The first contact with your child's teacher, in many ways, is the most important, This is the time you are building rapport and developing a relationship of trust. Therefore, an appropriate time and setting is important for the first brief encounter. A phone call, a note, or, best of all, an initial face-to-face meeting is best. A good time to contact your child's teacher is during the first week of school. This gives you an opportunity to meet one another when neither has any complaints. Otherwise, the first teacher contact can be unpleasant. The teacher is usually calling to describe some unacceptable behavior or report a child's tack of progress and her concern that a learning problem may exist. This kind of contact usually puts a parent on the defensive, and communication can be hampered. Neither party wins, and the biggest loser is your child.

However, during the first week of school, the teacher probably knows very little about your child. Thus, you are in a position to provide some helpful information. This is the time to mention then identify these. And, last but not least, assure the teacher that she has your full support and cooperation. Provide the teacher with your phone number and tell her to feel free to call when help is needed from home. Let the teacher know from the start that you want to work with her, not against her, so your child will learn. Do not feel you are intruding or asking for special treatment. You are simply indicating that you are truly concerned that your child receives a good education.

After your child has spent six weeks in school, again call or drop a note to check on your child's progress. If a conference needs to be set up, do it immediately. Even if your child is doing well, you may still want a conference. If your child is in kindergarten or first-grade, die following questions may be the most appropriate:

1. Is my child able to get along with others?
2. Can my child participate well in group activities?
3. What can I do to encourage or help my child learn to read?
4. Can you describe my child's reading program?
5. In second and third grade you may want to ask these additional questions:
6. Is my child experiencing difficulty with any specific skills? If so, what are they! How can we help him with these skills?
7. Is my child experiencing any difficulty that may hinder him in the future?

Guidelines

Let's consider specific guidelines to help you communicate effectively with your child's teacher. Practice these guidelines, and your child will reap the benefits.

Guideline 1: Identify the purpose for the conference. Isit to become acquainted? Is it to alleviate your concerns about your child's poor attitude towards reading and/or school! Or is it to receive a report card and test scores? Each ofthese situations is vastly different and requires different preparation.

Guideline 2: Communicate the purpose for the conference. If youare requesting the conference, immediately tell the teacher the purpose. This helps to alleviate any imagined fears the teacher may have about your request to hold a conference.

Guideline 3: Arrange the conference at the teacher's convenience. The teacher then has sufficient time to plan and to have the necessary information at the conference. An unplanned conference can turn out to be a waste oftime for both teacher and parent and cause feelings of frustration.

Guideline 4: Plan for the conference. Write out the areas and questions you want the conference to cover. Combine, delete, and clarify these questions, and, finally, prioritize them. By using this process, your most important questions will be answered in a clear, succinct manner. Moreover, the teacher's responses will likely be clearer and more to the point.

Guideline 5: Restate the purpose of the conference at the onset. Tryto stay a on one topic since your time together is limited.

Guideline 6: Display a positive attitude during the conference. Be aware that not only what you say reflects your attitude, but also your tone ofvoice, facial expression, and body movements. A loud voice may imply dominance. Rigid posture may suggest anger or disapproval. Always listen attentively and show your enthusiasm.

Guideline 7: Remain open and supportive throughout the conference. Don't become antagonistic or defensive; otherwise the conference outcome can be disastrous. Strive for cooperation between you and your child's teacher. Even when teachers present a negative side of yourchild's behavior or inform you of other problems, try to remain objective. This can be difficult when it is your child, but he will experience as many or more difficulties if you and die teacher don't try to find a way to work together to solve these problems.

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Guideline 8: Make sure suggestions are provided to increase your child's growth. If your child is doing well, find out what you can do to ensure continued success and progress. If he has difficulties, make sure the teacher goes beyond merely pointing out a problem. The teacher needs to provide ideas for eliminating or reducing the difficulty. Many parents have been discouraged or aggravated because teachers point out problems but don't provide solutions. Don't let this situation occur! If immediate suggestions can't be provided, then a follow-up conference is needed.

Guideline 9: Ask for examples of daily work to better understand your child's strengths and weaknesses By reviewing your child's work, you will learn if progress has been made since the last conference. Have any weaknesses become more severe? If improvement hasn't been made, are other methods or materials being used? As a parent, what should you be doing at home with your child?

Guideline 10: Clarify mid summarize each important point as it is discussed. Thus, both teacher and parent are better able to develop a mutual understanding and agreement. Let's took at a conference in which a parent does a good job of clarifying and summarizing a major point.

Teacher Susan has difficulties with oral reading. She is not reading smoothly and tends to read in a word-by-word fashion. if Susan reads along with a taped version of a book, her oral reading would improve. Can you provide Susan with taped versions of books?

Parent: Susan is a poor reader. Do you want me to make tones of books so Susan can read along with the tape?

Teacher: Yes, you can make tapes, but the public and school library can also provide you with tapes and books. Also, I would like to clarify one point about Susan's reading ability. She has some difficulty with oral reading, but I would not classify her as a poor reader.

Parent: Thank-you for the clarification. Susan and I will work together on improving oral reading. We will check the school and the public library for some books and tapes.

If the parent hadn't summarized and clarified what was heard in this conference, a misconception might have developed- By suggesting that she would tape books for Susan, the parent was able to find out if the suggestion was appropriate as well as learning about alternatives. Notice that this parent summarized the conference at the end so both parties received the same message.

Guideline 11: Owe agreement is reached, discuss the next topic. During the conference, you may want the teacher to understand certain things about your child. or you may have a special request. Once your point is understood and the teacher has agreed, it is wise not to continue the same discussion. It may present new questions which may reverse the previously made agreement. Once a decision is made, it is best to start discussing the next point. You will find the conference to be much more productive.

Guideline 12: Make sure you understand the information the teacher is supplying. Often teachers use educational jargon, not realizing parents don't understand. Don't be afraid to ask for an explanation or definition. Make sure when the conference ends you have understood all the information reported. if you're confused or uncertain, your child won't benefit and learning may be hindered.

Guideline 13: Keep conferences short. Conferences that run more than 40 minutes can be tiresome for both parent and teacher. If you can't accomplish all that has been planned, ask for another conference. By scheduling a future conference, you will have an opportunity to follow up on previous agreements and revise them if necessary

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next: About Dr. Robert Myers
~ back to ADD Focus homepage
~ adhd library articles
~ all add/adhd articles

Detailed Cialis Pharmacology - Usage, Dosage, Side Effects.

Pronounced See-Al-iss

Cialis (tadalafil) Full Prescribing Information

Read the Patient Information about CIALIS before you start taking it and again each time you get a refill. There may be new information. You may also find it helpful to share this information with your partner. This leaflet does not take the place of talking with your doctor. You and your doctor should talk about CIALIS when you start taking it and at regular checkups. If you do not understand the information or have questions, talk with your doctor or pharmacist.

What important information should you know about CIALIS?

CIALIS can cause your blood pressure to drop suddenly to an unsafe level if it is taken with certain other medicines. You could get dizzy, faint, or have a heart attack or stroke.

Do not take CIALIS if you:

• take any medicines called "nitrates."
• use recreational drugs called "poppers" like amyl nitrite and butyl nitrite.
  (See "Who should not take CIALIS?")

Tell all your healthcare providers that you take CIALIS. If you need emergency medical care for a heart problem, it will be important for your healthcare provider to know when you last took CIALIS.

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After taking a single tablet, some of the active ingredient of CIALIS remains in your body for more than 2 days. The active ingredient can remain longer if you have problems with your kidneys or liver, or you are taking certain other medications (see "Can other medications affect CIALIS?").

What is CIALIS?

CIALIS is a prescription medicine taken by mouth for the treatment of erectile dysfunction (ED) in men.

ED is a condition where the penis does not harden and expand when a man is sexually excited, or when he cannot keep an erection. A man who has trouble getting or keeping an erection should see his doctor for help if the condition bothers him. CIALIS may help a man with ED get and keep an erection when he is sexually excited.

CIALIS does not:

• cure ED
• increase a man's sexual desire
• protect a man or his partner from sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV. Speak to your doctor about ways to guard against sexually transmitted diseases.
• serve as a male form of birth control

CIALIS is only for men with ED. CIALIS is not for women or children. CIALIS must be used only under a doctor's care.

How does CIALIS work?

When a man is sexually stimulated, his body's normal physical response is to increase blood flow to his penis. This results in an erection. CIALIS helps increase blood flow to the penis and may help men with ED get and keep an erection satisfactory for sexual activity. Once a man has completed sexual activity, blood flow to his penis decreases, and his erection goes away.

Who can take CIALIS?

Talk to your doctor to decide if CIALIS is right for you.

CIALIS has been shown to be effective in men over the age of 18 years who have erectile dysfunction, including men with diabetes or who have undergone prostatectomy.

Who should not take CIALIS?

Do not take CIALIS if you:

• take any medicines called "nitrates" (See "What important information should you know about CIALIS?"). Nitrates are commonly used to treat angina. Angina is a symptom of heart disease and can cause pain in your chest, jaw, or down your arm.
  Medicines called nitrates include nitroglycerin that is found in tablets, sprays, ointments, pastes, or patches. Nitrates can also be found in other medicines such as isosorbide dinitrate or isosorbide mononitrate. Some recreational drugs called "poppers" also contain nitrates, such as amyl nitrite and butyl nitrite. Do not use CIALIS if you are using these drugs. Ask your doctor or pharmacist if you are not sure if any of your medicines are nitrates.
• you have been told by your healthcare provider to not have sexual activity because of health problems. Sexual activity can put an extra strain on your heart, especially if your heart is already weak from a heart attack or heart disease.
• are allergic to CIALIS or any of its ingredients. The active ingredient in CIALIS is called tadalafil. See the end of this leaflet for a complete list of ingredients.

What should you discuss with your doctor before taking CIALIS?

Before taking CIALIS, tell your doctor about all your medical problems, including if you:

• have heart problems such as angina, heart failure, irregular heartbeats, or have had a heart attack. Ask your doctor if it is safe for you to have sexual activity.
• have low blood pressure or have high blood pressure that is not controlled
• have had a stroke
• have liver problems
• have kidney problems or require dialysis
• have retinitis pigmentosa, a rare genetic (runs in families) eye disease have ever had severe vision loss, including a condition called NAION
• have stomach ulcers
• have a bleeding problem
• have a deformed penis shape or Peyronie's disease
• have had an erection that lasted more than 4 hours
• have blood cell problems such as sickle cell anemia, multiple myeloma, or leukemia

Can other medications affect CIALIS?

Tell your doctor about all the medicines you take including prescription and non-prescription medicines, vitamins, and herbal supplements. CIALIS and other medicines may affect each other. Always check with your doctor before starting or stopping any medicines. Especially tell your doctor if you take any of the following:*

• medicines called nitrates (See "What important information should you know about CIALIS?")
• medicines called alpha blockers. These include Hytrin® (terazosin HCl), Flomax® (tamsulosin HCl), Cardura® (doxazosin mesylate), Minipress® (prazosin HCl) or Uroxatral® (alfuzosin HCl). Alpha blockers are sometimes prescribed for prostate problems or high blood pressure. If CIALIS is taken with certain alpha blockers, your blood pressure could suddenly drop. You could get dizzy or faint.
• ritonavir (Norvir®) or indinavir (Crixivan®)
• ketoconazole or itraconazole (such as Nizoral® or Sporanox®)
• erythromycin
• other medicines or treatments for ED

How should you take CIALIS?

Take CIALIS exactly as your doctor prescribes. CIALIS comes in different doses (5 mg, 10 mg, and 20 mg). For most men, the recommended starting dose is 10 mg. CIALIS should be taken no more than once a day. Some men can only take a low dose of CIALIS because of medical conditions or medicines they take. Your doctor will prescribe the dose that is right for you.

• If you have kidney problems, your doctor may start you on a lower dose of CIALIS.
• If you have kidney or liver problems or you are taking certain medications, your doctor may limit your highest dose of CIALIS to 10 mg and may also limit you to one tablet in 48 hours (2 days) or one tablet in 72 hours (3 days).
• If you have prostate problems or high blood pressure for which you take medicines called alpha blockers, your doctor may start you on a lower dose of CIALIS.

Take one CIALIS tablet before sexual activity. In some patients, the ability to have sexual activity was improved at 30 minutes after taking CIALIS when compared to a sugar pill. The ability to have sexual activity was improved up to 36 hours after taking CIALIS when compared to a sugar pill. You and your doctor should consider this in deciding when you should take CIALIS prior to sexual activity. Some form of sexual stimulation is needed for an erection to happen with CIALIS. CIALIS may be taken with or without meals.

Do not change your dose of CIALIS without talking to your doctor. Your doctor may lower your dose or raise your dose, depending on how your body reacts to CIALIS.

Do not drink alcohol to excess when taking CIALIS (for example, 5 glasses of wine or 5 shots of whiskey). When taken in excess, alcohol can increase your chances of getting a headache or getting dizzy, increasing your heart rate, or lowering your blood pressure.

If you take too much CIALIS, call your doctor or emergency room right away.

What are the possible side effects of CIALIS?

The most common side effects with CIALIS are headache, indigestion, back pain, muscle aches, flushing, and stuffy or runny nose. These side effects usually go away after a few hours. Patients who get back pain and muscle aches usually get it 12 to 24 hours after taking CIALIS. Back pain and muscle aches usually go away by themselves within 48 hours. Call your doctor if you get a side effect that bothers you or one that will not go away.

CIALIS may uncommonly cause an erection that won't go away (priapism). If you get an erection that lasts more than 4 hours, get medical help right away. Priapism must be treated as soon as possible or lasting damage can happen to your penis including the inability to have erections.

CIALIS may uncommonly cause vision changes, such as seeing a blue tinge to objects or having difficulty telling the difference between the colors blue and green.

In rare instances, men taking PDE5 inhibitors (oral erectile dysfunction medicines, including CIALIS) reported a sudden decrease or loss of vision in one or both eyes. It is not possible to determine whether these events are related directly to these medicines, to other factors such as high blood pressure or diabetes, or to a combination of these. If you experience sudden decrease or loss of vision, stop taking PDE5 inhibitors, including CIALIS, and call a doctor right away.

These are not all the possible side effects of CIALIS. For more information, ask your doctor or pharmacist.

How should CIALIS be stored?

• Store CIALIS at room temperature between 59° and 86°F (15° and 30°C).
• Keep CIALIS and all medicines out of the reach of children.

General Information about CIALIS:

Medicines are sometimes prescribed for conditions other than those described in patient information leaflets. Do not use CIALIS for a condition for which it was not prescribed. Do not give CIALIS to other people, even if they have the same symptoms that you have. It may harm them.

This leaflet summarizes the most important information about CIALIS. If you would like more information, talk with your healthcare provider. You can ask your doctor or pharmacist for information about CIALIS that is written for health professionals.

For more information you can also visit www.cialis.com, or call 1-877-CIALIS1 (1-877-242-5471).

What are the ingredients of CIALIS?

Active Ingredient: tadalafil

Inactive Ingredients: croscarmellose sodium, hydroxypropyl cellulose, hypromellose, iron oxide, lactose monohydrate, magnesium stearate, microcrystalline cellulose, sodium lauryl sulfate, talc, titanium dioxide, and triacetin.

Cialis (tadalafil) Full Prescribing Information

Rx only

CIALIS® (tadalafil) is a registered trademark of Lilly ICOS LLC
*The brands listed are trademarks of their respective owners and are not trademarks of Lilly ICOS LLC. The makers of these brands are not affiliated with and do not endorse Lilly ICOS LLC or its products.

Literature revised July 8, 2005

Manufactured for Lilly ICOS LLC
by Eli Lilly and Company
Indianapolis, IN 46285, USA
www.cialis.com

back to: Psychiatric Medication Patient Information Index

Important information on switching antidepressant medications. Learn about antidepressant withdrawl.

Gold Standard for Treating Depression (part 9)

Some antidepressants have very serious withdrawal effects if they are stopped too quickly. Tapering off a medication too quickly or suddenly stopping a medication can cause considerable physical problems, worsen depression and even cause suicidal thoughts. Trading off original side-effects for possibly more side-effects due to reducing a dose too quickly is not a good decision. As the Star*D study shows, keeping track of your side-effects and their severity will help you determine if they are lessening or if they are not tolerable. You can then give this concise information to your medications healthcare professional so that you can work together in changing your depression medications.

What is Antidepressant Withdrawal?

Potentially serious consequences can happen if you go off an antidepressant too quickly. You may see an increase in your side effects and your body may go through some very uncomfortable sensations. As the medication lessens in your system, you can experience severe physical pain from stiff muscles to stomach problems as well as an increase in suicidal thoughts. This simply can't be taken lightly. Your doctor will need to help you with a correct dose reduction and even then, you will have to monitor your withdrawal symptoms carefully in case you need to get off the medications much more slowly than you would like. This gradual discontinuation approach almost always works to avoid withdrawal symptoms.

video: Depression Treatment Interviews w/Julie Fast

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Self-Therapy For People Who ENJOY Learning About Themselves

FEARFULNESS

The most troubled adults I know are those who were frightened as children by extreme physical abuse or psychological terror. Their parents called it "discipline." The more horrendous the beatings and the more frightening the threats, the longer it takes them as adults to believe that I care, or that anyone does.

Perhaps because they've were frightened so often as children, adults who were treated badly as children often wisely choose safe and kind partners. But they find it hard to trust these partners even after many years of being treated well.

Scared kids become scared adults, always waiting for the next beating or betrayal.

A PARENT'S JOB

It is not a primary duty of parents to CONTROL their children. The primary duty of parents to PROTECT their children.

WHEN IS DISCIPLINE WISE?

Discipline is wise only WHEN IT MAKES SENSE TO THE CHILD. And children can only think SELFISHLY. Therefore, discipline is only WISE  when the child knows that what they did wrong was that they DIDN'T TAKE GOOD CARE OF THEMSELVES!

If you send a child to their room because they haven't learned to look both ways before crossing a street, they won't put up much of a fight. But if you use the same punishment because they've been "impolite," they may fight you all the way.

This is because politeness is not a value a self-centered child can understand, but protecting themselves from being hit by a car definitely is.

You can force "politeness," or any other behavior, simply by hurting or scaring a child. But you can't teach them the VALUE in being polite until they are old enough to understand. Unfortunately, a healthy child only achieves such maturity around puberty. (And the kids who have been frightened and beaten all their lives will be rebelling so strongly at this age that "being polite" will be the least of a parent's worries!)

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NATURAL CONSEQUENCES = NATURAL DISCIPLINE

Misbehavior has NATURAL consequences. The best discipline of all is simply to POINT OUT these natural consequences.

Example:

Suppose you see a group of children at a day care center. One child is pushing another child around, acting like a bully. If you don't need to protect the child who is being bullied, just wait a few minutes. Then notice that all of the other children have NATURALLY moved away from the bully. Then simply go up to the bully and point out what is going on. Say something like: "When you act like that the other kids don't like you." This is how you use "natural consequences."

Bad Example:

Many parents would handle this situation quite differently. They would run up to the bully, grab them violently, turn them around, and yell at them about their behavior. They may even hit the child. The parent's yelling and hitting then "changes the subject" in the child's mind. The child no longer thinks about their own bullying behavior, they think instead about their parent's bullying behavior toward them!

The parent's actions were "unnatural" consequences which were ADDED to the situation by the parent. Unnatural consequences don't teach children anything, they only confuse them. Always look for NATURAL CONSEQUENCES when you want to teach your children.

DON'T TEACH FEAR

In recent years many "liberal" parents say that they don't hit their children. But then they usually add with an apparently wise smile: "I just scare 'em!" Thank Go   for small favors.

Scaring kids is by no means better than hitting them. Both of these are unnatural consequences which undermine parental authority, and both are abusive - especially if used to extreme.

BUT WHAT IF THE CHILD DOESN'T LEARN?

Real life is the best teacher of all. So our children WILL learn. But they will learn AT THEIR OWN PACE, and WE PARENTS WILL ALWAYS BE FRUSTRATED by that pace. (If someone told you parenting was easy, they lied.)

next: Mistakes Every Good Parent Makes

teenage sex

What's the big deal? In some cases, it's no big deal. But lots of times, older people go out with much younger ones so they can control the relationship. It makes them feel more powerful.

Older guys, especially, tend to have more experience, more "prestige" and more money. This can give them an unfair advantage over younger, teen girls, who have neither. That might show up as your older boyfriend always deciding where you go and what you do. It can also mean pressuring you to have sex.

Problems also crop up if the older person - who can be male or female - stops you from hanging out with friends your own age. That can get in the way of the normal process of growing from a teen to an adult.

If your relationship is sexual, you need to check the laws about sex with minors in your state. Your boyfriend could be charged with statutory rape. In nearly all states, it is illegal for anyone over 18 - male or female - to have sex with someone under 16. So, he could be sent to jail for it, even if you say you agreed to have sex.

Each relationship is different. Not all different-age relationships are bad. But you're young and you should be careful. If your friends or family are worried about your relationship, you'd be smart to listen.

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next: How Can I Tell If My Sexual Activities Are Healthy and Normal?

"Codependence is an emotional and behavioral defense system which was adopted by our egos in order to meet our need to survive as a child. Because we had no tools for reprogramming our egos and healing our emotional wounds (culturally approved grieving, training and initiation rites, healthy role models, etc.), the effect is that as an adult we keep reacting to the programming of our childhood and do not get our needs met - our emotional, mental, Spiritual, or physical needs. Codependence allows us to survive physically but causes us to feel empty and dead inside. Codependence is a defense system that causes us to wound ourselves." * "We need to take the shame and judgment out of the process on a personal level. It is vitally important to stop listening and giving power to that critical place within us that tells us that we are bad and wrong and shameful.

That critical parent voice in our head is the disease lying to us. . . . This healing is a long gradual process - the goal is progress, not perfection. What we are learning about is unconditional Love. Unconditional Love means no judgment, no shame."

* "We need to start observing ourselves and stop judging ourselves. Any time we judge and shame ourselves, we are feeding back into the disease, we are jumping back into the squirrel cage."

Codependence is a dysfunctional defense system that was built in reaction to feeling unlovable and unworthy - because our parents were wounded codependents who didn't know how to love themselves. We grew up in environments that were emotionally dishonest, Spiritually hostile, and shame based. Our relationship with ourselves (and all the different parts of our self: emotions, gender, spirit, etc.) got twisted and distorted in order to survive in our particular dysfunctional environment.

We got to an age where we were supposed to be an adult and we started acting like we knew what we were doing. We went around pretending to be adult at the same time we were reacting to the programming that we got growing up. We tried to do everything right or rebelled and went against what we had been taught was right." Either way we weren't living our life through choice, we were living it in reaction.

In order to start being loving to ourselves we need to change our relationship with our self - and with all the wounded parts of our self. The way which I have found works the best in starting to love ourselves is through having internal boundaries.

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Learning to have internal boundaries is a dynamic process that involves three distinctly different, but intimately interconnected, spheres of work. The purpose of the work is to change our ego-programming - to change our relationship with ourselves by changing our emotional/behavioral defense system into something that works to open us up to receive love, instead of sabotaging ourselves because of our deep belief that we don't deserve love.

(I need to make the point here that Codependence and recovery are both multi-leveled, multi-dimensional phenomena. What we are trying to achieve is integration and balance on different levels. In regard to our relationship with ourselves this involves two major dimensions: the horizontal and the vertical. In this context the horizontal is about being human and relating to other humans and our environment. The vertical is Spiritual, about our relationship to a Higher Power, to the Universal Source. If we cannot conceive of a God/Goddess Force that loves us then it makes it virtually impossible to be loving to ourselves. So a Spiritual Awakening is absolutely vital to the process in my opinion. Changing our relationship with ourselves on the horizontal level is both a necessary element in, and possible because we are working on, integrating Spiritual Truth into our inner process.)

These three spheres are:

1. Detachment
2. Inner Child Healing
3. Grieving

Because Codependence is a reactive phenomena it is vital to start being able to detach from our own process in order to have some choice in changing our reactions. We need to start observing our selves from the witness perspective instead of from the perspective of the judge.

We all observe ourselves - have a place of watching ourselves as if from outside, or perched somewhere inside, observing our own behavior. Because of our childhoods we learned to judge ourselves from that witness perspective, the critical parent voice.

The emotionally dishonest environments we were raised in taught us that it was not ok to feel our emotions, or that only certain emotions were ok. So we had to learn ways to control our emotions in order to survive. We adapted the same tools that were used on us - guilt, shame, and fear (and saw in the role modeling of our parents how they reacted to life from shame and fear.) This is where the critical parent gets born. It's purpose is to try to keep our emotions and behavior under some sort of control so that we can get our survival needs met.

So the first boundary that we need to start setting internally is with the wounded/dysfunctionally programmed part of our own mind. We need to start saying no to the inner voices that are shaming and judgmental. The disease comes from a black and white, right and wrong, perspective. It speaks in absolutes: "You always screw up!" "You will never be a success!" - these are lies. We don't always screw up. We may never be a success according to our parents or societies dysfunctional definition of success - but that is because our heart and soul do not resonate with those definitions, so that kind of success would be a betrayal of ourselves. We need to consciously change our definitions so that we can stop judging ourselves against someone else's screwed up value system.

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We learned to relate to ourselves (and all the parts of our self emotions, sexuality, etc.) and life from a critical place of believing that something was wrong with us - and in fear that we would be punished if we didn't do life right. Whatever we are doing or not doing the disease can always find something to beat us up with. I have 10 things on my "to do list" today, I get 9 of them done, the disease does not want me to give myself credit for what I have done but instead beats me up for the one I didn't get done. Whenever life gets too good we get uncomfortable and the disease jumps right in with fear and shame messages. The critical parent voice keeps us from relaxing and enjoying life, and from loving our self.

We need to own that we have the power to choose where to focus our mind. We can consciously start viewing ourselves from the witness perspective. It is time to fire the judge - our critical parent and choose to replace that judge with our Higher Self - who is a loving parent. We can then intervene in our own process to protect ourselves from the perpetrator within - the critical parent/disease voice.

(It is almost impossible to go from critical parent to compassionate loving parent in one step - so the first step often is to try to observe ourselves from a neutral position or a scientific observer perspective.)

This is what enlightenment and consciousness raising are all about. Owning our power to be a co-creator of our lives by changing our relationship with ourselves. We can change the way we think. We can change the way we respond to our own emotions. We need to detach from our wounded self in order to allow our Spiritual Self to guide us. We are Unconditionally Loved. The Spirit does not speak to us from judgment and shame.

One of the visualizations that has helped me over the years is an image of a small control room in my brain. This control room is full of dials and gauges and lights and sirens. In this control room are a bunch of Keebler-like elves whose job it is to make sure that I don't get too emotional for my own good. Whenever I feel anything too strongly (including Joy, happiness, self-love) the lights start flashing and the sirens start wailing and the elves go crazy running around trying to get things under control. They start pushing some of the old survival buttons: feeling too happy - drink; feeling too sad- eat sugar; feeling scared - get laid; or whatever.

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To me, the process of recovery is about teaching those elves to chill out. Reprogramming my ego-defenses to knowing that it is ok to feel the feelings. That feeling and releasing the emotions is not only ok it is what will work best in allowing me to have my needs fulfilled.

We need to change our relationship with ourselves and our own emotions in order to stop being at war with ourselves. The first step to doing that is to detach from ourselves enough to start protecting ourselves from the perpetrator that lives within us.

next: Positive Affirmations

Welcome to my Obsessively Clean Den

Hi there!

My name's Sani, welcome to My OCD Den: A UK - OCD Web Site! I live in the UK and I have OCD.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder can be a very isolating illness and hard to understand, both for the sufferer and for their family and friends. It can often be an embarrassing condition to talk about, and so, very often it isn't discussed. This can make the sufferer feel like an outcast, even within their own family! - I know because that's how I have felt.

So! I had the idea of setting this web site up as a meeting place for people with OCD and their family & friends, to chat, exchange info about medication, therapy etc, and to maybe gain confidence and motivation from each other. There is a light at the end of the OCD tunnel.

I have a snippet of my OCD Diary, which I kept for 2 years, to give others a look at what life with OCD is like. And I am constantly thinking of new things to add to the site, so please make sure you check this page often.

next: My Obsessively Contaminated World
~ ocd library articles
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A guide to the treatments and medications for OCD

• There are two methods of treatment for sufferers of OCD. The first is the use of Drug Therapy. Mainly SRI's (Serotonin reuptake inhibitors) and SSRI's (SELECTIVE Serotonin reuptake inhibitors) are used to increase the levels of Serotonin - a chemical messenger in the Brain. The other is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).
• Serotonin is used by certain nerve cells in the brain to communicate with other brain cells. Under the right conditions, these nerve cells (called neurons) release Serotonin neurotransmitters, which then affect neighboring cells. After the Serotonin is released, it is taken back up into the cell so that it can be used again.
• Each of the Anti-OCD drugs interfere with the Serotonin being recycled once it has been released, and this allows it to spend more time outside the cell, where it can continue affecting neighboring cells, thus doing its job longer. How or why this reduces obsessions and compulsions is still unknown. Anti-OCD medications control symptoms, but do not "cure" the disorder.
• The main SRI is ANAFRANIL (Clomipramine) an older Trcyclic anti-depressant, that has an effect on other Neurotransmitters beside just Serotonin - therefore it's not selective. The main SSRI's are PROZAC (Fluoxatine), LUVOX (Fluvoxamine), , PAXIL (Paroxatine), and CELEXA (Citalopram).
• The other method of treatment, CBT (Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy), often referred to as exposure and response prevention, exposes the patient to her or his obsessional fear (for example, making a germ-obsessed person touch a dirty floor) and then delays their compulsive response (immediately washing their hands). The aim is to ease distress. Over a period of time the person learns to become less and less afraid and anxious by their fears - they learn to handle the anxiety.
• This type of behavioral treatment is advocated and studied by Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz, a leading authority on OCD and the author of a book, Brain Lock. He believes that OCDers must learn NOT to give in to their gut feelings and obsessions. By resisting the rituals - no matter how hard that is to do - the OCDer is learning a proper response to normal behaviour, where as giving in to the obsession actually makes the person worse.
• Whatever the person does regularly, good or bad behavior, the brain picks up and does automatically. So, if that behavior is good behavior the brain's chemistry will start to change. He suggests there are four basic steps which allow an OCDer to do behavior and response prevention on their own without a therapist. These are as follows:

• Step 1. Relabel

Learn to recognize obsessive thoughts and compulsive urges - and do so assertively. Start calling them "obsessions" and "compulsions." Realize they are symptoms of your illness and not REAL problems. For example, if your hands feel dirty or contaminated, train yourself to say "I don't really think my hands are dirty; I'm having an obsession that they are. I don't really need to wash my hands; I'm having a compulsion to do so." After a while the brain learns to realize that these are just false alarms - false messages caused by the imbalance. You can't make the thoughts and urges go away because they are caused by this biological imbalance, but you can control and change your behavior response.

• Step 2. Reattribute

"It's not me, it's my OCD." Learn to reattribute the cause of these thoughts and urges to their real cause. This will increase your willpower and enable you to fight off the urge to wash or check.

• Step 3. Refocus

This is where the real hard work is done. Learn to refocus your mind on something else. Choose something pleasant like a hobby - listen to music, play sport, go for a walk, whatever it takes to make your mind think of something other than the obsessions and compulsions that it WANTS to think about. Say to yourself, "I'm experiencing a symptom of OCD. I must refocus and do another behavior." This is not easy, and a person should adopt a FIFTEEN MINUTE RULE. They should delay their response by letting some time elapse, preferably fifteen minutes, but a shorter waiting time at first.

During this time they should re-check through all the steps. Be aware that the intrusive thoughts and urges are a result of OCD and that this is an illness, a biochemical imbalance in the brain. Try to focus on something else. After the fifteen minutes, reassess the urges. Take note of any change in their intensity and this will give the person courage to wait longer next time. The longer it's left the greater the decrease in intensity.

• Step 4. Revalue

Begin to realize that these thoughts and urges are a result of OCD, and learn to place less importance on them and less importance on the OCD. Learn to take back control, take charge. In the short term, feelings can't be changed but behavior can be, and in time the feelings change too. Dr Schwartz, in his conclusion, says, "We who have OCD must learn to train our minds not to take intruding feelings at face value. We must learn that these feelings mislead us. In a gradual but tempered way, we must change our responses to the feelings and resist them."

Brain Lock by Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz.

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Gold Standard for Treating Depression (part 37)

1. Stahl, S. M. (2000) Essential Psychopharmacology of Depression and Bipolar Disorder. Cambridge University Press

2. Keller, , M.B., et al. (2000) A comparison of nefazodone, cognitive behavioral analysis system of psychotherapy, and combination therapy for the acute treatment of chronic depression. New England Journal of Medicine. 18, 342: 1462-1470

3. March, J., Silva, I., Petrycki, S., Curry, J., et al. (2004) Fluoxetine, cognitive-behavioral therapy and their combination for adolescents with depression. JAMA, 292: 807-820.

Interview participants:
Dr. John Preston. Professor at the California School of Professional Psychology at Alliant International University, Sacramento, California Campus. Author ofHandbook of Clinical Psychopharmacology for Therapists, Psychopharmacology Made Ridiculously Simple, You Can Beat Depression: A Guide To Prevention & Recovery and The Complete Idiot's Guide to Managing Your Moods

Dr. John Rush. Principal investigator in the Star*D research project. Professor of Clinical Sciences and Psychiatry at the University of Texas Southwest Medical Center in Dallas, Texas USA.

Suggested Reading:

The Idiot's Guide to Managing Your Moods

by Dr. John Preston; Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy

Revised and Updated by David D. Burns

Website References:

www.star-d.orgInformation on the Star*D research project

www.dbsalliance.org-- Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

video: Depression Treatment Interviews w/Julie Fast

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Even when you feel too depressed to help yourself, there are still things you can do to treat your depression.

Gold Standard for Treating Depression (part 36)

Because you are on the HealthyPlace.com website, you are taking the first step to getting better. Even when you are significantly depressed, you have more control over your treatment than you think. If you are completely overwhelmed by the amount of information on the site or feel that you will never successfully manage the illness, you may need help from others before you can start to manage the illness on your own. Your next step can be reading all you can from the website and then deciding your next step. It's important to remember that depression makes it feel impossible to make decisions, but this is only a symptom of the illness. You can make decisions on your own, no matter what depression is making you feel. Small steps are fine.

Don't Give Up Hope

You have control even when you are very sick. Remind yourself that it's an illness and that you can get better. It may take more time than you wish or require a lot of effort on your part and the people in your life, but the results are worth it.

No matter how depressed you are today, there is a very good chance that with the right comprehensive treatment you can be significantly better in the future. There is hope. By using the ideas presented on this webpage, you can make daily changes that directly affect the symptoms of depression. Responding to treatment and ultimately achieving remission takes time. If you start today, you can have a much brighter future.

video: Depression Treatment Interviews w/Julie Fast

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