Anxiety and Overthinking Everything

Hello Julian,
Having intrusive thoughts is frightening and frustrating for many people who experience them, and they do contribute to anxiety. I would never minimize who you are or what you're experiencing by trying to diagnose you online and based on just a little bit of info. That wouldn't be helpful! I am wondering though, if you have had anyone mention obsessive-compulsive disorder to you. Obsessions are intrusive thoughts while compulsions are behaviors done to alleviate the thoughts (like counting, checking things, etc.). What many people don't know is that you don't have to have both obsessions and compulsions to have OCD. Having both is the most common, but you can have one without the other -- you can have intrusive thoughts like what you've described without having compulsions. Again, I'm definitely not in a position to make a diagnosis. I'm just mentioning this as something to possibly think about and ask a therapist or psychologist about.

Hi Sofia,
I'll start with something important: No, what you described does not sound stupid! Your feelings aren't only normal for being a teenager and in high school, they are very okay. When asked, most adults say they would never go back to high school if they could, and there are good reasons for that. This stage of development involves a lot of exploration, testing out different ways you want to be, finding independence yet still wanting to belong to groups like friends and family (and sometimes not wanting to be part of all that!). We grow and change and explore all throughout life, but in high school its particularly intense because this is the first time you're doing it on a more mature level. It's not simple. So please go easy on yourself. From what you wrote, it sounds like you used to have more self-assurance, and you liked that. It also sounds like you want to have that again and maybe make some changes how you see yourself or choices you make. These are great and signs of maturity -- if someone is immature, they can't self-reflect on this level. Because you can visualize this, and because you want this, you can make changes. You're right about behaviors becoming a habit. It probably does feel like you can't change, but that is just an illusion, a false belief (we all have them -- it's part of being human). Just because your mind tells you you can't change doesn't make it true. When I get confused or anxious or stressed and start overthinking things, getting caught up in regrets, feeling insecure, I do three things that are really helpful: first, I stop paying attention to my thoughts and emotions. They're still there, I just don't follow them. Next, I figure out what I want in my life right now -- what's important to me? Then, based on that, I decide on some actions, little things I can do every day to work toward what I want. I push thoughts of what I don't want out of my mind and keep acting toward what I want. Taking little steps, some action, actually increases my confidence as it moves me forward. Feel free to try this if you want to. Doing this is a way of life rather than a quick fix, so be patient with yourself. Truly, you sound like a strong young woman with a lot going for her. Your level of self-awareness is great. I bet there are a lot of other great things about you. Think more about those than you do the very human mistakes. :)

Hi Grant,
Thank you so much for your comment. I appreciate knowing that this was a little helpful (or at least something you could relate to and see that you're not alone). I understand the feeling that your mind takes control. I have personal experience with that feeling! Does it help to know that you really can develop control over your mind's overthinking? I do continue to overthink, but I don't listen anymore. (Oh, and I'm sorry about what happened with your relationship. Maybe you can try to reconnect??)

Hi Jack,
I'm sorry that you have been going through this. I'm sure it is very hard to stay confident, and no, you aren't stupid for any of this. It sounds like you were stuck in a very toxic friendship and others jumped on board with the name calling, etc. I have something for you to think about. People act this way because of their own insecurities and problems. (And let's face it, there are people who are just jerks, and they're that way to everyone -- but it feels like you're the only one they treat horribly). I say this confidently because I've been in high schools as a teacher and counselor and as a human I've experienced horrible treatment. You've been dealing with this for an incredibly long time, and it makes sense that you are feeling the way you do. The important part, and the part that shows how much stronger you are than the bullies (seriously, people who act like that are pretty weak because that's the only way they know how to make themselves feel better or to deal with problems in their life). There's a big difference between having these thoughts and feelings and acting on them. I'm going to give you a link to a list of hotline numbers and other resources. There are people who can talk to you and help you figure out your next steps. Using these resources will help you move forward and live the life you want to without these bullies and toxic people stopping you. It's very possible for you. You've already reached out so you're past the first step. You've got this, and you'll come to believe it. I sincerely wish you the best.

Hi Elle,
Anxiety can come from many different sources. A very legitimate cause of anxiety is past experiences. Prior negative experiences with people can cause you to lose trust in what people are up to now. Many things can help with this. Working with a therapist can be great because he/she can help you figure out if your thoughts are accurate (as in based on real events and actions of others), and they can help you overcome anxiety about what others are saying/doing. There are good self-help books, too. For this type of anxiety, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) are particularly useful. It's definitely possible to overcome this anxiety!

Hello Austin,
The things you describe can definitely be symptoms of anxiety and depression -- including changes in behavior. With new symptoms like this, it's often wise to consult a doctor, as these symptoms can be part of other things, too. A doctor can help treat anxiety or refer you to someone that is a good fit. Something important to realize: there isn't a "problem" with who you are. You are experiencing something that is causing problems for you, but you yourself aren't a problem.

Hi Michelle,
It's good that you have seen a doctor to make sure that you are physically healthy. There are other people you can see now for help, such as a counselor, therapist, or psychologist. A mental health specialist can evaluate you, knows the right questions to ask, and can work with you to overcome what is bothering you. This could be phobia-based, or it could be something different. You might want to look up body dysmorphic disorder to see if anything fits with your experiences. I encourage you to seek help, as you don't have to live with these feelings forever.

Hello, RK,
First and very important: you don't have an "idiot thought." Our thoughts are what they are. When they're so bothersome, of course we want to do something about them, but that doesn't mean that you or your thoughts are idiots! Sometimes we get stuck in events and thoughts, and that can cause things like anxiety and depression. Have you ever heard of an approach to therapy called acceptance and commitment therapy? The focus is on accepting things that can't be changed and taking action to move forward toward the life you want. It's very helpful for many people in many situations, and it sounds like your situation could be a good fit for ACT. You can read about it on your own just by Googling it, and there are also therapists who practice ACT. It might be something to consider learning about to see if you think it's a good fit for you.

Hi Tanya,
The mind can do all sorts of things! Including being obnoxious. The very short and oversimplified answer is yes, the mind can imagine symptoms that feel very real. I've read that medical students commonly feel the symptoms of diseases they're studying. That said, symptoms can be caused by an underlying condition. Consulting with your doctor and the general surgeon is wise. That way, they can take care of a problem that is really there, or they can rule out problems and reassure you that nothing is wrong. Because you successfully reduced health anxiety once, the chances are very high that you will do it again once you take care of this matter. And it's very natural to worry about symptoms. That is the mind at work in a positive way, prompting you to take action. Which you're doing! then you'll be informed and know what to do next. I hope everything turns out well and that you get a good report.

I agree with Clayton. I'd donate too. Normally, I wouldn't post but this blog was so good, I couldn't help it.

Hi Nicholas,
I'm really glad that this was helpful. Sometimes sorting out and giving words to what we're experiencing is incredibly helpful. I think journaling is a great way to untangle things so they can be dealt with. Other readers will likely appreciate reading what works for someone else. Thank you for commenting and sharing!

Hi Rob,
Thank you for your comment. I agree with you that switching off overthinking is difficult to do. Imagining the worst situations in one area tends to transfer to other areas, too. It truly doesn't have to be this way forever. Thankfully!

Hi Mariah,
Anxiety and overthinking, creating worse-case scenarios, etc. is definitely stressful. Sometimes it can be a helpful start to remind yourself (every time!) that just because anxiety puts a thought in your head doesn't mean it's accurate. Turn your attention to the evidence on the outside. It's a process, but it's a do-able process!

I have that same problem and have found if You're not careful you create a self fulfilling prophecy. What I mean is your constant worrying changes how you think and therefore how you act. The outcome is you create striff that wouldn't be there if you thoughts were more positive. This extra tension often drives a wedge into the relationship.
Looking at it in a more positive and realistic light does help. If he's over the previous issue, as he says, then all is well. If he still has a problem, only time will tell. The worst that can happen is he moves on. Although painful, all the worry in the world won't change the outcome.

Hi Edgar,
I think many, many people will relate to your comment -- myself included! It is absolutely a thinking pattern, and awareness of it is the first step in breaking away from it. Once you're aware (which you seem to be), you can start to intentionally turn your thoughts to positive, realistic things. It's a process -- and one that works! Thank you for your comment.

Hi Tori,
A pharmacist or medical doctor should have great information about the correlation between anxiety and birth control. I've seen mixed reports on how much hormonal birth control causes/contributes to anxiety. It does seem that there is a relationship, which makes sense given the fact that hormones in birth control seem to affect neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine. You're wise in listening to your body and mind. Everyone is unique and has different responses to birth control and other medications. And speaking of medication, anxiety medication can be helpful for some but it's not for everyone. It is definitely possible to reduce and manage anxiety without it.

Hi Alex,
You're not alone. Anxiety and depression commonly occur together. This link will take you to a couple of articles that discuss dealing with depression and anxiety: https://www.healthyplace.com/depression/anxiety-and-depression/anxiety-and-depression-art…

Hi Ana,
That is a lot to deal with, and it would increase anyone's anxiety (and probably create new anxiety if none existed). I think that perhaps without realizing it you might have hit on a starting point. You referred to wanting a break. That is completely normal and okay and doesn't make you a bad mother. We all need breaks. They're a vital part of our wellbeing, including anxiety management. You might try working even short breaks (5 minutes) throughout the day. Go to a place where you are alone and have some quiet. I don't know if you've heard of the humorist and life columnist Erma Bombeck. She used to say that she'd hide on the floor of the backseat of her car just to have a break from her kids, who she loved dearly. Try taking several small breaks each day and breath deeply, read a few pages of a book, breathe in scented oils, or anything healthy that you find pleasurable and relaxing. This won't solve all of your struggles in an instant, but it's a good start to taking control of your world. Also, visiting in person with a therapist can be incredibly helpful in sorting things out and making plans. By working at this in pieces, maybe starting with breaks, you can overcome it.

You're most definitely not a bad person (one indication is that just the thought of being a bad person can trigger panic attacks). Also, you're not bad in questioning your thoughts about your boyfriend/being with your boyfriend. Relationships are huge, and they can be strange for adults who have been trying to navigate relationships for decades. Part of what you're doing at 17 is thinking about your life ahead of you. What do you want? What don't you want? It's natural to think of your relationship with your boyfriend, too. That doesn't mean you don't love him. The anxiety this causes is very real and understandable. Finding someone to talk to about this, a trusted adult or friend, could be very helpful.

Oh my god, I’m literally in the same exact situation as you. I know I love him so much and when I’m with him, these thoughts and feelings disappear. When I’m not with him though, I get similar thoughts to you and it makes me panic. It’s terrible, I overthink everything, every little thought. It’s been consuming my mind for a while

Hi Jerry,
Depression and anxiety can be stubborn. Medication takes time to work, and often it falls short by itself. Do you have access to mental health professionals? If not in person, you might consider looking for online therapy services. A professional can help you deal with fear, anxiety, depression, and overthinking. Something you can start on right away is taking time every day to take several slow, deep breaths. This actually creates positive changes in the brain. While doing this, you can visualize something that makes you calm and happy. You can also practice mindfulness. When you find yourself overthinking, use all of your senses to pay attention to the present moment. What is really happening around you? What good is within you and around you, etc. Doing these things can start to provide immediate relief in moments while you work with someone to create more strategies.

Hello Robin,
I'm so happy that you'd like to give this a try. I know you'll have good news to report, and I'm looking forward to reading about it! Be patient with yourself, as our thoughts can take root deeply. It's possible to stop overthinking. If I can do it, anyone can. :)