Why Don’t We Want to Shower When We're Sick?

Hi Jessica,
I'm glad we could make you feel less crazy. That's what we're here for, to remind you, you're not alone.
- Natasha

Hi Natalie,
Hey, if you're motivated to shower then I say good for you. I think sitting around grubby would easily make a person feel worse so I understand, but it's just getting yourself to actually do the showing bit that seems tricky.
By the way, dry shampoo and baby wipes are great tips. Thanks :)
- Natasha

of course.... showering is such a drag. Finally found an article that feels the way I do about showering. :)

Hi Natasha!
What a great post! The topic is one I've discussed and become aware of in regard to being a sign of the onset of depression. I loved the many comments too, all so varied. Who'd have thunk something as simple as a shower would strike such a chord, but that it did!

Thank you! I'm sharing this with my support group! F.A.M.E. (family association for mental health everywhere)

Although I have know this for YEARS about myself, it never dawned on me that my hubby does the same thing. He was diagnosed as being depressed he was never put on many medication.
Funny thing is I just gave my dog a hair cut and still havn't showered in 4 days.

Wow thanks for this article Natash

Wow thanks so much for this article on NOT showering. I so identify and was shocked but so glad to see an article about it. My problem i have with not showering is my questioning is it just me with my depression or am i just being lazy.....the other thing i have been doing also in the past couple years is not brushing my teeth...unless i have to go to an appointment or something official event...Brushing my teeth was always something i did EVERY day even if only once a day, and now i just keep praying i do not have any real problems from not looking after them:(!
thanks
Judie

Tt seems to me sometimes that showering is just another thing I have to do. When I feel like that I do a wash in the basin. I never realized that others had issues with this too!

Well now...obviously I need to hear more from other people with bipolar because I had no idea how common my resistance to showering really is! I thought it was my little ugly secret. I tell my partner I don't shower every day because it dries out my skin too much. I'm self-conscious about the not showering but I still have a hard time getting it done most of the time.
A lot of the time it's because it seems like a monumental task. First the shower and then the process of moisturizing head to toe because of my dry skin, then the long time it takes to dry my thick hair. Afterwards I feel like I need to go back to bed.
But there's more to it. My depression makes me feel very disconnected from life, disassociated from what's going on around me, and like Natasha said, the feel of the water on my skin is so physically strong and 'real' it serves to make me upsettingly aware of how out of touch I am and deepens my sense of disconnection. I don't know if I expressed that well. What I mean to say is that it deepens my sense that I'm here physically, but detached from the 'real' world, on the outside looking in.
When I'm numb emotionally I prefer to ignore my physical self as well. It is a sad thing to me to have Life but to be without ambition. Being physically aware only draws my focus to my lack of desire, and that seems to deepen my (temporary) despair.
Thank you for posting this topic. It helps to have a place to put these words. It makes me feel more human. Less despairing.

I've often wondered why I hesitate to shower each night, but I do. Now I know why. I thought it was just the unending effort and lack of energy and well, it is, sort of. But you are right that it makes me realize how out of touch I am with the 'real' world and somehow serves to allow me to feel exposed to the 'real' world at the same time. Like the "real' world knows all my secrets and won't like me. It's not true though, you know? It's ok to shower each night. It's just water.

I thought I was the only one. It is such a relief to know I'm not alone. Thank you for this.

When I fall into depression, my hygeine goes out the window. Several years ago I literally stayed in bed for 5 weeks, only getting up to go to the bathroom. One night while laying in the bed staring at the wall I became aware of a terrible odor. It took me about 5 minutes to realize it was me that was smelling so bad. That prompted me to get in the shower.
Once again I have been in a depression and it has been a struggle to shower. When I do get in the shower I struggle to even wash my hair. I just want to get in and get out and crawl back in the bed.
So glad to know that so many others share my "secret".

I really can't put into words how this article has just made me feel... I have never been able to explain this issue to my family or friends. They think I am lazy or gross, but really, I'm just having a hard time being there. I always thought I was just a freak. I will be emailing this. Thank you so much.

To the last three commenters -
No, you're not alone and you're not freaks. Thanks for your comments.
- Natasha

Such has been my existence over the past 8 months or so. I can relate.. I have also been lax about brushing my teeth. It just seems like it takes too much energy and exposes me somehow. Good Grief...such struggles seem to multiply. I do well for a while, then I over do... and relapse. How do I keep progressing and know how much I can expect from myself? I am trying to run my own business. It almost feels like I am going to have to apply for disability in the not so distant future. :( How sad and scary. I mean... Showering and brushing our teeth is one of the basic basics, right? And if I dont have the energy and/or strength to do that, then what??? :::sigh::: Not really asking for answers, here... just realizing that I have the questions, really.

Not just this article but the comments have made me realise things about myself that I didn't before.
I thought the whole not-being-able-to-brush-my-teeth thing was just me and shameful. I don't have bipolar - I have borderline personality disorder (which is on the spectrum of bipolar) and I find I can now find a connection between the two- if I hit an up mood I'll find the energy to shower and the purpose to brush my teeth (unless I am on an extreme up and can't stay still at all) and when I hit a low or a lot of lows (which is quite often) I just forego it all for many reasons you listed above and more. Thank you for writing this article- I feel so much less alone!!!

I go to an OCPD site (which my bf has) and it had this site on it. Saw the not showering article and had to read. I have felt this way for quite awhile. And I always thought..hmmm..am I lazy? It does feel like sooo much work to me at times. I have depression. I can go days without. I do clean with a washcloth, which seems sooo much simpler. Feel like if people really knew they would look at me like I was a pig. People dont understand. I find it funny though...I can lay here in bed reading the internet forever, but a shower...is too much. I literally have to force myself. I hate feeling this way!

Why Shower when you feel like you have nothing to live for? Why shower when you know you won't see anyone? Why shower when no one cares about you? I shower when I have dr's appts, usually. That is my life. I am very sick and have no family or friends by my side. So, why bother? Just hoping it will all go away soon.

I find showers, especially now, when I am so sick, to be an extreme form of sensory overload...does that make sense? It is kind of how you were saying the water is painful, it really really is. I'm glad others understand finally.

"I don’t want to shower because I hate my body, my existence". When I saw those words I almost cried with relief. My body is wracked with pain (from chronic Psoriatic Arthropathy) and I live with depression/anxiety. I get care worker visits three times a day, prompting me to eat, shower, get out of bed, take meds, etc.
One elderly care worker suggested I have a good old-fashioned bath instead (I live in an unrenovated Victorian house!) I tried it today and immersing my body in the water felt so much gentler than being hit by shards of water from the shower head.
Many thanks for your article, Natasha, which explains much about how I feel frequently but have never been able to put into words.

I have anorexia nervosa and have recently gained weight. It makes me disgusted when I shower and no longer feel all the bones. This is intolerable to me, a torture. What's worse is that people who love me applaud this horrible weight gain. They don't understand that gaining weight does not mean recovery. It makes me feel entirely alone in this world. I never bother to go out anymore, so why shower? I've lost almost all of my friends because of this disorder, and the ones that stick around are very careful to keep a few steps away from me, and no, it's not because I smell, either.

When I become depressed I get totally apathetic, body included. Body sensations cease to exist. Taking a shower can be painful then, because I can't feel any pleasure either from the warm water washing on my body nor from smelling a scented bath-foam. The only smell I feel all along is of something rotten or stale; I can smell it on my hands, on my arms, in my room, even outside in the streets, but the truth is that that smell lies deep in my nose up to my brain. Shower is a real torture without a body, constantly reminding you you've lost everything, smell, taste, touch and even sight 'cause sight changes also. Damn melancholia! I know I have to shower today, sooner or later, no escape.

I have OCD and Depression. Love swimming in a pool. But showering and brushing my teeth, not so much, lol.
My son has mild autism. He may have OCD, don't know yet. He loves baths. He dislikes being rinsed off with the shower head after his bath, especially if I'm rinsing his hair off. I sometimes use a cup instead.
Huh, does it feel worse to have to wash your hair than to just wash your body? It feels to me like having to deal with my hair, shampoo and conditioner, is, well, a big deal!
I shower for work, although on rare occasions, have done a spit bath in order to get in earlier and not have to deal with my hair, etc. I often miss showers on the weekend. Seems like too much trouble.
I know we lose electrolytes when standing in the shower. Is that part of the problem? We're depressed, low energy, and the idea of trying to move around and get clean while rinsing away more of our energy is too much! Taking a shower feels like the start of a huge project that once started, we have to follow through to completion no matter what.
Maybe I should start taking baths like my toddler, lol!

I have had trouble with showering and have gone more than a week without showering or washing my hair. I hate my shower, it is dark, small, low water pressure. When depressed I can hardly make myself get out of bed, much less take a shower. Now I go to the Y and exercise for 30 minutes 3 times a week and take a shower afterwards. Then it feels good washing the sweat off my body.

I suffer from bipolar 1. Without fail during my depression cycles, I do not have the energy nor desire to shower/bathe. This can last for up to several weeks. I believe this is because I also do not want anything to do with the world. I hide from the world, physically, mentally and emotionally.

Holy cow this is SO true! I never understood that subconscious aversion to taking showers. You hit the nail on the head. When manic, I find showers to be a worthless excuse of my time. When depressed, I was more inclined to conver up than shed all my clothes and "cleanse" myself when I didn't feel like being cleansed...
Great post!

Hooray, I feel less disgusting now. :)

Natasha,
Thank you so much for sharing about something most people attribute to laziness. May I repost this on my blog for sufferers of severe mental illness and their caregivers?

Hi Inez,
You're welcome.
As for reposting, no, I'm sorry but all content here is owned by HealthyPlace and subject to copyright. You may post a quote from the article, and then link to the rest.
Thanks.
- Natasha

I think you're right In some ways that makes sense. If we don't shower those "shards" won't shatter our already tightly stretched thin barrier of our psyches. It leaves us feeling different. But isn't change necessary in that aspect to free our minds?
Sometimes I feel that if i step in the shower my whole head will explode and I will turn into an gibbering maniac but i figure it can't be any worse than where i am now so why the hell not?

Showering seems monumental to some but to others it can be seen as a spiritual cleansing. Washing out the bad thoughts and replacing them with good thoughts. Singing and so forth. If nothing else just start with soaping up arms and so forth just the whole essentials armpits lowers and face. It'll make you feel better even if u don't always wash your whole body but keep it fresh with douches sometimes running the tap and washing in it seems less scary so maybe do that first.
Just imagine that if you do this simple thing like washing your face at least you'll have the strength to maybe wash yourself daily. Baby steps.

the thing about a shower is that it gives u a clean amount of water every time it seeps out. If you have a hard time adjusting to the temperature turn the hot and cold knobs and experiment i tend to turn the cold one first but that's just me.
if you don't feel like stepping in the shower you can use a bucket but the thing is it might not be clean cus you just keep using the same water.
and in hospitals they make u sit in a chair sometimes if u don't feel like standing up.

u can turn the shower head to adjust the water pressure so it feels like a short mist instead of a spray. sometimes just running the faucet helps in the sink. let ur hands touch the water to make sure the temperature is ok and test the pressure the smaller the pipe the less amount of water will come out.

i don't shower.i don't change my shirt. i don't eat,. meaning cook or dtive to McDonalds or even shabby restaurants. i don't wash the dishes even cockroaches climb them like Mt. Everest,i don't brush my teeth, i don't watch tv, collect my laundry, hop in my car and go somewhere, i don't go to the gym, i don't call my wife and kids (living in 2 different states), i don't pay my bill even if it's over due or they've cut off my phone service twice, i don't call my office or answer their calls or text messages, one time i purposely drop my samsung note in the toilet and peed on it (i got a cheaper phone now) i don't open my laptop, nor look into my e-mails.
these are what i could or forced to do: i have to pee, my body forces me to get out from the bed,command my left and right leg to move one in fornt of the other. sometimes i have to shit (certain muscles furces you to do it)even if i don't have not eaten anything, i make coffee and sip the top quarter of the cup...but most of all:
i sleep, 24 hrs most of the days, my waking hours is only to pee and...or if i can't sleep anymore due to oversleeping, i read books, or re-read old issues of TIME or Newsweek...
and this goes on for 4 days, sometims they're the 2 day weekends with Thu and Fri with it or Monday and Tues with it. Or I only work on Monday and Friday. And I'm the head of the interior design department with 6 people under me and at leat 1 projects running at the same time.
All because I could feel the "overwhelming" mental confusion settling, my mind is getting disorganized and my spirit goes limp on my body.
Why do I force to sleep? So that in my sleep, I could live in another world, through my dreams and nightmares, I'm a different person. Why do I read? To "dumb" my mind and the "painful chatter" it brings. There is nothing I could do, until it ceases and leave me for a while...but deep within it, i feel the sel-pity, the unfairness of these things happening, you also are worried about your work and the office and it pains you that you are helpless to do it...
I know it when it's gone...I'm refreshed and my mind is clear, and like a scattered pearls, I could sring them all together, I could see right trough them. All the things I refuse or has no energy to do...done i a day, shower and shaving included.
Back in the office, I come back like as if nothing happened, then I'm in command. Pissed off clients I could charm to cool down even over the phone...
Good luck..enjoy it while it lasts...another episode is just another corner. But life is realistic and can't wait or let your BP behavior like having a carte blance...I was fired from that company which
I founded, 20 years ago...i understood and i have actually offered to resign before...
For people like me who are into professional practice, it is a common concern and focus of pain is about not being able to work effectively, or get things done...that is the focust of my mental chatter and my pain...

Oh...i forgot one very important thing...why i don't shower and do all those things that need to be done?
PUNISHMENT! for being weak, for being helpless and for not fighting against all those things that you think you could do, only if you only have extra strength to go on!
PASSIVE DEATHWISH: life is unfair for bipolar people. no matter what the doctors or therapists say that it's the chemical imbalance(stupid!)we should be able to accept and embrace it just like a diabetic person or one that is suffering from cancer: i am NOT discounting their pain and seriousness of their illness - but I envy them.
With their mind being clearer compared to us, they could work with lesser disurbance and can be efficient, promoted and soar! They (can) have no-depleting COURAGE!

Wow! This hit home for me! When I was finally diagnosed with Bipolar 2 in addition to my prior diagnosis of major depression I was finally relieved to have a name to identify it with. Shortly thereafter after severe depressive bouts occuring every 2 months or so I started to realize I needed to be self-aware and find predictors so I can "catch" it before a bout would start. While there wasn't a whole lot I could do to prevent it at least we could hit it head on. One of the first things I realized is that I don't brush my teeth... which made me laugh and cry at the same time. But it was subtle enough that my boyfriend could "notify" me when he thought a bout was coming. Other symptoms would arise as well but we brush our teeth together so it was what he would notice right away. Sometimes I wouldn't recognize that I was headed towards a downward spiral but he would and he would tell me. When he knew it was coming I gave him permission (before the bout) to physically force me to get dressed, take a walk, take a shower, eat etc... Because we knew I wouldn't do those things if left to my own devices. Preparation is key. I do feel like my bouts were shorter when we learned how to see them coming and when he "made me" get up and get out it encouraged my brain to recover. He got me outside which helped during the winter especially to get extra Vit. D. Now that I've been consistantly on the same dose of Lamictal (150 mg a day) for almost a year now, my depression is almost non-existent. My super rare bouts now last a half day and are very mild. So I take a nap and usually I'm fine. Thank God for Lamictal as I have had no more "yucky thoughts" as I call them (a.k.a suicidal thoughts) either. I am now on day 2 of Pristiq because I also have A.D.D. (which I have had for over 30 years now), PTSD (My H.S. tennis coach physically attacked me when I was 16; I believe attempted rape) and to top it off 2 years ago severe anxiety / strange phobias started after a concussion I suffered after I hit my head then worsened even further due to a car accident a few months later... grr! (Whew!) It's not been fun to try to treat 4 intertwining issues but I feel very lucky to have my 3 kids and boyfriend to encourage me along. I am functioning ok (self-employed working 16 - 20 hours a week) even though I have been through at least 7 medicine trials to get my other issues to settle down. But defeating my depression was job 1. Keeping me stable and alive had to happen first. I am blessed! Your site is now bookmarked... it's healing to know we are not alone. Tom Cruise makes me SO mad. What we have is VERY real and yeah it IS all "in my head" (literally) ... people can't see past their noses I suppose. People don't commit suicide because it is "made up". I would never wish upon anyone the mental anguish I have been through on anyone. But suffering has made me more compassionate and has made me SO very grateful to be in America where I can seek help rather readily. So many don't have that option. Great site!

Hi Natasha !
Great post ! made me laugh too :) Thanks .. Hey ! can we be online friends ?!!
Regards.

I hate to say this but I feel compelled to. But showering has to be part of life. It is the reason why we are part of this ocean of wonder...think about it as being part of an aquarium floating around weightlessly bathing in a sea of goodness..
I found this poem thought it would be interesting it is titled "shower with you by josh crummer" from barebackmag it embodies the sensuality of the human form as it is in its most simplistic state like in a state of transcendence. He describes " that bodies melt as one and as amoebas we must return to the ocean unashamed and free"

think about when u were a kid and what had made showering fun. a little toy some good sweet shower soap or maybe singing and watching your reflection in the water.
they also have digital waterproof radios specifically for showers. they sell them online as well. maybe put on some music and wash all your cares away.

Hi. Thank you so much for the honest sharing. Wow.. this really makes me to understand the whole 'dont-want-to-shower' thing from another deeper perspective. I kind of get that showering is not just a physical thing. It's actually a mental / psychological thing to do. 'Dissociate'.. something for me to learn to understand. Thank you again for sharing.

I really had to read this article when I saw it listed because I was just trying to figure out why I don't do it and to explain it on my disability application. I wanted to convey how even taking a shower sometimes is hard.
I just hate taking all my clothes off and it seems like so much work. My bathroom is yucky too even when it is clean. It makes me feel gross just being in there because the tub is stained from the previous tenants and nothing I do makes it feel clean enough.
I have eczema and arthritis too so it literally hurts to take a shower. I am glad I am not working now so I don't need to take one every day like I used too.
I think you should do an article about not brushing your teeth since it seems like a bunch of us have that problem. I know I should and just had to have two teeth removed this year but it seems like too much work.
April

I detest showers. I wish I could take one just any
time as my sister does. My last shower was in Oct., 2012. I smell bad so I must force myself to take a shower tonight (Dec. almost Jan, 2013) I wish I were normal. I'm mostly okay and well- managed. I must change my sheet and now-black
pillow case before I bathe. Hold your nose.
Rhoda

I detest showers. I wish I could take one just any
time as my sister does. My last shower was in Oct., 2012. I smell bad so I must force myself to take a shower tonight (Dec. almost Jan, 2013) I wish I were normal. I'm mostly okay and well- managed. I must change my sheet and now-black
pillow case before I bathe. I have to do too much to bathe: Drop something clean for my clean feet to step onto after the bath. I put a clean night-gown to put on after the bath, I pick up towels, etc., to put them in the wash or hang them to dry.
I know this is stupid, but I wish the bath/shower would be soft like fur. It's impossible though.
Rhoda

Hi Natasha,
Thank you for writing this article, it makes perfect sense. I've had severe depression for years and I never knew that my hatred for showering was connected to it. It kind of calms me to know this! It really is amazing how mental disorders can make every little thing so daunting. Even more amazing is how difficult it is for the general public to realize this... I hope someday people might be more accepting.
Cheers,
Gwen

People!! I have come up with the perfect solution to the showering-and-tooth-brushing problem!! I have often thought of the dislike of showering, and why it exists, everyone has pretty much covered it. For me, yeah no energy. Too cold. Won't see anyone because I used to be an RN, but on SSDI for six years. Oh, I have gotten jobs, I can be a great 'show pony' but cognitive deficits get me fired. And a lot of times I feel 'paralyzed' just can't move off the couch or bed, just to pee or a quick bite. And I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE NAKED! So unlike me in the old days...but this here is the answer to your prayers, my fellow smelly friends! WIPES!!! And also, there are these little tiny disposable toothbrushes, must cater to the OCD'ers! Now, you may cleanse your face, neck, pits and privates with the wipes if you are feeling really gross, from the comfort of bed or couch.As well, when your teeth are getting WAAAYYY too fuzzy, don't even need water for the little toothbrushes. And it does feel really good to have the minty fresh breath, get rid of the mittens your teeth have been wearing.
Lastly, go to the old folks section (or request a loyal friend if it's a bad day) and get some waterless SHAMPOO! It does wet your hair, but doesn't need to be rinsed out, just dry with a towel. What is so cool for me, somehow I do manage to drag my ass out of the house to get my hair bleached, then a girl curls it. I made it through to a MONTH over the holidays without totally washing my hair. And it is long and BEAUTIFUL, just at night scrunch it up in a clip, morning if you gotta go somewhere shake it out, finger comb and SPRAY!!! Waterless shampoo just the roots when they start looking greasy.
This also works GREAT when you are forced to leave the house, but you put off getting out of bed until the last possible minute. All you really need to do before you leave the house is use the wipes and put on clean clothes. BTW, there is Clinical Strength Deo-for-your-B.O., lasts a couple days, keep a travel size in my car. So in the car you can use the mini-toothbrush, put on your deodorant, fix your hair and swipe on some lipstick if you wish. SHOW PONY! Hope this helps, I feel your pain <3

I sit here crying, overwhelmed by this article on not showering. I feel that I have FINALLY found the answer to a question that has plagued me for many years. I am not disgusting, I am not gross. I feel that showering is physically painful on my skin. My body aches as the "shards" of water touch my skin. I avoid it as much as possible. I go about a week between showers, and then it is only out of shame that I force myself to shower. Thank You so much for this article. I am Grateful to you.

YES! YES! YES! I hate to shower, brings up all kinds of triggers....thought I was the only one. Everyone talks about their bathrooms like they are sanctuaries and my childhood experiences say differently. Wow, I just never really thought of it like this.....Thank you!

thank you so much for bothering to write this. i don't have bipolar, just anxiety, depression and aspergers sydrome, yet, apart from the speeding/ slowness thing, i could identify with what you said. it is a relief to read someone else name these states.
i will add something, that will sound a bit disgusting, but sometimes, i just want to claim my own smell, like soaking in myself and not having to strip myself of everything just to face the world, which i don't want to face anyway... this phase only lasts a couple of days. i can't go longer than 3 days without a shower or bath. i miss having about bath, they are very good when i am dizzy, i don't have to stand up in a bath...

I thought I was the only one.