Why Don’t We Want to Shower When We're Sick?

I can't say that I hate to shower but I hate to blow out my hair. I have Bipolar 2 and just haqte the fact that when I shower that I have to style my hair. really it only takes about 10 mins but it bothers me none the less. I enjoy my showers! I wish everybody could be in the same boat as me....I'm sorry you all feel the way you do... best of luck to you!

I try so hard to avoid this "no showering" episodes that I have I just don't feel good about myself and thus I don't care how I look. I am now a stay at home mom I used to work as a CPA in a professional setting so I always had to look my best well groomed dressed professional and now I put on my fuzzy pajama pants, fuzzy socks fuzzy warm robe and that makes me feel like I am in a big hug. Good thing the kids don't care how I look they still love me I am here when they get off the bus and I still have to care for them no matter what I love them and they are my life. Showering takes so much effort to just get in and I think too much in the shower when I am depressed is when I go through the not showering faze and I have negative thoughts about myself and how I am a failure I am now on disability because of my mental illnesses I am bipolar 2 with depression and personality disorder I think so much about who I used to be and now I don't really have a purpose or a reason to be I know I am a mom and I am trying to raise them the best way I can they are both smart and have lots of friends and I will force myself if needed to do what I need to for them. I love the feeling of being in my comfy safe clothing and showering is just one of those things I have to force afterwards I do feel better I try to put makeup on dress up and do the whole bit I used to never ever leave the house without a shower or makeup now I run from the thought of a shower

R u kidding me. U people r telling my life story. Its as though you are spying on me. In addition I am getting older losing what little looks I had. What's the point knowing I have no where to go and if I did know one would find me attractive anyway. Doing nothing for such a long time has made it hard to do anything. It hurts! Lifting my hands to wash my hair made my hands tingle. Drying my hair was even harder. It felt like a waste of clean cloths to get dressed. Just added to the laundry. What a cycle. I have since started studying the bible with Jehovah's Witnesses at my house and is worth the effort to get cleaned up for the time they share with me teaching me about the bible. It is still very hard. I spend a lot of time crying when they r here. I am thankful for their fellowship at my house. They don't judge me. At times they even cry with me.They recognize my bipolar as real and r sincere in wanting to help me. I am new on this sight and am happy to have found it thanks to all of you.

Dear Natasha
I have experienced some elements of this. A shower kind of wakes you up to the world, and that's exactly what you want to hide from. Your ability to express and explain things totally fascinates me. I am an abstract thinker and find it difficult to put the things I know into words. I often read things and think: 'That's exactly what I want to say'. Love this and will follow you.

I have this right now and don't really understand why,when well I can maintain a good hygiene routine.
I had not thought about it being a painful experience but as I read a light went on , so thank you yet again

can totally relate! im often too tired to deal with everything that comes with taking a shower. and its cold when i take my clothes off no matter if i have a space heater in there with me or not. i cant ever get the temperture right so im always either being attacked by freezing or scalding water...or so it seems to me. i love being clean and smelling good. but alot is to be said for some soap and a wet washcloth.

I can definitely relate to the first half. When showering ceases, it is usually associated with a deepening depression. Everything is just sooo exhausting. My limbs feel like lead.

When depressed, the shower feels like thousands of needles trying to penetrate my skin. The act of washing my hair and body, then drying them and then having to blow-dry my hair is absolutely exhausting. The whole process takes 35 minutes when well. Can you imagine how awfully long and exhausting the process is when moving your body feels like you are drowning in a pool of clay?

FINALLY! you put it into words for me! Thank you I love your blog it helps so much to understand what I have been dealing with for over thirty years.

showers/having wet skin make me feel utterly disgusting. i also have had bad joints since my teen years, so any use of my legs is super-painful. drying off-- *really* feeling dry-- can't happen quickly enough, which leads to irritability or outright explosions, me storming out of the shower every night, grumbling, "why do we effin have to shower?! i effin HATE showers; i feel so gross!", etc. when i'm feeling my worst, it doesn't occur to me to shower, either-- unless i plan to have sex. knowing that i'm dirty only makes me feel worse about myself, but there is just no reasoning with my brain. it's on self-destruct mode, and there's no "off" switch. :(

Because I have nowhere to go
I guess I tend to shower/do my hair/makeup if I'm going somewhere. What's the point of showering if I'm going to spend the day in bed with my laptop?
Showering/hair/makeup is also called getting ready. It's kind of hard to "get ready" when you don't have anything to do. I do wash my face/brush my teeth though.
Here's hoping tomorrow is better. I do plan to take a shower at some point.

I left my husband while manic and it ended in divorce. I moved to another town to distance myself from my old life. My family pretty much disowned me and I lost any kind of support system I had. My family doesn't understand bipolar or how it affects my life, as if anyone would choose to live like I do. Once the manic phase wore off, I went into a deep depression that lasted for years. I tried many therapists and psych doctors. I was misdiagnosed for years. I didn't shower because I had no where to go other than doctors appts., drugstore or for food. I thought if I didn't have to leave the house there was no sense in showering. I was almost an automatic daily thought. A very small part of my brain told me not to give up and I finally found the right doctor and therapist. I'm doing well on my current meds, but have been unable to try to reach out to old friends or make new friends to create a support system. I also have a multitude of physical problems which makes it harder to function. I live in a rural area which makes it even harder to make new friends or create a support system. My daughter and my son have stood by me in the toughest of times, but they work and have families of their own. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to vent. I love your blog.

Diane - so sorry to hear of your experience. It is all too familiar. I don't think it's possible for anyone to understand if they haven't gone through it themselves. It is exhausting.
I wish you well.

I had been experiencing this for years. Then I was diagnosed bipolar. Since the diagnosis, I still find this crazy, but I find myself still doing it. I remember in a therapy session mentioning it to my therapist and she was like that was new information to her. She had never heard of that before. I'm thinking, ok I know I am not the ONLY one, but I didn't what to ask or who to ask. Now, I share this information wherever I can. Hopefully, the ones with the advance college degrees will learn a thing or to.

I used to love showers. Now, it takes real effort to do so, especially when I'm in a depression or manic episode. I feel sick most of the time. I force myself to take a shower every 2-3 days, even when my hair is stringy after one day. I'd rather stay in bed, but I work part time and have to get dressed. My fiance is my lifeline. I have no family except for my daughter, who is 1200 miles away and has her own family to deal with. Today I'm in a depressed state, and can't think of anything, let alone a shower. I am bipolar 1.

Diane, Thanks for posting your experience. I'm going through that same experience with me wife, who was a friend from many years ago before we married recently. Didn't realize her depression was going to be forever, and would happen with me. Tried to get help for her using methods and advice from the behavioral health medical system, and she got mad and ran away. She is doing just what you have done, and I continue to reach out to her, ask her to come home, remind her I love her.
Bfoofoo.... reading your post is just what I've seen and heard from my wife too. The frustrating thing is that as informed loved ones, we want to help, and we recognize there are a variety of reactions out there, and its an informational "mine field" when as a spouse or family member we try to get professional guidance to help our loved one.

Right on again,Natasha.
When manic it's such a BIG deal!takes like
An eternity.
Yes I experience almost feelings like shards of glass fr the water.
Plus,depressed I'm just too tired to even go to the bathroom let alone....
Takes all your energy,doesn't seem important.
Plus hate my body now after the gain from the meds...
Ironically,I loathe showers only take them in hospital.
Baths I just love...soak for ages lots of herbal bubbles...but depressed don't bathe,but the OCD makes me not wait too long ...besides it helps my pain & meds for it work faster.
I believe hot baths help prolong relaxation particularly herbal,my fave is chamomile.
Very lovely/ gentle on skin....it's a coping mechanism for me...
I almost always achieve some relaxation from a bath.
Right now feel sleepy,recently emerged from the tub.
I don't push it when depressed.
I know I will come around in few days,usually.......as I always feel better so continuously
tell myself that.

As I sit here I know it is time to shower but just can not seem to get motivated enough to do so....EVERYTHING that I have read here is so me. I do not want to shower! It is so overwhelming.. My husband works so hard everyday and I cannot seem to do the smallest of task.. "sigh" My therapist has given me a to do list to get motivated and I am to get up, take a shower, fix my hair and face and go some where to walk for about 30 min a day to get a routine going...yeah right! Have not started this as of yet.. My husband gets mad. I cant say I don't blame him I mean what the heck! I am bipolar and SICK OF IT!

In my case,I'm a empath (if it makes you feel better to just plainly refer to me as a empathetic person you may,I know the truth along with my friends and loved ones) I live with a person with narcissistic personality disorder,every single day for the last 4 years he's told me how I'm not good enough,and how everything I do is wrong,I know I need to leave asap but lets just say(with out getting to personal that I can't leave)it's done something messed up to me,I began not being able to find it in me to shower,without over exaggerating,in the last year,I've showered maybe 15-20 times,I don't know if its because I hate my self or because its been embedded in my head that I'm worthless,I just don't know

Hi Natasha, first time reading your blog I got here by Binging Bi-polar and intelligence. I found your blog I read that blog and happened to see the other subjects like not taking a shower. Well I read that blog and said to myself omg thats me! I have Bi-polar disorder. Notice I didn't say AM Bi-polar. I find that just reinforces your attitude that you are a sick puppy. I have problems taking a shower, after reading your blog I know why. It is painful for 1, I don't have the energy 2 I dont care 3. If I don't have to go anywhere or if I know no one will be coming over, I say later then 3 days go by then later its been a week. Usually something comes and I have to get in there. What makes me mad is I should have gotten in there along time ago.
I had Major Back Surgery a year ago. I have Fibromyalgia, Arthrtis, in other words Chronic Pain. If I lay in bed I have racing thoughts about what I want to get done. I feel guilty and beat myself up self-loathing comes to mind. I am Mentally and Physically exhausted. I am under Psych care take my meds which make me fat, and have annoying side effects, always wanting to give me a pill for the other pill I'm taking.I feel like I'm drowning and space is closing in on me, and someone wants me to get in a tiny shower and just get it done. Easier said than done. I am so glad I found this place. Thanks Natasha and all who find this place.

The title of this blog caught my attention because I've experienced so many of the symptoms that others have to cope with too. It is exhausting!
When I'm in a depressive phase, the thought of showering is so distasteful that I have gone a week or two without one. My body becomes dirty and more than a little smelly. I try to combat that with sponge baths. My face comes first. Then I care for the more personal parts of my body. Afterward, I apply a strong deodorant, spritz myself with a favored fragrance and attempt to find clean underwear. (Having clean clothes is a bonus!) Thankfully, I've discovered a decent dry shampoo.
Sounds like a lot of work, no? To me it is better than removing all my clothes and exposing my hideously naked and vulnerable body to the frigid air. It's better than going through the hair washes, the conditioning, the styling etc., and then standing sopping wet and freezing to death on my cruddy bathroom floor. The long length mirror screams at me and reinforces my BDD.
Yes, a fresh shower can ultimately make you feel better. It's the choice that makes sense. No excuse! I've got loads of towels and a blue terry bathrobe.
If I'm going to church that day, I'll reason with myself and drag myself into the shower. If not, I'll skip another day. As long as I don't repel others or make them gag, the world needs to accept me as I am! (BPII depression, BDD, OCD, borderline PD)
But on a good day, I can become indestructible!!!

I can't tell you how glad I am to see this post. I a terrible time showering, shampooing my hair or any sort of personal grooming most of the time. Teeth brushing and flossing are the only things I do and I have developed an OCD issue with that. I've always thought I must be a real "slug" because I didn't pay attention to my self-care. I believe I'm in a "who cares?" mode a lot of the time and other times feel like I just don't have the energy. I hate this behavior and myself for engaging in it, but it seems that no amount of desire, planning or self-contempt can change my ability or thought about this. Thank you my friends, for allowing me to find that I am NOT the only one who battles with this.

I have difficulty with caring for myself as well. When I go into a severe depression -which I am in right now- I have little desire to live or do anything at all. After getting on Abilify I gained 60 pounds in a year. So I have two reasons why I find myself too paralyzed to shower: I hate seeing and touching my body and I get so depressed I can't get out of bed.
-Bipolar II and former anorexic

I have the same issue when I'm moderately to severely depressed. It just seems like too much to do when my brain is already completely overloaded and overwhelmed.

Fabulous! I tweeted it to #mhsm #mentalhealth ... A while ago now, I reported to my partner that "showering is painful" and that "water stings," but I had no basis for believing it had anything to do with bipolar disorder... Of course it does! Thank you for explaining that to me!

My son is 22 and can go months without showering or changing his clothes. Needless to say his order becomes hard to tolerate and it gets to the point I have to insist he wash up and change his clothes. I am wondering if there is a more effective way to encourage at least minimal hygiene?

Omg im a little worried now about this not showering thing. I have been like this for many yrs where I only shower when I have to leave the house mostly which tends to be about 3 times a week. Im seeing a lot of my patterns in my children though 3 of my 4 children hate to shower or wash but 1 of them dont mind having a bath. Im worried this is a trait of bipolar disorder in my children to. I also do a DBT course where a lot of people with mental illness have shared they hate to shower to. Seems to be a very common pattern I am seeing. Its very sad that we think we dont have to bother having a shower or even that we are not worth the worry about looking or smelling nice.

I am relieved to see this topic. I thought this was just me, and have feared telling anyone. There is no one to tell, anyway. Sometimes I'm so totally immobilized that I cannot summon the energy to do anything relating to personal care. Also I have severe arthritis, which makes it painful to do most anything. I live alone, I have a dog who is my family, I take good care of her. Other than her I have no one. So why bother doing anything for myself. I just don't care.

I thought I was the only one! Strangely, sometimes it's easier to take a bath - seems like I can hide under the water.

I just saw this article, I feel so ashamed to say I only shower 1 or 2 times a week bur I do wash off a bit for work. I don't know why, because after I shower I feel regenerated. I just don't have the drive, energy, or that certain something that makes me get up my rear and do things. I get overwhelmed with all my problems in life and what I should be doing but am not. I guess I think I don't deserve to be better, have better, or do better, As a child I was sexually abused by a Aunts husband, and things I remember him saying are, don tell people won't believe you and they will say you are a dirty girl! I also resented when people said my hair was dirty blonde.....I am sensitive as a child, but now the wall I have built up keeps every one out, even those I love. I struggle to do things with family and friends!!! Who I truly love. My husband at the time had the nerve to ask the doctor when I will get over this problem, now he is my X.

"Candy says I've come to hate my body
and all that it requires in this world
Candy says I'd like to know completely
what others so discretely talk about.
Candy says I hate the quiet places
that cause the smallest taste of what will be
Candy says I hate the big decisions
that cause endless revisions in my mind
I'm gonna watch the blue birds fly over my shoulder
I'm gonna watch them pass me by
Maybe when I'm older
What do you think I'd see
If I could walk away from me"
"Candy says - The Velvet Underground

I thought I was also the only one. It's frustrating. I get so much anxiety when it actually is time for me to shower. I feel so alone with this disease.

Thank you. Im glad you can speak this for many of us that cant describe this plight. The water feeling like needles, the disgust with our body, the feeling that its pointless ate things I can completely relate to. But I have to say the biggest problem with showering is the "straw that broke the camels back" routine. It is thay EVERYTHING is too much. Jusy knowing I must refill the hummingbird feeder can ovetwhelm me. I bought a wig to throw on if my hair looks bad, I bought fine tipped permanent markers to use for lipstick and eyeliner because I dont want yo worry about anything. I believe Im having a nervous breakdown.

Thank you everyone for sharing. Now I don't feel so alone. It takes so much effort to shower that I feel like if I have an ounce of ambition, I should attempt to do my dishes that I haven't done in a week...or take the trash out. I guess my brain feels that I need to do the tasks that I haven't been able to do...and showering isn't on the lists of priorities. It is so weird because you all know where I'm coming from...and I keep asking myself, WHY is it so difficult??? I actually love taking a shower. I do have a shower chair. I love the smell of the fresh body wash or soap all over my body! I love how I smell when I get out. Instead, I wait til I smell like a zoo before I venture into the shower!It is hell, but at least now I know that is a common occurrence with our disease ~

Sighs*. This is totally me. I do not have the energy to shower. I do take a lot of grandma baths. Warm was cloths or even baby wipes work great. I tend to keep
My face washed every other day, same with my private parts. I worry that I stink
I'm mortified that my husband has to ask me when I showed last. I ask. Do I smell?
No he says. Then I say tell me if I ever stink and I will suffer through a shower.
My arms ache to lift them up to wash my hair. I end up crying in pain just to take a
Shower. Why in the heck would I take a shower more than a few times a month
Scary isn't it? The only times I will take a shower is if I have to go somewhere
But even then I will cancel my dr appointment just becUse I can't shower
That day
So sad

"I want to pretend it’s not there." THIS. 100 times this. And for the same reasons I also go to the store - to buy food - in my pjs, looking like a clown but also feeling comfortably invisible, which is the look I'm going for on days like that

Sometimes I go months without taking a shower. I never really understood why either. Saw this blog and gave it a read. WOW I think I have a better understanding of why I hate bathing and hygiene in general. I never thought of my clothing as a protective layer from reality but it makes perfect since. I do have a pretty good self image, but I rarely ever even look in the mirror. I just tell myself I am beautiful, and I take my word for it. Then I see myself naked in front of the mirror and I'm like wow I should lose weight and maybe shave, pluck my eyebrows etc... Which all takes time and effort which I for whatever reason I seem to have very little of. I've been very ashamed of this and don't talk about it I don't think about it I just know. I have the same of shampoo and soap for and year a half. I guess I'm just grateful that I don't know I'm not the only one. Even though every day I feel like I'm going alone, reading the commits and stories of others feeling and doing the same things I am doing...I feel a little lighter tonight. Thank you

Personally, I care about the people who help me make it through life as a mentally ill person, from my therapist to my grocery store clerk to the mail man to the physician. So, personally, I would never want to punish any of these nice people by smelling unsanitary and turning their stomachs when all they're trying to do is bag my groceries or give me a physical exam. *Nobody* can be paid enough money to justify helping someone who stinks and, unfortunately, the CNA's who probably suffer the most as a result of people being too lazy to bathe are making minimum wage and would be better off answering phones at a spa where the whole point is for everyone coming and going to feel good.
It's not that hard, people. Depending on your motivation needs, pop a Xanax or an Adderrall, turn the dial, lather up, and watch as the world suddenly seems to be a happier place.
There would be be less pollution if y'all bathed more, too, because 75% of the people driving their cars would ride the bus if y'all didn't make it so stank!

My 17-yr-old son doesn't shower. He avoids it like the plague. We have to ask him over and over, until we won't let him leave the house until he does. And even then, he doesn't and he leaves anyway. He has not officially been diagnosed, but he is in outpatient treatment (meds & therapy) for what appears to be the majority of the symptoms describing bipolar disorder. I am so glad you talked about this because we don't understand why he isn't wanting to be clean. We don't understand what he is living with inside his head. Thank you for helping us with this article - and the comments others are making are so helpful too. Many thanks!

One of my worst symptoms is lethargy, and when I am like this I cannot muster up the drive to do ANYTHING, much less shower.

I found this while doing some research regarding my girlfriend who is rapid cycling bipolar. She only takes baths and does not do so on a regular basis, maybe it is because of the bipolar (although she is on meds and has been for quite some time). I have only been allowed to go to her home once. The reason why? She says her room is a mess. I ask her to please clean her room so I can come over and it never happens. It makes me feel like she doesn't care about me that she can't even clean her room for me to spend time with her not at my home. Then her car...we have ridden in her car once. Why? Because it is absolutely filthy. I have offered to clean her room for her, I have offered to clean her car...she won't let me and thinks it is perfectly acceptable to have clothes strewn all over the place at her home then come to my home and do it. Is this a quirk of the bipolar even while on medications?? Or is this her personality??

Ridge reading your comment I wonder if it is a bit of both - personality and state?
I cannot be in between. I am either a neat freak or dirty depending on my state, but perhaps your girlfriend finds it too exhausting to be the neat freak and just stays in the 'dirty' frame of mind?

Natasha, you have made my month. I have asked my therapist and psychiatrist regarding this very concern and it seemed like I couldn't get anyone with a psychology degree to understand the words coming out of my mouth. I felt 'crazy', no one else feels this way. What's wrong with me if even the doctors didn't know what I was talking about. And you perfectly worded the response I needed to hear. Thank you!

Just came across your blog and I never thought I would see a topic of not bathing. I have told my therapist that the thought of getting undressed and showering scares me. It makes me feel vulnerable to what I don't know And yes I will wear the same clothes for days I used to love baths, read in the tub and things like that. Now I don't even look in the mirror when I brush my teeth. I am now trying to get aschedule down to help me. Joined a gym and am making myself go just to move. I also have a problem with eating. I can go for days and not eat and not feel hungry at all. So I bought protien shake mix and force myself to habe at least one in the morn and one at night to just get protien in my body. I am also slugging down water to keep myself hidrated Hoping at least some of this will help me manage

The biggest hurdle I face each day is finding the motivation to care about the things that once upon a time mattered. As of this morning I weigh 303 pounds, the heaviest I've ever been because when I'm not working to "support myself" I'm sleeping my life away. I'm drowning in debt. My social life is almost non existent. Basically I feel like a loser 99% of the time. I'm surviving but definately NOT thriving. Every day is a struggle and a challenge. I realize no amount of medication is going to change my life circumstances. Only I can do that. But how do you find the motivation to make the necessary changes when you've lost all hope...
According to the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) it's Mental Health Week (May 4 - 10). I discovered this from a link from in a newsletter at work. So I decided to check out the CMHA website. I discovered they have an 8 week program called "Living Life To The Full". It's quite reasonably priced, works out to about $25 per session. Some of the modules in particular caught my attention because they so aptly describe how I feel, such as "I Can't Be Bothered Doing", "I'm Not Good Enough", etc
Then our local news showcased a segment on Andrea Paquette who also has bipolar disorder. She recently won a Courage To Come Back award from Coast Mental Health.
And for a brief moment I have a tiny glimmer hope...

I'm in tears from these comments. My mom and brother have bipolar, and I googled this in order to find some way to make showering easier for them. I will never fully understand your/their pain, but I can tell you that I would do anything to take it away if I could.
Sending light and love to anyone reading this..
-V

& in response to Ridge Taylor.. I hope you find a way to not take it personal when she will not clean. I am not an expert, however I have noticed the same personally traits in my brother and mom who have bipolar. I am assuming it could tie into some of the things mentioned in this blog post. I wish there was more we could do to help, I have learned to just help cleaning anyways even when they don't feel it's needed. And there are also things I have just learned to accept. I wish you well.

My diagnosis is different, but I've lived this my entire life. Long before my diagnosis fifteen years ago, back in my early pubescence, I had to be finagled into showering despite the fact that I was going to school (no mental health days back then). I was almost twenty when I was diagnosed, and I'm only NOW starting to accept the idea that I can control my symptoms to an extent; please note that I'm starting to accept the idea, not actually doing. My diagnosis has changed I don't even know how many times, I've taken just about every drug on the market in just about every combination, and nothing has made me feel that 'normal' I'm supposed to strive for. Self care is such a benchmark in treatment, and I've NEVER actually achieved it. Thank you for writing this-I can finally show people what it's like for me in words they can understand. I've got two BPD's in my family and they're the opposite, Super Shower-ers who spend an hour or more in the water at least once, but often twice or more, a day. Nothing else gets done in their house, but showers are not their problem and they don't understand that it's one of mine.

It's like you know me, I don't it tortuous to take a shower, even in 90° weather, I'm sweltering, hot, sweaty, but the thought of taking a shower is too hard to comprehend, no energy, self loathing, punishment, being depressed is like constantly living in hell! Even though, after I finally realize I stink, I feel so much better after I shower, I've accomplished something, I feel clean! Mental illness sucks!!

I have been diagnosed with clinical depression and taking a shower is exhausting, even just the thought of it. I literally have to talk myself (which could take hours) into taking a shower.
Even then, I still may not take one because it's too late or too time consuming.