Recovery and Discovery

I had a lot of grandiose, co-dependent concepts of myself that I've had to overcome. Some of these concepts were:

• I am the strong, silent type
• I am my job and my career
• I am my successes
• I am my toys (car, house, stereo, favorite sports team, etc.)
• I am master of the castle
• I am master of my destiny
• I am the provider, protector, defender, controller
• I am master of my universe

I never stopped to question whether these concepts were valid. I had no clue whether these concepts worked in real life, except to keep applying them over and over and over to the way life worked (and more often did not work). In other words, I had no self other than these concepts. I took for granted that these concepts were the sum total of who I was and how I was supposed to act and react.

In recovery, I have learned the process of self-discovery. I am a unique person, separate and apart from anyone's preconceived ideas or concepts. I accept that I am not a little god or a little general running around controlling everything and everybody.

By hitting bottom, I came to realize that there could only be one God in my life, and that I was not God (thank God!). I gave up the responsibility for running the universe. I gave up the insanity of believing that I could run my life and lives of those around me any way that suited me at the moment.

I began discovering God and God's will for my life. Once that process and that focus was in place, I began discovering my true self.

next: The Twelve Steps: A Perspective