Bipolar Disorder and Ghosting: It's a Big Problem

January 28, 2019 Hannah Blum

Bipolar Disorder and Ghosting: It's a Big Problem

Bipolar disorder and ghosting is a big problem. I didn’t realize the extent of this problem until I saw the number of comments on my recent YouTube video, "Ghosting and Bipolar Disorder: Why We Do It".

What is Ghosting? The Role It Plays in Bipolar

Ghosting is a contemporary term used for when a person completely cuts off all communication with a friend or romantic partner by not responding to texts, ignoring calls and acting as if the person no longer exists. It is done without a reason or an explanation from the person doing it. One day they are a part of your life, and the next day they disappear from it without warning. It negatively impacts friendships and romantic relationships. Ghosting is done by many of us living with bipolar disorder, especially during bipolar depressive episodes.

"I’m guilty of this when I’m hypomanic and in a negative mood and I’m super sensitive and I get easily hurt or angry at people and instead of confronting them, I just ghost them when they try to contact me." ~Xoxofmw, YouTube commenter

Why Do People with Bipolar Disorder Engage in Ghosting?

Those of us living with bipolar disorder definitely have a problem with ghosting people. It doesn't matter whether it's someone we're dating or friends with. Unfortunately, sometimes we're even ghosting our family members.

I have bipolar II and yes, I've ghosted people. Why? It feels more comfortable for me to cut off all communication with another person when I am struggling with highs and lows. Secondly, when I am dating someone, the fear of being rejected due to my diagnosis of bipolar disorder is always present. That makes me push another person away when they get too close. Thirdly, the stigma of mental illness causes severe anxiety in those of us living with bipolar disorder. Although a person we are romantically involved with may not be showing signs of rejecting us due to bipolar, we feel as though it is inevitable that at some point it will happen.

"I just do this on a low episode. I see it as protecting friends from me dragging them down to my level. Plus, in all honesty, I can’t deal with feeling suffocated whilst in the low and just want to be left on my own. It’s easier that way. ~ Claire, YouTube commenter

Self-stigmatizing is another significant reason for ghosting as well. Those of us with bipolar disorder subconsciously believe that we are unlovable and undeserving of friendships and relationships, which causes us to act on ghosting. The stress and pressure to explain the reasons for pushing away creates anxiety; which is where ghosting comes into play.

"I do this a lot. I stop answering phone calls and texts, and avoiding any form of communication with friends and family. In my mind, I don't stop loving them or care for them. I just feel overwhelmed and I feel the need to create a distance between me and them so I can calm down. Now, unfortunately, this can take from a couple days to a couple weeks." ~ Katia, YouTube commenter

The Affect Ghosting Has on Others

Over the years, I have realized that regardless of what is going on in my life, ghosting is hurtful to another person. I have been on both sides of ghosting, and it is very harmful and causes extreme insecurities.

"I just lost a friend who deals with bipolar. She just cut me off. I tried and tried. Dealt with the ups and downs and dealing with my own depression and insecurity, it was very difficult. ~ Embree, YouTube commenter

Bipolar disorder is not an excuse for hurting another person. Although we deal with anxiety and depression and it leads to many of us isolating ourselves, we are still responsible for the way our behavior negatively affects friends, family, and romantic partners. There are people who care about us, and they deserve a proper response even though it is difficult for those of us living with bipolar disorder to do so at times. This is something I am working on as well because I severely struggle with opening up which leads me to ghosting other individuals.

My ex, who's getting well with depression and very positive about her progress, left me since I have bipolar 2 and I isolate myself every once in a while. She doesn't like it since it triggers her. So she broke up with me and told me I can't give her what she needs. ~ Chaz, YouTube commenter

Self-awareness is essential when it comes to behaviors like ghosting. Many people with bipolar disorder do not even realize that this is a problem. Building strong relationships without openness and communication is impossible. Acknowledging the problem is the first step to self-awareness and learning how to properly communicate with others to prevent anyone getting hurt or feeling ignored by someone they care about.

"When I feel like isolating, I "check on" the people around me, my friends in recovery. This way I am not alone, but I am not talking about ME, I am checking on THEM. Seems to help! ~ BipolarLightningBug, YouTube commenter

What about you? How has being ghosted by someone with bipolar disorder affected you? And if living with bipolar disorder and ghosting others has been part of your life, why do you do it? Also, helpful suggestions on how to end this type of behavior are welcomed.

APA Reference
Blum, H. (2019, January 28). Bipolar Disorder and Ghosting: It's a Big Problem, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, June 18 from

Author: Hannah Blum

Hannah Blum is the HealthyPlace YouTube bipolar disorder vlogger. Check out her I'm Hannah. I Have Bipolar 2 playlist and subscribe to the HealthyPlace YouTube channel. You can also find Hannah on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.

August, 4 2020 at 10:14 am

It’s not your fault and it’s not his. It’s definitely the Bipolar. Idk if he is coming back to you, but in my experience..once they realized that they hurt you they would usually will call you and come back. only time will tell.

April, 18 2020 at 5:46 am

Hi, mine is using olanzapine 20mg daily, guess he is bipolar. We were planning to marry, then he told me that he doesn’t want. 2 months later this issue, he broke up with me and wanted to remain as friends. And exactly like yours, sometimes he was chatty sometimes, sometimes ghosted. Yesterday I told him that I get hurt when he ghosts me and found out that he read that message and blocked my number. I don’t know what to do, I just love him too much. Will he unblock me?

June, 8 2020 at 10:07 am

My wife of 7 1/2 years was diagnosed BP2 last year after she went into a depression and moved out and had a short affair with an ex. She started meds and after a while we started putting the pieces back together and she moved back home eight months ago. Things had been going seemingly well, with a spell here or there that would last a week or two where she would question whether she should be in a relationship. After a short time, she always would come back. But things had been going well until the coronavirus put her working from home for six weeks. During that time she started drinking more and more, going to bed by 8 p.m. and just not her normal self. Then, as soon as she could start going back to work, she told me she had rented an apartment in another town 30 minutes away and moved out the next day. She said if she can't make a relationship work with me, she'll never be able to make one work. She says she needs her own personal space and needs to rely on herself for all the things she wants and needs. She has barely been in contact since she left three weeks ago, just occasionally texting to say she is sorry or to ask if I'm ok. The last thing she said to me is that maybe we could have some sort of relationship someday. What? I'm giving her the space she wants but I really think her drinking with her meds may have triggered something. She talked to her doctor but lied when he asked if she'd been drinking. So I'm also wondering if this is the end or just another spell I should try and wait out? There is no easy answer I know.

August, 4 2020 at 10:07 am

Unfortunately, I am currently going through the same thing. Married for 2 years and together for 10 years. He left this weekend to visit family and then I was upset when he turned off his phone. Start smoking weed (he never smokes weed) and started drinking all weekend. Long story short he said our relationship is not going to work and he is not coming home. He did not get on the plane. I am hear heartbroken. I did disconnect his phone so I have no contact. He is with someone else because I found her number on the call log. This has happen 5 times and he eventually comes home. But this time I can’t have him back until he gets back on meds. If he does not come home, I hate to think of it...but it would be better for me. I am tired of being hurt. Sorry your going through this. I never realize how much harder it is to have a relationship with a bipolar person.

July, 21 2020 at 4:23 pm

The man I love keeps ghosting me. He shows up showers me with attention then disappears for months.
Last time he even asked to marry me. Then disappears. He told me he was in a dark place.
I feel so sad about all that is happening.

August, 11 2020 at 7:43 am

I was engaged to a man with bipolar for 16 months, he just broke it off in 24 hour turn around, one minute I love you more than anyone the next goodbye. I am divorced and wanted to wait on marriage because of his bipolar and some odd behaviors I was seeing, but committed to the relationship. I had been married to a man with major undiagnosed mental illness so jumping into marriage quickly was not good for me. My previous husband had another family behind my back so major betrayal and he did this as a pastor.....yes for real. So I wanted time with this person to see how his bipolar played out, reasonable request. Well as time passed I began to see some behaviors that were strange, child like behavior, like making boy noises and turning objects at the dinner table into animals, giddy behavior, constant immature joking, and other more risky talk constantly. Then rude comments about how I look but when confronted could not understand how that would hurt me, then continued to beg me to marry him and tell me how much he loved me. Then I caught him flirting with women on FB, caught him in several lies. Did not get me a birthday gift for a pivotal birthday, more odd statements that reflected promiscuous behaviors but when confrontation he goes silent. Obviously this was going south, how he talked to his parents was horrific, never would take responsibility for his own actions, oh he did in the beginning, told me about his bipolar in a deceptive way and then lied about it. Yelled at me in public, having to explain simple things to him and he literally was having trouble with easy tasks, cognitive issues, having to rephrase a sentence so he could understand, major issues, and I did my best to support and prayed as we believed God had brought us together initially and many of these behaviors ramped up recently. Well Obviously I had major reservations, and knew I could not take all of this on, it was not safe. This is not a stable person, so I knew I had to end it, however he did before me. Some of this behavior is bipolar immaturity, impulsively, pressured speech and cognitive impairment from bipolar aging, but some was just plain selfishness, pride and arrogance all wrapped up in a nice package, nice expensive clothing, nice house, nice dinners, you get the picture. People need accountability, we can't act anyway we want and trample others, Obviously he did not act like this in the beginning or I would have walked so if behavior at times can be controlled in the beginning what happened. Glad its over, don't like the sudden turn around but thankful he revealed his true self.

August, 22 2020 at 7:18 am

My best friend who is BP2 just ghosted me. We got into it a little over text, nothing big or crazy just a misunderstanding... literally went back and forth maybe 4 times total about something she was trying to tell me and I was misunderstanding. By the end of that (can’t even call it a fight or disagreement) I told her thanks for clarifying and moved on to the next subject... then she blocked me off her phone, then I noticed she blocked me on fb! For what exactly I don’t know ??‍♀️ we’ve literally had actual fights in the past and just give each other time, but this time she just blocked me from her life. Truth be told I’m super hurt ? I struggle with my own issues (anxiety and PMMD) that take their toll on me and I really don’t need this either. I’ve been there for my friend always and I want to be here now but honestly for my own peace of mind and mental health I may need to just let her go.

September, 10 2020 at 5:32 pm

It's not just hard to say "this is what's going on" - as a couple people above have explained. It's needed to settle down or because you don't want them to see you like that. Ghosting tells somebody the opposite. It says, you mean nothing to me and never did, not even as a human being let alone somebody I at least said I loved.
Maybe the disease is responsible for wanting to ghost.
But your lips still work or fingers to write a note
Unbelievably cruel to another person

September, 22 2020 at 7:58 pm

Would agree with this statement 100%. Currently my wife of bipolar II is ghosting me. She sent a text I’m leaving you don’t text me. Then blocked me and hasn’t said a word or message since. All for reasons that a normal relationship would easily be able to resolve with a little open communication. It’s hurtful and I honestly don’t understand how she said she ever loved me to treat me like disposable trash.

September, 30 2021 at 1:11 am

Yeah I had that from my ex. He probably has bipolar and would ghost me all the time. Claimed my writing to him overwhelmed him and caused anxiety and ended it forever by email like a coward. But he has family problems and other issues. Never there for me, also disappearing but you know what can you do? Move on. He is ill. He needs a doctor but I can’t force him to see one.

Sara whatley
March, 27 2021 at 1:04 pm

Hi yes very cruel I've just gone throu the ghosting today had a nice evening planned and bam I'm blocked on everything no explanation at all like I just don't exist anymore he has just vanished... Everything was good yesterday no signs of this at all.. I'm a mess today can't get hold of him he has vanished I know he has bipolar so I'm assuming it's because of that unless I've just been dumped for someone better this has affected me big time not sure how you deal with this very sad ??

September, 30 2021 at 2:01 am

I went through that. A week after he said he was seeing a doctor he blocked me for two months. Now he has blocked me but he messaged me to say it’s over…at least it was something. It was hell though. I empathises

July, 5 2021 at 1:20 am

100% - my partner ghosted me after telling me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me the day before. Blocked everywhere. Now I found out that he is seeing a girl he met in the two weeks he was in hospital (he was missing on the streets for a month before when he got sick) - I am devastated to say the least. Clearly this is something a healthy person doesn’t do. He was terrified of being hurt and left when we got closer: it came out of nowhere. I reassured him and it made no difference to his distress: two points to make, he hid a drug addiction and his bi polar diagnosis from me. So as you can imagine it hit like a bomb when it happened. His family informed me after it all went belly up. I’m at a complete loss and I’m trying to just process this one day at a time. We were together for a year and a half and were inseparable ?

September, 3 2021 at 1:16 am

Miranda being BP 2 when your on a low you do want to ghost most people because you get so low you just don’t want to interact with anyone, even if you love them and are good friends.
Part of the reason you just don’t want people to see you when your down that dark hole as you know your no fun.
Always have kept in touch with my brother during these times, I found having a pet dog was always a help because they put few demands on you.
Have been on my current low for 2-3 months.just don’t know when it will end just know it will.
So have to just ride it out and not put too much in the way of expectations on myself.

October, 3 2021 at 9:47 pm

Hi Allen,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I have been seeing someone for four months, talking/texting daily. He has been amazing, sweet and kind. Told me after two months that he is BP. I told him that I am ok with it. My mother was BP, but more depressed than manic, always. We briefly discussed it. He takes meds and said he doesn’t deviate from them. He once was depressed for a weak and was not that talkative, but still kept in touch and told me he was down.
Just a week ago, told me how much he likes me and now zero. I am so hurt, it is hard for me to understand. However, I am hoping he comes back around. When this happens, do BP people come back around or do they just vanish? Should I keep a glimmer of hope, is what I am asking?

December, 8 2020 at 6:57 pm

Does anyone know if while they’re ghosting you specifically, would they still post on social media? I went through a mania phase with a women and she just stopped talking to me and blocked her post on FB. I had no clue what happened. So I checked with some mutual friends and that’s how I found out she was still posting here and there mainly about her kids. I mentioned that I knew she was doing that during a text when I was trying to figure out what the heck happened. I mentioned a post she hidden. Next thing I knew she blocked a few mutual friends so they couldn’t see post moving forward. She lifted the blocks and finally reached out 3 weeks later. Then she went silent again for two weeks and blocked again! (Is that normal?) she said sorry for being flakey and she’s working on it) Anyway just wondering also if it’s common to do this and still post?

January, 10 2021 at 6:45 pm

My ex does this exact thing.... I don’t get it either. Everything was fine between us... but he has a habit of ghosting me for no reason.

Jilly G
March, 3 2021 at 4:25 pm

I too just got ghosted for no reason. Everything was fine and then BAM! He suddenly tells me that he needed his space and gave me 2 weeks to move out of his house. It has been a little over a month and there has been no texts or calls from him. I was this guy for 4 years! Now he just acts like I no longer exist! I know he's a manic depressive but I feel like his problems are now giving me problems. I'm depressed and feel stuck and unable to move on.

December, 11 2020 at 12:23 am

My girlfriend of three and a half years ghosted me. She was diagnosed BPD-1 about 20 years ago. I believe she also deals with bipolar psychosis or bipolar with “features.” I don’t think she’s aware of the psychosis aspect of the disorder and that she suffers from this. Her mind creates alternate realities and delusions. She blocks out or represses stressful, anxiety-inducing topics or experiences. We both have children and decided to try living together. We discussed before taking this step, that if blending families didn’t work out for any reason, she’d move out and we’d continue our relationship. Well, it didn’t work out because of differences in parenting style and philosophy. We talked about how the best thing for the children would be for us to live in separate households. We were in agreement and she said she’d start looking for a new place. After about a month, she hadn’t looked for a place so I asked her about it. She told me that we didn’t have any such conversation. I asked her every couple of months if she was looking and she began changing the topic or ignoring my question all together. There were several heated exchanges after that and finally two years later and more heated exchanges, she looked for and bought a house. She tried to get me to ask her to stay at every step in the process but I held firm. This was in the best interest of our children after all. Once the deal was done, we talked again about how we would continue our relationship. I pointed out that it wouldn’t be too different since her new house was only 6 blocks away. Everything went downhill from there. When it was time to pack and move her belongings she said she was too overwhelmed. I ended up packing and moving all of her stuff. As the move was nearing completion, I was dropping a few things off and noticed that she hadn’t been to bed in many days and was manic. A day later I asked if she was manic and if she should make an appointment with her doctor. She told me that she wasn’t manic. I had moved the last of her things. I hadn’t heard from her in about a week and her mail was piling up. I texted her and asked if I could bring her mail to her. She responded that I was not to call, text, come to her house, or go to her daughter’s school or she would call the police and file for a restraining order against me. I checked in periodically and the threats started coming from her girlfriend. She accused me of stalking and harassing her friend. One of her psychoses is paranoid delusions, the belief that someone is out to get her, wants to cause her harm, or is stalking her, etc. She has vilified me and developed alternate realities to cope with her feelings of rejection, despite my letting her know that I wasn’t rejecting her and that I wanted her in my life forever. I told her we’d live like this for a few years and then when the children are older, I would marry her. Her response was that I was trying to manipulate her. My best guess is that her manic episode triggered her psychosis. She believes the alternate realities her brain has created to cope and has ghosted me ever since. It’s been 9 months and she hasn’t contacted me in any way. I want to reach out and suggest that she talk to her doctor about psychosis but I’m afraid she’ll follow through with her threats and call the police. I don’t believe she will ever realize any of this on her own and I’ve most likely been ghosted for life. She didn’t formally break up with me and the last I heard from her we had a wonderful future ahead of us, then nothing. It is very painful to have the woman I love go from a bright future together to all of this with no contact in 9 months with not so much as an explanation.

January, 10 2021 at 1:58 pm

I WISH she would just ghost me. I've been in a relationship with somebody with Bipolar and OCD personality disorder since summer, and have been trying to get out of it almost the entire time. I realized it had been a mistake early on, but she managed each time to keep me in it with threats, fear, obligation and guilt, and frankly, she scares me. I've tried just honestly talking to her and she winds up having a panic attack. I've tried just taking a break and some space, and she felt abandoned and wound up in the ER. I wish I could just escape this. I would have just sent a text, taken the coward's way out and been done a long time ago if she didn't know where I live, but I can't risk her showing up and being crazy, and I also don't want her life to fall apart or she hurt herself.

January, 30 2021 at 2:00 pm

You will probably never see this but I hope you do...
You have to just break up with her.
Gently kindly and then no more communication.
Take it from an OG.
I’m here because I got given this article after searching about being ghosted. I also default to ghosting so I figured I would read it.
The man I was just with ran off in terror. He could not take the fire and fury and that was me in all my glory of a manic episode.
I was crushed. He also flicked all my abandonment buttons inadvertently by running away without a word just saying he couldn’t hang would have been better. For me. For me I’m saying in this instance
I did hurt myself but I am ok. Sometimes hurting yourself is all you can do to get through the painful moment it takes the emotional pain and makes it physical and you’ve heard the old saying sticks and stones.
Give me a physical, injury over an emotional one any day.
The pain of the body is more tolerable then the pain of the mind that’s a quote not sure who.
Again; You cannot keep anyone safe. You cannot live your romantic life so she doesn’t hurt herself!
I have friends that love me and care for me and helped me through. I hope she does as well.
Maybe do it at her therapist.
Other people’s safety is not your responsibility.
You cannot be responsible for someone’s else mental health.
Every day you take from a girl is running down her clock too.
You are stealing time from a woman.
We don’t have as much time as men do.
A man at 45 is seasoned handsome; a silver Fox. A woman if she has some grey omg! put her out to pasture.
She Looks old. Her Times up.!
You think you are doing her a favor but you are not.
I appreciate the sentiment
you are kinder then the man who just fled while I was talking on the phone..
Somewhere in the middle of you two guys is what they call “the golden place”
The perfect balance.
Let her go.
With kindness and love.
Bet let her go.
For both of you.

May, 14 2021 at 10:18 am

I'm going threw exactly the same right now, its been 10 days living in my vehicle, yesterday I misplaced my phone, when I found it I read the most discouraging hurtful words just because I did not reply qick enough, one text is I miss you the next text is I never want to see you then its why are you not responding omg it is truly a Rollercoaster ride on top of all this she has very rude disrespectful lazy think that they are entitled give me give me children who them selfs have called police c.p.s on there mother each time c.p.s and police come they find that the house is clean food etc she will not do anything to correct her children, it has gotten worst my emotional state of mind as well as my health is being affected I really do love her though I am really taking these days away from all this to get some peace of mind

January, 17 2021 at 9:42 pm


February, 4 2021 at 11:48 am

I am going through a similar situation... I’ve spoken with a pharmacist and a counsellor to get a better understanding of this disorder. I figure the best I can do is educate myself... while I’m relieved I’m not alone, I’m sorry to see so many people going through similar situations. I see the woman I care for, not the disease, but sometimes I wonder what it all means... when she’s with me, the world just melts away! Be when she cuts off communication, the mind wonders on her safety... she’s assured me, as other have mentioned, that she has strong feelings for me and isn’t going anywhere... still doesn’t make it any less comfortable. I send her texts of support, hoping her day is going well, and fill her in on funny little things she would normally laugh at and enjoy... atleast she’s knows I’m still here... but it not easy shutting off my mind when I hear absolutely nothing back...

Jilly G
March, 3 2021 at 3:06 pm

I too have recently been ghosted by a boyfriend of 4 years who is manic depressive. He made up a BS story and gave me 2 weeks to move out of his house. Since then he has ghosted me. There have been no calls or texts from him. I'm glad to see that I'm not alone and that other people have experienced the same thing. I have learned from other people that he's been saying that he is no longer with me. I have not gotten an explanation about anything. I know that he's been doing a lot of drinking and has been smoking weed. Over the years I have seen the mood swings and now he's in that depressive state. I hate being treated as though I no longer exist. It is very hurtful and difficult to not take it personally especially since we never fought and I did everything for him.

April, 7 2021 at 9:49 pm

I am recently going through this with the exception we did not live together. We just hit our one year together. We have always said we loved and missed each other. It was in a blink of an eye that on a Sunday he loved me and Tuesday he told me he needed space, has inner demons, but healthy or happy with himself. Wished me the best. I was going over next day to bring him his things and get mine. Not but two hours before I was to go he texted, you are not welcome here, if you show up I’ll call the law on you.” I tried to get him to talk or communicate to understand what all happened. I tried a couple more times but he will not respond. Reading what everyone is saying I believe he has this disorder. I am struggling and each day I think it would get easier but it’s not. How do, or what are things you are doing that is getting you thru this? Just like you we have never fought. We had spent everyday together for a year with the exception of a total spam of 2 weeks throughout the year.

May, 20 2022 at 1:57 pm

Hi there- Yes my boyfriend came back in town from his toxic family all mad (although he blames everything on me). We were going to submit a business proposal and he was triggered by one comment I made (voicing my concerns about his behavior), hung up on my and said if I came over he would call the cops. I didnt know he was bipolar until I starting going to counseling and they informed, based on his behavior, he was. Now a month later he is still mad at him and I am completely depressed and hurt.

June, 11 2021 at 9:01 pm

This is eerie. 2 years I was with a girl and I fell hard. Deeply loved her. She told me she loved me and we started talking about future plans. Long term. I was going thru a divorce when we got together. It was dragging.
We stopped seeing each other for a couple months so I could get all of my things in order and be fully committed. We both agreed that would be for the best. When we started talking again she told me how much she loved me. How much she needed me. We rekindled our relationship in April. 3 days later she told me I’m all she has ever wanted. It was the last time she talked to me. Flat out disappeared. I have sent e mails and texts. I get zero response. It’s been 6 weeks. She told me she was bi polar 2. She hadn’t had an “episode” in our time together.
It’s so confusing. I gave her her space at first because she was having family problems. She asked for a couple days to sort it and then her last text and now she’s gone. I don’t have a clue what to do. This thread helped me a lot. Even if I’m wrong I can chalk it up to her illness. It will help me understand. It’s truly devastating. I hope she finds her way. I will ask this, does this behavior usually reverse? Or is she gone forever? I’m expecting her to suddenly reappear. It feels so incomplete.

July, 27 2021 at 9:37 am

Hi my story is similar.
May i ask if he got back in touch with you?
Iv not heard from my gf in 4 weeks.
No explanation or nothing .

May, 3 2022 at 12:38 pm

Hi Jilly, I'm not sure if this is still relevant or not, but I completely relate to your story. My wife of 4 years almost 5 together has severe bipolar an has just ghosted me for the 3rd time in our relationship. I've been thru everything with her, saved her life multiple times. Anyways, we just repaired things 8or9 months ago but last week she flew off the handle, made up a story that I have no idea where it came from saying I hit her, in fact she actually swung at me. I haven't seen any contact since then, only one time and it was kinda like a goodbye God bless you kinda thing.. she came get most her things, she's convinced everyone close of her lie, and now it's looking like divorce is her and her family's plan, and they've left me with all the bills, I'm broke.. Noone believes me now even with how much I've done for her and saved her. I'm heartbroken, and fear she may feel this way about me forever or if she ever does realize it be too late.

June, 24 2022 at 3:56 pm

Jilly G,
Thank you. I am going through the same. Kudos in regard to trying not to take it personally, but the fact I am coming to realize, is that it is personal. It is abuse -- toward you (us). They are abusing personally, and any anger, hurt, trauma, is fully justified -- in the same way we might feel if someone came up off the street and through a punch.
It is directed. It is personal. And it is abuse. While understanding can always help both parties, adults acting in this manner deserve no kindness from those they abuse.

July, 18 2021 at 9:52 am

I am going through nthe exact same thing. My man claims he loves me and he never had anyone like me in his life !!! His mom and brother passed away recently. He is has been extremely intoxicated for days now. He speak to me or see me. Now he has blocked me from his social media. I have my own problems to deal. Not to mention I am raising my four sons. His illness is depressing me. I can not have anyone stressing me out like this!!!!

September, 3 2021 at 1:01 am

Paul as someone who is BP2, when I go into a low just tend to withdraw and shut down, just want peace quiet and be left’s nothing personal towards my friends it’s just that I can’t cope.
When I’m on a high I’m over confident , everything seems possible and doable as have a lot of energy also psychiatrist is going to put me on different antidepressants once I feel better and can get get off that medication.
However that’s is some time away as wrestling with the “ black dog “ at the moment.
While in this frame of mind can not achieve much and facing the realities of my life is not easy.

April, 1 2021 at 8:07 pm

This has actually recently happened to me with a childhood love as well. He showed so much love and promised he'd never leave again as this happened 20 years ago with him and I. He eventually started not texting at night, then say it was too much pressure and wouldn't answer texts. Not until I read about bipolar disorder did I put two and two together. It definitely caused me so much pain that I experienced when he did this 20 years ago. I can only imagine it happening down the road. Its almost like you are mourning the perso because you don't know if you'll ever see that person you felt so connected to again. Thank you for sharing your story.

Staying strong
June, 22 2021 at 9:04 am

Ryan, just curious if you 2 are back on track. I too have been educating myself on BP. My husband just snapped one day, April 28 & told me he hasn’t loved me in months & wants a divorce. We are at 2 months now & he basically ghosts me when we aren’t together & he travels for work. I know he isn’t a cheater so I just accept & go on living my life. I don’t reach out because the lack of response will feel like rejection. It’s very sad and lonely. I feel like my wonderful, loving husband died & I’m mourning his death. The man that comes home & chats with me isn’t my husband. The guy I know & love told me daily how much he loves me & left vm’s constantly of how much he loves me. Now he talks about how we can be friends once we do or e. I’ve hired an atty. either we’ll get back on track or divorce. Who knows. He had an episode like this 5 years ago and we did divorce & I moved out. We were apart only a few weeks & he begged me back. It was a crazzy roller coaster ride for almost a year. I thought he learned and we have had a wonderful life since then. I now realize he has bp. I didn’t know at the time & it was extremely painful. Now I know more & am handling it much differently. His mom always causes tons of stress in our marriage. Now I realize she has it too! I know I should run….FASSST. But I’m committed & am determined to stick it out. I actually feel sorry for anyone in that much pain & emotional despair.
Just remember if you try having a reasonable conversation with a person who is ill, it won’t be a reasonable conversation. They have no filter & may say something hurtful, so save it until they are well again. I have a journal I vent my feelings & it feels better. I also now have a therapist to talk to & she helps me as well.

March, 14 2021 at 11:49 am

Thanks everyone for sharing your stories. I have a couple of people in my life with bipolar disjunction. . When on medication they can seemingly function normally. I have one friend that goes back 60 years. We have been close. Somewhere around 5 years ago I noticed her erratic behavior. We don’t live in the same city so this became apparent when she visited us. Unfiltered and no boundaries the behavior was quite a shock. I won’t go into details but after 5 days of that and speaking with her family members much came to the surface. She said she hadn’t brought enough meds with her. Whether or not that was true she had people feeling like babysitters before she went home. She would have periods of normalcy. For a time afterwards she lived with her daughter and that not working well for the household she went to a half way house of a sort where meds would be sorted. Then she finally got her own place. Our friendship has been through many phases. I decided to move nearby because I had not recognized patterns to her behavior changing and getting worse over time. We had many conversations where she seemed herself, doing the right thing to get help. Now that I am here, after and for many months she has cut me out of her life. I was hurt at first even angry. I am approaching indifferent as I have decided to cut ties with her. It is too much of a roller coaster. Also my husband and I will be moving back to where we came from. I read somewhere a statement that addresses this issue very well. Having bipolar doesn’t give you a free pass to treat friends with no respect. So we move on. She is on meds, found a new therapist and has a life even in the pandemic. The difference is I am not in it, but it is my choice not hers.

April, 12 2021 at 4:37 pm

My story is similar with the ghosting when he’s upset. He drove home at midnight after an imagined slight/completely illogical after two huge glasses of wine. Would not answer the phone all night and next day. Returned things we had bought together. I have many examples of drama and pain and immaturity. We only dated for 4 months but he was so incredibly loving and sweet when not in a mood. I was never allowed to have my own moods/he could not handle it and they were mild compared to his. He insulted me SO bad the other night as we crawled into bed. I was up all night with tears and waves of stress. I begged him to apologize and he insisted he meant it and that “it was not that bad”. The entire 4 months have been either extremely loving or extremely irritable. That day I made him leave his key and take his things out of my house. All he had to do was acknowledge my pain. I just don’t understand it but it’s on par with the whole way the relationship has been. This happened yesterday and although I feel relief I still love him and want to make sure he’s ok. He is ignoring my texts and phone calls completely. I’m sure by now I’m “against him” like “everybody else”. I know in my heart I did the right thing because I’m recovering from a car accident and I also have my own mental health to worry about. I know my life with him would be very hard. It’s all so painful. I hope he sticks with his new therapist and that we can work it out one day. If anyone would like to answer this post I would really appreciate it. He’s such a tortured soul who literally does not know how to have a respectful, adult conversation geared towards resolution. Instead he just escalates. I feel my own mental health regressing.

April, 26 2021 at 8:36 am

I am seeing my relationship in these stories. My partner of over 20 years does the same thing. He is bipolar but refuses treatment. One minute he is hypomanic, saying foolish things about nothing. Then he gets irritated, puts me down for no reason or for something very minor. Sometimes this passes but at times he goes into a deep depression, talks about suicide, and completely ghosts me. If I’m with him at the time, he sleeps literally all day, refuses to talk and gets verbally abusive if I try to talk to him. If I’m at my own place, he will stop answering his phone or texts. It is very difficult to deal with. The past two days he has slept all day and refuses to interact with me at all.

October, 12 2021 at 5:07 pm

I don't have experience with this, but it sounds like you need to give him an ultimatum of getting treatment or walking out. I've been reading the other comments in this thread and it sounds like, no matter how hard he convinces you (or you convince yourself), the emotional rollercoaster is going to continue forever.

April, 24 2021 at 4:30 am

This was really helpful to find that other people are in the same boat. I’ve been in a long distance relationship on and off for 17 years. I started talking to this guy when I was 13. He had a damaged childhood, with his mum dying from cancer when we were 15, followed by his dad committing suicide shortly after, and abuse from his step dad the following years. He’s extremely broken. We talked for hours everyday through the night and leaned on each other through our teens. At 23, my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and when I told my guy, he couldn’t handle the pain of it and disappeared for 5 years. I was unable to trace him down. Eventually I moved to Canada from England and one day when looking him up I found his old social media account had been reactivated. We got back in touch and it’s like nothing had ever happened. He told me he was diagnosed with bipolar shortly after my dad passed away in 2014 and was in a bad way, but he had kept an eye on my progress and thought I hated him for leaving me, so he thought I’d be better off. We fell back in love and he made many attempts to visit me in Canada although his anxiety and mentality stopped him every time. After a year, I decided to fly back to England to bring him back with me. We both quit our jobs and decided to start a fresh together in Canada even though this was during the pandemic.
Since being back in the uk, we have still not gotten together. he has had many depressive episodes and has now ghosted me around 6 times in the past 6 months, sometimes due to having covid, or the death of his grandfather. It hurts me every time he goes because I’m always anxious he won’t be back. He’s now been gone for 10 days. Not the longest time, but it’s a struggle being here with no income and needing to get home through these tough times. He’s the love of my life and when things are good, we are incredibly strong and loving. But it really takes a toll on my own mental health. I’m trying to be understanding and I’ve never given him the feeling that I would consider giving up on him. We know each other better than anyone else could and it’s important to me that he understands he deserves love and happiness just like anyone else. But my heart goes out to all those with this disorder. There is someone out there who will prioritise you. You just need to let them help you.

Hurt too many times by crazy bi-polar partner
August, 2 2021 at 10:50 am

Your comment at the end: he deserves love and happiness tells me everything about you. YOU DESERVE love and happiness! You deserve someone you can count on to be there for YOU during your hard times. We can call this but-polar or we could call it narcissistic and selfish behavior. Your guy is not your guy. He is a user and he plays you like a fiddle. Your self esteem at this point has to be like a pancake on the pavement. I’m sorry. Bi-polar or not your boyfriend is not a healthy choice and your life is now adding up to decades of disappointment. He needs help but not yours. He needs a psychiatrist’s help and meds. I won’t devote more precious time to his life long issues. It’s you I am concerned about. Run! Leave. Find a healthy partner who you can count on to be reliable and loving. This is not a 2 way relationship. Your life is passing you by. This relationship is going to scar you forever if you don’t move on, let go emotionally and make better choices in a life partner. I say run as fast as you can back to Canada and keep any conversation with him infrequent and superficial with no plans for the future.

April, 27 2021 at 9:07 am

I’ve been in a relationship for a year with a guy with bipolar. In that time I’ve seen and supported some of the worst highs and lows and he has trusted me with that implicitly. This time however as an episode has been brewing, he has decided to take personal offence to comment I made about myself, and some how completely twisted this as being a criticism of him. I’ve spent hours trying to support reassure and have been resolute in that but it’s not enough. As a result has been very nasty name calling and taken to blocking me everywhere. Very worrying behaviour not knowing if he’s okay etc but I also believe we both need a break. Kinda hopeful at some point he will unblock and we can discuss but also preparing for worst case also. Very sad given how we connect amazingly and love each other very deeply but can’t help but think maybe this is for best. Clearly I’m not what he needs or we wouldn’t be where we are today

April, 28 2021 at 8:33 am

So sad to see you’re going through this too. Can I ask how you deal with the fact he’s blocked you out? I’ve been shut out for two weeks with my guy now and I’m struggling to refrain from bombarding him with messages. How do you go from being someone’s everything to feeling like you no longer exist?

June, 2 2021 at 11:13 pm

Everything seemed great until I graduated and he became distant. Stopped coming home at a decent time, stopped texting me, totally withdrew himself and blamed me for being pregnant. I left and he never contacted me more than a week. I went home finally and laid by him crying and telling him I loved him. No response until after awhile he turned around and hugged me and says he doesn’t trust me. Says it’s my fault and I’m the problem but proceeds to maintain a relationship with me. Since then I gave him space and come home in the evenings. I learned not to take anything personal. It’s not the real them it’s the disease that makes them like this.

August, 26 2021 at 8:11 pm

This. I’m so struggling with this. All I want to do is lash out because I’m so hurt that I continually get pushed away. But I know that won’t help anything. But I don’t know how to deal with the pain of being without him.

September, 1 2021 at 10:00 pm

Bittersweet seeing this. Comforting to know I’m not the only one going through it but now realizing it’s a pattern and it’s probably never gonna change.

May, 26 2021 at 4:01 pm

Me and my partner was together for 8 months everything was great spend every night together we bought presents great we was good together says I'm best partner he had. We had few arguments like we all do then he had alot of crap lately lost his house, cat had to go to his dad's, work been hard then he crashed his truck all stress then he snapped now down sad depression breakdown. Total shock he like a different person. We don't live together but since his illnesses we now never see each other or hear from him. Shock everything was great it like he blaming me for everything he sees his mates family not me. For last month it been hard I've cried not slept he pushing me away. I sent thinking of you card every week even once a week went up drop goodie bag of for him to his neighbour to give never even got a thankyou. Then surprise we met week ago could see he was not the guy I new down sad quite. But he bought new truck had hair done new clothes. Then said SHOCK maybe we be friends what I said no I don't want that. I cried so much when I got home. Was that low surprised I thought this it im sick of this. I've stood by you now this. I was at one point thought my life ended told him in a text im done I dint get a reply. Not even next day. For all he new I could be dead on floor. He replied back im ill I don't need all this crap I said all about you. WHAT has happened to this guy. what do I do driving me mad week now no contact ???? I think he got Bioplar

June, 9 2021 at 1:45 pm

Hello all,
It never ends. It will keep happening over and over again.
Don't put anything financially in their name and leave run ASAP
It never stops

June, 23 2021 at 10:40 pm

Do people in an episode appreciate kindness and/or encouraging messages here and there while in an episode/pulling away/being closed off? Even if they may not respond?

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