The Relationship Between Bipolar and Anger / Aggression

I remember the one time I was in psychiatric hospital (I was 16, and diagnosed with depression - that diagnosis wasn't revised to BP2 for 13 years), I had anger management sessions. They didn't seem very relevant to me - I don't get anger, except these weird paroxysms of rage (in which I can get violent) that I'm not sure correlate with any of my mood episodes (of course, that's all hindsight, which is a bit flawed with moods - I didn't know I had bipolar, after all).
The anger management sessions I had didn't seem to address me at all. They were great relaxation exercises, but my principle nurse told me they were concerned that I didn't get angry enough - and this was maybe why it came out in violent paroxysms. Thing is, nothing in the sessions addressed the avoidance of repression of anger.
I haven't had enough experience with the new self-knowledge of bipolar to really be sure how it affects my anger. I experience frustration when hypomanic quite often, certainly, though not so much with people. At least, not with the person I have most contact with - and I have a fair amount of frustration at other people being slower than me, mentally, when I'm not hypomanic, but again, not with the person I have most contact with.

I suffer from Bipolar I and have major anger/aggressiveness issues. I have taken an anger management course which was good but no too helpful for me. It focused on techniques to step back when becoming angry. However I go from no anger to full anger in an instant and then do not realize what I am doing until later. Recently my anger got me into big trouble and now I have to find some more therapy for this or I may be looking at prison time.

I wonder if bipolar itself is the main cause of these emotional outbursts. Most people with bipolar have had some serious challenges in life, more than their share. Folks like to call those challenges the stressors that brought out the genetic risk of bipolar. I dunno about that, and not going to get into a discussion of heritability. Given the severe stressors that many folks with bipolar have had, I question if it was really possible for the study to control for comorbid conditions, given that the "healthy controls" probably couldn't be psychologically healthy if they went thru the hell that many people with bipolar have. Perhaps these bipolar patients weren't as bad off for trauma history, since they weren't recruited inpatient. And the "healthy controls" had more history of trauma than the average person. Looks like only the abstract is available.
I guess I'm just fed up with garbage medical studies. Who knows what's going on? Researchers see what they want to see. My training was in the physical sciences, and these kinds of studies would be laughed out of existence.
I did not have anger problems until I got onto psychiatric medications when I was about 30. As I mentioned in a couple earlier posts, I got off medications about 3 years ago, after many years of fruitless treatment that only made me worse, and the anger outbursts are gone. I did have to re-learn how to keep my temper under control, but without the akathisia (or whatever it was) grinding away at me, it became POSSIBLE to keep my temper under control.
Something that did keep it down is that I feel it's not ok to have emotional diarrhea all over other people. By thinking of it that way, I did minimize it in spite of the akathisia. But I kicked a lot of holes in the walls, broke doors, broke computers. It was horrible.

I was diagnosed with Bipolar II. I don't experience anger or agression towards others, but towards myself. I've always said I beat myself up more than anyone else ever could.
As far as outward anger...nope...not me.

I'm bipolar, and I think we ALL should have to take a Dialectal Behavior Therapy course. The DBT course helps with coping skills, year class, and helps so much. Buy the book on Amazon if you can't get in a class, these skills work if you want them too.

Hi catsrgreat,
I've also doubted the heritability of my bipolar disorder, given that none of my ancestors had any kind of mental illness. And was it caused by an inherent sensitivity to stress? Or was the apparent sensitivity part of the bipolar, which was then responsible for more stress?
I'm also with you on the pyschological studies. Most of them, even studies that are considered landmark and important, still leave a lot to be desired. How can anybody truly objectively observe human behaviour? Even if you could isolate someone in a vaccuum, it wouldn't be the kind of behaviour that we need to know about. However science can still have an important role to play. Knowledge is essential if we are to improve our lot in regards to mental illness. But I guess compassion has just as important a role to play.

Hi
i also have bipolar1.i have a very hard time controlling my anger towards thoughtless people

Hi, I've been diagnosed as having Bipolar I. I remember being so angry that I would exhibit outbursts of foul language or obscenities directed at random people on the street and those I know. This resulted in me being attacked by these random people and nearly disintegrated the relationship between my parents and I.
I've always considered enhanced irritability to be another way of thinking about anger even though I don't recall a doctor ever directly indicating that my anger specifically was a symptom of Bipolar I.
Although I appreciated studies conducted by mental health researchers and ideas presented about Bipolar Disorder by mental health professionals, I do get the sense that there is much more that needs to be understood.

I am living with BP2, and have experienced surges of unexplained rage. For me, these episodes would start out as feelings of restlessness and a desire to run away into the great unknown...of course, the realization that "No, you can't do that you have dinner to make" would really wind me up.
I'm not certain that it's a bi-polar characteristic per se, but it seems to be with me....
-Edward

For me I sense waves of anger just prior to having a bull blown manic episode. It doesn't always happen that way, but mostly it does.

I have bipolar.
I am generally a very calm and patient person. Recently though I have sabotaged a relationship due to my rash anger. I am not saying it was unprovoked or violent, it was thoughtless though and very regrettable. The thing is in the moment it was completely rationalize and at this moment still is. I find myself at many times outside my own body and mind when I am having "episodes". It is almost like an adrenaline rush. It is unlike my core personality, yet it comes from me..it is hard and has in this case destroyed a friendship.

would like more newsletters about bipolar illness.

My spouse is bipolar. I get so sick of all the support being for the patient. My spouse and I went to marriage counseling and although the counselor knew my spouse is bipolar, he treated us as though we were the same. Bipolar disorder and how it destroys relationships never came up. My spouse was not held accountable for his disorder.

I have bipolar disorder and most of the time I'm angry. My doctor says that it's part of a bipolar cycle. Even though I'm taking a mood stabilizer this feeling stays with me all the time. It's beginning to scare me because I don't know that I'm having an aggressive episode, were I'm screaming or being obnoxious, until after it happens. And once I'm in that mood it's very hard to calm down. Sometimes if I keep going off on someone (doesn't matter who it is, family or stranger) I realize what's happening in my mind but I can't control it. I totally identify myself with Anna because it's though it's an out of body experience. I've had anger management therapy but it hasn't helped me at all. So I would definitely add anger and aggression to the list of symptoms of BD.

I believe my boyfriend may have bipolar because what ever me and are kids do he really gets mad at us with fits of anger fits of yelling fits of cussing and making threats like the kids made a mess in are bedroom and he told me that i better get of my f**king a** and clean the bedroom or else he is going to do something to me and he didn't care if the cops were called he's
Been calling me bad names and talking very bad about me behibehind my bacback too and he's always in a crabby mood like 24-7

Jessica, I speak from experience when I say you need to get yourself and kids away from your boyfriend asap before someone gets hurt. He has verbally threatened you and that is illegal. In my experience, when the police came, he just denied the whole episode and he was more angry that I'd called the police. The very best thing you can do is leave. I know that's not always easy, but please focus on finding a place to go with your children. My life was destroyed by my husband's bipolar anger because I didn't get out soon enough. Good luck to you.

I have been diagnosed bipolar II and I have extreme downs that when I'm up and have all these good feelings of accomplishing so many things and when I start slipping down I get angry that none of the things I wanted to do have been accomplished. Then I start complaining and my body hurts so then I get angry and whoever is around will be the target of my anger which of course is the person I love. It's sad because I've ruined many relationships. I guess the best thing is to live alone and work out my problems with a therapist.

I am presumed to be a type of bipolar which type the doctors can't seem to make up their minds. My chief complaint is periods lasting about 2 weeks of indifference, sudden and unexplainable tears and sadness, hopeless, sleeping or wanting to sleep excessively as well as but no at the same time sleeplessness, irritability/anger, aloofness, racing thoughts, easily distracted, elated to I've been started on Lithium months back and at the beginning things were good. But slowly but surely some of them came back and the one that scares me the most is my irritability and anger.
I have episodes in where I just snap or switch like a light blub. It is quick and appears to be random and prior to it I am trying to control myself trying to breathe but then a switch. I morph into someone that just wants to emotionally scar the other person and starts destroying everything around me while waiting for the person in the situation to do something towards me so I can justify physical harm. I know what I am doing I just don't feel anything. Like judgment went out the window along with compassion. I am me but not me and I feel such a rush and during these episodes I am laughing and mocking the other person. During these episodes I feel like I am on top of the world no one can touch me and if they did I would easily destroy them. These episodes can last hours.
I have yet to meet a doctor to tell me why this happens. I have been told that bipolar suffers typically have episodes this way. I know this can't be because I've read plenty of story of which something similar like this happens.

Hi Steffy,
It's exactly the same my partner goes through. He's been diagnosed with depression (!), but I strongly believe it's bipolar. I noticed that antidepressants actually make him worse. Every time his doctor increase dose episodes of rage gets worse and happen more often. I stopped asking why it happens. Just looking for some suggestions how to help him. I'm gonna take him to doctors this week and force them to rethink his diagnose. Hope you have someone who supports you. Remember it's not YOU when rage comes but your ILNESS.
Stay strong.

My brother was diagnosed with bipolar about 10 years ago. He's been on various treatments but is currently not using any medication. According to him, he's managing it himself. Only it doesn't work. He doesn't use alcohol, sugar or caffeine since he knows it will trigger a moodswing. However, when he gets tired or overworked, it's almost as if he looks for trouble or gets paranoid and suspects people's motives in everything they do. Two days ago, he went through another episode where he threw bricks at me because he became totally p..-off about some remark. I cannot take this any more and while I have been there in the past as the shoulder he could cry on (sometimes literally). I need to step back for my own sanity. I've blocked him on my cell phone and will not have any contact with him again until he gets help. This is the first time I've ever done this and it's making me extremely sad. He is my brother and I love him, but I cannot do this anymore.
His actions are sending me into depression and is affecting my relationship with my husband (who is also trying to be cool about this). I need to start taking care of myself now. I cannot be responsible for his actions anymore.

I have had bipolar since 20 years old I have been on meds the whole time I am 50 now and I am becoming aware of how fast my thoughts change,i can't watch tv I don't listen to the radio.i look happy in pic's all guys say I am beautiful not to many girls want to hang around me.i get vey depressed every holiday,i can't focus when a person speaks to me I look like I listen but my mind always is somewhere else.i was hospitiled for 3 months once,i have been hospitalized 3 times this year,winters I get very cold.i get lonely, I got really depressed once when my boyfriend of a year told me he did not want me anymore he said go on some web sight and find someone,he said he did not want a girlfriend at this time but if he wanted a girlfriend it would be me,i always look forword to his call,and think of him. I try to hide my depression from him, I am kind, I try to help poor people.but inside me something is gone, I never want to go back in a hospital again,i would just want to see my daughter.

Well I just love how we live in a society where wickedness and the love of Satan no longer exist. Only 'disorders' and money making schemes are left. That's right, instead of us being honest and saying that murderers, liars, spazzes, alcoholics, rapists and idolaters are people rejecting the goodness of God and turning to evil devices, we conveniently label them as "scytsophrenic" or "bipolar" and prescribe a 'drug' for their 'condition.' It is really sick and unfortunate but its true. We live in a world where people can lack remorse, have hatred in their hearts and just plain act out of sin- and get away with it!! Why? The drug industry profits billions of dollars each year doling out meds for these 'disorders', Satan is running out of time to do his thing and as mankind progresses, it comes up with worse and worse schemes to cover for evil, making the truth hard to distinguish from lies. The good news however is that God gave us all the ability to know Him and to have truth in our lives. Evil is a lack of understanding. An ignorance of what saves and a cleaving to what destroys. And it loves company. Anyone real out there, stay in the truth. I don't care what they call it- picking fights, arguing, bickering, breaking things and being angry is not 'bipolar disorder.' It's evil. Period.

This is a.deadly disorder as.far as I'm concerned. I've been on a roller coaster with my girlfriend. But because I love her so know much I continue to make excuses for the behaviour. Everything is always make fault. My relationship is over now due to her psychotic episode of believing in her mind that I'm coming infidelity by just wanting to go out..painful, sad and hurt...I hate this disorder..

JeffBaxter
You are an ignorant moron, and if you truly believed in God you would understand the word "Compassion" which I think you lack. You should never judge something or someone you don't understand. Perhapse you yourself are the devil....

My husband is Bipolar. He quit taking his meds almost 3 years ago. While on his meds we had a wonderful life which seemed perfect. No fighting or yelling. I am seeking help to ask what to do to find out how to get him to get back on the meds. Everything is always directed at me now, if I forget to do one thing that is asked of me, I am selfish, if someone calls my phone looking for him, that is suspicious, then of course there is the name calling and put downs. I am being cussed at regularly and told that I mess up everything he asks of me everyday. I left with our kids for a week to try to show him that things have got to change, it has been months since that has happened and it is used against me almost daily. We have our own business, house, and are very blessed but there are days or a week at a time that he won't go to work and he will blame it on me. Yelling, calling me names, breaking our doors and other things around the house. I know that he wouldn't ever physically hurt us but it is getting to be too much for me to handle. I have been with this man for about 20 years and never has it ever been this bad. He doesn't think he needs meds, he thinks how he now talks to me is acceptable. Everything he does is justified to him. I know that I am not perfect by any means but I feel like I am being bullied. How do you communicate with someone who is bipolar and doesn't see that they do need to be on their meds and do not see that their rage and their mental state is hurting everyone around them? I feel like I have exhausted everything that I can do. I was on the phone with family and he was yelling and calling me names and my family called the police because they were worried. He now believes that my family is horrible for doing that and that they were trying to put him away and keep him from his kids when it wasn't like that at all. My family loves him but just wanted him to stop shouting names at me and trying to degrade me. They heard it all and was trying to put a stop to it. It just made it all worse. I don't know what to do.

My wife stopped taking her antidepressant medication last July and since then has verbally abused me and has done extreme acts that supports bipolar disorder or personality disorder. She has filed false testimony to the courts and filed for divorce. We have a 2.5 and 4 year old. My wife has a history of chemical imbalance and at this time she is very angry and I don't understand what I did. She has been caught having strange bizarre online affairs and left the house saying "where I go us none of your business, grow some balls loser, I never loved you, you are one giant insecure loser " and the list goes on and on. I'm desperate to understand where this behavior of hers came from and she now smokes marijuana instead if taking her Celexa medication. She has hit me, sent naked photos of herself to strangers and purely says "just kill yourself".
My wife was a very loving person and all of a sudden she wants me eliminated out if her life as I never existed.
Please help me.

Trinity, You life sounds just like mine- you are not alone.

My story is just like everyone elses- bf stopped taking meds, was depressed for months, then on our 4 yr anniversary broke up with me bc "he couldn't take the way I was treating him", I catered to him and tried to help yet he blamed everything on me just like everyone else and I never did a thing to him. He has started abusing drugs and now alcohol, got a motorcycle and goes to bars almost every night bc he is in his hyper mania phase- I don't this just is so disheartening....

My husband has bipolar disorder and is currently in one of his anger episodes where he "hates the world and everything and everyone in it." Naturally, all is taken out on me. All I have to do is walk into the room and I catch him glaring at me in a way that sends chills through me. This is the same man that typically dotes over what a wonderful wife he has. Everything is my fault, including his behavior...after all, I MUST have done something to provoke his irrational anger and hateful remarks. I love him but I have found myself saying out loud when he can't hear me that "I can't take this any longer!" I find myself feeling such deep hatred for him when he's like this, then guilt because he's ill. In the end, I'm afraid it will be me that ends up the most ill of all. He literally has no family and no one left in his life...I'm it. So I guess I'm in this even if it kills me and I'm running out strength to kick into survival mode. Why is it he can control this around strangers most of the time, even being polite to others in public after he just dragged his wife through hell 30 seconds ago? This disease is from hell. Life is not supposed to be like this. I'm not so sure bipolar is all that's wrong with him. There's no way that opposite of personalities can live inside one person. Nothing makes sense to me anymore.

I would like to add to my previous post that my husband is one of the rare bipolar persons that does NOT miss his meds. I think it scares him to miss a dose even if by accident. He takes them in the morning and each evening when the alarm on my phone goes off as a reminder. So...what would he be like without meds is what is constantly in my mind. I'm afraid I might not be here to post anything if that ever happens.

@Lisa I think my wife feels the same way. I AM BP2 and just recently back on my meds. I was just in a MANIC state not even 10 minutes ago. why do we take it out on the people who we love the most but no one else

My boyfriend isn't diagnosed with bipolar, but he refuses to get treatment and doesn't believe in taking meds. His ex was bipolar and it was a crazy relationship and he is always saying she was the crazy one, but I believe he had something to do with it too! You ask him any question, and he will say who cares and it's none of my business and stop asking so many questions after just one normal question. His pattern is, if I don't stop asking a question, he slams the phone then blocks me so that if I call back, he will not pick up. The next day he is like sorry I said those things and just expects me to come running to him with open arms. I used to see a future with him, but now definitely not.

I suffer from what's called bipolar, and I take medication, meditate and try hard to look after myself. So I'm not really bipolar when I'm doing those things. I see bipolar as a state when I'm not looking after myself.
I also think that bipolar people attract others that share the same traits. My partner hasn't suffered a psychosis but gets really moody, angry and difficult.
I think it's an area that's still really unknown(mood disorders). I just know a mood stabiliser helps me. Sometimes I wonder if it's because I'm in a tricky relationship. Although I think I would feel quite down if I wasn't either.
It's the struggle of life. I honestly think that labels aren't helpful when dealing with the mind. I am me. Unique and wonderful. I benefit from mood stabilising medication, but I would never blame a condition for how I am.
Sounds confusing but I hate it when people use bipolar as an excuse or others blame it. I think everyone on this planet can be a bit 'bipolar' it's just for some it can.be a problem which affects their life and others.

Barney, you are so on the money with your "I also think that bipolar people attract others that share the same traits". If people are honest with themselves, they will find that those that they are close with are Bipolar. Type 1's are the the ones that explode over nothing every other week and love wrecking things. What normal people think as a pimple, they will turn it into a mountain. People outside of the home think the person (with Type 1) is someone who would not hurt a fly, if only they knew that he or she was totally different behind closed doors in their home. Those with Type 2 and understand what is going on with their life should seek out those with the same or someone that understands and will guide them through life

I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 recently. I got diagnosed because in my manic episodes I experience little euphoria. I am however extremely irritable and can explode with seething anger that has lasted for days. It turns me almost into a Mr.Hyde like persona, saying things I would never say, doing things I wouldn't do. It wouldn't be until hours/days passed that I came down and was able to see I had an episode of madness and left at the horrors of what I've done. I remember doing everything so it's not a disassociative disorder. These are against people I love so much I'd die for them. It's like the Imp Of The Perverse and explosive rage. I've tried to get someone dear to me fired for no reason, it took 3-4 days to finally come down and by then the damage was done, someone who talked me down from suicide. I had people warning me and trying to calm me down, it was like I was on a drug. Then again it happened to another boss, said things I wouldn't say, totally infuriated and uncompromising. It even happened when both my psychiatrist and therapist where in the same room, they where just left dumbfounded and shocked. Even now a family member will say something and I won't even feel the rage build, it will just burst from nowhere. It scares me and depresses me, because I never want to hurt anyone.

I was diagnosed BP1 about 5 years ago. I have been on my meds religiously and rarely miss a dose. I think due to my upbringing my violence is bad but limited to certain situations.
Bullying will absolutely send me over the edge on 0.5 seconds. My family is scared of me when I get like this and my wife says she is worried that one day she will get a call telling her I am dead or going to jail. I worry about this same thing as well.
I have not seen any mention of this but part of my mania is hypersexuality. I have done alot of questionable things in my past and struggle still to this day. My wife knows my issues and helps me to not slip up and ruin our marriage.
As a black man, I feel one day I will be out and about in that mood, run into a cop and then end up the reason for some police officers family to have a 2 week paid vacation.
I am feeling pretty helpless lately and tired of the roller coaster. I am ready to get off. If it were not for my family I can swear on all that I am that I would have checked out already. Good luck to all and hope things get better for you.

Jeff Baxter: you've got to accept that there are instances where behaviors can be a part of a disease - in the old days, they believed things like epilepsy were signs of witchcraft.
While there are just plain bad people, there are good people who would not be bad if they were given the correct treatment. In these cases, you cannot say that their problem is not a disease.
Bipolar is a neurological disorder like epilepsy - if someone having a fit were to bump you involuntarily would you want them arrested?
Dan: you've got to get your wife treatment and be patient and try with utmost kindness to help her understand that she has a condition that can be managed and is not "crazy" - being thought of as this is something that stops most patients from wanting to admit they have an illness. Wishing you relief and hope all comes right.

I can relate to so many of these posts. 16 years diagnosed bipolar, so many medications tried. And yet so many bipolar traits remain, all the medications do is knock the edges of them. Have anger issues they are dulled, suicidal, falling into that hole takes a few hours/days longer.
My issues with anger. The unbelievable internal conflict between knowing the way you should be acting and the way you are acting. And the whole post about knowing you are angry and wanting to protect others by just running away or disappearing until you have got yourself under contol, but then realizing you have to pick your daughter up or make dinner and the stress and mental torture that puts upon you - it makes thing 1000 times worse. I have bouts like right now where I need to run. I have just come from work where I have had to hold it together and turn my back on things that would normally never be allowed to happen. Legally I have been told to leave them alone. Others are involved and they are ruining what I normally control. I have known for the last two hours that I should not come home, and have considered all sorts of things I can do, from coming home and hiding in the bedroom, and then what? To jumping in the car and driving as far as I can until the bank account is empty. Then the whole be a responsible parent and husband kicks in and the torment continues. And it makes me hate myself.
And the whole = "is this thought good for me, is it helping?" the mindfulness, the living in the moment, there are times like now where as hard as I try it is all just a complete joke. I would take something to calm myself at the moment but have run out of the appropriate medications. Even prayer is not helping. I should sleep this off but it is too early and I have responsibilities tonight. Ugh. It's like living in a Jekyll and Hyde body and the other personality just watching on, knowing that you should not be angry, or depressed or mad this is not the way you want it to be.
And somehow through all of this. You are supposed to live. Meh.

I have never posted before because most sites were outdated. I am coming out of a rage and what I really need is some support, so be it if it has to be online. I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 in 2014. I have been hospitalized three times since for suicidal thoughts. It was rage that brought me into the hospital the first time.
It ruined friendships and relationships with coworkers. Somehow, I was able to renter my normal life each time. Last year, I ran out of FML, was evicted from my apartment, lost my career of fifteen years, and had to leave my daughter. I moved in the parents. I will be forty. My esteem is in the toilet. I told off both of my parents. I have been on my own since 17. I have a BS in Biology. I actually used my degree and had a career I love.
Today, I am hopeless. I am on disability because my job came with great benefits. However, it is too little to live on in Denver and doesn't qualify me for low income housing here in Tennessee. Talk about culture shock. Another time, another rant.
Both of my parents confronted me just as I was making progress. I made a list for the day of responsibilities. I was in a groove. Visible. Not isolating. Not sleeping the day away. Actually showering... My parents are struggling in their relationship some of it is me. My step dad does not understand bipolar and does not care to. He is a narcissistic jerk. His house, his rules garbage.
I tried making myself invisible to him. There is enough room in the house. He works. But, he refuses to eat what I cook. I was cooking to help my mom. Good food too. She has a great kitchen and I like to cook. Nope. Chased out of the kitchen. Ok. I will help with chores. My mom feels guilty. So, it is this passive aggressive fight to get to do one before she does. So, the last three I have been in bed. I like my bed. Fine.
Today, she comes in demanding I get out and do things. Quit being so depressed. Sits at the edge of my bed and quietly asks if I am avoiding both of them. I explain that they both confronted me for being around when they talk( fight).
She gets sarcastic threatens to take something from me. I rage and all the frustration comes out. I feel good and bad. She asks why I am so angry. I want to yell that I have Bipolar moron!!!! I have been triggered and now I am confining myself to my room. I can't handle walking past them. Or inviting unwanted conversation. Why can't they go upstairs? I am sure it is my step dad just outside my door. Making a stand, ready to pounce.
Someone tell me something. I am struggling and not in my right mind.

I have bipolar type one also. I too struggle with anger issues whether it's part of a mania or part of a depression, both have occurred.
I found it helpful to have a conversation with people in my life early on where I describe some of my big symptoms, I apologize advance if they're the recipient of any of my rage (or any of my other symptoms). I let them know it just means that I've been triggered and then what I need from them at the moment (generally either i or they withdraw). And that no matter how it feels at the time, it's not about them, it's about a sick brain.

I am suffering from rage too. I have been working with my dr to find the right combination of medications. It is frustrating I know. I isolate myself to keep others safe. I do tell the people closest to me what is going on with me. I also bought my family copies of Bipolar for Idiots. The wording is easy for them to understand. I am 56 and had a great job too, had to give that up due to anger issues. Be strong one second at a time

The last time I talked with my mom was 2 years ago. It wasn't pretty. My half of the telephone conversation was peppered with alot of swearing (very uncharacteristic of me since I rarely ever swear) alot of screaming and nastly angry out bursts regarding past abuse I experienced as a child from her now deceased husband and past hurts that I were never validated, and some very insensitive personal attacks on her among other things. That was while I was on medication but still struggling to accept my diagnosis and shortly after I was released from an involuntary hospital admission. Understandingly she hung up on me. Later I felt horrible for having treated her so badly. I know she loved me and did the best she could given the circumstances.
My mother is getting old now. Recently my brother called me in hopes that I would make an effort to reconcile with her. I feel like crap about my past behaviour, especially since she sent me such a lovely card this week. I want to call her but I'm so worried that the conversation could turn ugly again. I miss her but I just don't trust myself. I'm so stressed out about this. I don't know what to do. My life has improved alot since our last conversation. But I fear stepping back into my old self again and being confronted about my past behaviour some of which was justified but most of which was not. I guess the only grown up thing to do is just call her, appologize and try to make peace with the past. It's gonna be hard but I don't want to wait until she's dead and kick myself for what I shoulda, could woulda done differently and let it haunt me for the rest of my days...

Natalie, my bf is the exact same way. I wonder if it's the same guy....lol. He had a really violent relationship with his ex. He gets mad at me and blocks me on his phone and Facebook for no reason. He gets upset if I just ask a simple question and blocks me. I asked him to get help. This last stint has lasted 2 months. He hasn't talked to me. He got into an accident and didn't even tell me. He made a bad choice that caused it. It's been really heart breaking.

I regularly deal with rage issues, especially when I'm driving in traffic. I go from zero to boiling so quickly it can be hard to keep myself from yelling and screaming. My bipolar disorder is well managed, but triggered situations are still a big problem. I took a radical approach to my situation and decided to move from my city where the traffic and urban living stress were becoming too much. The difference is astonishing. Not driving, at least for now, has ended my rages. Bipolar disorder is a triggered illness. The more I can deal with my triggers, the better I can control this illness. Not everyone can make radical changes in order to get better, but if you can find the trigger of the rage- maybe it's a relationship, traffic, the place you live, problems with sleep or another situation where you feel out of control, the rage you feel can be managed.
Julie

JeffBaxter- My Mom is a Baptist preacher's daughter who recieved her bipolar diagnosis in 1976, back when it was called Manic Depression. She has never taken dope or so much as tasted a drop of alcohol in her life. She is not any more evil than any other person, myself included- and yourself especially included. She has many legitimate health issues, just like a lot of other people including Parkinsons and Bipolar. God is still very present in her life- he has provided her with some very good doctors, medicine, therapy etc. Bipolar is something that runs in her family- several family members have it, some seek hep and some don't. God is very real, regardless of whether or not people choose to acknowledge Him. satan is also very real, and you are correct when you say his time is short and he knows it. I would urge to read your Bible and study it, if you're already doing so - stay with it. But, please, please please do not consider yourself to be an expert on mental health unless and until you have taken the time to properly educate yourself on them. While there most certainly is evil in this world, there are also diseases and disorders which even Godly people get from time to time. God can and will heal all diseases - in His own way, on His timetable, for His glory. Sometimes the help he provides to some of His children comes in the form of counseling, and therapy and sometimes even medication. At the end of the day, its His choice not mine not yours. Think on these things, better yet- pray on them. Peace be with you.

Why is everyone bashing people with a mental illness. imagine what its like to live this this disorder and feeling like you are a prisoner in your own mind everyday.