I Hate the Mentally Ill - My Ex was Bipolar and She was Evil
I like my job. I get to write for a living which is something many writers don't get to do. And moreover, I get to write about things that matter to me. Also a great luxury for many writers. These are pleasures as are the vast majority of people I get to meet.
I do have the great displeasure, though, of seeing vehement hatred for those with a mental illness. People who hate show up here, on my blog and elsewhere. People with a hatred for bipolar disorder seem to seek places to express their hatred.
But hatred of the mentally ill is simply another prejudice. Hatred of people with bipolar is the same as racism and just as unacceptable.
People with Bipolar Are Selfish, Whiny, Childish Monsters
No one in their right mind would say, "All [people of race] are selfish, whiny, childish monsters."
They wouldn't say that because it isn't true and it's outlandish to think, let alone say. People of any race are individuals and thus are all different. Enlightened people understand painting them all with any brush is inaccurate, insulting and quite frankly just plain wrong.
It's exactly the same for those with a mental illness. Suggesting all people with bipolar are selfish, whiny, childish monsters (and I have heard much worse) is ridiculous. I am none of those things. I'm a grab-bag of traits, much like everyone else. Except I have an illness.
Why do People Hate those with Bipolar?
There is generally one reason why people hate those with a mental illness: they have had bad experiences with them in the past. And for whatever cockamamie reason, they have generalized that experience onto everyone with bipolar disorder. And for some reason they don't see the ludicrousness of that behavior.
My Ex Was Bipolar; She Was Evil
Lots of these people have bipolar ex-significant others. And some hate their ex-others. Perhaps for good reason; I couldn't say. But here's the thing:
- You fell in love with that person at some point and married/had kids with/lived with them, so there really is something good there somewhere.
- People hate their ex-others. It has nothing to do with bipolar and everything to do with being an ex.
People also think "men are bad," because of a bad divorce, or "women are conniving," or what have you. Not because of anything intrinsic to the gender but because divorces/breakups are nasty, ill-fated, legally acrimonious affairs.
Unfortunately, when one party has a mental illness the other party often feels perfectly justified in dumping the ills of the world at the feet of the illness. And then at the feet of everyone else with the illness.
Your Bipolar Ex Might Have Been Evil
I have no idea who you were married to, and they may have been the worst person on the planet. In fact, their illness may have made their life and yours a living hell. That person may have needed help and refused it. That person may have done horrible things and blamed it on their disease. That person may have hurt those and those you love. Quite possible.
But that's not about being bipolar, that's about the individual.
I will accept this illness makes people unpredictable and challenging, like many illnesses. I will accept the fact being with a person with an illness (any illness) is hard. I will accept that we hurt people, and sometimes that hurt has to do with bipolar disorder.
I will not, however, accept any insult you want to throw at me simply because I have the same diagnosis as a person you know. I will not allow you to tell me how I am or who I am. I will not accept your prejudice and I will not accept your hatred.
Enjoy Your Hate
You can hate whomever you like. It's a free country. But do it in front of me at your own risk. I do not buy your nonsense and to me, you are no better than a racist. Go find another place to play. Because I won't let you unabashedly hurt others just because you have been hurt.
APA Reference
Tracy, N.
(2011, July 7). I Hate the Mentally Ill - My Ex was Bipolar and She was Evil, HealthyPlace. Retrieved
on 2024, May 3 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2011/07/i-hate-the-mentally-ill-my-ex-was-bipolar-and-she-was-evil
Author: Natasha Tracy
@Zoe Merchant You seem extremely ignorant, it's hard to believe you're an adult and not some kid in their mother's basement trolling for your information people who suffer from mental illness is more likely to be the victims of crime than the perpetrator. Read a book! Smh I pity you
@alexis...YOU are the one to be pitied. You obviously have no clue regarding the criminal justice system. Instead of consulting your precious BOOKS, try talking to a criminal defense attorney - specifically a COURT APPOINTED defense attorney and become enlightened on the percentage of criminals who also have the comorbidity of mental illness. Then you may be able to develop an opinion based on fact. So stop your silly condescending remarks and become informed - or would that be too much trouble for you?
Do you know that 40 percent of convicted pedophiles are left handed. Maybe they should be lynched too
For everyone who has had any kind of relationship with someone diagnosed with bi polar, it. can be beyond difficult. I am diagnosed with this hell of a disorder and have made many bad choices which I own up to. All I know is that I did not ask for this illness and I have done everything and I mean everything to get well. But, there is no cure. Just treatment., I cycle very fast and that is hard on me and those who have no idea of what I am talking about at times…nor do .I. My rapid thoughts just roll right from my brain out of my mouth. I do feel guilt. I just wish all the haters of this illness from hell would step inside my brain for one week and then, maybe you would not hate, but, you might find some compassion when you are living the hell yourself.
@Jackson I pity you, it's hard to believe you're an adult and not some kid in their mother's basement trolling.
I see a lot of the comments are romoved because the author doesn't like the truth. BP can be very evil once the disorder is developed. Once that disorder sets in they change forever for the absoloute worst , I have family with mental illness and have notihgn against the mentally ill however BP people do evil things all them time its their choice and moderating the comments will not change that. If you are involved with one RUN AWAY ASAP or enjoy hell.
Brian hit it on the head. If you are involved with a bipolar... run like hell, They never change nor will they ever apologize. I am so sick of hearing its not the disease,, Total bullshit..
Brian and Mark are right on the money. I have dealt with bipolar in my mother throughout my childhood and now in my old age with a daughter. I can't run like hell but encourage all of you that are not bound by blood to get away from people with this disorder - they will only bring you down. And, yes, when they feel better it is like the slate is wiped clean and they forget the awful things they said and did to you and you are supposed to forget it too. So very tired of dealing with this disorder as a caregiver. Like I said...RUN LIKE HELL away from this unless you want to throw your life away. You CAN'T save them.
Just wondering if the author of the opinion piece also feels the same way about people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Psychopaths? Or do you believe those mental illness's are different? Bipolar has been shown to effect both cognitive and emotional empathy towards others in a similar way and I don't think you can just skip over that.
Hi Jessica,
Each illness and each person is different. That is my point.
- Natasha Tracy
Bipolar people are unpredictable and often hurt many people with their actions. This is the part the bipolar person doesn't take any responsibility for and this is what gets to people
I have had my fair share of experience with the behavior of bipolar people and I don't care to have any contact in any way with anyone who is bipolar. They (collectively) are selfish, liars, manipulative, unpredictable, unreliable, evil at times, lack guilt and empathy and are of the believe the entire world is here to serve and wait on them and their needs.
What a horrible thing to be around. No good at all in this type of illness.
Wow well I'm sure the decent people with bipolar don't want to know a prejudiced, judgemental.
I've had my share of trying to understand and deal with my ex- husband, Even while divorced. But the truth of the matter that their illness will emotionally and physically make you I'll dealing with them. They are truly liars, manipulaters,selfish, dangerous and all of the above. They will trap you in a world wind of he'll and misery. I wouldn't wish a relationship with a person with bipolar upon anyone. My own doctor advise me to abandon ties with him before it destroy me and that was the best advice any person could give me, Thank the Lord...and by the way council doesn't help them and the refuses to take their mental health meds... Mental health doctors try to make it seem as though this I lliness is manageable but truth is, it isn't manageable.
Absolutely agreed. My ex lied to her parents on a daily basis. I'm certain she lied to me on a regular basis. There was "that time" she was going to the club and ended up taking a shower to "wash her legs" and ended up in her friends sexy clothes and not at a strip club but at a club where cell phones are not allowed and "conveniently" forgot to wear our promise ring (which looked sort of like a wedding band) then didn't come home afterwards (as she had promised if she went to a club without me, I said go have your fun but just be sure to come home after because I know how it goes at clubs and I dont want my mind to race)... fill in the blanks.
She went off her meds because she didn't like them. Got depressed and was going to take them again but never got around to it, hit mania, and boom the crazy took over the house.
They say it is manageable, and it is, but they have to accept the "medicated them" and stop playing fire with triggering the mania. This is partly why bipolar people are attracted to cocaine; it triggers a mania in an instant and they can flush their lives down the toilet with drugs chasing that feeling. When they finally come down and the party is over they realize what destruction they have caused.
I have known a few bipolar women, some older than others, and they all have gone through the same phase at one point or another that finally got them to accept their condition and take their meds properly. The ones who didnt - well they are still manipulative lying idiots who do compulsive stupid things then try to hurt themselves.
Apparently Abillify injection 1000Mg delayed release works because there's no forgetting taking it and it lasts a month; albeit expensive. I would never date a bipolar woman again unless she was on that program. Too many variables.
I am actually quite hurt by all of these comments. I have type 2 bipolar disorder, as does basically my whole family. It was extremely difficult growing up with my mom before she was treated, and my dad during his manic episode was incredibly hurtful. I can understand where you all are coming from in your hurt. I also will not deny that I have been cruel to people at some points when I have cycled through my episodes, and I will tell you that when I came out of my episode and realized the hurt I caused, it really did cause immense shame and sorrow. It is a difficult disease for the person and those around them to deal with. This is in part because people with bipolar are in such pain, they dont feel comfortable even in their own skin many times, and because of this they have the highest suicide rate of any mental illness. However, people with the disorder are more likely to be victimized and assaulted because of their illness. Like when my ex-boyfriend repeatedly sexually assaulted me and raped me, but told me no one would believe me because I was crazy, that no one would ever love me because I was crazy. I believed him because the hate that is said by others simply due to their previous experiences. I don't believe this disease has created me without empathy either. I am the type of person who literally feels emotional pain when someone else is in emotional pain. When a loved one or friend needs helps, I drop everything I'm doing just to help them. I am a nurse who wants nothing more than to heal others and help them and their families through such a difficult time. I just recently spoke at my college graduating ceremony about how important being kind, understanding, and compassionate to all people is. I can understand that another person may have hurt you, I understand how frustrating it is to be really hurt by a person when they are in an episode and have them say "I was manic, I was depressed." I grapple with these feelings regularly when others with bipolar in my life hurt me. I understand it is an episode, but that doesn't make it hurt any less, that doesn't make it okay. That is why it is so difficult to live with because I don't want to hurt others, and sometimes I do without realizing it, and I act in a way that isn't really me, but that doesn't change the outcome. Still, I implore you, do not judge all of those with this illness based on one individual, or even a handful of individuals. Because there are good people out there struggling with this disease, wanting nothing more than to be able to find stability and love and happiness. Taking handfuls of medications and vitamins and supplements every day, wearing goofy orange blue light glasses every night to keep away the mania, calculating exactly how much sleep they need, being a young 22 year old and not being able to go out for drinks with their friends because they cant drink, looking up every new treatment for their disorder. Doing all of this because they don't want to hurt anyone in their depression or hypomania or mania, and I am one of those people.
I hate bipolar people, psychopaths, and sociopaths. Other people are not as cruel as they are. I had a bipolar mother, sister, later boyfriend and now son. None of them were a picnic and all acted vicious and evil. Granted I love my son but he has hurt me beyond repair.
I hope that you're original chris smith and not an impostor.
AIl I can say is, take your medicine. if what you are taking is not working, work your doctor to find the right meds. But most likely you do not like your meds because you miss the benefits of being bipolar. Excellent sex because of hyper organism, creativity ,Mania, etc? if not medicated, you all lie your ass off. Birds of a feather flock together. You bipolars stick together. You don't even have to know them. But you as a bipolar will lie, cheat and steal to protect those with your illness. Bottom line is , the only love you have is for yourself and other Bipolars. You do not care about your victims. Only about how they serve you. Non medicated bipolars are evil people. so smoke your pot ant what else you may do for relief
People here have know idea what bipolar is like. I have asperger syndrome and even I find that very offensive that they call bipolar evil. People insult things they don't know about because they haven't gone through it themselfs.
"Like when my ex-boyfriend repeatedly sexually assaulted me and raped me"
Ok, gotta stop you right there. You loved the guy enough for him to be your boyfriend. Depending on your age, with a boyfriend comes a relationship, and with a relationship comes sex, or at least an expectation that sex is consensual. Some people are just whacked, if the guy literally held you down and raped you then I feel for you, but I kind of doubt that is the case.
While it is technically *possible* to be raped as the girlfriend of your perpetrator, it is highly unlikely; and more likely that you either changed your mind after the fact, didn't communicate that you didn't want to have sex at that time clearly enough for him to understand, or were going through a depressive period where you just weren't interested in anything let alone sex for a sustained length of time.
My bipolar ex would make me wait an average of 45 days between sexual encounters when she was depressed. I wasn't allowed to cheat as it wasn't an open relationship, and I was truly suffering. Moreso because earlier in the relationship and even before we were in a relationship it was like rabbits, multiple times a day.
Partners have needs too. Like one of my ex girlfriends says, "Keep his belly full and his balls dry and he will never stray"; sage advice. Hate to break it to ya, but your man's libido is not going to suffer through your mental illness. Somethings gotta give if you want to keep the relationship rolling. Either he's going to get sex when you aren't quite in the mood, or he's going to get it elsewhere.
PS. If the guy really was a psycho who put a knife to your neck or something I am sorry for my comments.
This comment makes me extremely upset
and sad. I have also been raped by my bi polar now ex boyfriend.
He asked a week earlier if I liked anal I said absolutely not
He said good I don’t like it either.
But that’s exactly what he did
He got on top of me when I was sleeping on my stomach
It took 2 years of support groups and therapy to get to a good place again.
He is untreated bi polar with drug problems
Refusing treatment
I reported him
He was extremely selfish and abusive
Severe raging no accountability or remorse
Suicide threats crying stonewalling or raging if I feared to bring anything up he had done.
Sorry for being so descriptive but obviously some ppl need to hear specifics in order to believe that women get raped.
Hey.
Listen, I've no idea who you are. I wanted to say to you two things, one as a rape victim myself and one as someone who is dating someone bipolar and engaged.
1) I'm sorry about Taylor. Not apologizing for them, but I'm sorry you have to deal with victim blaming on top of being bipolar, it's rough. Rape isn't your fault, and even if you're in a relationship a partner ought to respect your no, and leave you alone if you're reluctant. I've been diagnosed with PTSD a d I'm a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a rape 3 years ago, so while I'm not bipolar I've done some pretty hurtful things and had my rage moments. Feel free to take what I say with a pinch of salt, but all you can do afterwards is talk it through and make amends where necessary.
You should look at Aphrodite Wounded, it's a site for those who are victims of intimate partner abuse.
2) On bipolar. All you can do is stay in your meds and have frequent appointments with your care team. You are NOT your disorder. I've seen my fiance when he was manic, and I'll tell you this. It was him who realized he was manic and got himself help and early too. Therapy helps as well and knowing the early signs is important since partners don't pick up on them either. A lot of people here have been hurt by someone bipolar and hence the hatred, but it doesn't have to be that way. I don't know what you're like, but I hope you'll find someone who isn't reactionary. Yes you've to do your part in managing your illness but accidents will happen and you need a safety net for them. I just wanted to say that.
I actually know a girl, happily married, she's bipolar, borderline and has ptsd. She's very careful now in managing herself and I know her and her husband have a very happy marriage and a happy relationship prior to that. A mental disorder isn't a death sentence for loneliness as long as you pull your weight where you can, but sometimes it's hard. I know.
You deserve to be loved, and being raped doesn't make you crazy. I face a lot of backlash myself for that (yes even the stuff that happened when I was a child). Most people just don't want to admit rape is a thing that happens, and it happens very frequently to both genders. You deserve to be loved and find someone who makes you happy, and it sounds like you're making a genuine effort. :)
I don't know if talking to someone is your cup of tea, but my correspondence email is songofthestray@gmail.com
Taylor in all fairness, Sex isn't an obligation you know, it's something for both people in a relationship to enjoy. Both. Not one but both.
Oh and holding a knife to someone's throat isn't a prerequisite for rape. You should probably also look at the website I mentioned above to educate yourself on how intimate partner violence can take place.
Its not that the bipolar person is actually *evil* per se. It is that they go on a destructive rampage and do evil and destructive things. It is hard not to attribute these choices to the individual who is making these choices.
My ex is bipolar, made a choice not to take her meds, slipped got so bad she would come home at night and just yell at me about random things that were not at all connected. A dispute over her promise to go camping before summer ended was finalized with her stomping off, heading to skid row, smoking methamphetamine, losing her purse, ID, credit and bank cards, and being thrown in jail - which was completely out of character. Along with a huge number of other smaller transgressions and accusations.
I treated this girl like the world. I even had ex girlfriends who owed me favors bring her designer purses and wallets, we went to a ritzy downtown hotel for our six month anniversary. I put her up rent-free at my house, I bought most of the food, vodka, and did almost all the cooking and cleaning. I loaned my reputation to get her a job, vaulting her from being a bakery teller to working in investment banking. You name it, I did it for her.
Our breakup consisted of her accusing me of crazy things like sleeping with other women while she was in the house, threats of violence, notes saying she hoped I died, posters put up all over town calling me a narcissistic lying a-hole with my phone number and picture on it, she had sex with one of my roommates a week after she broke up with me.
You just gotta ask yourself, what's there not to hate in that sort of behavior? I still care about the girl very much, but as far as she's concerned she never wants to speak to me again. I moved on, mostly I'd like to talk to her because we work in the same industry and I'd at least like to be civil to eachother but it's like talking to a brick wall - nothing.
Between her and her friend she sent the cops to my house 22 times over bogus "harassment" claims when I never set foot near her house, never followed her, never tried contacting her at work despite that she has my old office phone number, she even had my roommate that she slept with a week after our breakup arrested in some bizarre sting operation her and her friend put together. All I ever did was send her an email every month or two and try to get her to stop sending me massive multipage text bombs and leave me alone filled with hate.
Yes, bipolar people can be wonderful. I completely fell in love with one. But the unpredictability and the craving of mania just makes them awful partners. Friends, you can switch off for a while while they come back to earth from the stratosphere. A relationship partner, not so much, especially when hypersexuality and drugs get involved.
Why suffer? I so agree! After a 40 year marriage with my almost ex husbands self neglect and on and off meds,he has reached the point of no return. It's his choices and his fault that he is totally beyond help now. I need to care for me. It is time for a change! O do mot feel sorry for him.
Hi Taylor, thanks for being at least reasonable compared to many here who seem to only hate without any compassion or understanding. My mom was bi-polar. It's hard to deal with the destructive nasty behavior that can be part of a manic episode, but it is a disease and it's like blaming someone for having cancer. None the less, if someone you love had a condition where every third time you saw them, they'd punch you in the face as hard as they can, you'd eventually start to want to protect yourself. That's how I describe it to people. That’s what it can be like having a family member or partner who’s bi-polar. It's also hard to tell where the disease stops and starts. How much of the behavior is the illness, how much them? I’m sorry you went through what you did. I’m sorry for your ex- partner too. I wouldn’t wish this disorder on my worst enemy, it can be a horrible life to lead if you can't or don't get it under control. My mom died this past Christmas and I feel weirdly empty. Not sad like you’re supposed to be. I mostly feel relief that she doesn’t need to suffer any more, and neither do the rest of us.
I recently left my bipolar fiance. It was the best choice I've ever made for myself. I almost forgot what it was like to be happy. This man utterly destroyed me. It makes me so angry when bipolars [complain] about the stigma they face when it's there for a good reason. Go to any bipolar support forum and you will see that it's filled with people who are coping with a bipolar's abuse. Get involved with someone with this illness and you will become nothing more than their chew toy. Bipolar people are clueless to the pain they cause.
Go ahead, accuse me of being bitter and judgmental. It will only make me smile. The bipolar stigma is there for a good reason <3
@Tanadia - Good for YOU! You have saved yourself and your future children YEARS OF HEARTACHE. Trust me - bipolar is forever and the whole "everything will be okay with the right meds" is pretty much a joke. Glad to see that you have moved on - you are worth more than years of abuse at the hands of someone who will hide behind the bipolar label. I wish you the best in moving on and strongly urge you to never look back.
I'd flip off anyone who accuses me of being bitter and judgmental because that's nothing to smile about.
Funny.
That's exactly how I feel about women. It honestly just sounds like you're rationalizing leaving a decent man or indeed, perhaps you're permanently unable to find a decent one. [moderated] If it weren't "bipolar" it'd be because they don't earn enough... Well that's not what you would say in public of course. I'm not going to pretend to be amused to fake superiority, but the stigma against women is there for a reason. And before you point to a bunch of successful outliers to convince me you should be taken seriously, I should point out there are plenty of successful bipolar people (like the late Carrie Fisher, or Stephen Fry, and the existence of those outliers doesn't change what you said as well. I'm not replying to this, and no, I'm not bipolar but I did see an opportunity here and I took it. I'm not engaging any rationalization from you or others beyond this point.
To a Free Man, I am replying to you because you sound just like my ex who refused to except his bipolar diagnosis and has been manic 3 times in 7 months. Currently he was forced into treatment and removed from his position at work . You all deny, blames, insults, project on others your bad behavior, want others to be responsible for all your meanness, you are vulgar and nasty, and still refuse help. I have nothing against the disorder, I was willing to support and stand by his side during recovery. But he refuses to do the work. I have a family member I love dearly with BP and he is highly regarded and respected because he is responsible and takes ownership of his illness. He accepts his illness, takes his meds and currently working on a PhD. He a success in every way possible because he is responsible and controls his BP and doesn't let the BP control him. Sounds like your next stop should be treatment.
You nailed it!! I most certainly feel like a “ chew toy “. Sadly my wife is blind to how she treats Me. Yes the first year was great. But now I feel trapped.
I couldn’t agree with you more. At least you broke free and can return to normalcy...I’m still with my bipolar spouse who has destroyed me and my family over the past 15 yrs. all I know is that bipolar people do not fully understand the chaos they’ve created nor do they really care because honestly it’s always about their own feelings.. mental terrorists
Hi Kyan,
Thank you for your comment. I'm sorry you're in a negative place with your spouse but I would like to mention that your spouse is only one person. Many people with bipolar disorder are not like you describe. We are individuals and should be treated as such.
- Natasha Tracy
I'm bipolar. I'm a male. I'm 6'3". I'm trilingual. I guess I'm smart - that's what I think at least. I had an amazing childhood in terms of standard of living. Probably top 1% in the world for sure. Then something went wrong when I was 12... Lost the mansion, family has to work abroad... bankruptcy. So for the first 12 years of my life I was living similarly to Trumps kids(top 1%), I guess. Worst thing that happened to me was being bullied at school most likely because I was sent something from Stanford by the time I was age 10. Well living now in maybe top 5% in the world, a little down the food chain, but still graduated from High School, same place that Mr. Bezos did. Early admission 2nd month into senior semestar so I guess I had 6 months of... waiting. Then my life could FINALLY BEGIN at 18!!! NO MORE BOSSES!!! Didn't do well so I went home, tried and tried again to learn from people that knew so little... couldn't do it, didn't have the patience.
I always loved numbers. The most simplistic science that us humans created. Think of life like luck... Some people are lucky, some people aren't. Bipolar people are extremely unlucky (replace bipolar with race samesex preference / anything not part of the norm/etc). Thanks for reading. --P.G.
P.S. We all have our place. Without bipolar people I guess Lilly and Pfizer maybe would have fed pills to people that cure cancer from Philip Reynolds.
P.P.S. Last one, I promise. I believe we were made for the pursuit of happiness. My gf believes we are here to suffer. And I'm the bipolar one...
I think the reason people are negative about other people with mental disorders is that mentally disordered people are often creating instability or chaos in life and in relationships. It creates heartaches and pain, psychological, emotionally, financially also. In the end it becomes too difficult to maintain a life and relationship where you get hurt. As a learning experience and lesson drawing, all mentally disordered are put in the same bag of crazies to never be touched again.
I've found the same to be true more about neurotypical people. Mindless buffoons motivated by whim and feeling, who've never gone through the hardship required to formulate a nuanced understanding of reality.
Now, I don't actually believe this, this is an incredibly unfair assumption. But it is just as valid as yours
Maybe you and others like you should be in your own bag :) I hope to never meet you in person! Unless you somehow see how utterly foolish you are being.
I think generalization and hatred of anyone is wrong, but I find it fitting that a white woman who has never bared the brunt of racism- would make such a broad equalization to something you know nothing of. You could have used a different simile, such as comparing mental illness to physical illness. I'm not sure if it was nepotism that afforded you the ability to get paid to write full time-or not; it was unfocused, scattered, and haphazard. I know it has been a while, hopefully you have since improved.