Adjustments

Over the past couple of months, my new marriage has required me to make some significant adjustments. I've had to adjust to new living arrangements, adjust to new household members, adjust how I spend my time at home, and of course, adjust the finances.

And these are just the adjustments I've thought of quickly, off the top of my head. I'm sure there are many other adjustments going on that I'm not even aware of yet.

In short, there's been a lot of upheaval in my life lately. There's been a lot of instability and uncertainty in the situation as well. Whose kids are going to stay? Whose kids are going to move? Whose kids are going to this school? Or that school?

Lately, the only constant has been change.

I can honestly say that I've handled some of the adjustments well. But others are proving extremely difficult for me, especially the lack of a quiet, creative work space closed off from the flow of human traffic through the house. On this topic, my patience and tolerance have been stretched seven ways to one too many times. I've been known to be mad, sad, and glad—sometimes several times—in the course of a single day.

Deep down inside, I'm forced to admit that I'm not handling the associated stress of all these adjustments very well. I do my best to respond to situations as they arise, but sometimes, my old behaviors, old attitudes, old expectations, and old doubts (fears) come creeping up on me and jump out.

The situation is testing my serenity and my sense of balance to the maximum. I am going through one of those times when I have deep serenity for a day and then wild chaos for a day.

I'm struggling.

I'm trying to look at the situation creatively. I'm trying to grow through these difficulties and become a better person through the struggle. I'm trying to make sure my expectations don't cloud my perceptions. I'm praying daily for a clear vision, a pure heart, and an open mind.

I guess this new marriage is one of the hardest things I've ever been through. Definitely much harder than the divorce.

So again, I find myself in a period of transition, when the answers aren't coming quickly or readily. At least not quickly and readily enough for me. I'm feeling agitated, impatient, and uncomfortable—like I'm wearing new clothes or breaking in a new pair of shoes. I need to work on pacing, timing, and keeping a balance between:

home / work
wife / kids
household chores / relaxation
time together / time apart

I'm sure there have been times when I've tried too hard to make it all fit together—and times when I haven't tried hard enough. Blending a family is tough business. I feel like I'm being asked to work a jigsaw puzzle with a thousand pieces, but with the added requirement that each piece must be kept face down.

Right now, I'm just very thankful that I don't have to go through any of this alone. Family and friends have expressed their understanding and offered their help.

Dear God, thank You for this opportunity to struggle and grow. Thank You for my new wife and the wonderful love You are showing me through her. Amen.

next: Healthy Giving