and i know i just got started on life, but.
i keep telling my sister and mom how i fix my so called depression or bad mood, i come with ideas how to fix it, but suddenly when i choose one of them it doesn't work anymore. music become more useless and it does not make me feel so much anymore.
but i am in the beginning of it, i have never really felt bad as i do now. as i saw in the other comments its about the feelin nothing at all, if a bomb were you explode near you, you would proberly not react as much if you were sane.
i do not expect respons to this, i only do it becuase a message is a message and it means something to just do something, whriting something to others. cheer up bois in grills. i will recommend something to you while i am here.
go outsite if its cold with a blanket and just sit without any ellectornics just yourself your mind to do its work. i find computer and other distractions the reason i am feeling this way. many people might disagree with me on this one, but if i had one wish. i would be to only have nokia 3310. i chould go on and on but BB

I love this post a lot.
But with pain there comes beauty and many things we might be capable of calling lessons.
-- ^ That might not make sense, though I appreciate whoever wrote this (:

yeah, this feeling nothing, feeling void of any and all emotion. when in situations you KNOW you shoul feel or react in some way, but cant, you react with that same old blank expression.
Whats worse is that fact that you cant protray what is wrong with you. So when your parents ask you whats wrong or why are you sad, you can answer cause theres technically nothing wrong and youre not sad, youre just empty. And with that comes the fact that they start to take it as some for of act, pretending, childishness, putting on a show when you dont get out of bed all day, simply cause you dont see the point. theres no point in getting up and repeating what is now an everyday scenario of feeling empty, walking around the house like a living corpse or shell of what was supposed to be a human feeling atleast something.
I find that its almost better to feel that sad and depressed state of mind, cause you actually know what youre feeling, you know that feeling, how to describe it, rather than just empty.
cause how do you describe "empty" to someone who doesnt feel the same? You cant. They dont understand, and telling them they cant do anything about it just enrages them more, to the point of them picking on you for everything you havent done or missed throughout the day.
ive felt this "empty" for the past year or so, since my "depression" seeming stopped and i was supposed to go along my merry way to finish courses, do something in my life. when it started to dawn on me, that feeling of null emptyness, it started to slow me down, untill i was just able to watch my life, my friends, the world and everyone in general move along, without me. Cause i couldnt, i mean what did it matter? Why would it matter if i tried, if it wouldnt work anyway.
so yeah. Im just stuck in this, emptiness, nothing to do about it but watch as my life slips and runs from my grasp, and im unable to catch up.
sure trying to remember does help, but what help does it do when you cant act appon it.

hi am having the same emptiness feeling sad depression anxiety panic attack, this emptiness you feel like you have no heart in side of you even thou you know your heart is there that is how i am feeling right now. my doctor told me about my serotonin in my brain is low and that is why i have this emptiness and emotionless feeling. this is very hard for me i am medication but to no avail it not helping me. my head is so numb and feel like it squeezing in side i don't know if that is how you are feeling is there anything that you could tell what to do pls and thank you....

Hey guys, I had feelings once, I kinda remember them a little, I had them when I was a kid and it was great. I haven't felt a strong feeling in many years, I'm 21 now, I have a really great life and really I thank God for it everyday, I love my husband I love my mom I love my friends and I really love my dogs, but I don't feel the butterflies when I see them or hug them, I feel peace, peace is my happiness, I never feel excited for anything really, I can only feel strong anxiety and saddness, I cannot feel happiness or anything positive, even though I stay hopeful, smiley and optimistic, I just learned how to fake emotions and fit in great, but sometimes I just wonder how others feel in a specific situation, I have told some people about my issue and often ask them when something nice happens what did they feel, like did you feel butterflies in your stomach and did you really wanna jump and laugh? How did it feel can you try to explain it to me? I feel kinda jealous and want to at least hear how feeligs feel. Sometimes I feel just a little tiny glimpse of excitement for about half a milisecond and it always reminds me of something that has happened when I was a kid, because only then I felt feelings, that's why I love going back to places which remind me of old times and looking at old pictures, just for the sake of that milisecond

I like your recommendation. This is the 'trick' I have learned to use since I started mindfulness meditation (which helps a bit) last year. Now I 'notice' I'm depressed, and my strategy is to wait it out. There is nothing I can do. I rationalize that this is a phase I will cycle through (luckily intense bouts of depression only last about a day for me). Remind myself all the negative feelings and thoughts about myself and my life are not 'real' (well, they're real - but unfairly biased in those moments) and try not to listen. The only thing is that takes an incredible amount of self-control which brings me back to your post on being high-functioning. I get really tired of have to 'watch' myself. Having to have this meta-awareness of myself. I get tired and angry that I 'have to' to do this... If I don't I will probably be the most horrible person ever to my family and loved ones. And feel super guilty about it and then enter a new cycle. Oh well, better than letting go I guess? Although sometimes I wonder....

I really thought i was alone in this feeling...so its nice to known am not alone and am not the only one waiting to be truly happy or feel something more them kist being context or ok. I hate feeling nothing and i could never find the words to tell ppp how i feel

Many times I am sad, but when I had cried from my heart. it's killed by my soul. I thought my signal is my blood, so I was crying and running out of nose-blood. Now on control not out or otta, but I think best things happen day by day. But Nowadays Hungary maybe also hungry. Depression style. Nightmares not arrived. I must not get drunk because of ill.
I think I will be happy when the world realize not matter the cock size, the body colour.(as white man) and libido and musquito like- Nirvana Smells Like Teen spirit.
Say no to racism
Say Yes again terrorism
ProtectTheChildren youtube channel not started yet. but planned by me.
(Atti) said
Heaven ain't chance to find easily
Sometimes out of control nasty
Verse 1
I haven't said anything about my conversation
hopin' we stayin' alive forever with high spirit reproduction
Cannot seen it clearly now
Cannot Catch the lightnin' and I know
So happy I ain't have happiness
Know that's the matter about twenty-four nightmares
I have to control and help in your activity
Have to see your eyes any visibility
I can't realize what we are doin'
Be happy in this bein' that whore life
I can't find the way of my dash
Runnin' in the Hell's or Heaven's
Keep and touch your smile
Fearin' of the Hell's or Heaven's
(Turn around one more time)
Heaven ain't chance to find easily
Sometimes out of control nasty
Verse 2
Heaven ain't chance to find easily
I am outta now I keep up madafaka baby
Don't have any chance to translate this as well as I need baby
could or Should Stay Alive and marketin' and realizin'
Third life and forth and last one us blood
Cannot control chance I chose a destiny about mine whore lifeblood
I'mma close "Dante" have to stay alive as Angel's and Daemon's children
Whole viability, whole spirit I couldn't laziness
ain't on inactivity killed by mine chilhood, fearin'from darkness
Heaven ain't chance to find easily
Sometimes out of control nasty
Verse 3

I have had different phases in my life, I have been through really bad depressions, where my negative thinking was ruling my life for a long period of time. Somehow i managed and after a long and exhausting battle i was able to feel positive emotions, even though i could feel that was not the condition mentally healthy person should have, i was still enjoying a very little excitements and joy i could feel.
After a very stressful year i thought that the worst was behind me and i believe it now as well. However during last few weeks i realised, that my behaviour was a bit different from what it used to be before. I am not depressed, I do not worry that much, but what is the strangest thing i do not care about anything, i do not feel excitement from the things i liked before, i feel like nothing makes sense in life and in the moment where i mostly need to kick my life off and use all the chances i have around me, I am just sitting home without any drive or motivation of doing something. I do not know what will be the next, i do not know whether it is better to feel nothing than being depressed and worried all the time, i just know that it is very exhausting feeling, like you live for nothing, going out with friends and close people and pretending all the time, smiling, laughing on the things you do not really give a s*** about, i am so used to this fake smiling that it makes me sick, but what can one do who has always been through some kind of mentally strange situations, i am just tired of people asking me why i am sad, why i am not that funny anymore and just a lot of things where i do not have any answer even for myself.
Yes the article is very well written, and i really hope that there will be the light in the end, that things will change and i will feel excitements from the different things, will have the feeling of happiness and joy back and just will enjoy a very small things like waking up in the morning and seeing sunshines in the windows.

I feel nothing at all, empty if someone was to die I would feel nothing. one thing I ask out there ,would a anti-depressant help me

I feel nothing. At times I have a troubled mind plus when I feel nothing and troubled thoughts it is a bigger problem .

I have bipolar 1 - I had my first psychotic epposode at 29 and was hospitalized
The problem is to be bombarded by too many thoughts constantly.
A friend of mine has a son with bipolar. The son's behaviour improved when
he took up boxing. My theory is that boxing requires a focused attention.
The too many thoughts are displaced by the required focus required in boxing
to avoid being punched. It is a case of classical psychological conditioning.
To be involved in a sport with a degree of personal risk brings focus.
Uncontrolled thoughts can leed to depression and self harm - markers of risk
for those with bipolar. The brain becomes over taxed and exhausted - a risk of
becoming psychotic.
Bill

I'm still really young and I don't know what to do about anything anymore. I used to laugh so loud. I used to enjoy hanging around others. I used to enjoy doing a lot of things. But now I'm not sure if anything's there.. I'm not sure of my wants or needs. I don't know what i want to do today let alone the rest of my life.
There are times when I actually enjoyed something but it doesn't happen that often anymore.
I feel nothing. I want nothing. I'm not even sure if anything can be gained. Even when I look at the past or future, my memories seem as if all the feelings they held at some point died.
I just feel as if there will only be nothing from here on out.

I have felt numb for years now, there was a time that I felt love for my children but now i feel nothing for them and i have push everyone away even my children now.
Can anyone relate to how I feel.

I ended up here after googling about this awful problem and I can somewhat relate to it. I don't know whether I'm bipolar or not but I do feel like my emotions and feelings are there, locked up but still there. I get very sensitive when I drink and I can express the things I feel from the bottom of my heart. I also feel joyful when high and I can remember times when I felt life running thru every inch of me while being under different states of mind. And also rarely, very rarely I used to get this short period of time when I felt more alive than usual like a little hypomania. As for the rest of the time I feel numb, nothing matters, I become a nihilistic, my emotions are locked up and I am denied access to them. I can't draw a smile, I can't think of a reply when in a conversation cause it's just like I don't care. I don't have an opinion to anything. I feel dead on the inside and my biggest fear is that when I get old and look back I will realize all that that I missed. My great family, my youth, amazing people, my dreams, even love! it's then that I feel something and it's sadness and fright. I am 25 and I've never had a girlfriend, for Christ's sake! I just hope we find a solution for this horrible thing troubling us. We shall overcome.

Depression is no joke.
See a professional.
I finally saw a psychologist on 6-22 and am seeing a psychiatrist on 8-1.
I can't wait.
My mind is so twisted, I'm devoid of emotion.

I just wanted to leave a quick comment to thank the author for writing this. It's good to know I'm not the only one experiencing this and feeling (or i guess not feeling) this way. For such bad news, it's the best news I could've received. Thank you very much

Yes, I have a bad case of feeling nothing that's been going on for three days now. I saw a woman suffering from an opiate overdose be revived by naloxone and felt nothing. Not scared, not sad, not concerned, nothing. I feel like an empty shell, dead, disinterested, devoid of personality. The woman survived and is set up for treatment, BTW.

I'm feeling void of any emotions for a whole year but after reading this article and all of you guy's comments, I felt slight hope. Now I know that I'm not alone in this. It's like being in someone else's body and they control your body, laughing, crying. But inside the body am I, feeling nothing at all. I don't even feel sadness anymore. Can anybody relate to me?

thank you all for commenting on this. i am so empty at the moment i can't even comment. it helps. i think.

I started new medication 2 weeks ago and within a few days l was empty, i feel like an empty shell, sometimes l feel like I'm outside watching myself, telling myself what does anything matter, l have an incurable mental illness which l have to keep secret from all but my closest friends and family.
I sometimes just want to sit down in the street against a lamp post and stay there, empty, non-reponsive until someone calls an ambulance, and l don't have to make decisions any more. Sleep, sleep and leave the world outside.

I know for a fact that as a kid who didn't know anything about the world, I smiled then. Because I saw things in a simple and linear fashion, just like everyone else. But now that I'm entering the adult stage of being and have already researched a lot of things contained within the world I am in in general, it feels pointless to go through the experience of something I have already learned in my mind. So the only entertainment I'll get out of anything that happens is through experiencing emotional things. Which for some reason, I cannot experience in the same manner because I had switched off my emotions as a defence mechanism towards a combination of things I had experienced, briefly or not, during the early years of my life. I would probably feel humoured by such things, as other people have experienced trauma like no other, which is generally documented for entertainment and learning purposes. But I don't, because I don't feel any reason to have the will to feel and therefore, react. I suppose that in some ways, that would've helped to keep me alive when surrounded by people who snap and bite like dogs with rabies any time they disapprove of your actions, or even just the click of your tongue. But now, the very same people want me to switch back to that smiling, happy and ignorant youngster. Simply because they miss how cute I apparently was. Maybe I am capable of doing such a thing. But I feel no reason to do it. It will not help me strive towards my goals in life. It will only allow me to wear a mask, an act of a person, which would cause me to be kept in the dark and leave my problem unsolved. I don't need that. I simply need to be able to care again. Apparently, there is no way to do this. Or, get a "cure", as it was put in the above article. I don't know. It just happened at some point and as of that moment, whenever it had occurred, I haven't turned back. I'm not even sure if it's depression that I'm experiencing. I mean, I make jokes about everything, including death - but there is no real heart behind them despite the way that they are interpreted on the outside. I feel no will to end my life, or to keep moving forward. I simply want to do what my initial goals were and learn from the experiences I have in the meantime. So, I don't believe this to be a depression, despite the results given when I searched up "what to do if you have no emotions". It would almost be disappointing, if it weren't for the fact that I both know and don't care.

I right with everyone. It seems like years since I laugh or cried. I love dogs and had to put two down this yr. Even though I loved them could not cry... I wish I could feel something

Sadness, tears, nothing. Nothing is real, love is an illusion, hope for what? What is there to be hopeful for? All has left. I've left the world. I hear good advice but I cannot apply it to my life. I'm a quiet human now. Quiet and alone. I feel as if even the cells in my body have stopped multiplying, and started to slow down. I feel sorry for my family, they will never know how I feel. I'm not sure what to say. I feel nothing. why can't we be happy? Is it something we did? Something we went through? Can we reverse it?

Hi everyone, I can really relate to this as I am going through this myself. There is no energy to do anything. I am like a passenger stiring into the lives of others. They laugh, they cry tears of joy, they share stories about achievements, fun times, about emotions and feelings. Where before I could feel them and feel part of it and could dream and hope that would one day happen to me. I began to realise that life is not like that. There is no fairy tale hopes and feelings. I have become numb and now just watch and think 'whatever' and respond 'ah okay' 'nice'. Im not interested in conversations, no longer excited for others and just cant be bothered. Close friends tell me about their holiday, about how their little one starting to take first steps and how it moves them emotionally, they talk about the feelings of having their baby on their chest and how it makes them forget the world and makes them so engrosed, they talk about what they want to do for their parents because they are getting old etc...it becomes so overwhelming, im happy for them, then I come back to my life, where nothing is moving forward. I cant even get over the fact my dreams are all shattered and that everyday is the same and cannot find anything to push me forward and make a change in life. I work and get paid, but I slack so much, I go badminton as a weekly exercise but just cant be bothered or find that positivity or vision to push me forward. Its not the unwillingness to put the effort in, its that want and inability to embrace life and find the purpose in the everyday things and situations which bring happiness. Its the purpose and vision, plan to want to do something or have something planned. I have no thoughts which motivate me to do something and have no enthuiasm to want to do the things. If I had that drive and vision which can be sustained then maybe I will go far. Others dont have the time and effort to push me and others do have the belief in me but when I dont have that self belief and condifence I really need someone energetic to be beside me to pick me up until I can do it for myself.

hi every one,
i wonder if any of you can maybe help me, 3 years ago both my parents died in a horrible death , i was 17 years old , i never went to see someone to talk about my problems or so , but these last few years (2-1/5) i think i got depression and bipolar , i dont really know , im always on my toes and plan everything out and when something goes wrong i feel like crawling up in a ball and just want to cry , evan when i plan things and when its time to do stuff , i just dont feel like i want to anymore , i just dont care, my moods are horrible i can be happy now , and then one moment im mad or extremely sad .
this has made a lot of problems in my relationship with my fiance because for some reason i get very forgetful and cant remember stuff i said or did , i make promises but then 10min later i forgot what i said . i dont know what to do .
i feel hopeless and like a useless person ,

I'm not bipolar but my husband is, he was diagnosed with type 2 late last year at the age of 51. A wonderful article, has helped me to understand the emotionless part of the condition somewhat. I'm finding it very tough at the moment, my husband doesn't seem to struggle at all .... I hope our grey bunnies start hopping again soon.

I feel nothing. l think it's more than feeling dead inside. It's more than death covered by a live body. I can't even cry because, I guess, the
dead have never shed a tear.

Nothing can be quite beautiful. Perhaps we have all recognized society for what it is. While all those around us are playing the game, caught up in their idiosyncrasies, living through what others have told them life is through silly beliefs and superstitions. Always in their heads, painting a life atop of the ral life that is happening all around us. Their emotions really only spread up thought processes they aren't conscious of. I'd bet that when any of you are alone looking at a beautiful view such as the ocean or the mountains you feel at peace? That is living. Sensations are much more real than emotions. Emotions are always wanting something, its literally the minds reaction to the minds desires, the mind feeling fulfilled on the minds own creation of needs and wants which aren't even actually needed. Tell you the truth I think society is full of crazy people, and the few that see it for what it is are caught up thinking they're the lost ones. Don't compare yourselves to them. Just live and let live. Find peace in the real world, meaning the world as it is before people came in and labeled everything and defined everything. See it for what it is beyond peoples silly definitions of it. Check out Jiddu krishnamurti writings and videos. Everything you've ever wondered will be answered. What do you have to lose? Enjoy your lives everyone :)

I particularly have this problem when being with my girlfriend. I think I love her, but when I say that, I don't really describe a feeling. I just stay with her because I know she's a nice person and because I care about her and I think that I have responsibilities. But this can't be the "love" that everyone is so mad about, right?
I often feel happy when spending time with my friends though, but when I get home again and think about them, I feel nothing, and that makes me feel as if spending time with them only makes me happy because it proves that there are people who think I'm okay and not some emotionless shell.
I think that when I get jealous or something, it's not because I feel so much for my girlfriend, it's because I'm afraid to loose this appreciation that tells me that other humans do not see me in the way I see myself. In fact, I can't let other humans see how I am, because that would turn them away from me and not having ANYONE to show me that I'm human will just have unimaginable consequences. I'm not suicidal and have never been, but I'm pretty certain that letting people see that I don't feel anything for them will turn them away from me, leaving me with the need of appreciation and suicidal.
So yeah, I guess I gotta keep putting on this mask.

Thank you all for sharing,I thought I was the only one
I was diagnosed with severe chronic depression abt 5 years ago and was on medication,my life was turned upside down.
I was not the person I was anymore and I couldn't hold on to my marriage I then got separated and eventually divorced.
Recently thou I met someone and for the first few meetings I was fine I thought Im being normal again.I felt close to her and then suddenly out of the blue I feel nothing like I did prior to meeting her.Basically I cant be in a relationship im soooo scared of commitment and I dont want to hurt the other person.
It feels like I can abandon anyone close to me in an instant.I cant seem to feel anything.
I don't know when last I felt alive,felt happy.
I just take each day as it comes im not excited about anything I dnt know what excitement feels like.
What do I do ????

Im a 20 year old college student suffering from bipolar disorder. Most days i can't make it out of bed to get to class, or struggle to work up the initiative to complete any task. I was wondering if anybody else with this problem feels like they aren't attatched to anything? The best way I can descibe it is that im going through life without an anchor. I have friends and love them, but i just dont feel a connection with anyone or anything and I feel like they aren't connected to me in a way. I just feel so lost at times and it's hard to describe how I feel. I talk to my therapist about it, but I need someone who could possibly understand what im going through, and help me.

I feel empty. Ive had dark thought about my life in the past. I sometimes feel so much energy and happiness and social. But then i feel embarrassed about my presence. Uncomfordable about my presence. I hide. Its elbarassing and i feel thzt i will loise my friends. Im very young. And i dont kniw what to do with myself.

I was diagnosed Bipolar 1 several months ago. Often, I don't feel connected to my body. Its like I watch a movie I am starring in. I just sit and watch with no emotion. Sometimes I have tears pour from my eyes but I still don't feel anything. I feel like I have no control over my life and am just a spectator. Sometimes I just wish everything would stop. I just need time to feel something. At least when I cut I can feel pain. Its better than feeling nothing. I have dreams of dying different ways. When I think about it I'm not scared. I already feel dead. Its been months of med changes. It doesn't get better. Yep I'm officially a crazy blonde now. I don't even know what happy feels like. I pretend to be because it is what others expect. I'm tired of pretending when I feel like I'm dying on the inside.

Looking again and there you were Natasha. Was feeling a funny kind of feeling all day. Quietly knowing something was wrong. Very concerned. Curious. Concerned, because there is NOTHING I COULD DRUM UP TO EXPLAIN slowed thinking, slowed walking, hand tremors. But not depressed enough to cry. Just empty. Quiet & empty. Not wanting to do anything. Yes, in my robe all day again. I need to tell myself this will pass. This is "just" disconnected. I wish I could just go to bed & disappear. But then I wish I felt better. This is why I keep going. If I leave & go to bed, I know I may never come out. So ok, the middle of the road, if you will? I'll take it for now.

Thank you all for sharing. I find it so hard to explain to my psychiatrist as we adjust my medications.
It has been about 15 years of depression and anxiety for me. Treatments have worked and then stopped.
Two years ago I thought I was better. All my feeling came back to me in a sudden rush. I felt like I mourned my losses and forgave all trespasses against me. It felt truly spiritual.
They call it hypo mania. My quest to not be fired required medical proof of my illness. Out went seeks ng Aspergers with ADD and in comes Bipolar with Social Pragmatic Comunication Disorder.
Before the "help" my mental health was good in my opinion. I felt content and at peace. My meditation practice had never worked better, through eight years of practice. Yes there was an "incident" and their opinion differs from mine. I certainly had no rights and I was traumatized. Yet if you repeated the scinerio right now, I would have done as I did. My desire to get help still seems rational to me now.
I stayed in this "hypo mania" state for a year. I felt like myself, the person I was before depression ate away at me. I did what I was supposed to do. I went to psychiatrists ( I need the SSRI). With the bipolar diagnosis they "needed" to add something...
Now I am flat again. Almost 9 months of flat. I go lower and it gets worse. I love my family, and it is empty love. Sad things happen and I don't cry. I don't feel, unless it is awful.
I am waiting and hoping that I will find my way back again. I know that there is no way to happiness; happiness is the way... I just don't know why I don't or cannot do what I know can be done

I feel like we are the people who have it right that the world is pointless either that or there is something so wrong with me that I should just end it, all of it seems pointless to me I used to think I was happy but now I feel like I was just young and naive and that one day I woke up and realised we lived in a sad sad world where unless you have the ability to be a heartless basterd you are and will always be nothing succeed at nothing because there is no true joy in this world and when all you want is answers that no one can give the only real reason I'm here is because others say they love me and that gives a little drive but not a lot because if all feels like lies to keep you somewhere you don't want to be

I just wanted to throw this out there. I've dealt with depression as well as my little bro. He worked with a homeopathic doctor who identified not only vitamins he was low on but also hormones through blood tests.
Right now I am basically mimicking at least the vitamin part. I am also getting 35 minutes of exercise a day (speed walking). I know I know that it is the worst time of the year to begin an exercise routine but I'm doing it anyways. I'm 2 weeks into it.
I am doing a 30 day trial to see where I get to.
If you are interested in the doctor my bro used google "the lee clinic" it is the first result as of today. You don't even have to be near VA to work with him. He can work with you over the phone. My bro goes to a doctor / clinic to get blood tests done and the results are sent to the doctor.
I personally haven't used him because I don't have the money right now (he's a bit pricey but insurance should cover a good chunk of it) and I am also seeing where I can get with what I am doing.
I am mostly posting this to give others an option that worked for my brother. Vitamins seem like a decent option that I hadn't considered much before my brother started working with this doctor. I am simply mimicking what I found from Dr. Lee's website that helped my bro.
I have learned that not all vitamins are created equal. I have learned that some forms of the same vitamin are better absorbed into the body than others.

Hi everybody. I'm from Argentina , so apologize my English. I feel sad every day , I want to die every day. I just want to dissapear....I cant find joy in anything. Some years ago , my boyfriend commited suicide because I left him...since that moment I think I have become a zombie....I dont have goals , I dont have friends , my familiy doesnt understand me. I dont know what to do. I've been in treatment with antidepressives but nothing worked so far...how can I go out from this big hole ? Is it possible ???