Self-Awareness Questions

"Who are you when no one else is around?"

This page is filled with questions. I've divided the questions into the following categories: Social, Emotional, Significant Relationship, Spiritual/Ethical, Financial, Career, Personal, and Personal Definitions. They're worded in a way to help you get a clearer picture of who you are. Clarity is the goal here, but remember, have fun with the questions. This isn't intended to be a struggle! Make sure to read tips on answering the questions first.

Social

1. What type of people do I enjoy spending time with?
2. (intelligent, open-minded, out-going, self-righteous, reflective, quiet, funny, a bit sad, optimists, readers, pessimists, thinkers, sports-minded, active, perceptive, debaters, joke-tellers, etc.)
3. Why do I enjoy those specific qualities in people?
4. Do I seek out people similar as I, or different from me? Why is that?
5. Do I have many friends as I just described? Why or why not?
6. How many close friends do I want based on the amount of time I have?
7. What would those close relationships look like? What would be the biggest aspects? (talking, shared activities, working on projects together, laughter, storytelling, playing games, etc.)
8. What are two of the most favorite things I enjoy doing with others?
9. Where have I met most of the friends I currently have?
   (family, work, community, childhood, online, etc.)
10. What does where I met these friends tell me about myself?
11. Why am I still friends with those people?
12. What is the single biggest attitudinal change I'd like to make when with people? (be more myself, be more out-going, be more honest, initiate more conversations, be more comfortable, be more open, be funnier, interrupt less, initiate more activities, etc.)

Emotional

1. List three situations and/or times when you were the most happy in your life. Specific instances...What elements were present when I felt that way? How was I feeling about myself during those times?

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1. What do I fear most in my life right now? Why? What would it mean if that happened?
2. When do I feel the most angry or frustrated? What is it about those situations that I feel that way?
3. What is my definition of love? (not Webster's)
4. What are my primary beliefs about love? (it's easy, scary, short-lived, feels good, not possible, difficult, etc.) Where/when did I acquire those beliefs? Do I still believe them? Why or why not?
5. Do I have much control over my emotions? Why or why not?
6. What emotions do I want to feel most of the time?

Significant Relationship

If NOT currently in a marriage/life partnership/relationship

1. What specific characteristics do I want my ideal life partner to possess? (generosity, open-mindedness, funny, gentle, strong personality, quiet, organized, similar beliefs about politics, finances, parenting, etc, fun, honest, similar goals, attractive, playful, out-going, etc.)
2. Why do I want them to have those characteristics?
3. How would I feel if I never had a life partner? Why would I feel that way?

If currently in a marriage/life partnership/relationship

1. Am I happy in my current relationship? Why or why not?
2. What is the biggest problem I see in the relationship?
3. In what way would I like my partner to change? Why is that important to me?
4. Could I be happy if that person did not change? Why or why not?
5. What did I appreciate about this person when I first met/knew them?
6. What do I appreciate about them now?
7. Why are those qualities important to me?
8. What is the single biggest attitudinal change I could make that would enhance this relationship?

Spiritual / Ethics

1. Do I believe in god? If not, how do I believe the universe operates? Why do I believe that?
2. How has my childhood effected my beliefs about God/or lack there of?
3. What characteristics do I believe God possesses? Why do I believe that?
4. What is my relationship with this God/Universe?
   Is it the relationship I want? Why or why not?
5. In what way does my spiritual beliefs effect my day-to-day life?
6. Do I have a code of conduct that I follow? If no, do I want one? Why or why not? If yes, what is it and why those codes?

Financial

1. What beliefs did I "take on" from my parents in regards to money? (it's difficult to get, it's scarce, you should only have so much, it's easy to make, having it /not having it says something about me, live for the moment, give it away, I'll never have enough, it's a secret, saving is important, etc)
2. What does money mean/represent to me?
   (security, aliveness, freedom, love, peace of mind, etc)
3. Do I feel peaceful or anxiety in regards to money?
   Why do I feel that way about it?
4. How much money do I feel I deserve to make a year? Why that amount?
5. What would it mean to me if I made more or less than that amount? Why do I believe that?

Career

1. What types of things did I enjoy doing as a child? (building things, drawing, sports, writing, solving puzzles, being with animals, my chemistry set, organizing games, talking, anything physical, playing house, cowboys and Indians, etc) Do I do anything today that has similar qualities to it?
2. How do I currently earn my livelihood? How did I come to be so employed?
3. What was present during the times I loved my work?
   What were the elements present in those situations?

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1. Am I currently doing the type of work I love to do?
   If not, what type of work would I like to do?
   If yes, what would have to change for me to enjoy it more?
   What attitudinal change could I make to enjoy it more?
2. What has stopped me so far from pursuing the type of work I love? Do I want to continue allowing that to stop me? What could I do to change that?
3. What is my definition of success? (not Webster's) that?

Personal

1. What skills have I acquired that I'm proud of?
2. What accomplishments am I proud of?
3. Beginning when I was a child, what are the 10 most significant events in my life? Why did I make them significant?
4. What period of my life do I like most? Why?
   What period of my life do I like least? Why?
5. What are five of my greatest strengths?
6. What do I desire most right now? Why do I desire that?
7. If I was to receive an award, what would I want that award to be for? Why that?
8. If I was to pick out a general theme that showed up often while answering these questions, what would that theme be? What does it mean? How do I feel about that?

Personal Definitions

In addition to asking yourself questions, you may also want to investigate your personal definitions of common words. I know when I went through this process of self awareness, I found I only had a very general sense of the meaning of words. It wasn't until I came up with my own precise and specific definitions, that their meaning became clear. Although my definitions were not that drastically different from the dictionary's, the words had more impact on my life once I defined them myself.

What is YOUR definition of the following words?

- love
- success
- honesty
- happiness
- soul
- true
- acceptance
- inner peace
- trust
- appreciation
- knowing
- believe
- reality
- fear
- joy
- judgment
- anger
- mistake
- sex
- friend
- guilt
- intention
- responsibility
- myself

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next: Self Acceptance