Are Your Anxious Thoughts Trustworthy?

Hi Barbara,
Your statement captures one of the frustrating things about anxiety. It feels real. The thoughts feel real. After all, they come from our own mind. It is indeed difficult. As hard as it seems, you can overcome. One effective thing to do is to tune in to your thoughts. Recognize them. Then begin to question them. Are the worries justified? Maybe, but to what degree? What is the likelihood of the consequences actually happening? How hurtful would they really be? Are there other possible outcomes than the ones your anxiety is imagining? It's a process to change thinking, and sadly it doesn't happen overnight. But keep at it, and you'll overcome.

Hello Alex,
I'm very glad that this was helpful just at the right time. I like how you worded that -- that you were starting to let them unravel you. That's a great description because that's just what anxious thoughts do. It's powerful that you were able to recognize it and take charge instead of letting the thoughts be in control. We all need reminders of this!

Hi Fran,
I appreciate your comment/thoughts. Regarding your first point about CBT and people's beliefs, I've seen that too. I think it's good that CBT is becoming increasingly known because it can be such a helpful tool. The unfortunate part about this is that it is often oversimplified and it can come off as a shallow, just-snap-out-of-it approach. As you know, it's more complex than that, but it does have that reputation, and that's frustrating for people (and there are so very many) who have received the message that they should just get over anxiety and depression and that they should just employ mind over matter. I think when people learn that there's more to it than this, they'll be more receptive. Personally, I wasn't sold on CBT at first for the very reasons you mention.
I do believe that CBT can be very effective for both anxiety and depression. CBT helps people interpret their world (both their inner world and the outer world) differently and more objectively. The way we think definitely contributes to anxiety and depression. That said, I think that while CBT can be a very effective component to therapy, I personally believe (after studying the plethora of counseling theories, working with people, and considering my own mental health struggles) that a holistic approach is usually the most effective way to beat anxiety and depression. Thoughts are definitely part of what's going on, but so are emotions, behaviors, and personal backgrounds. They all mix together to contribute to both anxiety and depression, so it makes sense to address all areas. CBT is great for the thoughts but other areas should be healed, too. (Now I will admit that there are many approaches and many therapists and not everyone will agree with each other on what is best!). I'm wondering if you have found CBT to be effective with anxiety and depression.

Hi Emily,
While in life there are of course real worries and real fears, with anxiety, fears and worries become magnified. Our minds imagine horrible consequences to something that, in reality, probably won't have a horrible impact. (For example, if I have a confrontation with someone, I become very anxious and imagine all sorts of negative things happening -- and I'll fret over it day and night for a long time -- but in reality nothing actually happens beyond the discomfort of the confrontation.) Anxiety loves to make our thoughts race and spin out of control. So yes, many times our anxiety-stimulated brains make problems seem worse or situations seem real. A powerful way to help stop this from happening is known as cognitive-behavioral therapy. The "cognitive" part refers to our thoughts, thoughts that blow things out of proportion. It involves becoming aware of our thoughts, stopping them, questioning them, and replacing them with different, more likely possibilities. There are many self-help books available about CBT -- check your library. And many therapists are trained in the technique. Working through anxiety with a professional can be very helpful. (Oh, and by the way, your comment made perfect sense to me!)

Hello Ann!
You are most definitely not alone. The thoughts you shared are very common among people with anxiety (and other mental health issues, too). I've learned from my own personal experiences that when people do react poorly, just as you described, it's because they don't understand. It's not that you are "weird" or "being silly" -- it's that they are ignorant of what anxiety is really like. Knowing that doesn't change things, but it can change how you feel about yourself. HealthyPlace was created to be exactly what you mentioned, to be a comforting place where people can feel safe and supported gathering information and sharing their experience. It's empowering to be able to be heard and to listen and to know that you're not alone. I hope you keep coming back! :)

Hello AnxiousOne,
It's important for you to know that this "relapse" is normal. Anxiety can flare up when we least expect it, even when it's been out of the picture for a long time. Triggers usually set it off; sometimes we can identify them (as you can -- the though of bipolar disorder seems to be very worrisome for you), and sometimes we can't pinpoint a trigger. Re-discovering techniques that have previously been effective can be quite helpful, as can addressing the source of the anxiety. Online quizzes/tests can be useful tools in helping people identifying what they're experiencing and in providing a tool for discussion with a doctor or therapist. They're not meant to actually diagnose, and it's easy to get caught up in them. Taking your results with you to a doctor or therapist could be quite beneficial. You might discover that you do have bipolar disorder, in which case you can begin to treat it and reduce your anxiety in the process. Or, you could learn that you do not have bipolar disorder; having confirmation from a professional can go a long way toward reducing anxiety. Do know that you have been able to reduce anxiety in the past, and you'll be able to do so again.

Hello Nile,
Thank you for your very kind comments! I appreciate them. Thank you, too, for the rest of your comment. I love discussing things like this, but the people around me don't always appreciate it. :) As I ponder this, I think that anxious thoughts may or may not be considered "authentic." They definitely aren't true, reliable, trustworthy, or accurate -- they are part of automatic negative thoughts, which include negative self-talk. So by this definition of "authentic," anxious thoughts are most certainly not authentic.
My original thought was that they are indeed real thoughts. They're not something that someone fabricates for attention, and they're not a result of someone purposely magnifying things or blowing them out of proportion. It can be frustrating and disheartening when someone finds his anxious thoughts dismissed as unnecessary, dramatic, etc. In this regard, I consider anxious thoughts to be authentic -- but inaccurate.
That's a bit of exploration of the topic of authenticity. I'd love to read your response if you are so inclined.

Hi Elizabeth,
I'm so glad to know that my writing is helpful. Thank you! And yes, your comment makes perfect sense. Your question is a very good one that applies to all types of anxiety as well as obsessive-compulsive disorders. Our mind can distort things and make us think certain things, including that we have to do things to overcome fear and anxiety. While taking action, doing things to move yourself forward toward where you want to be) is incredibly important, doing things simply for the sake of doing them isn't helpful -- especially when they aren't in your best interest. It's a delicate balance. You don't want to become paralyzed by fear (it can easily happen), but you don't want to blindly do things that aren't actually helpful.
Two approaches that are very helpful for fear, anxiety, and overthinking are acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and mindfulness (mindfulness is part of ACT and it stands on it's own, too). Ironically "ACT" is pronounced like the word "act" because it does involve taking action. But it's purposeful, committed action that moves you toward what's important to you. Here are two articles on these subjects that I wrote on HealthyPlace a while back if you are interested in seeing if the information might fit you.
ACT article: https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/anxiety-schmanxiety/2015/07/stop-avoiding-anxiety-acce…
Mindfulness article: https://www.healthyplace.com/self-help/anxiety/using-mindfulness-for-anxiety-here-s-how

Hi Kayla,
Relationships are challenging, and they become even more so when one or both people have past trauma. Then add the distance, and anxiety on top of that, and it's very natural for you to have these anxious, negative thoughts and doubts. Often a helpful place to start is with your own values--what's important to you for your life. Does your boyfriend fit with those values (it's nice that you've lived together because you have a good idea of what he's like to be with)? Take your time with your answer. It seems simple, but it's not! Once you've decided on what's important to you, consider how well your boyfriend fits into your big picture. If you decide he's a good fit, then you can work through problems with him, but if he isn't, it may be better not to stay with him. You could even suggest that he consider his values and what's important to him, and you two could compare your lists. The key is to know what you want in life and relationships and talk openly about it. Of course, this is just one suggestion. Books on relationships and communication have many more ideas. Your local library might have good relationship self-help books. Knowing yourself and your values will help quiet your anxiety and clear your mind. Be patient with yourself!

Hi Jenny,
This kind of thinking and behavior can be incredibly frustrating and difficult to deal with in a relationship. By doing the things you mentioned and learning about what's going on, you are being supportive of your husband and yourself, too. I'm not in a position to diagnose or say with certainty what's going on, but I can share some thoughts. His thoughts and behaviors could definitely be anxiety related. It's also possible that there's something else going on. He could be experiencing paranoid delusions (delusions are beliefs in something that has no basis in reality but seem very real to the person experiencing them. Delusions can be part of schizophrenia, but they are only one component. Schizophrenia is complex and involves many other symptoms and effects, too. It might be helpful for your husband to see a doctor or psychiatrist. That's the only way to get to the root of the problem and to treat it properly. Unfortunately, it could be difficult to get him there, especially given his suspicion that people are checking on him for drug use. You don't want to lie of course (that might make things easier at first but could cause problems in the long run), but you might tell him that going to the doctor will help prove that he's not taking drugs (that's not actually a lie). Be patient with yourself, your husband, and the process. It is possible to treat and/or manage psychological conditions. You've already started down the right path.