Fear of Losing Someone You Love

Jodi,
I have been fearing the loss of a loved one for quite some time now. It began when a family I know lost their son suddenly. I began to fear the pain that comes with loosing someone I love. It tends to be one specific person that I fear of loosing the most, and I've noticed the person changes as time goes on. Reading your post gave me hope. I have been feeling like I am alone in this fear which has made it worst. I believe God led me to your post. I have been feeling weary in praying for freedom from fear, but your post has given me hope and a want to persevere in my prayer.
Thank you so much for your wisdom.
God bless,
Allison

When I was nine I met a girl at a mountain resort and we loved each other. A week later she left and we had not exchanged any contact details. 6 years later it still hearts a lot more than most people can emagine physically and mentally. I now have Philophobia- Fear of falling in love or being in love and the fear of losing someone.

Thank you so much for this!! I went searching for how to overcome fear of losing another loved one and ran across your article. I like your perspective and by just by reading it, I already feel that much better and are more at ease. I also appreciate some of the other comments as well. All have helped me Thank you:)

It helped me ....I am feeling helped by someone ,thank you soooo much

I'm feel my fear of being left is completely rational , my mother was murdered by my father when I was 1 , I was raised by my paternal grandparents whilst my father served 14 years in prison , we visited him in prison regularly until he was released when he then came home to us ,he stayed with us only for a short time until he met a woman and moved out and didn't then have any contact with me , this was his doing not mine , my gran who raised me then died suddenly when I was 19 , this made my feeling of everyone I love will leave me a lot worse , since then I have feared those closest to me are going to leave one day and I feel I have barriers up and not sure I do love properly

I started having bad anxiety at age 25, it usually comes about every time there is a big change which isn't unusual. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years with one break up period of 6 months. During that time I was riddled with anxiety and depression. Two months ago his younger brother died in an accident and since then he does not communicate with me and has pulled away. I understand it I do and I'm just being there for him in any way that I can but when I don't speak with him for what is sometimes days I am crippled with anxiety and fear that he is going to leave. I love this person very very much but the guessing game is slowly destroying me.

I am 67 and my fear of losing those I love came on when my mother died. Suddenly the next one is me. I have a wonderful husband and a wonderful best friend. I love them both probably too much. I am scared my friend will die - she is a lot older than me, but we are like sisters. When we are all together I am fine, but as soon as we are apart I am scared something will happen to her, or I'm scared something will happen to my husband. It's not totally irrational as we are all getting older. Most people see me as a confident person, but inside I'm like jelly.

I lost someone that I love she was every think to me she was my big fat sister and she past away and I am alone and empty and so sad and I go and sometime lock my self in the bedroom and cry I still love her so so so much we will always love you in our life......love from your little sister

I have had a huge fear of losing those I love for about as long as I can remember.
From childhood I was often in tears over the fear of losing my parents. I quit dance lessons because I couldn't handle the anxiety of waiting for my mum to pick me up, I was so afraid that she would get into an accident on her way.
As I grew losing partners became the biggest fear and now that I have children, naturally, losing them is my biggest fear, and it is at times debilitating and can sometimes interfere with my decision making. I am afraid to let them go somewhere without me. But I usually let them, because I don't want the fear to rule my life, although sometimes it is very hard.
I'm not entirely sure how to deal with it other than just accept it, and continue to not let it take over too much. Most of the time I do trust the universe but I am also afraid of that trust sometimes. The love that I feel for my children is just so deep and so overwhelming and having them by my side is the most natural and joyful thing in the world. To lose my children would be the worst possible thing that could happen in my life, so the fear seems justified but it is so strong that it makes me feel physically ill and tearful especially when they leave my side. I guess for us anxious folk the best thing is just to carry on, and pour love into the people we fear losing because that's one of the only things we can control in life.

This is so interesting and weird. I had also chosen the same topic 'fear of losing someone you love' for a post on my blog. I am yet to absorb the insights you have shared on the topic.
Anyways, thanks Jodi. Your article has a deep meaning to it.

I've a relationship with someone from a while and we are in love with each other, but it's a long distance relationship as we are now in different countries. so there is a limited ways of communication, One of his very closed friends passed away, and since that he is in a bad mood and depression. and thinking of losing me all the time and he even thinking of leaving me in order not to get attached to me more and he may lose me too one day. How can i deal with him to try to remove that fear?

Everything in this describes me. I hate it, because I feel like each time I do start to think things will get better they just get a lot worse. My biggest fear is losing my mom, dad, brother, dogs, and others I love. It's like I wouldn't care if I died but just the thought of them dying makes me feel like I couldn't handle it. I'm 17 going on 18 and 3 out of 4 of my dogs that have been there my whole entire life are dying :'( Gizmo and Biscuit have always been there for me when nobody else was cuz they were busy dealing with my older brother. I don't think I can ever get over this fear :'(

This is not descriptive or helpful at all. What?!

Hi Jodi,
I feel it's quite important to acknowledge the fear of losing someone you love. Acknowledging and then taking some action will certainly help to reduce the fear to some extent.
Thanks for your insights!

This article really called out to me. Lately I have been riddled with fear and anxiety over losing the man I am with. About 3 months ago I broke up with my ex-boyfriend of almost 6 years. This relationship was full of heartache and difficulties and I ended up leaving him due to my love for him diminishing, my parents not liking him and differences in faith. Just a month ago I met the man of my dreams. He is literally everything I could have asked for and more - patient, considerate, faithful, loving, mature, spontaneous, silly and wants our relationship for the long-haul. He told me that he loved me 2 weeks into the relationship and I feel the same way about him. I had the feeling that he was "the one". Although there is still pain associated with my last relationship, I feel like he is the man I am meant to be with and I am scared to death. I am scared that I may have rushed into a relationship without taking time for myself. I am also scared of losing my boyfriend because I can see myself with him for the rest of my life. I have never felt this rush of emotions in my life. I was hoping to take it slow with my new boyfriend, but my emotions for him and his emotions for me are very strong and I have never been happier with anyone in my life. Maybe I am over-thinking things, but I don't want this relationship to ever end and it scares me so much. Finally I met a man who is so similar to me and shares my same passions, goals and future-family dreams. I am scared because I want him to be the real deal and don't ever want my emotions for him to fade.

Thank you for this. I started with a fear of loss after my grandfather died and my father abandoned me in quick succession. I became so clingy towards my mother I would not even leave her lap at school discos, and slept in her bed every night.
Now I have transferred this on to relationships. My first boyfriend cheated on my with my best friend. My ex girlfriend was addicted to drugs and unreliable, as a result I would often panic when she went out on a late one with her friends in case she relapsed and I wouldn't see her again...she then broke up with me. Now I'm in an amazing relationship but I still can't help projecting these fears onto my current partner. Add to that insecurity from years of bullying and I really don't know how to get past this. This article certainly gave me food for thought however. Thank you.

Diagnosed with kidney failure caused me to develop panic attacks. The most fear that I have is losing my only parent, my mother. During this hard time I've also lost many friends. Some parted ways and some passed away. After finding this website I would just like to say it gave me a sense of relief. I don't think I'm quite fixed but It should help me sleep tonight... Thanks!

"Fear of Losing Someone You Love" good topic for discussion and I really have some time this felling in the matter of my grlfriend. We have in relationship from last 6 years (she is my schoolhood friend) but now I think what happen if I lose her. Its great fear.....

This post did nothing to make me feel better

OK. I'll start in this way.. i don't really know what to do [comment modified by editor]... I had a girlfriend for 3 years and we just broke up when she move in Hawaii . the last time a talk to her . the exact words came out to her mouth was . MERVIN I LOVE YOU AS MY FRIEND NOT AS MY BOYFRIEND . AFTER 3yrs that we spent together .. this is what I gonna get . is she really mean it or she just need space. I want her so much and I don't know what to doo. BTW she on heroin drugs and trying to get sober since may 1st . I'm loosing hope anymore and we don't have any communication anymore ;( please help me ..

I am not afraid of dying. That is just reality. I'm afraid of being found dead. Maybe even dying embassingly, with my mouth open.
More so that it is 1 of my 4 kids that find me. Not that it would be ess embaressily if it my hubby

Hello, not really sure if i am asking/telling this to the right person/place.
I recently bought a house and moved in with my fiance who I have been engaged to for a year and a half and started dating him nearly years ago when I was 18. This should be the happiest time of my life but I am so miserable and scared about everything.
I haven't stopped thinking about losing my parents and dying myself since I moved out of their house. I am literally so scared about losing them as they are only getting older and they are not in bad health but they can't do the things they use to and they are forgetting things.
All this is also making me doubt my life choices like my career and if I really want to be with my fiance. I keep dreaming about this other life I could have but it is so unrealistic. And everything is always blown apart by my constant fear of losing my parents.
Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated because I feel like my life is never going to get back to normal, I never use to worry about any of this stuff. I moved into my new house in January and I have been plagued ever since, I have been to the doctors and I am on a waiting list to see a councillor but I have been waiting for months. I need some help now before I waste my life away worrying about all the bad things that could happen. On a daily basis all I think about is that worst outcome of whatever I am doing at the time and terrify myself, I can't go on like this is so scary and I feel so sad all the time.
Thank you

Hi,
I also suffer from anxiety. I haven't really spoken to anyone about this because i know im being irrational and that most people dont think the way i do and im worried im crazy.
I am 21 now, living with my partner. As a child i had a really rough upbringing, my father isnt really interested in me at all and hasnt been since i was born and he left my mother to raise a child with another woman. My mother and extended family were great for the first ten years of my life but when i was 10 my mother met a man and began dating him. He was really terrible to me and unfortunately i lived with them for years and years. He was very physically and emotionally abusive and my mother stood by and let it happen for fear of losing her boyfriend. I lived with them for the majority of my life from age 10 to 17. I was in a very bad place and he cut us off from all family and relatives and anyone else i could turn to. Relatives knew what was happening but really couldnt help. His influence really changed my mother and i had no one and absolutely nothing. I was not allowed contact with anyone outside of school hours and then had to get a job after school to pay them the money to help the family because my mum had other young children to look after and he didnt want to get a job. Soon they told me i couldnt go to school and do my HSC and i should work instead and forced me to leave. It was soon after i got my licence and i snuck out of the house in the middle of the night and did my HSC staying at my fathers house for a year and a half. I left home immediately after i finished school to go to university with my partner of 4 years who i absolutely adore. Sorry for the long winded story but basically now i am so happy on my own and since i found my partner that i am so scared of losing her! I genuinely feel like im not allowed to be happy after everything and because im so completely in love and in a great relationship and great situation i feel like its going to be taken from me at any minute. Im so scared of her dying or something terrible happening to her ALL the time that sometimes it stops me from wanting to go out anywhere with her for fear of someone attacking her or something ridiculous. I do go out because i dont want this to affect her life but inside the fear is enormous!
Once again sorry for the long winded story but it is nice to get off my chest and see that other people have similar issues.

I fear losing my best friend. He and I are so close that we'd be partners if we had an attraction. I feel as though the suggestion of spending time with him is good but I do smother. He's told me that he's not going anywhere ever and that he loves me very dearly. Lately he's been having a bad time. He broke up with an abusive partner who he still lives with and has taken to unhealthy behavior to handle the break up as well as other things in his life that are not going well now.
I don't want to push him away but I worry that he'll go away or something bad will happen to him. Even as I type this I realize how irrational my fear is as he literally couldn't be more clear about how he feels but he's also vocal about feeling smothered too. I try but I fear when I love someone or feel so loved and understood that I self sabotage. I don't want to push him away and sometimes when I'm worried about this or anything I find my life goes on hold to the distraction of the worry.
I've never had anyone care for me so much and vice versa. I've never had this helpless feeling of him dying or going away. It's so disruptive. In all other ways such as how we treat each other our relationship is the healthiest I've ever had. In the one area where I'm prone to worry its unhealthy. I just want to work on whatever it is in me that worries so much and as I said I worry about everything this way. When I care I care way too Much. Any suggestions on how to just enjoy my friends and the good things in my life rather than worrying about the loss. I know why I worry (childhood disappointment and abuse) but I'm tired of it and it can't be good for my poor closest friends who I incessantly worry about. I know because I've been told. Thanks for listening. I feel so foolish and am also very hard on myself for the unhealthy thoughts. Any advice would be welcome.

since i 'm 15 now i m 21 after losing my grand father i always get a thought that my parents will die tonight.... after their death what will i do?? i can' t live without them.... i don't wanna lose them... when my parents go out i always have a thought of bad news will come or a accident call will come... i can't my brain out from this thought.... what should i do?? plzz plzz plzz reply me on my e mail id... if i have a mental problem or anything else i don't know... plzz reply me...

I have been through a lot of things in my life, I have seen and faced hell lot of problems that made me strong, strong so much that nothing mattered to me anymore, I was like without emotions, there was absolutely nothing which could scare me or hurt me. I was this strong. But then she happened. I fell in love with my school mate whom I met in my final year of graduation. she just made me alive again. its been three years that we have been together. She is just perfect. And yes I am afraid. I am 25 now and I have realised that she is everything to me. I have never been loved this much. I just needed to share it with someone. And I cannot share it on fb or my watsapp. So I am Sharing it here. I guess Sometimes we just need strangers to share our feelings.

As men tend to measure themselves by status and income, which in the western world are very closely linked, it follows that fear of losing one, initiates fear of losing the other. In the past, this fear has paralysed me to the point whereby I have knowingly allowed myself to be bullied, coerced and manipulated by weaker and less able business associates and by people whom I mistakenly perceived as superior. The irony is, that by behaving in this manner, I was creating the very losing environment I was seeking to avoid. It was a path of self-destruction. And it very nearly cost be my business, my home, and my marriage. It wasn't until I had my back to the wall, and I seemingly had nothing to the lose, that I came out fighting and proved my worth. And there lies the rub. For self-worth, and self-esteem, are emotive behavioural patterns that are learned and adopted at an early stage in our lives. If a child is brought-up on a demotivating diet of blame and constant criticism, instead of loving support and encouragement, the fear of loss is that much greater. For without foundation of a confident positive-self, any loss, whether it be of status or of a financial nature, will impact much harder - to the point where self-worth is totally stripped away. A way of preventing this from happening, is to detach ourselves as much as possible from traditional stereotyping and media-driven self-worth mechanisms, and instead place our faith in the Universe, our family, and importantly, in our in-built moral code. Because, the loss of our human potential through fear of loss, is the greatest loss of all.

Hi all,
I am going through a tough time emotionally... Am just trying to reach out and just let it out of me. I lost someone I loved recently, he told me he doesn't love me anymore and thinks of me a friend. My life is going to change sooner than later, as I'll be getting married to some other guy, I am worried about my parents they are getting older and I worry about loosing them all the time. I think of my ex and all the promises we made and then it ended forever just like this. This instability of life scares me. Please help me to let go things which are not in my control. I also want to know if at all we do have some control over anything... How can we cause less pain to people we love and no get hurt in process ourselves...it is all so depressing... It seems like life has no silver lining... Its debilitating even sometimes... Having to readjust all my life plans again and again to suit the ground reality...

I never used to be afraid of losing a loved one until my brother was found dead from a heroin overdose two years ago. I have tried to accept it and heal and move on and some days I am ok and some days I am definitely not. I was dating a man at the time who played games with my head, cared about me one minute and broke up with me the next. I was a mess and was on antidepressants for a year and a half. After my brother died, I realized what was truly important in life and I left this man for good.
I have been with my incredible boyfriend for a year now. He is caring and supportive and doesn't play games or hurt me in any way. He makes my bad days good and my good days better. In turn, I am insecure and riddled with anxiety over losing him. I don't want to push him away but I don't know how to help myself. Besides my brother being gone, my life is very good and I should be very happy but sometimes I am so depressed I can't get out of bed. I hate being so insecure and pathetic.

My husband was diagnosed with a tough cancer. He underwent a grueling chemo but has been in remission for 7 months now. He's so brave, so strong. We have been married 45 years. We have a son who has been battling the effects of a benign brain tumor for 26 years now, our only child.
I was so devastated when my husband was diagnosed. He really has been my rock. He has seen me through my tears of our sweet son, my life support episode,a broken leg, a hip replacement and my knee replacement.
He has gone on and said he's not worried at all. He's so sweet and loving to me and helps me so much since I have a hard time walking.
I SO fear losing him. he has a five year prognosis of 67%. I can't even begin to imagine life without him. I am an emotional wreck. I don't sleep well, I have anxiety attacks,depression and cry at the drop of a hat. I am on Meds for anxiety and depression and am looking into counseling. But nothing seems to help I am so scared.

But what if i can't tell the person that im afraid to loss that 'i love you'!!?!? what shall i do? i get mad in silly things, sometimes i don't even want to have a conversation . We sat quietly instead. Im tired of this. Meanwhile, even tough this things are happening we still hold hands. I dont know what to do. please help me....

Due to the unexpected loss of my father my senior year in high school I have lived with the anxiety of losing everyone around me. I distanced myself from my father's parents (the best grandparents a kid could ask for) because they had him cremated before anyone could see him and left us without reasoning and closure. Here I am 5 long years later and after losing my mother's father (my other grandfather) I am just finding out my dad's dad has cancer again for the 4th time. My grandparents have been together so long that if one loses their fight.. the other one will shortly after as well. My day to day life and emotions leave me overwhelmed, full of anxiety, hate, and depression and at times I question why people were even put on earth. I have an 8 month old son, who I love dearly and I feel he shouldn't see his mother crying and an emotional mess some days. Some days I can't even get off the couch unless I force myself. I just feel a heavy weight on my shoulders every day because I never know when the next person will leave my life unexpectedly.

Ever since I was a little girl (now 28) I would randomly have nightmares of one of my parents dying, one dream of my father who loves his motorcycle sticks out in my mind, I remember waking up screaming for my mom and just balling my eyes out hysterically believing my dream was real. These dreams continued randomly up until this point. I am now a single mom of two and the fear of losing one of my kids, my parents or my brother makes me sick to my stomach. I almost feel like I have premonitions or very vivid thoughts/dreams of something bad happening and I can see myself and my reaction to it all happening. I cannot handle it, I imagine myself in bed not sleeping or eating for days. On the edge of life myself from grief and overwhelming pain. I am also one of those people who will get out of bed in the middle of the night to make sure my children are still breathing. Sometimes it's bearable and I can push the thoughts from my mind, other times they at overwhelming and terrifying. Reading these stories and telling my own has me crying uncontrollably, I'm sad I'm not alone and glad all at the same time. Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and your ways of coping with these thoughts.

Hello everyone. I'm 18 years old and I think I also have a mental problem. I have such a lovely girlfriend for 2 years now, we have been happy for the entire period of time except a few months in a row due to a health problem. Im very attached to her (she is a little less to me) and I fear that I might lose her. I'm a jealous person in a weird way (I'd be the happiest if she was only mine, if she talks, goes out or do other normal things with her friends I get kind of angry and also I'm afraid because I don't know what's going on there). This jealousy causes harm to our relationship I'd say and I'd love to deal with it better because it just takes over me and I'm not able to do a thing. Lately, I've had a wrist injury and I can't really do much, only study and be with her, and it's been driving me crazy, sad and sometimes depressed. I just need her around me so I can be happy. And for the last month or so I've been worrying I could lose her. This feeling comes out of nowhere I think, everything fine between us (if I'm not acting jealous ).To summarize I love her so very much and I've been jealous everytime she's been out without me, I can't really deal with it, lately I've been worrying I could lose her because that would be unimaginable for me. I would be greatful for any sort of mental help, tips and advice what should I do everytime she's out with friends. Also to make me more comfortable and lose the fear of losing her. Thank you, Daniel.

A very topical subject to everyone. Great contribution.

Hi! I am very glad i bump on this site! Thank heavens i found some people who faces the same scenario that i have. I am in a very happy relationship rigjt now..i feel like it's too perfect it scares me. I never felt this happiness that it scares me always or out of nowhere i feel like something bad will happen to him. Im too happy and inlove to the point it's scaring me! I even wanted to buy some medicine to help me get over this. It's been 2months i am loke this especially we juat traasfered now in a different country and i only have him! I kept on oraying and pryaing that i hope i can go back to my old self. I know this is a very old post but i just felt like i really want to post this as well!
Thanks hope after reading this i will feel much better!

I am 17 and a senior in highschool. Today we lost a kid at my school that I didn't know well- he was in a dirt bike accident. I didn't like him and he isn't the point of this. I never would have thought he was going to die and it made me realize how scared I am to lose anybody around me. It made me realize that anybody can die at any point in my life and I don't get a say and it's really messing with my head. I have an ex friend and girlfriend whom I still love very much even after a year of not talking. I'm still so scared I'm gonna have to live in a world where she does not exist one day. I'm scared I won't ever get to see her again- I don't want to live where she is not. I always want to make sure she is okay and she is happy and I don't want her to die. I don't know what to do because I cannot live in a fear of losing someone I've already lost the rest of my life. I'm so scared

Thank you for this post. My fear of losing someone I love is centered around my parents. I have 2 half brothers and a half sister all of whom are older than me and who have their own children and grandchildren. I'm 43, my mom is 73 and my dad is 68. They are divorced (since I was 10 years old) and I live with my Dad two hours away drive time from my Mom. I love both of them dearly. I recently have overcome a year's worth of health problems and I am on the verge of being 100% restored to perfect health. Not only have I overcome the health issues thanks to great healthcare and wonderful caring parents, but I have also quit smoking cigarettes and several other bad habits I had. It seems that now that I am coming out of that clouded period of time, I feel the joy of being reborn, but at the same time I realize how desperately I need my Dad and Mom. Not for financial support, but emotional support. I have no spouse or children, and probably never will at this point. I don't want to exist on this planet without my parents. They know how to soothe my anxieties and their voice has the power to resolve all my mental problems. Yet, knowing that they will leave this earth before I will has me periodically worried to death about them. Usually, around this time of year, the autumn, my birthday, I start feeling "Sad" which I have come to believe COULD be seasonal affective disorder. I'm not sure about that, but it seems to fit the pattern. It's not every year, just some years. Especially now, my Mom's oldest brother (my favorite uncle) just had a stroke and is recovering. He was a picture of health prior to this. His wife, my favorite aunt, died in 2012 after breaking her back while also having liver cancer. I'm still not fully over that loss. I love my family so much. They are all that I have in this world and ALL that I want too. They are magnificent people, yet I am so far away from most of them. My Dad and I moved to our current city 21 years ago. I've lived half my life here, 2 hours away from the rest of my large extended family. All I want to do now is spend all my time with my Mom and Dad. Reconnect to all my family. I also had to resign from my last job to deal with my health issues because it was my job which led me to bad behaviors (drinking lots of soda and other things for energy to do 4 people's jobs by myself) which caused my health issues. Now I'm here at home alone, scared, tired of being alone, wanting to turn around and see my non-existent spouse who should have been with me my whole life by now, see our non-existent children who I'm too old to father at this point, and know that I have done what my life was created to do. But since that is not possible, I see a world that is unfamiliar to me, though it barely ever changes. I lost my grandmother in 2013. My grandfather in 2005. My other grandmother (my mom's mom) died when I was in 7th grade and I never knew her husband, my mom's father. I just don't want to be without my Mom and Dad. I won't know what to do with my life without coming home from work to see my Dad, and calling my Mom to see how she and the rest of the family is doing. What will my life be for without love? I don't know how to deal with this anxiety, though I have experienced anxiety my whole life. I don't want to lose my parents.