Fear of Losing Someone You Love
Fear of losing someone you love is a common fear. (Or something happening to someone you love.) These fears comes from a great love. The fear is love. But once you realize the love, and take action on that, there is no point to the fear. Fear is immobilizing, love is energizing.
Remember, the biological reason for fear is to get us to act, after the action, the fear is pointless. (Worse than pointless, as it hurts you.)
In this article, I am going to share something that will hopefully change this fear. At first, we fear losing something because everything is impermanent. Everything changes. But there is one thing important we neglect when we fear impermanence. Here it is:
Even Loss is Impermanent
This, too, passes.
In this tangled web of life, we are all connected. Our minds, hearts and souls are in sync with the world around us. When we are not connected to that world–when we feel separate–it is often expressed in mental health problems.
Anxiety, anger and depression come from a sense of disconnection. Anxiety makes us afraid of where we are are going; that we could lose something, miss an opportunity, or be inadequate. It makes us fear losing someone we love. We have to think we are separate, or different, to feel this way. Depression makes us feel bereft, isolated, left out, unloved and like we don't belong anywhere–separate. Anger comes from a sense of injustice that happened to us–it stems from an "us-them" mentality.
All of these are in our mind. We create a world where we are separate and don't belong, and victimized and then we feel worse and worse. Where, in reality, this makes us blind to the love we do have in our lives, blind to the people who care about us, and blind to our own contributions in life. This is lose-lose.
Take Action. Reduce Fear
There are many ways to take action instead of being immobilized by fear. For example: spend time with the person, tell them you love them, show them you love them, keep them company, offer them help, and thank them. All of these actions will help you feel more connected and lessen the fear.
Fear of Losing Someone You Love
If we remembered that we are connected, our hearts would warm and our grief would ease. When we bring to mind the unbreakable bonds between us and a loved one, as well as the influence those have had on our life, the fear of loving someone you love would decrease.
People are afraid it is too late. It is never too late. Even if someone dies–the relationship–the influence goes on, and so we can do something. As long as the "relationship" is there, we can mold it, and make new meaning around it. (Meaning that includes connection rather than loss. Meaning that includes positive self identity of love and caring.)
This makes all the difference in how we feel: bereft or connected.
Have you been immobilized by the fear of losing someone you love?
Lobozzo, J. (2012, November 28). Fear of Losing Someone You Love, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2020, July 12 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/anxiety-schmanxiety/2012/11/fear-of-losing-someone-you-love
Author: Jodi Lobozzo Aman, LCSW-R
I have been in a relationship for 4 1/2 mos nkw. My anxiety has gotten to a breaking point of realization, that I deal with anxiety. My boyfriend has been receiving the bad part of it. I have been approaching him about this almost daily, trying to explain to him how it has taken over me and tried to show him that I am getting educated on it through self help podcasts . I continously fear that talking to him has now pushed him away emotionally and drained him . What can I do?
I am a new mom of 3montgs boy. We were so happy in our 4years marriage n then being parents, suddenly everything changed. My spouse got a brain stroke after a week of my delivery. He is mostly recovered now but still has clot in brain. He is just 33 and our parenthood just started. I m always worried abt him, that I may loose him.. Can't think of living without him..please tell me how to be positive here..
This makes all the difference in how we feel: bereft or connected."
That doesn't make sense to me. The loved one is gone. The relationship is over.
So since young I have a fear of having people to leave. I have been to funerals of my dad's brother, his step mother, my grand aunt and recently to my grandmother's. Their death were all very sudden for me and I used to not know what death was to be honest. I am diagnosed with Anxiety and mild depression but I never told the doctor that I am actually just suffering from fear of losing people around me. Currently, friends and relatives have left me and its an on going cycle for me. And all I have left was my family. I realised that I began to rather stay at home than to go to school because I know my family will return home. But now, I am even fearing what if they don't come back one day. It keeps me up at night every night and caused me insomnia. I have no idea how many times have I broken down in tears this year just fearing the lost of them one day. I was so stuck with myself and could not move on and yet I am also afraid of my family having to leave me. Its like I rather die than to have them leave me but I feel so guilty when I think about suicide because I will be the one leaving my family behind. I felt like I shouldn't be thinking such things and I feel that if anything, I don't want my family to suffer but I don't want them to leave me too. I feel so horrible and lost. Please tell me what should I do or at least advise me on something.
I hope this article helped you. I know it did help me. I hope that you felt the same peace that I did when it wrote about all of us being connected. We are all just energy. We are made out of molecules that are balls of energy and it is in our brain where we separate ourselves from one another. You said that your way of life is not a way to live. You should be happy that those people in your life are a part of you and influenced and molded you. Their legacy lives on in you. Energy cannot be created or destroyed and you cannot lose the part of you that is them. I hope this brings you peace. Try not to be afraid and go out and spread more love with your husband and new friends! I will pray that things look up for you, Sally.
Someone who cares
Some may say if I can get pass my dad's death, I can get over this as well. But no, I know it will definitely be different from losing my dad. My dad was rather irresponsible; he smoked and slept at home all day, my mum even had to pay for his expenses apart from all the food and bills. There was a time my dad even beat my mum and brother after a quarrel over money. I definitely have a lot of resentment towards my dad, but still I took a very long time to get over his death. If that's the case, I'm not sure if I could even survive without my mum, who sacrifice so much for the family.
Right now, my mum is almost 60 but still works as a house cleaner 7 days a week to support our family since my brother is in the uni now. I'm currently working full time but my salary is not that much to support the whole family and the best I could do is reduce my mum's burden by giving her a huge portion of my salary. I will also help to do as much chores as I could to reduce her work loads. However, I feel like no matter what I do, I will still lose her sooner or later. By the time me and my brother could finally repay her, the time is going to be extremely limited. When I see that my mum is getting so much older and weaker, it just breaks my heart. I know I shouldn't be so negative and should be cherishing all the moments I have with my love ones instead of griefing over the loss of it in advance, and if I focus so much on the bad things I will not be able to enjoy anything at all but I couldn't help it. Whenever we are having a good time, I will always thought of it ending, and true enough, it ends. That greatly contributed to my fear and now this fear has really taken over my life. Each passing day is like a nightmare to me, and it's bringing me closer to the end of happiness by force. I can't sleep at night with all these thoughts of losing. I want to stop that, which is why I'm reading this article and many others related to this issue but it didn't seem to help me.
I really want to live a normal life like how I used to and enjoy every single day of my life, without having the constant fear that is haunting me now.. but I couldn't find any help..
Repair the trust that he lost in you or just let him move on so yaw both can be free.. @ the end of the day you have to find securefor yoruself
Thanks hope after reading this i will feel much better!
I was so devastated when my husband was diagnosed. He really has been my rock. He has seen me through my tears of our sweet son, my life support episode,a broken leg, a hip replacement and my knee replacement.
He has gone on and said he's not worried at all. He's so sweet and loving to me and helps me so much since I have a hard time walking.
I SO fear losing him. he has a five year prognosis of 67%. I can't even begin to imagine life without him. I am an emotional wreck. I don't sleep well, I have anxiety attacks,depression and cry at the drop of a hat. I am on Meds for anxiety and depression and am looking into counseling. But nothing seems to help I am so scared.