1. The Nature of the Mind
2. Prosperity
3. Faith and Inner Struggle
4. Meditation: Seeking the Spiritual Connection
5. Defining the Sense of Self
6. The Concept of The NOW: Understanding the Power of the "Present"
7. Meditation Course for "I Am the Heart"
8. Right Understanding

The Nature of the Mind

by Adrian Newington © 1991

A discussion on the Human Mind to assist both beginners and those more experienced in the practice of Meditation.

Let us start out this dissertation with 3 statements.

• Human consciousness has 2 fundamental aspects, which we shall discuss as the Small Self and the True Self.
• The small self is the personal identification that the majority of people possess in determining who they are.
• The true self is the lesser known in terms of our human perspective on life, but it actually the source of our being.

To assist in the understanding of these 3 statements, I will draw on some analogies.

The small self is the self that is Observed.

That is, I am Adrian
I am Adrian the Husband
I am Adrian the Dad
I am Adrian the Musician
I am Adrian the Technician
I am Adrian the Associate of other Technicians
I am Adrian the Project Manager

On and on the list goes on and on.

All these labels and qualifications heaped onto the small self to further expand the separation of the 2 Selves.

The true self is the self that Observes.

That is, the Self which is always apart from the small self and is the silent witness to all of the above.

These descriptions of the true and small selves can be more easily understood through a simple mental experiment based on some principles of meditation. It does not require any previous meditation experience.

Sit comfortably, relax and settle in. Start with the intention of stilling the Mind Inevitably you will experience thoughts come into your mind. This is OK.

Simply maintain the awareness that you are not to engage, expand upon, or be drawn into following through any thought. Once you are able to do this, still the mind again. Watch any thought that arises, but let them subside and drift away... don't be lured out of the task WITNESSING your thoughts.

Keep engaged in the process of being a witness to the activity of the Mind until you being to notice that your thoughts can indeed be observed.

Once you have had the geniune experience of your thoughts being witnessed or observed, we can end the experiment and continue the discussion.

And now for the Killer question...

Question: If it is possible to observe your thoughts, what is it that does the observing?

Answer: The True Self.

How can this be explained further?

Consider this: Your eyes, which are the means to vision, can never have a vision of themselves. If your eye is to have a vision of itself, it needs to look in a mirror.

Likewise if consciousness is to become self-aware, it needs a mirror... such a mirror is your Mind. Be aware that the "Mind" does not represent YOU... the Mind is merely an instrument of Perception. The identity of YOU being a unique aspect of creation holds its roots in the True Self.

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Note: Defining consciousness does not imply self-awareness or the ability to perform mathematics or wonder "what shall I do today"?. We could say that a dog has consciousness (to a degree),... a microbe has consciousness (to a degree),... a tree has consciousness (to a degree), in that they are all able to have a degree of interaction with their environment. There is an awareness of local external conditions.

But self-aware consciousness is easily lured into the false reality that the reflection it sees of itself through the mirror-action of the Mind is the real thing. This is the experience of us all as we live out our everyday life. Even experienced meditators and other adept's of the study of consciousness (yoga), are still bound by some degree to the illusion that the small self is the real thing, but this does not imply that benefit and positive change are unattainable. Obviously, the Mind has proven itself to be enormously valuable in man's quest for the search for truth ranging from scientific and philosophical pursuits, our everyday endeavours, ambitions and dreams, and the exploration of consciousness with a view of knowing our true self.

To live fully and completely in the realms of the True Self, is to have attained a very very advanced state of spiritual attainment. This is known by various terms such as Samadhi, Nirvana, Full Enlightenment, Self-Realisation, Merging, Liberation to name a few.... But we do not necessarily have to attain such a perfected or elevated state to bring powerful transformation into our lives. (Note: in the states described above, one does not LOSE ones Mind, but rather the Mind, (the instrument of perception) merges with the True or Observing Self so that the illusion of these entities being separate comes to an end). Just as the space inside a jar merges with the space outside the jar when the jar is broken. The breaking of the jar represents the end to the sense which cultivates duality or separation...that is, the illusion that there is a separate small self and true self.

Keep in mind that when we talk about the analogy of the 'mirroring-action' of the Mind, this Mind-Mirror is not to be considered bright and shining and as clear and accurate as our bathroom mirror. This is because this 'Mind-Mirror' has been formed through and by every life experience we've had since the day we were born. As such, there are natural biases and distortions affecting our view of life and ourselves.

Consider the 'funny-mirrors' at the local 'fun park'. Through the mirror's gross imperfections and distortions, the funny image we see is far from an accurate representation of truth. Such a mirror can also be biased by its color. If the mirror had a red coloring, we will not see an accurate reflection of something green. However, if we were wearing something Red, that would be accurately portrayed. All other colors through the same mirror would be infiltrated with the bias of the mirror's coloring.

When you look at yourself in the bathroom mirror in the morning, you do not say... "Hey! Who are you?", as if 2 identities exist, but consciousness is much more subtle and there is difficulty in realising that the projected image of self out of the Mind is only a reflection.

The image we see in the bathroom mirror will not take on a life of its own, but the Mind-Image (small self), IS composed of consciousness, and will therefore take on living attributes as it accumulates identities brought about by participation inlife.

By possessing the knowledge of the True Self is to possess a lamp. Having such a lamp will illuminate the path before you to bring you guaranteed change into your life. If the path is walked with resolute intent, profound changes can be assured.

But let us now continue.

Through Meditation, we aim to dwell in the regions of the True Self. (even briefly gives a tremendous benefit). This gives us the experience we lack through participating in life from the viewpoint of the small self.... That is, by the continual identification that we are the Reflection that is seen in the mirror of the Mind.

The small self is where all our emotions, anxieties, dreams of finding fulfilment, hopes and fears all reside. Language and other forms of worldly expression also emanate through the Mind.... Which begs a question: If language emanates THROUGH the Mind, where is its source?

All language, all verbal communication originates as a concept. Such concepts are whole and complete, and are instantly understood by the individual. For example, This entire discourse is understood by me without the need for language, but I employ the Mind for the purpose of getting my message across to you. The original concept or idea was sourced from my True self, but I am employing the abilities of the Mind to exchange to you, the concept that LIVES within me.

You too have had many such experiences along these lines. Have you ever struggled to convey an idea to someone, but kept on getting stuck for words? You knew in your self EXACTLY what was within, but the difficulty was the EXPRESSION of your idea. The original idea or concept came from the true self. It is the small self empowered through the mind, which delivers the idea for external communication.

All creativity, inventiveness, unconditional love, sense of righteousness, self-fulfilment, fearlessness, all comes forth out of the abode of the True Self. Fear, which is born out of that which is not known, illusion, and the need for survival and protection of the physical body, are all products of the small self.

The true self is inherently peaceful, confident and always fulfilled. This is your link with the Divine.

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By regularly going to the region of the true self through the basic techniques of meditation, we are able to remove ourselves from all the dramas, anxieties and concerns of the Mind's world. Even 5 minutes a day is good as it gives us the experience of true rest. This 'true rest' is obtained at a mental level, for when the mind is a rest, the body can also follow very easily and obtain benefit.

These analogies of the Mind-Mirror and its inherent biases and distortions, are not meant to de-value or claim that all things viewed through this instrument of perception are unreliable. Analogies are only meant to serve as building blocks or stepping stones for positive progress.

So now when you meditate, cultivate the awareness of staying in the silent realm of the True Self. This is that part of you that watches ALL THINGS in perfect peace.

Know also that...

The Mind is the source of emotions.
The True Self is never affected by the emotions.
The Mind co-ordinates worldly expression.
The True Self communicates in wordless silence.
The Mind is a repository of acquired knowledge.
The True Self is your source of wisdom.
The Mind is the source of passion.
The True Self is your source of Love.
The Mind perpetually hungers.
The True Self is self fulfilled.
The Mind will always struggle as it thinks that it is "itself" that does the meditating.
The True Self is Always Meditating.

Be Peaceful,
Adrian

Faith & Inner Struggle

by Adrian Newington © 1991

FAITH: A form of knowing. A subtle, non-intellectual spiritual knowing of non-intellectual spiritual realities. Much more than a belief system.

Note the use of the word KNOWING as opposed to KNOWLEDGE. The word Knowledge implies an internal conceptualisation of authenticated experiences. That is, an experience becomes reduced to concepts and words, proven to be reliable and repeatable for all people in all situations. Knowledge then becomes sources or points of reference for us to function in the world. Many books are full of knowledge, facts and figures. Such knowledge can bring about resistance to counter our efforts in the development of faith.

People are knowledgeable about the skills they are proficient in, but Knowing is an experience detained in the present moment. It is consciousness being active and pregnant with awareness. Also, we can say that the word knowing implies a form of knowledge but without questions, associations or the requirement of validation. Thus, "knowing" is non-intellectual and devoid of qualification. This is fortunate, for the experience which brings about this 'knowing' is linked to spiritual realities which are essentially unable to be proven or validated by the usual human process. Normally, the process of validation of worldly experiences is done through the 5 human senses, but we are not equipped with a biological 'Sense' capable of evaluating the non-physical.

This is where we begin to enter the realm of the higher faculties of Mind related to our development in terms of Spiritual Consciousness. Intuition is often referred to as the ability to sense, perceive, or discern the subtle.

Spiritual realities are not able to be validated beyond the individual who experiences them, (though the spiritual maturity of another may allow an understanding of it). For example, I will never be able to prove to you my connection to God. I may be able to assist you in the personal search, but I cannot prove to you what is valid for me. I can't give you my personal knowledge or 'knowing' of my experience.

Consider this old saying...

For those who believe, no proof is necessary,

For those who do not believe, no proof is possible.

The human process of validation and authentication of experiences that lead to knowledge, pertains only to worldy realities. The purity and power of the personal experience will NEVER go beyond the individual. THIS IS WHERE WE NEED TO CULTIVATE A HIGHER CONSCIOUSNESS.

HOW Do I Do THAT??

I hear you ask!

Just as any other discipline, our faith NEEDS to be cultivated and nurtured through practices which exercise and elevate our consciousness. For myself, the 3 most vital things were:

• PRAYER
• MEDITATION
• CONTEMPLATION

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Prayer

By regular prayer, I petitioned God for grace to flow to me in a bid to release me from worldy and mundane thinking. I sought the compassion that would help me to truly 'grow up'; for I saw true maturity as spiritual maturity.

Looking back over many years, I now consider my mind and the way I thought to have had no real depth, and as such, I would easily fall victim to the ways of the world. This is a good description of Spiritual Immaturity, and upon reflection I can see that it is most easily identified by a lack of discernment. (The use of the word Victim is not necessarily meant to describe circumstances abounding in suffering, but is used to highlight the effect of ignorance. Slavery and perhaps bondage to worldliness, might also be employed in describing the propensity of those who have no spiritual inclinations. Such bondage to worldliness can cause people to perceive either the world and/or people as difficult, hard, confusing, without compassion. There are many such variations when one's thinking only stays on a surface level)

Prayer should always be a personal and intimate communication. Just as one might engage in conversation with a trusted friend, so should you allow and sustain a sense of confidence that your words and thoughts are unequivocally heard, received and even contemplated. This will exercise and nurture a tender infant faith and bring it to maturity steeped in confidence.

Another strategy I used in developing my faith was to end each prayer with the words: "Thank you for listening to my prayer, for I know that you always listen to my prayer." These words of Jesus appear in the New Testament after He prayed to His Father, to raise Lazarus from the dead. My regular and unfailing repetition of these words eventually led to a breaking through of the intellectual thought processes which try to assert doubt of the reality of my prayers being heard.

The mental resistance we so often encounter when dealing with aspects of spirit, is simply the conditioned behavioral response brought about by years of HUMAN observation and rationalization. This is quite natural and 'important' for functioning in the world, but the mind must not be allowed to fully assert itself whilst you are putting effort into the development of Faith. There is a degree of surrender required. This is very important, since surrender requires faith. Therefore, surrender then leads to faith being exercised and strengthened (just like a body builder).

Do not fear in times of mental unrest. Remember to say to yourself if ever there is a struggle within: "What are my motives? Do they have a higher purpose? Is goodness and righteousness my goal? Indeed, what Father would abandon or ignore his very own child as it calls out to Him in tender love with courage. This can guard your best efforts through activating awareness.

In the present is where your power lies. Automatic or conditioned mental responses are old (perhaps invalid) links with the past. Such inner struggles are your accquired mental dispositions trying to assert themselves with the purpose of protecting you. This motive of protection is aimed at protecting you from:

• PAIN (emotional)
• DISAPPOINTMENT
• DEFEAT
• HUMILIATION

Such reactions illustrate how your subconscious is at work considering the implications of your actions (ie: exercising faith and standing up to the assertions of the mind) and the consequences that might come back to you, through THE COMPARISONS OF YOUR PREVIOUS EXPERIENCES. This mental barrier can be formidable at times, so be Courageous!

Belief Systems indoctrinated into us at childhood also have an extremely significant impact in the struggle to develop a new adult spiritual maturity. In our childhood, we were simple and uncluttered, and by virtue of that youth, we were naturally without the benefit of many life experiences. In that era, the mental evaluative process of the adult was not present. Young minds allow and accept without objection, verbal teaching, instruction and other guidance. Sometimes that youthful guidance can cause conflict in later adult life as a newly accquired experience clashes with embedded and unchallenged indoctrination. Again, amid any conflicts, remember the motive of your new goal. Say: "I will become new through my Love and my courage. I am prepared to test the waters for the experiences that shall uplift my life.

One day, you will find this spiritually mature faith will bloom within. You will have entered an entirely different dimension from the way you live life both spiritually and worldly. When this bridge of the mind is crossed, a new horizon will reveal itself to bring you new roads to the spiritual journey. This faith will enable joy and confidence to naturally manifest, as the mind accepts the reality of Spirit as authentic.

We could now say that the mind has become purified if not at least elevated, and the journey of the spiritual aspirant is nothing but enhanced. But of course, there is no other path greater to knowing God than through Love, and recognition and sustenance of the sense of the Father to Child relationship. That is, God, as a loving Father with personality, and you as a Son or Daughter of whom this Father has nothing but admiration for His own children.

Please read the short discourses on Meditation and Contemplation as these also are vital allies in assisting you in developing a mighty faith.

Be Peaceful,
Adrian

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Meditation

by Adrian Newington © 1991

In meditation, we go through a process of exercising and
cultivating a higher and clearer consciousness,
incorporating a technique called WITNESSING.

We do this so that we may obtain?

1. A clearer understanding of oneself.
2. An ability to perceive spiritual realities.
3. An enhanced faith
4. The authentic personal experience that goes beyond all instruction, teachings & philosophies.

A clearer understanding of oneself.

Through the use of concentration, the mind begins to be exercises in a way that gathers and focuses it energy. When done on a regular basis, it gathers to itself the mental energies and resources which serve to illuminate the mind. This illumination is the 'seeing' or 'perceiving' ability associated with an expanded awareness, and will serve to bring vital self understanding to the mediator. This self understanding is the key to personal empowerment. I have found that the self understanding obtained of myself, enables me to understand the world so very clearly. This has also allowed love and compassion to bloom as I see so many travel through and struggle with life as I have and do.

An ability to perceive spiritual realities. Primarily, we are talking about the ability to perceive and UNDERSTAND or COMPREHEND the deeper message of spiritual teachings and philosophies. So often, parables and teachings etc, are taken at their face or literal value. This can lead to incorrect interpretations of the essential message buried within the text. "Let those that have ears hear" is an often quoted phrase of Jesus. That particular message is directed at people with a sufficient foundation of intellectual and spiritually mature? This is very important for the person wishing to engage in contemplation. An enhanced faith As consciousness becomes illumined and elevated, spiritual realities become clearer as discernment becomes keener. The mental opposition that tends to undermine the best efforts of acting with faith begin to subside. The efforts of living with faith start to bear fruits of peace, contentment, and a sense of connectedness to God. Faith mainly leads to a sense of security and confidence in the reality of an intimate relationship with God.

The authentic personal experience that goes beyond all teachings. The experience sought from meditation is a revelation of self discovery or self recognition, bringing an ability to penetrate and understand the source of religion or philosophy. This recognition is in fact two-fold; the union between God and yourself, and a new and deep understanding of yourself through the gradual unfolding of self-knowledge. These experiences do not suddenly come upon you in some grand mystical experience, but rather, they are so sublime that one day you realize
you've become NEW, whilst also being aware that you have been so for some time. It's seems old and familiar, yet new and refreshing. For myself, I realized one day that my thinking and spiritual perceptions had become refined, but in looking back, I could not pin-point any particular date where I could have said 'I am new NOW!".

Having said that, I can now truly say that "I am definitely new NOW!" (Quite a delightful conundrum).

How to Meditate

Begin by choosing a time and place that is without distractions whilst assuming a comfortable posture. This can be in a chair or the crossed legged sitting position often associated with yoga, (the lotus position). The important point to consider is to allow and maintain breathing with minimum restrictions. This is done most effectively through a posture that keeps a straight back. All though meditation may be achieved by lying flat on the floor, gravity can act to introduce a certain amount of resistance to the natural breathing process. Also, there is a tendency for the individual to go into deep relaxation and sleep. It is not the aim of this meditation to cultivate relaxation or to reduce stress. Our aim is to develop and elevate the mind and spiritual consciousness. Awareness, (the opposite of sleep), is to be maintained at all times.

Be Peaceful,
Adrian

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Prosperity

by Adrian Newington © 1991

Bringing prosperity into your life can be viewed as a matter of putting or getting yourself into a river or stream or channel of abundance and prosperity.

This flow or channel of prosperity is in fact a spiritual river of life. This 'life' is associated with the infinite creative potential of the universe... not to be considered inert or inanimate, but a living force with intelligence, not affectively describable in human terms concepts and/or perceptions.

The spirit of life, is the spirit of life which "creates". This creative potential in affect has unlimited resources at its disposal. Not only is it awesome through its wondrous potential, it also has attributes of love and compassion as it longs to deliver enrichment and fulfillment (spiritual & mundane) to the sentient beings of the cosmos. It is indeed co-operative with the good and noble thoughts and aspirations of those that seek to participate in life as fully as possible. The goal to attain success whilst utilizing the path of daily duties and honest labour, can always be enhanced by employing the spiritual principles of abundance and prosperity.

Intention and Faith

As with many aspects of spiritual attainment's and advancements, INTENTION is a keyword which should describe a strong will, motivation or inner force in wanting to attain a desired outcome.

Intention also has meaning mirrored in the words 'Will' and 'Motivation'. The power necessary to bring a goal to fruition is amplified by the merit of that which we seek.

Things you "truly need" will inherently have more power to sustain and drive you, as it is common for events to become drawn out and sometimes painfully protracted. Lengthy delays amid uncertainties can sap ones inner strength. Although there is much required of the individual desiring to create prosperity, the faith required to sit back and let the infinite creative potential do its part for the welfare of your life can be easily shaken. Thus, we will continue to empower ourselves by identifying our needs and successfully employing the principals of accessing the channels of prosperity.

Each time we are successful, (no matter how grand or humble the goal), the benefit of each experience will nurture our tenacity and make us more resolute. There will be solidarity amid the times of difficulty, trial, and doubt.

It should be noted that our "wants" as opposed to our needs, will be more vulnerable to unsuccessful manifestation, since they may not be properly aligned or identified with the path our lives are taking. If we think in any small way that we might be able to do without these 'wants', then herein lies the way for lethargy and inertia to creep in and overcome the goal. A such, much more energy is required for the power of prosperity to deliver our 'wants'.

If you often find conflict associated in the identification of your wants and needs, then it is most probable that your life's direction has not been properly realised, understood or identified.

Although the action of prosperity may be likened to the flowing of a river, the participation by an individual in the principles of prosperity is not to be likened to someone in a boat moving along by the power of that river alone... that is, no self-effort.

In continuing to define the analogy of an individual's participation, it would be better to describe the merging of the river with the individual... that is, a unity of forces.

The unity of the individuals creative effort along side the infinite creative potential of 'Life', allows for a partnership and exchange of energies. The inflowing prosperity into the individuals life is transformed and re-created by an outpouring of prosperity as the individual practices "Selfless Giving".

This exchange allows for the infinite creative force to renew and re-manifest itself as prosperity once again but in a different form. The recipient of the act of selfless giving by the first individual, is seeing something new and wonderful... (not as a second-hand or even a third-hand gesture as might be seen by over-viewing the process as described by this textual illustration).

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Right Understanding

by Adrian Newington © 1991

Right Understanding! This is what suddenly uplifts or empowers an individual in an instant.

With Right Understanding, shadows vanish instantly in the illuminated presence of truthful insights.
Right Understanding is a deliverer of the bondage born of ignorance.
Right Understanding is a personal revelation where clarity demystifies the painful ways of the human condition.

'Osmosis' is a good metaphor for the experience of Right Understanding. When this eventually happens, osmosis, or the merging of the intellect and the Self, accurately illustrates this experience of revelation.

Often, I could be said...
"I become more-and-more confused, the more I learn."

Witness all these experiences to rise above these things such as confusion. Witnessing needs to be extended into everyday life activities, and should not be reserved for the formal periods of Meditation. To say I am confused, is to say "I am confusion!" It is TO OWN IT, and identify with it. But to witness confusion, is to rise above confusion to a space of clarity. Just like one who is caught in a fog, that person can also rise above the fog and see clearly far and beyond. Being adept at Witnessing, will allow your consciousness to stay above the fog of Human Emotions.

The Mind, which develops its skill through building a reference library from a lifetime of experiences and perceptions, shall often encounter obstacles to understanding spiritual principles, since it has nothing to draw from out of its library of reference material. This entire pool of material is essentially filed under the category of "Mundane Human Experience". This is where confusion stems from, as the Mind tries to scrutinise and rationalise information or knowledge that is missing a point of reference.

What is UP if you don't know DOWN? What is SWEET if you've never tasted BITTER?

But when there is Right Understanding, there your confusion will disappear. Not only will it disappear, but you will feel a beautiful and peaceful exhilaration as the source of your pain is removed. The ignorance which binds you in cyclic tendencies, melts away as you suddenly UNDERSTAND.

After all this--What IS our confusion when compared to TRUTH? In the moment of revelation, confusion vanishes because it never really existed in the first place.

You say you have a shadow, but a shadow does not exist. It's just an absence of light in one particular area. It's Negative Space and does not exist. Confusion is the same, and to possess right understanding is to acknowledge the light and not the darkness. Witnessing is forcing the Mind into a higher consciousness, thereby developing and nurturing spiritual insight and vision; for this is where your true power resides.

All the many spiritual philosophies eventually lead us to the understanding or revelatory experience that we are all "already Whole," that we are all "Divine," that we are the mysterious source and goal of our yearnings.

Be Peaceful,
Adrian

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Defining The Sense of Self

by Adrian Newington © 1991

Understanding the ways in which personal identity forms, and the influence it exerts on our lives by Adrian Newington

Introduction
What is The Self?
What Influences and Shapes the Sense of Self?
The Levels Making Up the Psyche

1. Physical
2. Mental
3. Emotional
4. Spiritual

 

Introduction

"Who am I?"
"Why am I me ?"
"Why aren't I that other person?"

These questions I would often ponder as a young child, but would dismiss them as silly, un-answerable and definitely not as much fun as fishing for crabs at the local jetty.

Now that I look back with an adult and refined spiritual viewpoint, I can see that those questions were indeed quite profound for a little boy. From this reflection, I make no claim or desire to call myself an enlightened master or such? it is simply an acknowledgment that such questions can only come from a pure space. That space being a ?spiritual space? and is common in uncomplicated childhood.

Such questions are fundamental philosophical inquiries, which have been asked time and time again by countless individuals, all expressing the strange need to find an answer to the seemingly unanswerable mysteries of life.

Having now developed a spiritual and philosophical approach to living my life, I can see that my efforts have returned me to that childhood space, but with an ability to see that those questions are not silly by any means. In fact, the pursuit of these sorts of answers does indeed have great purpose.

It is my belief that to ask, "Who Am I?", would have to be one of the most profound questions a person could ask, and carrying great merit. The merit lies in the potential for an individual to raise their consciousness above mundane levels thereby allowing a new spiritual maturity to unfold.

What is The Self?

"The self" is a term meant to describe the essential or true identity of a person. But what is further identified as the "True-Self" is generally not the self or identity that is revealed to the world in everyday life. Often, the person we see is hidden by the many masks we wear as we interact among people in our daily lives. Through this, we see an illusive or superficial image of people. Even if we think we know someone quite well, there are still aspects of one's true identity that is not known to us.

In fact, a person's "True Self" can even be hidden from themselves leaving the individual caught in an illusive view of themselves and the world. Unfortunately, this is more common than we'd like to believe. This is where the attainment of the permanent experience of the "True Self" is so valuable. The love that emanates from the enlivened true self is a love full of compassion and only wants to give so that all others can live the experience that it has.

What Influences and Shapes the Sense of Self?

Through the various stages of a persons human ? social ? spiritual development, the sense of WHO a person is (that is? the inner identification where self-fulfilment, and the recognition of self worth emanate from), should progress to new meanings as the individual experiences life more completely. I purposefully use the word "should" to indicate that many people do not necessarily progress to a more refined view of their existence beyond a basic sense of self identification aligned with the physical or mental levels.

Levels of Being=>	Physical	Mental	Emotional	Spiritual
The various relationships amid Body, Mind & Spirit which help define or qualify the Sense of Self	I know I Am Because of my body	I know I Am Because I think I Am	I know I Am Because of my feelings	I Am
	My body verifies my existence	My thoughts verify my existence	My feelings verify my existence	I exist without a need for validation
	I exist because of my physical presence	I exist because my thoughts tell me I exist	I exist because I can feel my presence	I alone exist
	My experience in physical life proves my existence	My experience in mental abilities and achievements proves my existence	My emotional experiences from interaction with people proves my existence.	I experience myself through myself alone
Sources of Fulfilment	Physical associations bring me fulfilment	Intellectual associations bring me fulfilment	Emotional associations bring me fulfilment	Self fulfilment is inherent

Table 1: Exploring the Sense of Self.

From the table above, we can examine each level of being and see how the human psyche matures in life. Each level of existence re-defines and matures the sense of self through relative experiences, associations, comparisons and other qualifications. This can all serve us by ultimately allowing a revelation, that one day we can cast aside the need for external qualifications and rest in the knowledge that we exist because we exist. Such an attitude is devoid of comparisons and analogies, since we can then see ourselves as forever being complete. Our true self is a spiritual being and to paraphrase: "We are spiritual beings on physical journey."

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The Levels Making Up the Psyche

1. Physical

In various stages of life, a person can derive a sense of personal power as well as feelings of fulfilment and competency from positive physical achievements like sports and athletics. On the other hand, a negative use of physical attributes like "bullying" may also bring about a sense of personal power or self. However, to continue the use and cultivation of one's personal power in this way will lead to problems, as one day such a person may encounter someone stronger and more assertive. Here the person's personal power or sense of self would be taken away. Achievements like sports and athletics are healthy and positive in defining a sense of self, but they too must be considered vulnerable, as to fall into ill health or injury could rob a person of the source of their sense of self.

2. Mental

Once again, in various stages of life a person can derive a sense of personal power and feelings of fulfillment and competency from successful use of logic and intelligence. But mental abilities can fade, or people with grander capacities can be encountered possibly leading to feelings of inadequacy. Such a situation could also take away personal power, or sense of self.

3. Emotional

Further to this, the experience of love and more importantly un-conditional love, brings a degree of release to the "sense of self," derived from the physical and mental experience linked to external dependence.

From the experience of true or un-conditional love, the need for external validation from physical attributes greatly dissipates. However, a person can still derive a sense of self from the experience of being loved by another. This, too, is vulnerable should the love or other emotional support of others not be forthcoming anymore.

To have lifted ones sense of self through the experiences at the emotional level is an important stepping stone into the next level of "True Self" identification.

4. Spiritual

Here the sense of self is allowed to bloom or unfold and be known as it truly is. Such a degree of self-knowledge is attained through the nurturing of spiritual philosophies, principles and practices, along with tolerance and self-love.

Upon attaining such a sense of self, the recognition of all personal power and fulfilment as coming from within liberates one from the limitations of worldliness, and the interpretation of a world that is harsh and lacking compassion. It allows the establishment of a viewpoint that defines the world as neutral, and that previous methods of judging the world have all been based on inner perceptions based on individual experience.

"Perceptions are not knowledge", is the new catch-cry for the enlightened.

The True self does not need or require:

• Rationalisation
• Justification
• Belief systems

...and even to say the phrase: "your True Self," is incorrect because it implies that the True Self belongs to, or is tied to the small self. The small self is an illusion? an imitation of the real thing. To finally come to know and experience the true self is to forever cast aside the pale imitation of the identity you thought was you.

Living in the experience of the true self will allow the natural attributes of the true self to emerge into daily life. These are:

 

Vision	The ability to see deeply and with wisdom
Clarity, that comes from vision	The mind enhanced by its own stillness
Peace, that comes from clarity	The experience born of stillness
Confidence, that comes from peace.	Through lack of confusion
Courage, that comes from confidence	Through being armed with truth
and finally, that which is independent of all - -LOVE	Without condition, without need, withoutexpectation, but full of its want to share. This love is a love that can only give since it is never lacking and its cup is always full.

THIS LOVE ALONE IS THE REASON FOR THE QUEST
TO KNOW YOURSELF.

TO KNOW YOUR TRUE SELF

IT IS LIKE NOTHING YOU HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED BEFORE.
...and until you can claim the experience as your own,
your mind's judging potential must be placed aside whilst the
higher mind guides you to Love to sooth all other loves.

Be Peaceful,
Adrian

---

The Concept of "THE NOW"

by Adrian Newington © 1991

Of all the profound concepts of awareness philosophy I have learnt, the one I continually keep on referring to, the one that is so simple in nature, is the one that seems to have it's beauty and value hidden by its own simplicity.

It is knowing that YOU, along with your reality, exist for just that instant we call the present.

When that instant ceases to exist, a new instant will then come into being. It is knowing that the past is only a shadow of what was. It is knowing that the future is but a dream, it is the unborn child.

In one respect, we could say that our lives are part of an infinite series of Instant Moments, and when they are all strung together, it is then given a name. That name is time.

When the instant ceases to be the instant, it is called the past. The instants that are to come are labelled the future, but the past and future do not exist; they are an illusion and all that REALLY EXISTS is the present.

All that really matters is "THE NOW".

ONLY THE MOMENT LIVES:
To understand the value of the Present when trying to obtain relief from sorrow, you must appreciate the link between the truth of the moment that you live in right now, and the illusion that there might be something good for your peace hiding in a mist of shadows and nothingness.

The reflections of clouds on a still pond are not clouds.
Though they have beauty;if you were to reach out and touch them,
you would disturb the stillness of the water
and lose the peace and beauty you once had.
The only reality was the water.
The clouds you sought were an illusion; just an image.

This link between the present and the past can now be seen as some form of goodness, pleasure or beauty, and when you reach out to be with those qualities, you touch an illusion. From this... sorrow is then born

REGRET, THE TAUNTING LURE:
If we go through a painful experience, we tend to go through many and varied "If Only" scenarios.

"If only it had happened this way, I wouldn't have this pain".
"If only I had done this then, I'd be happier now".
"If only I had this yesterday, I'd have so much more of that tomorrow".

Among the many whirlwinds within the mind, there are two important areas of concern that you should understand are capable of manifesting pain. They are, a regret of what was, and a regret of what wasn't. I may have become aware of an opportunity that would have been good for me, but through fear, I could choose to remove myself from it. On the other hand, it may have been removed from me against my desire. In another example, I could come to the understanding that something I sought after and experienced has left me feeling shaken and miserable. In each case, I am open to experience pain if I choose to re-live the situation, or dream of how else it could've been.

To maintain...
"If only I HAD done this",
...is to invent a past that never was and attempt to live in it. Realities that once were can be bad enough, but to conjure up a past that never was, is to inflict nothing less than torment upon yourself.

To say...
"If only I HAD NEVER done this",
...is to deny the reality of a choice.

Through the acceptance of a choice that has brought pain, one can then appreciate that what was understood as truth, is just a reflection of what was, and all that is important is your peace in "THE NOW".

After my marriage broke up, a dear friend wrote to me and said in her letter:
"When the energies go back and forth between the past and the future, the healing process is delayed".

---

At the time, the effect was subtle, and my understanding of it was vague. Since my sorrow was not at its peak, the doors of meaning were not fully open, but planted within me was a seed that was being nurtured by the passage of time.

Slightly more than a year later, my life took another completely unexpected turn. A chance of happiness and friendship vanished with frightening brevity, and its effect was even more devastating than the first. With delayed grief and compounded sorrows, I found myself lost in an ocean of loneliness as the ground was literally washed from beneath me.

This was when I truly began my journey to find peace and restoration and it was to lead me down a road that never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would travel.

PROJECTION:
Upon coming out of the event that had brought significant changes to my life, I found myself floundering in a new state of emptiness and insecurity. I would desperately try and find something to hang onto that would restore me to a former state of existence. My first natural reactions were to review my past and wonder where I went wrong. I would wonder what alternatives of living could have prevented my new circumstance. In looking backwards or forwards in time, I would PROJECT my thoughts out of the reality of the present and try to become a part of an illusion.

This very normal practice is called upon many times everyday of our lives. To refresh our memory after an absence of concentration is to project. To recall what we wore yesterday so we can wear clean clothes today is to project. To be able to understand this chapter, you will have to project so that your feelings can be compared in order to find understanding and meaning.

Whenever we are happy and we look at a photograph of happy times, this projection or dwelling of a past event, re-enforces our existing happiness. Likewise, if we are sad and we dwell on the events that have brought us pain, then our sorrow also shall be re-enforced or amplified.

I have found a simple source of Peace from the belief that in the present moment, I have everything that I need for that moment. This long time belief of mine has now been validated for me through the freedom I have obtained from adapting this philosophy when I most needed it. In trying times, such thinking is difficult to maintain, but for me, somehow this unshakeable belief would always be there for me when all else made no sense. When there is a need for a major adjustment to your life and you are experiencing deep emotions such as Grief, Anxiety, or Brokenness, within the pain of the moment you would think that such thinking would be the last thing you need. But if you yearn for someone or something that gave you Love or pleasure, then the situation that arose to remove those things from your life came about through circumstances that needed attention and a necessity to be resolved. Even when you experience the depths of grief and loneliness, the pain of a broken heart, or any other emotion which seizes upon you, such intensity is serving your personal development through the enforced activation of awareness to Yourself, your situation, and your Truth.

I can now see the separation from someone who was once dear to me as a need. At the time, I could not see this since my desires were not being fulfilled. Poets and Lovers say within their bitter sweet laments that ...

"You took a part of me when you left".

Within such words lies a subtle truth. When we are without peace, it may be said that we fragmented. And when we yearn for a part of our life that no longer exists, there is truly a part of us that is still attached to that aspect of the past. Indeed, the phrase "part of me", that the poets write about, is, in fact, essentially somewhere else. Ironically, when we can truly let go of the object of our yearning, that "part of us" can then come back to unite us with ourselves and allow us to feel at Peace once again. We are then WHOLE once again.

Again, in retrospect, since there was a particular aspect of my life that was not serving my ongoing need for Love and comfort, something had to happen in my life that could enable me to live the sort of life I have always wanted. In short, I had something to LEARN. When I felt pain in the separation, it was because I was associating with an illusion. I was not in the present. I was somewhere else.

Within such circumstances, knowledge can be a saviour that will help us regain our peace. This knowledge has it's roots in the word CHOICES. We do not need to be a slave to suffering, and we need not be at the mercy of lingering emotions. We can choose to stay within our sorrows, or we can choose to acknowledge the past as that which cannot serve us anymore. Here, we can also choose to call on courage and begin a new start to life and a new self-respect.

To have experienced hurt whilst being kind to someone may prompt us to project to the past, to live out an old happiness, but soon agitation then develops in the search for reasons and answers. Those answers are never there. It's like trying to converse with the images we see on a television. Your answers are buried beneath your sorrow in a very serene place, and only in the stillness of "THE NOW" is when they can be revealed to you.

Take time out to be silent and go within. Lay aside your dramas and begin a process of contemplation of past actions. Identify areas in your life that are repetitive in nature and the problems they bring you. Deep within you are the answers that can change your life.

Not only must you be willing to seek them, but you must also be willing to employ them. Contemplation is an ongoing process and the benefits are enormous.

---

Many times for myself, no matter how hard I tried, I was drawn to my sorrows in an almost irresistible and magnetic way. I just couldn't seem to put them down, no matter how bad they made me feel. I had no concentration and many times I was just unavailable to my work, my family, my friends and many other things that were important. The days seemed never-ending and my sleep would be broken from the recalling of memories that refused to leave me alone.

During that period, there was a tremendous source of energy within that needed to be released, and as difficult as it was, it had to be expressed. This was the unavoidable time of my grieving process and it had to take its full path. When we are in this situation, all we can do is be kind to ourself as we experience our suffering. We can even comfort ourselves by wishing for Peace. For myself, I would say: "Peace to Me. Things Will get better".

TIME TO RISE
When sorrows eventually peak, it is then time to activate awareness philosophy. Understand the value of "THE NOW"; understand what it is you are searching for as you project and ask yourself...

"Will I really find what I am looking for in the past ?"

be daring enough to ask yourself:

"Are my answers already contained within me ?"
"Am I willing to search deeply for my Truth ?"

Remember that your pain is brought about by association with the past and an isolation from the truth. The beasts of the Animal kingdom who live perfectly in "THE NOW" do not know of suffering from a yearning heart, since they do not have the ability to make a comparison of past events as we do. Our pain is relativ,e since we compare what is against what was or what we would like to be. In the present moment, there is no association, there is only existence. So when we stop associating, we stop the pain.

Obviously, because of our humanity, a person would need to attain great Skill, Knowledge, Discipline and Love to live Perfectly in the present, and until we come to live permanently in such a state, we will always be prone to experience the burden of pain and its seemingly never-ending quality. However, through knowledge that de-mystifies human behaviour, we can give ourselves a chance to resolve grief in a much more effective way than we could have if we were to lack such knowledge.

PEACE WITHIN:
I have learnt to live my life as a continuing series of packets of time. Since through my humanness, I cannot live PERFECTLY in the moment, I have to live in time. Therefore, I choose to live with a limited past and a limited future. Some people manage to live a day at a time, and if your lifestyle can support it, that's good. For myself, and at the time of writing this book, my lifestyle concerned itself with about a week. A week for me was good. I have commitments and obligations and it works well for me.

Staying in "THE NOW" also helps to drop the emotional baggage that we cart around with us. By giving yourself the opportunity to experience the peace of the present, you will find yourself being able to gently release futile feelings, the likes of blame and guilt. To do this, will then allow insights of understanding to filter into your mind to dissolve hurt, anxiety, and other crippling emotions which stop you from acting on your truest feelings.

SOME EVERYDAY EXAMPLES:
In regard to projection outside the topic of sorrow, I offer this story to provide a balance to the concept of "THE NOW". The wife of a friend of mine was under threat of losing her job through staff cuts in hard financial times. After reviews and recommendations, the outcome would eventually be known with some inevitable casualties. After the staff assessments, my friend came to tell me how his wife had been fortunate in keeping her job; however, his face still showed concern. I asked him why and he replied somberly that "her job was only safe for a year." Even though the past few days had given him good reason to be concerned, he still managed to remove himself from being in a happy state from his wife's good news. He immediately projected without awareness a whole year ahead. He had leapt over 365 days of security to be with the pain of a retrenchment that might never eventuate. There was no awareness that his behaviour was normal, justified, or otherwise. There was simply no awareness. His actions were sympathetic of his thinking, his thinking was guided by his Ego, and his choice brought him pain.

Once again, by looking at Ego-thinking based on fear, it wanted him not to bear any pain of the job loss, so it projected him to the future in an attempt to find answers to a non-existent problem. It found none and brought him back with a burden.

The problem lies when we project without limitation, but what is even more devastating is to project without awareness. When we project and don't realise it, when we live in dream world, we are missing the healing peace of the present. To dream "If only" thoughts are a waste of energy since your thinking will not change the past. Similarly, when we worry over an event that we know is to come upon us, we tend to circulate the event around-and-around inside our minds without producing any positive output. We draw no conclusions and we make no plans. We end up waiting for the arrival of pain (which very often never eventuates), as we dwell on how we are going to cope. We, in effect, bring extra pain upon ourselves through our own choice of behaviour.

How painful it would be to know what our future is. The past is bad enough as it lasciviously tries to keep the hurt alive through a constant restaging of the original drama.

---

FUTURE PROJECTION:
Sometimes, we have an option to be involved in a future event, but in the present moment, we may feel down in spirits or emotionally not available for whatever reason. It is here that a chance becomes available for the feelings you have in the present, to be projected into the future. To say...

"I'm feeling tired and rundown lately and
the thought of that trip to the country
next week doesn't appeal to me at all. I'll cancel."

...is to project low feelings into the future, and presume that you would still be feeling this way when the event comes around. If you don't have to make a decision in the present moment, forget about it entirely. Living in "THE NOW", is reality. If your miserable, then acknowledge your feelings. It's O.K. to feel what comes from within regardless of the emotion. Stay with the truth of the emotion and don't attempt to rationalise or validate yourself or your feelings.

Simply experience what you feel and let it go after it has passed. Don't burden yourself with thoughts such as:

"I should be feeling this..." or "I shouldn't be feeling this..."

It's simply you expressing what is true and valid for you, and you know of your commitment to goodness.

MASTERY IN CHILDHOOD:
Children are masters of "THE NOW", and children are masters of unconditional Love. Since a child has its needs fully catered to, it does not concern itself with distant future, or past events. They are able to freely express their desires and wants without limitations or restrictions. They are naturally Loving, and they seek and respond without reserve to the Love given to them by those in their care. They consider nothing about the next meal or whether there is enough food in the cupboard, and they are oblivious to the effort behind the care put in for their well-being. They simply sense a need, express it, and find themselves catered to. A child not having to fend for itself stays perfectly content in the present moment. As far as children are concerned, meals just happen, toys have always been in their room, and there is always a soft and cozy bed to sleep in.

As we leave childhood and pass through all the various stages that take us into adult life, the influences of people and events envelop us as we journey through life. To quote that much used cliche', "The Innocence of Childhood" is lost. We grow up and experience the world. We come across disappointment and hardship, and we find there are times we have to take a back seat. People can let us down, and we build up a library of memories and feelings linked to experiences.

When profound circumstances in our Adult life make us stop and evaluate where we are going, (usually an event that demands change), we then have the potential to rediscover the gems of childhood which have always been within us. Through this discovery, we can then have the best of both worlds. It is, in fact, when we are reborn through the fire of our pain and find that there is much more to life than we could have ever imagined. Through a new Love, it is possible to see our link in Spirit. This, when a person is born again of an awakened spirit; discovering the link of Love and Life, and the true connection with life and what it has to offer. All this can come about if we unite ourselves with the wisdom of Adulthood and the Love of a Child.

A CHANCE FOR PEACE:
To live with ongoing peace after understanding the concept of "THE NOW" will bring great freedom. Start to nurture this state by letting things unfold without your anxious yearnings and worrisome concerns. Deal with problems when its time to deal with them. Obviously one needs to put some attention to future events. The planning of financial budgets, shopping and preparation of meals, holidays, business ventures, etc. The preparation of the future is a valid part of the present, but after these efforts have been fulfilled, simply continue on with what requires your present availability.... your daily duty.

If you think there will be strong winds blowing your way soon, simply acknowledge that fact as your major preparation. Do what you have to do efficiently and peacefully, then go about your business in the meantime. Don't spread your energies around too much at one time. Prioritize your workload against your personal interests. Put your duties first and get them out of the way. When you're very keen to do something whilst at the same time other things demand your attention, there can be a temptation to do a bit of this and a bit of that. When your energies are distributed like this, you are prone to mistakes from frustration, since each task is advancing slowly. You will be eager to see some positive output, but because the other duties are calling for your attention, you can tend to rush and end up doing less than your best efforts would otherwise allow.

If you project to the task that you would like to be doing rather than being available to the task at hand, your state of mind then becomes inappropriate to the job you are trying to do. An attitude is then maintained that the job is a drudgery and a chore. However, by staying in "THE NOW" with the reality of the job at hand, you will perform more efficiently and the job will just fly by.

Have you ever had a day where time just seems to whiz past?

---

What you were experiencing was a combination of events and circumstances which had called for your present availability. You were, in fact, living and operating in "THE NOW" in a very refined way. Though you were unaware of it at the time, the scene eventually registered within you from your peaceful attitude. Your peace was highlighted by the lack of worries and concerns within. This type of feeling is available to you more often as you develop awareness and stop yourself from projecting and being concerned when you don't have to be.

The demands of the present are more than enough without added loads brought on by choice. To live in "THE NOW" is to finely tune your ability to manage the day-to-day problems that will always come your way.

When you become open and available to the flow of your worldly events, you will learn to see situations with greater clarity since fears and concerns shall be framed in a quiet state of mind. Many times, fears can be seen as unrealistic. Genuine problems can also be tackled in the most appropriate ways since you are able to see into the truth of the situation. You shall see a problem and through your stillness and refined instinct, efficiently apply a solution. The problem is then no more and you can then continue on with your business. Each time you act this way, the benefit that your actions bring you shall nurture your confidence as you learn that the potential for problems is no longer a problem.

Be available to your destiny.
Foster Stillness and Gentleness.
Love being peaceful.

Don't be too concerned or anxious about the direction of your life. As you change your outlook and learn to be guided by your goodness and instinct, good things will then begin to come your way. Opportunities will always present themselves when they can serve a need for your development. Believe this and get the strength to believe it by remembering your link with the Infinite.

CONTEMPLATION:

Anxiety of the future makes us stumble in the present.
Anxiety of the past keeps us in chains.
Only within the Present, is where we will be
Free and Peaceful.

A future chapter by Adam Khan, the author of Self-Help Stuff That Works

IT STARTED OUT innocently enough. I asked a friend of mine whether he thought the world would be a better or a worse place 100 years from now. Worse, he said.

We had a little discussion about his answer and then went on about our business. A few days later, he said he wanted me to look at a magazine called Colors. Published in Italy, it illustrated some of our global problems graphically. For example, on the back cover were two pictures: One was a man in a polyester jump suit standing on a well-manicured lawn with a nice house in the background, and he was feeding a tidbit to his well-groomed poodle.

The other picture was five or six young boys, dirty and ragged, living in a hole in the street.

The magazine did a good job contrasting how wealthy many of us are in industrialized countries with how horribly many people live in developing countries.

Later, my friend asked me how I liked the magazine.

I replied, It was disturbing.

It's REAL! he said with a kind of I'm-not-afraid-of- facing-the-truth-like-most-people self-righteousness.

And that was the beginning of my crusade against bad news. What disturbed me was not the reality of it. I'm well aware of how miserably much of the world lives compared to how even a poor American lives. What bothered me was that the "information" in the magazine was delivered in a context of hopelessness. There wasn't one tiny scrap of any indication anywhere in the magazine that you, the reader, can do anything about it. The world is a horrible place, it seemed to say, and you are helpless to effect it.

If the information had been delivered in the spirit of Here's some bad news, but here's what you can do about it, the same information would have been motivating.

---

 

---

But if the reader feels helpless about it or thinks the situation is hopeless, the magazine did harm, and the reader would have been better off without it. Studies have shown that most television news leaves the viewer depressed because it is primarily bad news that the viewer can do nothing about. The problems are too big or too far away or too permanent to be able to effect. This sort of news encourages a pessimistic view of the world.

Pessimism produces a feeling of helplessness and hopelessness. In other words, pessimism produces depression. This is not just an opinion. Lots of research has been done on this subject. A tremendous amount of evidence exists and it all points in the same direction. Pessimism makes people less capable of acting effectively, even in their own best interests. It produces apathy and lethargy. It makes people give up.

Pessimism is bad for your health, bad for your relationships, and bad for the planet (because pessimism not only stops constructive action, but IT IS CONTAGIOUS).

Raw, in-your-face reality is good, but only halfway there. The other half is what can be done about it? If nothing can be done about it, why tell anyone? If something can be done about it, why not give that news too? It is a crime against humanity to do otherwise.

Because of the shock value and attention-getting power of tragedy, horror, and cruel irony, a pessimistic, unconstructive attitude is infecting the minds of more and more people.

It must be stopped. And you can help. Here's how:

Stop tuning into any news that makes you feel helpless, distrusting, fearful, hopeless, and that doesn't give you the sense that you can do something about it. If you want to "stay up on the events of the world," try to find sources that don't create pessimism.

Pick the global problem that most bothers you and do something about it. If you think there's nothing you can do, then first cure yourself of your own pessimism. The resources on this web site can help you (see links below).

Share this page with people you know. And if someone emails you some bad news, tell the person about this page.

If a friend of yours seems pessimistic, help her or him become more optimistic. Optimism does not include burying your head in the sand or in the clouds. It is a balanced look at reality. It is practical and effective. As I say in the second chapter of Self-Help Stuff That Works:

In a study by Lisa Aspinwall, PhD, at the University of Maryland, subjects read health-related information on cancer and other topics. She discovered that optimists spent more time than pessimists reading the severe risk material and they remembered more of it.

"These are people," says Aspinwall, "who aren't sitting around wishing things were different. They believe in a better outcome, and that whatever measures they take will help them to heal." In other words, instead of having their heads in the clouds, optimistic people look. They do more than look, they seek. They aren't afraid to look into the situation because they're optimistic.

Optimism will give you the strength to confront difficult realities with open eyes. Optimism has the potential to be even more contagious than pessimism. If nothing else, optimists tend to have more energy. But there is something else: Optimism is more ethical. It is more life-giving, more enjoyable. It is more right.

If you would like some information about becoming optimistic, check out Optimism, Optimism is Healthy, Maybe It's Good, and Positive Thinking: The Next Generation. Those will get you started. In the Recommended Reading section, you'll find more resources.

If you would like some information about how to help other people become more optimistic, read Here Comes the Judge, Refuse to Flinch, and Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People.

Go to these sites and get the email addresses of your representatives and senators and put those addresses in your address book, and write to them now and then. Urge them to vote on the bills you feel strongly about. Let them know what you think. This is an easy way to have an effect.

Search yourself. Learn more. Take action.

Go get 'em, Tiger

Why aren't we more positive naturally? Why does it seems our minds and the minds of those around us gravitate toward the negative? It's not anyone's fault. It is merely the product of our evolution. Read about how it came about and what you can do to improve your general positivity:
Unnatural Acts

How can you take the insights from cognitive science and make your life have less negative emotion in it? Here's another article on the same subject but with a different angle:
Argue With Yourself and Win!

next: Facts About News

Dru Hamilton at "Book Talk" with Tammie Fowles, author of BirthQuake: Journey to Wholeness

Dru: What is a BirthQuake?

Tammie: A Birthquake for the most part is a transformational process, which impacts the whole person, and ultimately leads to growth. They're initiated by a significant challenge in a person's life, or what I call a quake.

Quakes occur for most of us when we're standing at a crossroad. They can be precipitated by a loss, a major lifestyle change, or even a new awareness. While the experience can be painful, the pain of a quake holds promise, because it triggers a healing process.

Dru: How is a BirthQuake different than a mid-life crisis?

Tammie: Birthquakes at a glance can understandably be confused with a mid-life crisis, because they often occur at midlife, and are initially difficult experiences. But there are a number of ways that a Birthquake and a midlife crisis differ, one of the most significant differences is that the outcome of a midlife crisis isn't always positive. In some cases a midlife crisis leads to a breakdown, while moving through a BirthQuake ultimately leads to a Breakthrough. Also, a Birthquake effects the whole person, it touches just about every aspect of your life.

More than anything else, it's how we respond to the quakes in our lives which determines whether we'll be diminished by our quakes, or transformed by them.

Dru: Can you give us an example of someone who's been transformed by a Quake?

Tammie: One of my all time heroes is Victor Frankl, a psychiatrist who was imprisoned in a German concentration camp during World War II.

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continue story below

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Frankl was starved, beaten, frozen, he witnessed horrendous acts of violence and murder, and yet survived to tell the world his story, in his incredibly powerful book, "Man's Search for Meaning."

He lost his entire family, including his pregnant wife, to the death camps, and much of his identity was stripped away. He lost control of just about every physical aspect of his life. He had no choice over when and what he'd eat or even if he'd eat, when, where, for how long, he'd sleep, when and how long he'd work or what kind of work he'd do, and even if he'd be alive by the end of the day.

Frankl recognized that What he did have control over was how he'd choose to respond to his situation. While the guards might dictate what experiences he had, no-one but he himself had the power to decide how he'd respond to those experiences, or what meaning they'd have to him.

Dru: What do you mean when you describe the quake as connected to the loss of spirit?

Tammie: Well, I believe that most of us become so preoccupied with the every day details of our lives that we lose touch with our spirits, and we begin to function on automatic pilot, so often going through the motions that we fail to fully appreciate the incredible beauty in our world, and truly experience the moment.

I also think that as a result of becoming so overwhelmed by our culture's dominant story, we've lost touch with our own.

Dru: Can you be more specific about how our cultural story has overwhelmed us?

Tammie: We're introduced to our cultural story almost immediately. We're taught it by our families, our teachers, our peers, and most of all, at least in the case of Americans, we're taught the dominant story by the media.

A culture's dominant story comes to dictate what it's members pay attention to, what they value, how they perceive themselves and others, and even to a large extent, it shapes their very experiences.

By the time American children graduate from high school, it's been estimated that they've been exposed to 360,ooo advertisements, and on average, by the time we die, we Americans will have spent an entire year of our lives watching television.

It's been pointed out that it's the people who tell the stories who're the ones who control how our children grow up. A long time ago we acquired most of our cultural story from wise elders, and now commercial television has become our primary story teller. When you consider what the primary message of this incredibly powerful storyteller has been, it's not that difficult to appreciate how much of our soul has been lost. We've been hypnotized by a story heard hundreds of times every day in America, and the title of that story is "Buy me."

Speaking of stories, I remember hearing a wonderful story about a workshop where Joseph Campbell was showing images of the sacred to participants. One image was a bronze statue of the God Shiva, dancing within a circle of flames. Shiva had one foot in the air, and the other foot was resting on the back of a little man, who was squatting in the dust and carefully examining something he was holding in his hands. Someone asked Campbell what the little man was doing down there, and Campbell responded, "That's a little man who's so caught up in the study of the material world, that he doesn't realize that the living God is dancing on his back.

A quake is like an alarm going off, it's a wake up call telling many of us that we've lost our connection to the sacred. It urges us to attend to the sacred in our world, and invites us to evaluate the impact of our cultural story. It also calls for us to explore and even begin to reauthor our own stories.

---

Dru: What prompted you to write "BirthQuake?"

Tammie: My own BirthQuake experience, although I wouldn't have called it that when I first encountered it. The rumblings of my own quake I think began with a growing dissatisfaction with my life, an awareness that I wasn't being true enough to my deepest values, and a haunting sense that too much of my life was moving on without me. I knew that I needed to not only explore how I was currently living my life, but that I'd also need to make some significant changes but I didn't really want to change, I just wanted to feel better, so I tried to keep living on automatic pilot for as long as I could.

And then, when I was about 35, I developed back pain that eventually just became so intense that I could barely move. And so for days I was laid up in bed with very few distractions, it was essentially just me and the pain, so I was trapped, and the only place that I could go was inward, and so that's where I went.

Ultimately my inward journey led me to make significant changes. and many of the initial changes involved loss - the loss of my psychotherapy practice, my home, my life style, and then, remarkably, the loss of my pain. So living through my quake has been hard, and I know that it's not finished with me yet, but I also believe that it's leading me down a path that feels right.

Dru: You mention in your book that while exploring the meaning of your life, you realized one day that you'd had it backwards all along. Can you talk a bit more about that?

Tammie: Sure, For years I questioned what the meaning of my life was, why was I here? I could think of a number of reasons to live, and could imagine more than one purpose to devote my life to, but ultimately I never felt that I was clear about what the meaning of my life was.

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Then one day it occurred to me that maybe I'd had it backwards all along, that instead of focusing my energy on finding some purpose and meaning to my life, I needed to make my daily life more meaningful. So ultimately, I needed to forget about the questions, and live what answers I had. So I decided to focus on shaping my every day life in ways that reflected my personal values, time with my family and friends, time in my garden, time in service to others, and time for myself.

Dru: You describe life as art. What do you mean by that?

Tammie: Mathew Fox, Episcopal priest and author, describes life style as an art form and he urges each of us to create life styles of "spiritual substance." When I look back at my "pre-quake" life style, I'm struck by the opportunities that I missed, and the countless precious moments that I was too busy to really appreciate. When we view our lives as a work of art, each of us then becomes an artist, and each day becomes to a large extent an opportunity to create our very own masterpiece.

Michael Brownlee, editor of Cogenisis, defined life as "that which creates." If your alive, than you're automatically a creator, and it makes enormous sense to me, that we each acknowledge our significant power to create, as well as take responsibility for what we chose to produce.

Dru: You identify three phases of a Birthquake in your book, could you briefly describe them?

Tammie: The first phase, which is triggered by our quakes, is the Exploration and integration phase. This phase typically involves a great deal of introspection.

It's here that we begin to examine our personal stories. We look more closely at our inner selves, our emotional and physical selves, as well as at our life styles. We also begin to identify our needs and our values, and to evaluate our choices. Tom Bender, author and architect, wrote that "Like a garden, our lives need to be weeded to produce a good crop," and that's what we begin to do during this phase, we look at where in our lives that we need to weed, and also, where and what we need to plant, and to cultivate. Bender also maintains that in order for both a person and a society to be healthy, there needs to exist a spiritual core, and that the spiritual core involves honoring. I believe, that an important question to ask ourselves during the exploration and integration phase is, "What do I truly honor, and how does my life style reflect that which I honor."

It can take years sometimes to shift to the next phase, the movement phase. It's during the movement phase that we begin to earnestly make changes, and the changes are usually small at first. From an alteration in diet, planting a garden, beginning to meditate, - to more life altering changes, maybe a shift in career, leaving or committing to a significant relationship, or actively participating in a spiritual, or political movement

The movement phase typically involves growth and change at a personal level.

The final phase of a BirthQuake I call the expansion phase. Those who've entered the expansion phase, are not only changing their own lives, they're also reaching out to help others. It's this third phase that truly involves wholeness.

Dru: How does the expansion phase involve wholeness?

Tammie: Most of us have heard that wholeness relates to the mind/body/and spiritual aspects of a person. And while that's true, I think that this description misses a major aspect of wholeness. From my perspective, Wholeness extends beyond the individual, and encompasses the world in which we live. So for me, true wholeness not only includes attending to the needs of the mind/body/and spirit, but also requires that we connect to the world of which we're each a part.

There's some research that indicates that there's a significant correlation between mental illnesses, including depression, anxiety and substance abuse, and too great of a preoccupation with the self. Another study found that a necessary ingredient of happiness, seems to be to possess somewhat of an outward focus.

So those individuals who reach the expansion phase of a Birthquake, who actively look inward but also reach out, extending their caring and concern beyond their own self-interests, enjoy a sense of greater well-being. They also, on average, tend to live longer too.

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Dru: In your book you identify cultural myths that you suggest interfere with individual growth and personal satisfaction. Would you share a few of them with us.

Tammie: Sure. The first is The Myth that more is better.

My generation was raised on television, and most of us were programmed to believe that the most and the biggest is the best. One of my favorite songs when I was a little girl began, "my dogs bigger than your dog." I learned it from a pet food commercial. Last fall PBS aired a special called "Affluenza" which proposed that Americans are suffering from an epidemic of raging consumerism and materialism, leading to symptoms like record levels of personal debt and bankruptcy, chronic stress, overwork, and broken families. And, the statistics that support this premise Dru are pretty staggering. They indicate, first of all, that Americans are wealthier than ever. For instance:

1. Americans on the average are 41/2 times wealthier than their great grandparents.
2. There's been a 45% increase in the US of per capita consumption in the last 20 years.
3. We own approximately twice as many cars as we did in 1950. And, while 89% of Americans own at least one car, only 8% of the world's population does.
4. The median size of a new house in 1949 was 1,100 square feet, In 1970, it was 1,385 square feet, and in 1993, it had grown to 2,060 square feet.
5. It's been estimated that 10 million Americans have two or more homes, while a minimum of 300,000 people go homeless in this country. And while Americans comprise 5% of the world's population, and consume 30% of its resources. So, While we're better of financially and materially, interestingly, we seem to be worse off in a number of ways.
6. It's been calculated that while the average American spends 6 hours a week shopping, the average parent spends just 4o minutes a week playing with their children, and one study found that we spend 40% less time playing with our kids than we did in 1965, and 163 more hours a year working. And finally, according to the index of social health, there's been a 51% decrease in American's overall quality of life.

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So, It seems all to clear to me, that Having "more" materially, doesn't translate into greater happiness or satisfaction. In fact, I whole heartedly agree with Tom Bender, who observed that, "after a point, more, becomes a heavy load."

Another myth is the myth of Happily ever after.

So many of us were raised on fairy tales, that told us that once a particular event occurred, we'd live happily ever after. Consequently many people end up living on what Frederick Edwords referred to as "the deferred payment plan." Those of us who've lived on the "deferred payment plan," have spent a great deal of our lives waiting. We've told ourselves that we'll be happy when we marry, make enough money, buy our dream house, have a child, when the kids leave home, or that we'll finally be happy when we retire. Unfortunately, the deferred payment plan, often causes us to project a significant part of ourselves, and our spirits into the future, so we end up failing to fully appreciate and even sometimes to be in the present. What so many of us fail to recognize, is that generally, experiencing Happiness is both an active and creative process. We create happiness in part, by what we choose to focus on, appreciate, and expect from our lives. It's been said that love is a verb, faith is a verb, and I'd add that happiness is a verb too.

And then there's The Myth of the Good Life. Our Fantasies of the good life so often seem to include images of luxury and wealth, and while the notion of the "good life" seems to be deeply ingrained in our generation's psyche's, the world was introduced to the concept of the "good life" by people like William Penn, Thomas Jefferson, and Henry David Thoreau, who's vision of the good life was very different than most of ours turned out to be. To these visionaries, the "good life" represented a lifestyle based on simplicity; not material gain, on personal autonomy; not acquisition, and on spiritual, emotional, and interpersonal growth; not net-worth.

I also think that most of us have forgotten that the American dream was founded, to a large extent on spiritual values, and we only need to take a look at the great seal on the back of every dollar bill, to be reminded of that.

So it may be that it's not that we need a new definition of the good life, or even a new American dream, as much as we need to reconnect with our earlier visions.

Finally, the last myth that I'd like to talk about, is the myth of having it all.

When I was busy mothering, writing, and managing a very demanding private practice, I had more in terms of financial and professional success, than I'd ever dreamed about as a young girl. And yet, I wasn't all that happy. I often felt stressed out, pressed for time, and that something was missing. At the same time, I couldn't understand why with all I had, that I could possibly want more. Then one day I realized, that it was the "more" that had become my problem. I'd bought into one of the most popular myths of my generation - that I could (and should) have it "ALL."

The reality is that No-one can have it all. When we choose one path, to some degree we forsake another, at least for the time being. We just can't do it "ALL" without making sacrifices, no matter how smart or tough we are, and while we all understand intellectually, that there's no way to have "everything" and give up "nothing," it seems like many of us are still trying very hard to pull it off.

Lilly Tomlin, one of my favorite comedians once joked, "If I'd known what it would be like to have it all, I might have settled for less." Today her comment feels far more like wisdom to me than humor. I believe that those of us who're determined to "have it all," and "all at once," have sentenced ourselves to a lifetime of ongoing struggle, and dissatisfaction.

I think it's delusional to expect that life can and should provide us with everything we want, and all at once. I also think we're being tremendously unfair to ourselves when we attempt to achieve it. I just don't think anyone should have to work that hard.

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Dru: You also mention that you believe that BirthQuakes can occur not only in the lives of individuals, but also within an entire culture. Can you elaborate on that?

Tammie: This aspect of the Birthquake phenomenon fascinates, and at the same time frightens me. I believe that quite possibly we're experiencing a global quake. In 1992, Over 1,600 scientists from around the world, released a document entitled, "Warning to Humanity." This warning stated among other things. that human beings were on a collision course with nature, and that we need to make significant changes now if we want to avoid profound human suffering in the future. Other rumblings of a global quake in addition to our environmental crisis, can be felt all over the world in addictions, mental illnesses, wars, crime, poverty, child abuse, and much more.

I recognize that many of the problems I've mentioned have existed for centuries however, in no time in history has the world been at such universal risk. This is not just about facing the multitude of species that are becoming extinct, or the billions of starving people in the world, this is about the fact that every single one of us is at risk.

Dru: How do you respond to those people who say, "there aren't enough people who are willing to make the necessary changes to make a real difference, so why bother?"

Tammie: I'd tell them that we need to stop seeing ourselves as powerless, and that we just can't afford the luxury of feeling helpless any longer. Looking back at the history of the United States alone, during the time of slavery, there were a number of people who believed that slavery would never be abolished. Also, an amazingly short time ago, when my grandmother was a girl, women weren't allowed to vote. For years, many folks, including women, thought the suffragette movement, a movement which took 70 long years to succeed, was futile. Also, had anyone predicted twenty years ago that within a few short years we'd witness the end of the cold war, the Soviet Union, apartheid in South Africa, the Iron curtain, and the Berlin wall, which had separated families since World War II, have to wonder who would have believed them.

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Bill Moyers once observed that the largest party in America today isn't the democrats or the republicans, it's the party of the wounded. And, He's right I think, we've all been wounded. Yet I also believe in our tremendous ability to heal.

Before any major transformation, there are those who've said, "it's always been this way, it's never gonna change." And yet it has changed again and again."

According to Duane Elgin, author of "Voluntary Simplicity," it's been estimated that in the United States alone, 25 million Americans are consciously exploring more satisfying and yet responsible ways of living. Now, this translates into roughly only about 10% of the US population, and many would say that this isn't nearly enough, and I'd agree with them. But I also whole-heartedly agree with Margaret Mead who once said, "never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has."

Michael Lindfield, who wrote "The Dance of Change," noted that, before any cultural transformation is completed, there's generally a time of great chaos and confusion, and he suggests that our culture needs a new story to inspire and guide us through what he calls "the coming birth."

I believe that we have that story, and that we've always had it, and that we only need to recover it. It's an age-old story about wholeness, interconnection, cooperation, and the sacredness of all life. We just need to embrace it and incorporate it into our daily lives.

Dru: I understand that you also conduct "BirthQuake" workshops, can you briefly summarize what a Birthquake workshop is?

Tammie: A BirthQuake workshop in one sentence is a process which assists participants in transforming their own personal challenges or "quakes" into opportunities that offer personal and spiritual growth.

next: Interviews: On Psychology, Philosophy, Wisdom, and More

Overview of negative air ionization therapy as an alternative treatment for seasonal affective disorder (SAD) and whether negative air ionization therapy works in treating depression.

What is Ionization Therapy?

A negative air ion is an atom or molecule in the air that has gained an electron, while a positive ion has lost an electron. Both positive and negative ions occur naturally in the air. However, negative ions are more concentrated in fresh air. Negative air ions can be produced by lightning, ocean surf and waterfalls. There are also electrical devices called 'air ionizers' that produce negative air ions. Such air ionizers have been used in the treatment of seasonal winter depression (seasonal affective disorder, SAD).

How does Ionization Therapy work?

Levels of a chemical messenger in the brain called serotonin decrease in autumn and winter. This decrease may be related to the depression that some people experience in the winter months. It has been proposed that negative air ions cause an increase in brain serotonin levels.

Is Ionization Therapy for Depression effective?

Two well-conducted studies have looked at the effects of air ionization on winter depression. Both of these studies compared a high-density air ionizer with a low-density ionizer. People sat in a room at home with the ionizer for 30 minutes every morning over a 2-3-week period. People with winter depression who used the high-density ionizer showed much more improvement than those who used the low-density ionizer. No studies have been carried out on air ionization as a treatment for other types of depression.

Are there any disadvantages to Ionization Therapy?

No side effects of air ionization have been found. However, air ionizers are expensive to buy.

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Where do you get Ionization Therapy?

Air ionizers are available from electronics stores and can be bought on the internet. It is important to check the technical specifications of any air ionizer. Some of those on sale do not produce a high density of negative ions. A high-density ionizer produces 2,700,000 ions per cubic centimeter, while a low-density one produces only 10,000 ions per cubic centimeter.

Recommendation

Air ionization appears to be a promising treatment for winter depression, but more research is needed. Research still has to be carried out on its use with other types of depression.

Key references

Terman M, Terman JS. Treatment of seasonal affective disorder with high-output negative ionizer. Journal of Alternative and Complementary Medicine 1995; 1: 87-92.

Terman M, Terman JS, Ross DC. A controlled trial of timed bright light and negative air ionization for treatment of winter depression. Archives of General Psychiatry 1998; 55: 875-882.

back to: Alternative Treatments for Depression

• LoveNote. . . Oh, be careful of the words you speak! ~ Rev. David Ring

It is a wise love partner who is aware of the potential damage loose words can cause. Words spoken in anger inflict wounds that sometimes take a long time to heal. Think first, then speak.

It is one thing to speak what you feel and quite another to speak what you feel without regard to the consequences of the pain that might accompany your words when spoken hastily to your love partner.

The words we express allow us to predict the predicaments that will occur in our relationships. It is wise to be careful of the words we think. Thinking them becomes a dress rehearsal for what we can expect to happen. Speaking them activates the law of cause and effect.

On the other hand, the words of encouragement, of understanding, of love, or any words that echo good will always elevate us to their own level. That is most likely a higher place than where we began. As often as you can, speak only words of love.

Relationships don't die by themselves. We kill relationships with inappropriate words -- words from the head, not from the heart.

• LoveNote. . . Words in haste do love partners waste. ~ Larry James

Words once spoken create our present reality. Remember: You cannot un-ring a bell. They can never be recalled. We must remember to think before we speak. We must carefully weigh the cost of speaking our thoughts randomly and without evaluating the possible outcome. Be considerate of your love partner.

Often our thoughts revert back to the "safe zone". . . the familiar. . . the way of being that we were before, and that didn't work.

When we insist upon thinking and speaking past thoughts as words, we find that they will dominate our attention and only keep us stuck. Mentally rehearsing what doesn't work, doesn't work, if you want your life to be great. It only more deeply internalizes what you don't want. Focus on what you want in your relationship!

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In essence, we begin to believe that which we think is our very own new idea. In reality, most likely, those thoughts are from our past, and if concentrated upon, reoccur as our present and eventually as our future. Give it up! Make up some new and exciting ways of being. We must give up what we don't want in favor of what we would like to happen.

In the Bible, Job said, "The thing I feared has come upon me." Those words were an acknowledgment of the power of his negative thinking, spoken as his word, which eventually became his very own reality.

The power of the words we speak is proven daily in what shows up in our lives. The tendency is to place blame on the circumstances around us rather than accept responsibility that we authored the thoughts we spoke and that in speaking them as words, in truth, created our present condition.

Our outer results will never be any different unless we make internal changes in the way we think and take caution of the words we speak.

next: I Married My Best Friend's Wife. . .

Contents in Child Development Institute Site:

Introduction
Child Development
Parenting
Psychology
Learning
Health and Safety

Introduction

• Child Development Institute Homepage
• About Dr. Bob Myers

Child Development

Stages of Development

• Child Develpment Basis Table of Contents
• Approximate Timetable Of Prenatal Development
• General Developmental Sequence (Toddler through Preschool)
• Normal Stages of Human Development (Birth To 5 years)
• Puberty Information for Parents and Kids
• Adolescent Stages of Development

Developmental Domains

• Stages of Intellectual Development In Children and Teenagers
• Language Development In Children
• Squeak, Rattle and Roll! Enriching Language Skills Through Play
• Stages of Social-Emotional Development In Children and Teenagers
• Helping Your Child's Physical Development

Birth Order

• Birth Order

Play and Your Child's Development

• Play Is The Work of the Child
• Types of Play
• Play and Developmental Stages
• Forms of Play
• Supporting Play Activities
• Playing With Your Child

Child's Temperament

• Temperament and Your Child's Personality
• The 9 Temperament Traits
• Is Your Child Easy or Difficult to Raise?
• Coping With Your Child's Personality

Parenting

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Parenting 101

• Parenting 101
• How to Behave So Your Children Will, Too!
• Basic Principles of Good Parent/Child Communications Guidelines For Good Communication
• Words of Encouragement and Praise Guidelines For Good Communication With Children II
• One Final Touch Guidelines For Good Communication With Children III
• Reward Suggestions For Kids & Teens
• Guidelines For Using Time Out With Children and Preteens

Parenting Teenagers

• Raising Successful Teenagers
• Adolescent Stages of Development
• Driving Safety For Teens

Parenting an Angry Child

• Dealing with the Angry Child

Family Mission Statement

• The Family Mission Statement

Smart Love

• Smart Love

Manners

• Helping Children With Manners

Organizing Your Home

• Organizing Your Home for Success

Self Esteem

• Helping Your Child Develop Self-Esteem

Separation/Loss Issues

• Helping Children Cope with Separation and Loss

Sibling Rivalry

• Handling Sibling Rivalry

Sensory Disorders

• The Torture of Touch
• Sensory Processing Disorder

Socialization

• Helping Your Child With Socialization
• Do You Like Me?: Social Inclusion for Preteens With Special Needs

Stress Management

• Stress Management For Parents
• 52 Proven Stress Reducers

Child Psychology

• Parent Information Guide on Children's Psychological Disorders

ADHD

• About Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder ADD/ADHD
• What Causes ADHD?
• Symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
• ADHD Diagnosis
• Evidence - Based Psychological Treatment for Children with ADHD
• ADHD Medicines
• Parenting Skills: For Parents of Children with ADHD
• How to Parent Children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - ADHD/ADD
• Your Teenager with ADHD
• Your ADHD Child and School
• ADHD Articles for Parents
• ADD - ADHD Support Organizations
• Famous People With Attention Deficit and Learning Disorders

Anxiety

• Anxiety Disorders in Children and Adolescents

Asperger's

• Asperger's Syndrome

Autism

• Autism Fact Sheet

Bedwetting

• Help For Bedwetters

Bipolar Disorder

• Child and Adolescent Bipolar Disorder
• Buying Sprees and Gambling

Communication Disorder

• Children with Communication Disorders

Depression

• Depression in Children and Adolescents
• Surviving: Coping With Adolescent Depression and Suicide

Helping Kids Cope with Fear

• Helping Your Child Deal With Fears

Fragile X Syndrome

• Facts About Fragile X Syndrome

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

• Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

Self-Cutting

• Kids Who Cut

Shyness

• The Shy Child

Tourette's

• Tourette Syndrome

Learning

ADHD Learning Disabilities

• About Learning Disabilities

About Dyslexia

• About Dyslexia and Reading Problems
• 10 Years of Brain Imaging Research Shows The Brain Reads Sound By Sound
• Helping Your Child Overcome Spatial Problems
• Suggested Classroom Interventions For Children With ADD & Learning Disabilities
• Preparing Children with Disabilities for School
• Rights and Responsibilities of Parents of Children With Disabilities
• Discovering Dyslexia

Learning Improvement

• Improving Your Child's Learning Abilities Table of Contents
• Improving Reading for Children and Teens
• Using Newspapers, Periodicals and Other Resources to Help Your Child with Reading
• Songs Help Teach Reading
• Helping Children Overcome Reading Difficulties
• Phonemic awareness
• Helping Your Child At Home With The Neurological Impress Method of Reading
• Child Development Institute Reading Ability Screening Test
• Squeak, Rattle and Roll! Enriching Language Skills Through Play
• Helping Your Child With Arithmetic & Mathematics
• Helping Your Child with Creative Writing Assignments
• Helping Your Child With Handwriting
• Helping Your Child With Spelling
• Helping Your Child With Vocabulary Building
• Helping Your Child With Geography
• Science All Around Us
• Focus A Psychoeducational Program to Improve
• The Use of Focus with Children and Young Teens with ADD Is Backed by Clinical Research and Professional Practice

Creative Arts

• The Importance of The Creative Arts

Gifted Children

• Resources For Parents of Gifted Children

Multiple Intelligences

• Multiple Intelligences

Homework Help Page

• Homework Help Page

Study Habits

• Tips For Helping Kids and Teens With Homework and Study Habits

School Conference

• Preparing For A School Conference

Parent-Teacher

• Establishing a Parent-Teacher Relationship

Health/Safety

• Good Nutrition for Kids and Teens
• Sleep Issues of Kids & Teens
• Summer Safety Tips
• Video Games and Children
• Television and Children
• Helping Children and Teens Use The Internet Safely
• Violence in Children's Sports

back to: Child Development Institute Homepage

• LoveNote. . . For Singles Only ~ Trust your heart! It always tells the truth!

When you have a concern that life is passing you by and you wonder why you haven't found your true love. . . that's your head speaking. It gets your attention by creating a worry about not finding anyone. Quit looking. That may be part of the problem. When your head talks it reflects what you think about the situation. Anxiety and fear feel right at home in the mind. They know they have no power other than what you give them. They know you sometimes aren't quite sure you know who does have the power. The heart knows the truth.

The beginning of the journey from the head to the heart is only 'a decision to begin it' away. It begins when you become curious enough to self-inquire; to dig deep enough to discover what is in your heart; to discover what you didn't know you didn't know! Your heart will become open, active and brave.

Your head makes up things based upon what you already know. Often those are the things that haven't worked very well for you in the past. Often that's what keeps you stuck. It would have you think this journey is on a worrisome and fearful path.

The heart explores new ways of being. It helps you discover the possibility that love is. When love speaks from the heart, it gets your undivided attention with words of encouragement, understanding, courage, confidence and acceptance. You take notice.

Your head speaks out of both sides of its mouth. Commitment in a relationship demands dependability. Your head wobbles from one idea to another, with no particular focus. It can come up with more reasons 'not to' than it can good reasons to take the leap with faith and know you will be okay. It makes up fear so it doesn't have to risk taking the leap into the unknown. Part of the problem is it thinks it knows the unknown and it cannot know.

Words from the heart might sound like this:

"Remember to put me first! I am love. I will never let you down."

"Listen to me! I will tell you when it's time to take the big step. I know you are still afraid. To step over into love, you must first walk through your fear. You can do it if you take my lead." "You are loving you more now. That's good. You are in process and being prepared to be somebody's 'favorite person to love.' Patience. This takes time. Soon you will be ready."

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"You are beginning to discover genuine intimacy with yourself. Self-intimacy is good. Have patience. You're getting to know you better. Take it slow and steady. Easy now. You're doing very well."

"Remember, I am love. When you are ready to listen I will speak and you will know it's me speaking and you will know it's time."

How can you be sure you are really ready for a new relationship?

In your heart you will know it's time when you no longer feel the need to be in a relationship. . . and you are comfortable with that idea. That kind of love for yourself lights your heart-light. It makes you visible to others who have similar feelings. Your heart-light is loves' subtle, yet silent signal. It lights the path to love. Proudly and fearlessly let it shine.

The next seemingly logical dilemma is: Where do I look? That's your head talking again.

Do life! Live fully! Be wherever you show up! Really be who you are wherever you go. Make certain your 'best foot forward' is really who you are and not someone you think someone else thinks you should be. "Where do I look?" comes from fear. It makes you think that you need to be looking.

It is not necessary to look. Only pay attention. Put yourself in loves' way. Be active where other people are. Remember: Like attracts like! Let your heart-light shine.

You won't find him or her. . . you will find each other. When need disappears, choice shows up! Not needing to be in a relationship with someone creates the freedom to choose to be in a relationship with someone. In your heart you will know. . . it's time.

When you learn to really love yourself, your energy is focused on love not fear, which often appears as desperation. Redirect your energy to listen to the healthy and truthful messages of the heart. Thus begins the journey from the head to the heart.

Only trust your heart! It only and always tells the truth!

• LoveNote From the Authors Heart. . . For Singles Only ~ We get pretty much what we expect to get in our relationship. What we expect to get is what we focus on. If it turns out good, we should not be disappointed. If it turns out bad, we should not be disappointed. We got what we expected. What else did we expect to get?

Perhaps we should learn to be in a relationship with no expectations. In a spirit of unity, only and always work together, all the time, to create the best relationship we can. All the time. With intention. In a spirit of unity. All the time. If we could do that, maybe we wouldn't have to be concerned about expectations when they surface; we would know things were always going to be as good as the people working on them.

Perhaps that is why it is important to have a great relationship with ourselves. When we can do a great relationship with ourselves, we can do a great relationship with two people. When we reach that place, we can have a great relationship with someone else because we already know how to be in a great relationship. . . with ourselves!

next: The 3 BIGGEST Mistakes Newly Singles Make. . . and How to Avoid Them!

Learn about crystal therapy, crystal healing to bring about physical, emotional and spiritual balance and wellness.

Before engaging in any complementary medical technique, you should be aware that many of these techniques have not been evaluated in scientific studies. Often, only limited information is available about their safety and effectiveness. Each state and each discipline has its own rules about whether practitioners are required to be professionally licensed. If you plan to visit a practitioner, it is recommended that you choose one who is licensed by a recognized national organization and who abides by the organization's standards. It is always best to speak with your primary health care provider before starting any new therapeutic technique.

• Background
• Theory
• Evidence
• Unproven Uses
• Potential Dangers
• Summary
• Resources

Background

Crystal therapy, also called crystal healing or gem therapy, uses crystals, each selected for specific characteristics or wavelength, to treat a wide range of mental and physical conditions. This approach is based on the belief that the body has an energy field that can be influenced by the placement of crystals on specific body points.

Electrocrystal therapy was developed by the British inventor Harry Oldfield in the 1980s. This technique involves the use of an electromagnetic generator attached to conducting tubes filled with specific types of crystals. These tubes are applied to the body, and energy is transmitted through them. It is proposed that various types of crystals in these tubes have different effects on the body. An electronic device may also be used that is said to be able to detect areas of energy imbalance of the body. These areas may then be treated with electrocrystal therapy.

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Theory

Crystal therapy is proposed to assist with physical, emotional and spiritual balance and healing. According to Tantric texts, there are a number of points in the body from which our psychic forces flow. These are called "chakra points." Different hypotheses exist on the actual number (seven is the most common) and location of points. The term chakra comes from the Sanskrit cakram, meaning wheel or circle. In crystal therapy, crystals of appropriate color and energy may be placed at specific chakra points on the body with the aim to energize and cleanse. Electrocrystal therapy is proposed to work by rebalancing the energy field to promote better health.

The safety and effectiveness of these techniques have not been thoroughly tested scientifically.

Evidence

There is no evidence for this technique.

Unproven Uses

There are not a sufficient number of reports available identifying the uses of crystal therapy or electrocrystal therapy.

Potential Dangers

Crystal therapy is generally believed to be safe for most individuals. Electrocrystal therapy uses electromagnetic fields and electrical equipment. Safety has not been thoroughly studied, and therefore the risks are not clear. Because these techniques are not well-researched, neither should be used as the sole treatment (in place of more proven approaches) of a severe illness. Do not delay consultation with an appropriate health care provider for a potentially serious symptom or condition.

Summary

Crystal therapy and electrocrystal therapy are used for a wide variety of conditions. These techniques have not been thoroughly studied scientifically. Safety and effectiveness are not known. Although crystal therapy may be safe, it should not be relied on as the sole treatment for potentially dangerous conditions. You should discuss crystal therapy or electro-crystal therapy with your primary health care provider before starting.

The information in this monograph was prepared by the professional staff at Natural Standard, based on thorough systematic review of scientific evidence. The material was reviewed by the Faculty of the Harvard Medical School with final editing approved by Natural Standard.

Resources

1. Natural Standard: An organization that produces scientifically based reviews of complementary and alternative medicine (CAM) topics
2. National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine (NCCAM): A division of the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services dedicated to research

Selected Scientific Studies: Crystal Therapy, Electrocrystal Therapy

Natural Standard reviewed secondary sources and anecdotal reports to prepare the professional monograph from which this version was created. There are no available, well-conducted published studies in this area. However, here are some articles on this topic:

1. Allan G. The crystal age and healing crystals. Health Consciousness 1988;9(2):29-31.
2. Harold E. Crystal healing: a practical guide to healing with quartz crystal. Wellingborough: Aquarian 1991;1766.
3. Olfield H, Coghill R. The dark side of the brain: major discoveries in the use of Kirlian photography and electrocrystal therapy. Shaftesbury:Element Books 1988;264.
4. Smyth A. Crystal therapy. Here's Health 1988;33(386):38-39.

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Chapter 5 of the book Self-Help Stuff That Works

by Adam Khan:

HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED how wise you are when you give advice to a person younger than you? You aren't fooling yourself. You really have gained some wisdom over the years. Have you ever wished you could be that wise when you had troubles? You can. You can talk to yourself like a "Dutch uncle."

Randall Masciana, M.S., tried to find out what kind of mental strategy would improve a person's performance when throwing darts. Masciana had the participants try everything from mental imagery to Zen. What worked best for improving the dart thrower's ability to hit the target was "positive self-talk."

Simply talking to yourself in a confident, reassuring, positive, friendly way makes a difference. It may be trite. It may be old. But it works, and it works better than anything else.

When things get tough, keep your thoughts prominent. Turn up the volume of your inner voice so you can hear it clearly and coach yourself. If you don't know what to say, imagine a friend of yours or your little brother in the same situation and say to yourself what you would say to them.

Another way of knowing what to say to yourself is to ask yourself what someone you admire would say to you: Abraham Lincoln, a professor, your grandmother - whomever you admire for her or his wisdom and strength of character. Imagine asking the person for advice and imagine what s/he might say to you.

You know more about your own situation than anyone else, so your advice to yourself is in some ways more useful than anyone else's. You are wise. If you would only talk to yourself and listen, your life would be better.

Talk to yourself in a confident,reassuring, positive way.This simple, practical technique is not positive-thinking hype. Most successful people in any field, from professors to athletes, do something similar before a performance. It is potent and helpful. Share it with your friends. Even if they know it already, it will be a helpful reminder. Most of us know what to do but don't often do what we know. Why? We forget. Let's remind each other. Copy the address from the top of your browser and paste it into an email message to your friends. Let's make this a better world

Have you read the introduction to Self-Help Stuff That Works? Here it is:
Introduction

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Here's a conversational chapter on optimism from a future book:
Conversation on Optimism

If worry is a problem for you, or even if you would like to simply worry less even though you don't worry that much, you might like to read this:
The Ocelot Blues

next: Honest Abe

• Watch the video on Eating Disorders and Personality Disorders 

Question:

Do narcissists also suffer from eating disorders such as bulimia nervosa or anorexia nervosa?

Answer:

Patients suffering from eating disorders either binge on food or refrain from eating and sometimes are both anorectic and bulimic. This is an impulsive behaviour as defined by the DSM and is sometimes comorbid with Cluster B personality disorder, particularly with the Borderline Personality Disorder.

Some patients develop eating disorders as the convergence and confluence of two pathological behaviours: self-mutilation and an impulsive (rather, obsessive-compulsive or ritualistic) behaviour.

The key to improving the mental state of patients who have been diagnosed with both a personality disorder and an eating disorder lies in focusing at first upon their eating and sleeping disorders.

By controlling his eating disorder, the patient reasserts control over his life. This newfound power is bound to reduce depression, or even eliminate it altogether as a constant feature of his mental life. It is also likely to ameliorate other facets of his personality disorder.

It is a chain reaction: controlling one's eating disorders leads to a better regulation of one's sense of self-worth, self-confidence, and self-esteem. Successfully coping with one challenge - the eating disorder - generates a feeling of inner strength and results in better social functioning and an enhanced sense of well-being.

 

When a patient has a personality disorder and an eating disorder, the therapist would do well to first tackle the eating disorder. Personality disorders are intricate and intractable. They are rarely curable (though certain aspects, like obsessive-compulsive behaviours, or depression can be ameliorated with medication or modified). The treatment of personality disorders requires enormous, persistent and continuous investment of resources of every kind by everyone involved.

From the patient's point of view, the treatment of her personality disorder is not an efficient allocation of scarce mental resources. Neither are personality disorders the real threat. If one's personality disorder is cured but one's eating disorders are left untouched, one might die (though mentally healthy)...

An eating disorder is both a signal of distress ("I wish to die, I feel so bad, somebody help me") and a message: "I think I lost control. I am very afraid of losing control. I will control my food intake and discharge. This way I can control at least ONE aspect of my life."

This is where we can and should begin to help the patient - by letting her regain control of her life. The family or other supporting figures must think what they can do to make the patient feel that she is in control, that she is managing things her own way, that she is contributing, has her own schedules, her own agenda, and that she, her needs, preferences, and choices matter.

Eating disorders indicate the strong combined activity of an underlying sense of lack of personal autonomy and an underlying sense of lack of self-control. The patient feels inordinately, paralyzingly helpless and ineffective. His eating disorders are an effort to exert and reassert mastery over his own life.

At this early stage, the patient is unable to differentiate his own feelings and needs from those of others. His cognitive and perceptual distortions and deficits (for instance, regarding his body image - known as a somatoform disorder) only increase his feeling of personal ineffectualness and his need to exercise even more self-control (by way of his diet).

The patient does not trust himself in the slightest. He rightly considers himself to be his worst enemy, a mortal adversary. Therefore, any effort to collaborate with the patient against his own disorder is perceived by the patient as self-destructive. The patient is emotionally invested in his disorder - his vestigial mode of self-control.

The patient views the world in terms of black and white, of absolutes ("splitting"). Thus, he cannot let go even to a very small degree. He is constantly anxious. This is why he finds it impossible to form relationships: he mistrusts (himself and by extension others), he does not want to become an adult, he does not enjoy sex or love (which both entail a modicum of loss of control).

All this leads to a chronic absence of self-esteem. These patients like their disorder. Their eating disorder is their only achievement. Otherwise they are ashamed of themselves and disgusted by their shortcomings (expressed through the distaste with which they hold their body).

Eating disorders are amenable to treatment, though comorbidity with a personality disorder presages a poorer prognosis. The patient should be referred to talk therapy, medication, and enrol in online and offline support groups (such as Overeaters Anonymous).

Recovery prognosis is good after 2 years of treatment and support. The family must be heavily involved in the therapeutic process. Family dynamics usually contribute to the development of such disorders.

In short: medication, cognitive or behavioural therapy, psychodynamic therapy and family therapy ought to do it.

The change in the patient following a successful course of treatment is VERY MARKED. His major depression disappears together with his sleeping disorders. He becomes socially active again and gets a life. His personality disorder might make it difficult for him - but, in isolation, without the exacerbating circumstances of his other disorders, he finds it much easier to cope with.

Patients with eating disorders may be in mortal danger. Their behaviour is ruining their bodies relentlessly and inexorably. They might attempt suicide. They might do drugs. It is only a question of time. The therapist's goal is to buy them that time. The older they get, the more experienced they become, the more their body chemistry changes with age - the better their chances to survive and thrive.

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next:   The Inverted Narcissist