Which Is Worse: Anxiety or Bipolar Disorder?

Like many people, I have been diagnosed with more than just anxiety. While it is possible to be diagnosed with just an anxiety disorder, I was not fortunate enough to be one of those people. As I have discussed before in this blog, I have co-occurring bipolar and anxiety disorders.

As readers of my blog will know, each of these disorders is awful in its own way. Occasionally, I’m asked which one I hate more. Sometimes, I wonder this, myself.

I Hate Anxiety Disorder

It shouldn't be a surprise that I hate anxiety disorder. It is a burden to break into panic attacks without notice. It can be embarrassing to explain to the people around me why I am sweating profusely, why my heart is racing, and why all the words coming out of my mouth don’t form actual sentences.

Anxiety has prevented me from doing the things I want to do and it has “whispered” horrible things into my subconscious. Anxiety has made feel worthless, hated, and alone on more than one occasion and, despite my best efforts, it always has a way of gaining the upper hand at the worst times.

I Hate Bipolar Disorder

And of course, I hate bipolar disorder, too. Bipolar disorder has built up my confidence to the point of making me feel euphoric and god-like. The highs of mania have reached such epic levels that I have lost touch with reality. Bipolar disorder has cost me friends and strained my relationships with family members.

Bipolar disorder has also pushed me into the darkness and held me there. It has convinced my brain that suicide is a reasonable outcome. It is has paralyzed me with a sadness so deep that I was barely able to move. Bipolar disorder has literally tried to kill me.

Picking Which is Worse between Anxiety and Bipolar Disorder

It isn’t easy picking which is worse between anxiety and bipolar disorders. Both illnesses have caused me a great amount of pain and suffering. In my case, the disorders have also teamed up on me. Bipolar depression, as an example, is often accompanied by severe anxiety.

The reality is that I am not able to get rid of either one of them, not entirely. I have a good support system, treatment team, and a positive outlook. Bipolar and anxiety disorders seem to have a pretty tight bond, however. I can’t prevent them from working together, but I can be clear that I consider them both to be giant pains.

If I had to pick a “winner” I would say that bipolar disorder is worse. The whiplash effect of alternating between suicidal thoughts and god-like euphoria can be crippling to my psyche.

That said, I really can’t get over the sneakiness of my anxiety disorder teaming up with a more ruthless disorder to ensure it can keep its hold on me. But, ultimately, it is even more amazing how often the winner in all these battles is me.

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