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I Hate the Mentally Ill - My Ex was Bipolar and She was Evil

July 7, 2011 Natasha Tracy

I like my job. I get to write for a living which is something many writers don't get to do. And moreover, I get to write about things that matter to me. Also a great luxury for many writers. These are pleasures as are the vast majority of people I get to meet.

I do have the great displeasure, though, of seeing vehement hatred for those with a mental illness. People who hate show up here, on my blog and elsewhere. People with a hatred for bipolar disorder seem to seek places to express their hatred.

But hatred of the mentally ill is simply another prejudice. Hatred of people with bipolar is the same as racism and just as unacceptable.

People with Bipolar Are Selfish, Whiny, Childish Monsters

No one in their right mind would say, "All [people of race] are selfish, whiny, childish monsters."

They wouldn't say that because it isn't true and it's outlandish to think, let alone say. People of any race are individuals and thus are all different. Enlightened people understand painting them all with any brush is inaccurate, insulting and quite frankly just plain wrong.

It's exactly the same for those with a mental illness. Suggesting all people with bipolar are selfish, whiny, childish monsters (and I have heard much worse) is ridiculous. I am none of those things. I'm a grab-bag of traits, much like everyone else. Except I have an illness.

Why do People Hate those with Bipolar?

There is generally one reason why people hate those with a mental illness: they have had bad experiences with them in the past. And for whatever cockamamie reason, they have generalized that experience onto everyone with bipolar disorder. And for some reason they don't see the ludicrousness of that behavior.

My Ex Was Bipolar; She Was Evil

Lots of these people have bipolar ex-significant others. And some hate their ex-others. Perhaps for good reason; I couldn't say. But here's the thing:

  1. You fell in love with that person at some point and married/had kids with/lived with them, so there really is something good there somewhere.
  2. People hate their ex-others. It has nothing to do with bipolar and everything to do with being an ex.

People also think "men are bad," because of a bad divorce, or "women are conniving," or what have you. Not because of anything intrinsic to the gender but because divorces/breakups are nasty, ill-fated, legally acrimonious affairs.

Unfortunately, when one party has a mental illness the other party often feels perfectly justified in dumping the ills of the world at the feet of the illness. And then at the feet of everyone else with the illness.

Your Bipolar Ex Might Have Been Evil

I have no idea who you were married to, and they may have been the worst person on the planet. In fact, their illness may have made their life and yours a living hell. That person may have needed help and refused it. That person may have done horrible things and blamed it on their disease. That person may have hurt those and those you love. Quite possible.

But that's not about being bipolar, that's about the individual.

I will accept this illness makes people unpredictable and challenging, like many illnesses. I will accept the fact being with a person with an illness (any illness) is hard. I will accept that we hurt people, and sometimes that hurt has to do with bipolar disorder.

I will not, however, accept any insult you want to throw at me simply because I have the same diagnosis as a person you know. I will not allow you to tell me how I am or who I am. I will not accept your prejudice and I will not accept your hatred.

Enjoy Your Hate

You can hate whomever you like. It's a free country. But do it in front of me at your own risk. I do not buy your nonsense and to me, you are no better than a racist. Go find another place to play. Because I won't let you unabashedly hurt others just because you have been hurt.

APA Reference
Tracy, N. (2011, July 7). I Hate the Mentally Ill - My Ex was Bipolar and She was Evil, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, July 19 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2011/07/i-hate-the-mentally-ill-my-ex-was-bipolar-and-she-was-evil



Author: Natasha Tracy

Natasha Tracy is a renowned speaker, award-winning advocate, and author of Lost Marbles: Insights into My Life with Depression & Bipolar. She's also the host of the podcast Snap Out of It! The Mental Illness in the Workplace Podcast.

Find Natasha Tracy on her blog, Bipolar BurbleTwitter, InstagramFacebook, and YouTube.

Bethany D
February, 18 2019 at 6:05 pm

Um.. No offense. But it sounds your was diagnosed wrong. Using words like evil especially. Bipolar is often wrong diagnosis given to borderlines, narcissists, PDs, etc. Make sure u know what true bipolar is before you assume they're evil based solely on ex who may have been wrongly diagnosed. It took till i was 25 to get diagnosed borderline. Before that, was bipolar, ADD. Im nowhere near bipolar. Many psychs are not trained at all in identifying, diagnosing, or treating personality disorders.and those who are often refuse to deal with or treat borderlines or narcissists cause they can be so emotionally draining..or narcissists can easily manipulate and trick psychs. I undersrand you knew yoir ex to be bipolar, you were hurt, so you put that projection and generalization on bipolar disorder as a whole. But all mental illnesses fall on a spectrum. Just like cluster B's all share similar trairs from different PD's. Bipolar people CAN be grandiose during manic episodes. They can also seem quite infantile at times, but bipolar people still are empathic, caring people. Nor are they known to be manipulative, exploitative, nasty, etc. Borderlines, narcs, cluster B's in general all have low levels of empathy. ..sociopaths have no empathy at all for example. Borderlines do have empathy, but just lower levels than a normal person. PD's as well as all mental illnesses cannot help their behavior.. Its who they are, their pathology, their ingrained personality, how their brain is wired, the trauma they endured in formative years. Its literally not their fault and cannot be cured typically. If your ex was resistant to medication, very well could of been personality disordered. Unless yoi have a psych degree and can say from absolute certainty from dealing with bipolar professionally on a daiy basis, you cant say theyre evil. Theyre not. Theyre ill. But they're not calculating or as destructive as PD's.. Not "evil." they feel very deeply. But when they're in an episode, they are so consumed by their own pain.

February, 18 2019 at 7:45 pm

Hi Bethany,
I'm not sure if you're directing this at me, but if so, you may have missed the point of the article.
- Natasha Tracy

Mischell
March, 24 2022 at 8:43 pm

Bethany I think you have a couple of things wrong. One Bipolar 2 people and I can only speak what I have encountered are childish, self-centered, selfish and unfaithful. I have no patience for this type of behavior. No one made you lie down and have sex with someone outside the relationship. Yet I hear most bipolars say that they just feel manic or hypomanic when they are in that phase and that literally someone else seems to take over their body. That's BULL****! Everyone and I mean everyone is responsible for their own mental health and the one diagnosis I hear most about that doesn't want that help are BIPOLARS. They think they can go it alone. And when they mess us relationships, friendships, etc...they have selfish regrets but absolutely no REMORE because that would require empathy, compassion, and understand of peoples feelings outside your own. I have never met a bipolar that had EMPATHY because that would require you have to put yourself in the other person's shoes and feel what they feel. Bipolar people are too all self consuming hot messes to even give that a second thought.

March, 25 2022 at 4:37 pm

Hi Mischell,
I appreciate your adding to the conversation and it does sound like you've run into some very unfortunate examples of people with bipolar disorder. I would just like to say that having/not having empathy is not a part of bipolar disorder. Typically, empathy is impaired in people with certain kinds of personality disorders (and yes, a person could have both bipolar disorder and a personality disorder).
I can assure you that many of us have a great deal of empathy because of the suffering we have been through. Having more empathy is sometimes cited as a "positive" of having bipolar disorder, in fact.
-- Natasha Tracy

Jonathan
June, 27 2019 at 11:57 am

Can I ask if I do something wrong I will say sorry and try to make up but if this person dose something wrong they will beat around the bust tell me they love me and care about me but won't own up to what they have done and say how deeply sorry they are for hurting me I was even told that the reason why how I feel is not because of me not getting a sorry like what I'm so hurt I even got told that I cry all the time and it was like she didn't even care but she tells people and ask people how I am and gives me kiss on the neck I'm just so hurt it's so unfair I'm broken so broken I put myself in front of a car I had to fight to get an sorry and when I did it felt so fake

June, 28 2019 at 9:03 am

Hi Jonathan,
What you're describing certainly isn't typical of someone with bipolar disorder. The person you're describing seems to have deep issues outside of that.
My best advice is to sit down and have a frank conversation about what you need out of the relationship. Talk about your needs and set boundaries -- if the person can't treat you in a way you deserve, maybe it's time to alter or even end the relationship.
Counseling with the two of you might be helpful too.
You don't have to stand for being treated that way.
- Natasha Tracy

Tiffany
August, 19 2019 at 8:50 am

This article is interesting but also heartbreaking. My husband is BP and Borderline and has been abusive and destructive on days I wholly wish I could wash from my memory. Cops have been called, suicide prevention measures taken, the whole nine yards and today aim honestly lucky to be alive. Today’. This is the one moment I have and that’s it.
My point is I never know what’s going to set him off and I walk mindfully around his moods but shit comes flying out of thin air often. We are divorcing now (since he won’t maintain meds and therapy regularly) and I will always fear his capabilities. So while people say there are no two BP’s that are the same, there are no two humans that are the same either. Regardless of BP. I don’t even see the disease anymore, I just see fear. I’m frightened. But I’m mostly angry that the resources are incredibly difficult to seek out and the stigma creates a hellish marathon for someone with BP to admit then seek help. It’s messed up!

Bill fird
June, 3 2021 at 2:44 am

I know a few people who were married to a bipolar spouse, all of their lives were destroyed by the craziness.

Jonathan
January, 20 2022 at 1:08 pm

I am 37 years old and have finally come to understand why I have been treated like dirt by everyone I have ever met my intire life. My father was a narcissist, married my mother who kept secret her Bipolar. I ran off to the military as soon as I turned 16 years of age and made it into the parachute Regiment. My childhood was abusive and brain washing. My mother ran of with another man when I was only 7 claiming my father was violent (he wasn't) I remember everything. She would find ways to wind him up and me and my brother would hide in the cupboard under the stairs wishing she would stop causing chaos. It's so true the men end up with woman like their mothers....my 3 relationships were with amazing women, they were all perfect.....nobody is perfect. They were all manipulative liars, cheats and filled with evil. My father punished me for what my mother done, the law courts said the house had to be sold and split 2 way when the youngest child leaves. My mother paid nothing and she came back and ripped the home from under our feet. My brother was still in full time education. But its all OK now as its her bipolar. My life has been obliterated every time I get into a relationship ......... No I don't think all woman are bad at all. I still dream of that perfect one but there's definitely some connection between Bipolar and narcissism and evil. My mother does not take her meds but gets all the financial benefits that come with this disorder. She keeps trying to convince me I am bipolar so I have seen a professional.....I need councilling is out come and I cannot wait. My mother is now a confirmed Christian now so the abuse I get is now 10 fold.
Light joke ..her middle name is Ann ....I quietly say in.my head Satan or is it ST.ANN ? Well you would never guess she was pure evil in her flowery Sunday dress on her way to church.

Yurikoo!
February, 8 2022 at 2:27 pm

Hello, My name is yurikoo.
I have stage one bipolar mental disorder, I don't mind people hating bipolars and stuff.
You deserve to have your own option and post about it without getting hate about it, I feel none of us should be offended it's just an option it's not hurting anyone :)
have a good day goodbye <3

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