Depression - I'd Rather Be Sleeping

I completely agree and this couldn't come at a better time. My husband has colon cancer just diagnosed one week ago. All I want to do is sleep to make the problems go away. The problems and depression are still there in the morning, that's the problem. I went to bed last night at 7 pm and still feel exhausted but at least for all those hours (because I woke up at 6 am) I didn't have to think, didn't have to worry, no depression. I just wish all problems would go away when I'm awake.
Michele

Michele,
Yes, unfortunately, it's like any "quick fix" it doesn't actually solve a problem. But sometimes the break from thinking about the problem is worth it anyway.
- Natasha

I just want to sleep all the time, too. I have all these "ghost" pains. And Natasha, when I dream I'm not depressed either. Unless I have a nightmare, sleeping is such a releif!

At least when I'm asleep, the thoughts stop. This is why I usually load up on meds and force sleep when I'm depressed. Definitely not the healthiest thing to do, but it keeps me from dying. Though I sometimes wish I'd never wake up. Maybe end up in a fantasy dreamland, like limbo in Inception. :P

On Oct 15, 2011 my nephew took his life. I have been very torn up, confused, with him and his parents wanting to blame someone and why would a 18 year that appeared to be ok on the outside do this- I didnt even know he was add,bi-polar until after his death. After lots of investigating on my own through his "facebook" I'm pretty sure I know why and I cant really blame him or his parents (they had problems werent getting along he out and I felt my sister was too hard on him) I found several "lyrics" 8 total that he had wrote at different times since oct of last year. He spoke of Heartache,darkness,sleep, his mind not shutting down,hollow,misery and his last entry on sept 28th called forgotten battle -all these "as others that read them thought they were just song lyrics were actually the story of his life for the last year and pretained to thoughts of death, and his planning his death all the way up to his death here last weekend just put a front that no one seen so just to comment to these people that are dealing with it and getting treatment and please find someone to talk to dont be alone- Austin was and now he's gone and doesnt know exaclty how many people this has hurt and effected (lots) his facebook and family and friends has gone crazy with sympathy and shock of his death, There is hope and help but its up to you to ask for it and for the families to see the signs- none of us did until too late now on Sun Oct 23, 2011 we have to bury him and then I'm suppose to enjoy my 19 year olds birthday

I have the opposite when it comes to sleep. The more depressed I am, the more likely I am to have nightmares. Not scary, but obviously not real nightmares. I have dreams that the ones I love don't love me anymore, or that someone is bullying me and no one stops them, or that I'm trapped someone alone. I'm so tired, but I fight sleep because I know I'll only wake in a few hours crying and having a panic attack. It's not fair.

Hi Natasha,
Great article and so many other wonderful links within this one. Thank you for sharing your personal story and how you feel, I think it will help many and I like that you also touch on the thoughts that accompany depression and the struggle to stay alive and keep on going.
I'll share this on Twitter and Facebook!
Thanks, Barb

Absolutely spot on.
I've suffered with clinical depression for years and I'm tired all the time. Sleep is my friend. Unfortunately, sleep's not much use when it comes to functioning in the world, acid though it may be.
Now my doctor's (who have been wonderful) have diagnosed bipolar disorder.
If only I had the brilliantly creative and feverish bursts of energy associated with the manic phase!
Getting out of bed about takes all my energy. You have my sympathy and my thanks for sharing.
My very best wishes, Gareth

Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to mention that I have truly enjoyed browsing your blog posts. After all I will be subscribing in your feed and I am hoping you write once more soon!

Sleeping is my escape. The escape from the lonliness, the pain, the emptiness, the people who refuse to understand, the thoughts constantly swimming in my head. It's just me, my pillows, blankets, and my bear. And yes, i've had days where i wished i wouldn't wake up. And lately i've been having very weird dreams...i don't remember them usually..but they kind of hang there when i wake up...making me feel off-kilter. Or it makes me feel "disjointed". Maybe it's my meds or my messed up life. I just know they don't make any sense and don't seem to correlate to anything in my life.
I'm ALWAYS tired. I could sleep 12 hours a day and still be tired. I have drugged myself through weekends so i would sleep through the boredom and being awake with the constant thoughts or worries in my brain. Before i went back to work i would sleep through the day. My husband would wake me up only to eat, then i'd go right back to sleep. If it weren't for sleep i think i'd lose what's left of my mind or kill myself.

From the moment I wake up in the morning I can't wait until I go back to sleep again at night, but I dread having to live the time in between.

I am alone in this world. True I have family but I have no friends to go out with or talk to. I find myself sleeping a lot and hardly eating ever since I got laid off my job. I am happy in my dreams but when reality kicks in life is bland. I'm a nice hard working simple guy who would like a friend but I've come to the conclusion that life stinks and I'm going to be alone. No, I will not kill myself cause of my belief but I think sleeping all the time may slowly be killing my body.

sleep well my friends

Hi, I used to sleed a lot throughout the day.... This is because I hate my reality life.i have no friends.if I do they only backstabbing me.i always failed in my exams.my lecturers scold me.my family are tearing apart.im afraid to talk with new person.im alone.when I am asleep I found happiness through dreams but when I am awake I am sad and I hate my reality life.do this will affect my life.?

So very well expressed. I also use reading or watching show/movies as an alternative to sleep in avoiding reality. Truly a struggle, a battle if you will. Thank you for sharing this!

wow....you worded it perfectly. being unconscious is the next best thing to death when depression overwhelms every moment of every hour of each day. I cringe when I wake from my drug induced nightly reprieve. I wish I could be anesthetized. When I had ECT done the anesthesia made me too out of it to care about feeling sad...maybe it kept me from feeling sad/feeling anything. I felt horrible as soon as I went home and wasn't getting anesthesia every other day anymore.

I can really relate to this article. My husband complains that I sleep all the time and he doesn't understand that sleep provides an escape from my draining thoughts and emotions. I feel guilty for sleeping as much as I do. I should be spending time with the kids, doing house work ect... I am trying to manage it better by exercising and I do notice a difference with the way I feel and my thoughts are better too. It's hard to make that effort when what you would rather do is curl up and sleep and not worry about anything, but I think that I have some pretty great kids and they deserve a mom who is active, alert and awake to be with them.

I've been in this sleeping pattern for as long as I can remember. It doesn't help that I have shift work disorder and ADHD. So I go to work and I sleep. I hate my job but on my days off I sleep instead of being productive. My house is beyond messy but I don't have the motivation or energy to clean and when I do its usually because I've hyped myself on so much caffeine. I drink energy drinks to stay awake at work and I work retail so I don't get off until 11 pm. Does anyone here work nights?

I too work retail, and I too sleep pretty much allllll day on my days off. While awake I am a pretty happy person. I'm not currently taking any meds for depression or anxiety, but I do drink a shit ton of caffeine. I don't think it's depression, and even if I am depressed I handle it quite well through positive thinking and meditation.... I think it's because I am lonely, living paycheck to paycheck, very few friends, no girlfriend, and a family far away that I just prefer to not communicate with on a regular basis. I prefer who I am while I am asleep because in sleep I am not struggling to just make ends meet, i'm not constantly trying to find more money just to have and do what I want to do when and how I want to do it. Sleep for me is great because it is free, and I can't really afford things that aren't free these days, almost all of my income goes towards rent food and gas... nearly 90%. The remaining 10% may buy me a night on the town, or a dime bag... I know I am not alone in this... Thank you all for sharing your posts/comments... is there anyone who has experienced an actual solution to this whole notion of "sleeping to avoid life" yet?

IM DEPRESSED. and my relief to all the pain is sleep, but at night all i do is cry and think but then when I'm asleep, i never want to wake up because ill know i don the same every night.
it all started, when i was at a young age. always witnessed my parents violently fighting. i knew they would divorce sooner or later, mum had an affair, it happened. i had to process it. they divorced. i had to accept for the rest of my life a different and new man would take over the roll of my father, because mums always win custardy of their children.
as they split and we moved houses, my mum changed. and her boyfriend was horrible. mean to me. violent. hatred.
my mother had changed into this monster. she and him both, called me names. and violently hurt me. i was told i was fat. i was going through a hard part of life, and i had to accept being bullied at school swell. my mum and her boyfriend decided to have a child. my mums boyfriends ex- wife was a physcho path.she followed us and lots of other stuff. we had to stick up with her. one day i hear my mum was in a car crash, she was pregnant at the time. my mum had to give birth to my baby sister…dead. she died. i was looking forward to seeing and watching my new little sister. but that time never came. further on in the year, my great nanna, who i was very extremely close with, died. i still miss her to this day, i dearly miss her smile. i miss her smell. i miss the advice and long talks we had, i miss her coffee and i miss how she used to give me jelly beans out her jelly bean bar. i miss how we used to knit scarves together. i miss how she loved me and i loved her. i miss how she was all i had at the time. i saw her dead body in the cophen which was a mistake, i wish i said my goodbyes to the nanna i remembered her as. not as the dead version. it toar my heart out into a million pieces. and shaded it and stabbed me in the heart and left me to bleed. further on, in life, i got verbally and violently child abused by both my mum and my stepdad. later on down the track, i fell in love with this guy. he was something different, i know i was only 11 years old, but i knew it was more than just a helpless crush. he was all i thought and cared about, he was all that made me smile. i spoke to him every single night. but then something changed. he started to ignore me all the time because i became obsess with him. he blocked mde on social media for roughly 5 months. throughout the middle stage of those 5 months my stepdad developed cancer. it effected my whole entire family, all the hospital visits, questioning his life time, witnessing him in a comah, him pale,him sick, him struggling, him ill. him connected to all these tubes, my little sister will grow up without a father, i could not let my siblings go through more pain, as i thought about how much we have all already been through, although i lost all love and respect for my mother as everyday i took punches, words and hits from her, enough was enough, i was damaged. clearly. i started to take cuts to my skin, school didn’t make anything any better. still being in love with the one guy that wanted nothing to do with me. few moments onwards, he unblocks me on social media, after like 5 months, and suddenly takes interest in talking to me. and because i am 1 year below him, i was in primary (year 7) and he was in high school (year 8) so i didn’t know anything about his school life. but me being crazy in love with him, obviously seazed at the chance i had to be with him. but not knowing about his school life what i didn’t know was that he had a girlfriend, but she didn’t know me and i didn’t know her, so hew as smart and came to realise he could use and play us both without us finding out he is 2 timing us. eventually i found out, but he broke it off with her and stayed with me which made me feel special. my stepdad still having cancer and me still getting abused at home, everything was pretty rough, me and him last a few months together, then everything fucked up. after a few months, there came the day everyone was dreading. my stepdad died. cancer took him. and we all suffered the pain of death. but i suffered a different kind to everyone else, despite the grief i also had hatred aching inside me, the fact he just got the easy way out, he abused me all those years, and just got the easy way out, and his last few words he said to me as he took his last few breaths he held my hand and apologised for all the horrible things he ever did to me and said to me, and said he will always love me and look down on me, it toad me apart, why couldn’t he be this nice earlier, why did it take cancer to show is true colours. its all my fault everyday that he ever abused me i wished him dead. my wish came true. it haunts me for the rest of my life.well the day my dad died, i go to my boyfriends house ( the guy i have lasted with for a few months) and that same day he asked out a different girl that morning, and that night he invites me over, and wanted sex from me, buti wouldn’t go that far, so he dumps me, and he had already got a new girlfriend that morning so thats the second girl he has cheated on with me. i felt so depressed and fucked up that night, the day my stepdad died and he dumped me. how worthless, and depressed do you think someone who experienced that would be? i didn’t want to live. i wanted to be taken above where pain does not exist. from then on, i was seriously drowned in depression, and i had an eating disorder where when i looked in the mirror all i saw was discust, and i tried to starve myself, but then got over that sooner or later.
2 months on from this it was the new year and start of high school, i see the guy. at school. everyday. still with his girlfriend (the one he dumped me for) and i am still deeply in love with him, even after everything he had put me through, then a few months later, he shows interest in me again, but we start off as just friends, but whenever me and him try to just be friends it can’t work, its either more than friends or enemies. and even know he had his girlfriend, me not in control of my feelings, let him cheat on his girlfriend with me. we hooked up and he fingered me. not to mention this guy is the same guy as the guy i have always been in love with this whole time, then he lies about it, ever since he fingered me. so i gathered he used me. and he lied about it and ignored me ever since. when everything me and him ever did always meant something to me. then we didn’t talk for a couple of months. then he dumped his girlfriend and got a new girlfriend, then me and him started talking again (this was only a couple of months ago from now) we started off as just friends but that only lasted all of a few days, we just can’t control ourselves when in contact with each other there is just something there. and me once again, letting him use me, i let him cheat on this 3rd girlfriend, with me, but this time it wasn’t just a hookup or me getting fingered, this was only a few days ago from now, even know he has a girlfriend, me and him had sex. he cheated on a 3rd different girl. an i let him all once again. and this time i am more hurt and broken and depressed than ever before because we went all the way. i thought he was the one. i gave him my everything. and now he is ignoring my messages and ever since he has ignored me. feel worthless and used. and i feel sick. and i have lost my appetite. i stay up all hours of the night and early morning in hope for him to message me, but that message never comes. he is the only person on earth that i love and need to make me complete and happy. my wrists and arms are full of scars, and i would just like to update the present moments of my life to these days, my mum has already had a new boyfriend for like 6 months now. and she has already moved on and it has only been like 9 months since my stepdad died. and i hate how she already has a new boyfriend. :’( and not to mention, my step-grandpa which is basically my grandpa, has cheated and left my grandma, and now i never see him ever and he has unfriended me on Facebook and doest even make effort to keep in contact with me and i don’t see my cousins or family form that side of the family anymore, and not to mention the fact that my real grandpa died when i was like 1 yrs old. and i have never been able to see him, and people still question it to this day if he was murdered or not. this is my life, i am alexis. i suffer form depression, and i have only recently come to realise that I’m an emo, but trapped in a body covered in fake smiles, makeup, slutty clothes and scars of hurt and broken pieces of my heart. i struggle to find someone who understands me and how i feel. i feel like cutting cos its addicting now, its like my drug and the scars show who i am. and my heart has been put through so much, its numb and in need of that one guy to cure me. i live off tears, and heart ache. i need the cure, and i knw what my cure is more than anyone else does, and I’m telling you now, its just for that guy to feel the same way about me, because i need love. and no matter how many times people say it or how many people say it, ‘’people care’’ ‘’your not alone’’. well i actually am. because who is here when I’m crying? no one. who is here when I’m cutting? no one. ho is here when I’m getting beaten? no one. who is here when i scream? no one. who is here when I’m silent? no one. who is here when no one is here? no one. i just need his love, because atlwast that can repair the damage he has made. everything else and all my past trauma is un fixable only he can help me make a start to pick myself up.

Hey Alexis. I am sorry about the loss you have faced in your life. Life is a painfully pleasant journey. A mind trip in my opinion. The heartache we face everyday is not easy to suffer through. You will find somebody amazing in your life girly, but the thing we must ultimate come to settle within ourselves is, everyone who lives will one day will die, and die alone. (Brand New)
I am here as a friend! I too have faced many tough trials along my journey thus far, married, divorced, wealthy to poverty, all within a decade. But I will tell you one thing. Life goes on. We will once again live for the great (moments) in this mortal life. I woke up today from some crazy wild thoughts that occured in my dreams. Thus what got me here. You seem like a sweet girl Alexis, we all desire love, I know I do. Being alone is an inevitable fear. Keep your head up my dear. Good things are only to come :) I love being asleep because it does, it blocks out the pain from reality. But I can see that is me, being fearful of this one oppurtunity at this mortal life! Fishing, basketball, outdoors, laughing at silly MOMENTS :) falling in and out of love. I promise girly, there are billions of guys out there that would be lucky just to get to know you. Do things that you enjoy, do something for you! You have a sweet heart that has been hurt, but is still beating!
Life is not measured by the breaths you take,
But by the moments that take your breath away...

I'm 50ish I'm a man, and I'm anxiety ridden about my lack of tasking ability to make a living.
That is, I sleep to hide from worry of loosing my home???
I have no energy or drive to get out on jobs to fix my financial situation and tell myself I will catch up later when I feel better.
I can sleep 15 hours a day on average and have slept as many as 20 hours just to not think of problems that seem to be a great mountain for me to level all alone.
My depression brings on lac of drive to get up and be responsible, that brings on financial problems which causes anxiety as im loosing everything and I'm stuck!!!
I'm seeking help and taking meds for depression and anxiety and going to classes on depression and anxiety and hope to soon function again and be the social butterfly I used to be.
I'm told the meds don't do everything and getting out of bed is a process of forcing myself to get out of bed to get in rithum again.
I'm in fear of failure so bad I just want to hide, eat and sleep in comfort until the antidepressants start working and hope for the best in recovering.
Wish me luck as I do you all:)

I've searched and searched for the reason why I don't feel depression when I dream. I want to understand what is happening chemically and physiologically in my brain as to why. Of course, I try to sleep as much ass possible. I have back issues so I have pain meds and antianxiety drugs that can knock me out. When I am awake, the whole in my chest of pain is so hard to deal with. I am even on two depression meds. This all started with PTSD. I don't know how to feel anything other than pain when I am awake. It is getting harder and harder for me to fake "okayness" enough during the day to function at my small part time job. I use to be a person whose heart was full of joy and flowers and love. It's nothing but holes. I attend therapy weekly just to make it week to week. Does anyone know the "mechanics" of feeling normal during dreams?

today my youngest son 16 birthday. I have six children was married for 27 years. the last three years I have been without my family. We were
blessed. I was sent to jail for a bad checks after a severe manic episode
i am now a felon and know one will hire me. I been in a small room for three years sleep all day up all not by my self. I need help can someone
call me .i feel nothing but depression. iam 54 i want my wife and kids back. 610-504-2930. I am so close to death

Diane, your comment on lack of depression while dreaming really hit me. I am never depressed in my dreams and, in fact, have a pretty fabulous life when I'm sleeping. Could this be one of the reasons we sleep so much? And if dreams are a reflection of our subconscious mind why isn't our depression/BPD expressed in them? Just one more thing to ponder...

Just read this for the first time. Perfect description, beautifully worded. Thank you.

When I am depressed which is quite often theses days I lay on the sofa and sleep because in sleep I can be or do anything I can't in my waking life. Consequently my waking life gets progressively more difficult to live in. I lose almost all my motivation to do normal daily stuff.
Like sleep, I zone out sometimes watching TV to get my mind off of what's bothering me and focus on something else, fantasy. The other day I was watching The Dog Whisperer on TV. A very depressed looking dog could not be coaxed no how to get out of a very comfortable livingroom chair. He kept running back into it every time his owner dragged him out. I totally identified with this pathetically sad looking dog. Then I watched as Ceasar Milan slowly got him out of that state and it reminded me of how similar his method was to a therapist I had once. I GENTLY and CONSISTENTLY had to be forced to get up and do something other just than lay there and sleep my life away. Then I was encouraged to make make a realistic plan to do something else each day, other than sleep. Then the following day I was rewarded with praise for what I did accomplish (I was not admonished for what I didn't get done). Day after day slowly building on my successes no matter how small and learning not to focus on the failures I managed to stay off that couch long enough to LIVE my life instead of just endure it. By the way, Ceasar Milan has also suffered mental illness...
I believe God uses whoever or whatever he can sometimes to wake us up

It is my personal opinion that psychiatrist's treat & prescribe their depressed patient's with ..................yet more heavily sedating & entirely way too strong Anti-Depressant's that is abuse rather than an honest authentic or true remedy for their psychiatric patient's they've listed as Depressed for their condition needing to be treated? Now intellectually you honestly tell me how on GOD's green earth ..............you can treat, fix, rectify or reverse Depression in a psychiatric Depressed sad down in the dump's patient w/ pill's that are heavily sedating & by their psychiatric doctor's prescribing them Anti-Depressant's that only more severely over sedate & completely knock them out to sleep their entire day's away & gain 40-60 pounds in fat of weight with in less than a 3 month period after being prescribed? They virtually sleep 24 hours a day after being treated by their psychiatrist's..................that is down right ...............FULL THROTTLE ABUSE! You depressed patient's have a mind of your own so stop being so...................OBEDIENT & COMPLIANT & BLINDLY WILLING to pop anything a shrink prescribe's to you w/ yourself first also forming an opinion about how that medication makes your body physically feel? You are grown mature adults that have every damn right to reject your shrink's pill's & simply tell your doctor no & that you are not comfortable w/ the medication with which he has prescribed to you & he need's to try another less sedating & fatiguing depression pill because you simply are not a little helpless 6 yr. old kid & you are refusing his treatment until he prescribes one medication to reverse & reduce your depression that dose not include sedating or overly heavily medicating you as though you to other people in the community appear to be drunk & smashed on alcohol drooling & with your tongue hanging down past your chin as you stumble & wobble clumsily & like a drunken slob all over town as other's stare in frightened shock & amusement laughing & possibly causing you to be hit by passing car's at 5:00pm heavy rush hour traffic time because of your overly medicated & severely sedated physical state from the Anti-Depressant's prescribed to lift your sad mood & or relieve & treat & reverse your depression........................that..................GOD DAMN it is in no way possibly rectified nor to be relieved by treatment w/ ..................................more Depressants & or heavily sedating overly fatiguing psychiatric ANTI-DEPRESSANTS ................which all these years has been & probably will continue to be abuse to psychiatric depressed patient's until they realize they have the right to refuse their shrink's downers & to say no to overly sedating & sleep inducing fat gaining drugs that encourages them to virtually sleep their entire lives away daily so as not to be either a burdon to their families or to the staffed employee's with in psychiatric nut ward's of inpatiented locked up behavioral health mental health hospital wing's & to w/ these sedating pills render psychiatric patients to be as less of a bother or burden either verbally or physically as they are all rendered by these Anti-Depressants ..................comatose & asleep well over a 16 hour period of any given time period span daily therefore thus rendering them more easily to interact & deal w/ by family & or nurses when locked up inside an in-patient mental nut ward wing....................Abuse & absolutely no GOD DAMN REMEDY for REVERSING .............DEPRESSION? GOD DAMN it you psychiatric patients need to start saying no & refusing to pop sedatives & fatiguing Anti-Depressants.................exercise your GOD DAMN RIGHTS as an ..............ADULT & simply say.................NO to your ................drug pushing Psychiatric doctors! ~~Hollister Ann Horn~~

Yes indeed, compliance/adherence to meds prescribed by professionals is always a choice. Refuse to take your meds (or reduce them on your own) and see what happens. If your psyschiatrist does not meet your needs find someone or something else that will. If you are not happy with your life the way it is change it. I have lived INDEPENDENTLY and maintained a job with the SAME employer for over 33 years. I have bipolar 1 disorder. We are physical, mental and spiritial beings. Sometimes it's not just the disease causing the problem... As the saying goes, "until you've walked a mile in MY shoes..."

I really don't know where to start but I'll try anyways. I'm a male in my mid twentys and I feel so ashamed of my lack ability to fight this deep depression. I at times feel optimistic but then I'll start to beat myself up mentally. I feel useless and hopeless. I believe in and love God and maybe if there's anyone out there that can understand me and talk to me please text me six four six five eight eight twelve eighty three. Thank you.

Sleep may seem the ultimate fix to all worries,problems etc.. But in all honesty its a weak way in humility face your demons in reality push yourself to stay strong enjoy the essentials of life and take it all on head first! I'm afraid I won't wake up when I go to dose off and that's a scary thing to think about I'm a warrior I been through storm and still riding it until this day alive and awake

I am caretaker of my 80 yr old mom,she has always been in bed,I mean 50 percent of her entire live.I remember as a child.mom was in bed all the time.she never went to enroll any of her 11 children in school.she never went to any back to school nights,recently I went to my sons junior year of back to school night,my mom ask me whats that?i have spoken with her siblings recently,and they told me my mom was like that all her life.even when they married and had children,my aunt Fay told me whenever they would go to my moms to visit,they would have to go to her bedroom.can you please help me if there is something I can do to help my mama.

It is Christmas Eve and I am spending the night alone in bed. I have been depressed for 17 years. I have no friends, and my relationship with my close family only exists because they feed off seeing me sad. I am a very successful business person, and I feel that when they see me sad it makes them feel good.

This article is exactly how I feel everyday of my life. It's like when I'm awake I feel trapped with all the painful emotions of life and every breath is painful. So I like to just sleep when I sleep I am happy n don't feel any sadness it's like having all the weight lifted off of me an I can be in love and happy! I can sleep all day if I had the time! I'd rather sleep than go out anywhere!

Life is random and everybody's different that have there own individual dreams. but the harsh reality of the world we live in is for most that is all they every will be, only dreams. I grew up in a violent home with alcoholic mom, i have experienced and seen things that have caused me a lot of pain as a young child. My dad was always away working but i believe it was his way of staying away from the abuse my mother did to him. Mom left me and my baby brother when i was ten and my brother was 3. It really hurt me that she ran away. My dad still kept working all the time and my brother was took care of by my aunt, I was by myself mostly and became very sad and felt scared. In my teenage years i started drinking and ended up becoming a nasty person, fighting and getting into trouble a lot. I was so angry all the time. I ended up in psychiatric hospital on numerous occasions and was put on anti psychotic drugs for years that make me feel nothing but numb. When i was 26 i had a daughter and i stopped drinking and have never touched a drop since. Now in my late 30s i have very little, no job, money or friends. People have not forgotten my drinking years and it follows me around under whispers. I do feel ashamed and embarrassed of the person i was. I feel sad and sleep 18 hours a day every day often 24 hours. I never eat just maybe once every two days. The last 3 months i have stopped taken my medication because i cant afford to be asleep because i have responsibility's a daughter! But everything feels worse now. I've slept 36 hours have had nothing to eat for over 4 days. I am going to my doctor later today to basically be put back to sleep with some meds. I wish the doctors could give me a reason why i feel like this. I want to live life awake but its to painful. Sleep is peace but at what cost?

When I sleep I'm so happy, I have wonderful dreams of my family being together so happy, no worrys no problems, no bills, no job. And I'm free to be free. I think back on my life and haven't done anything with it depresses me, working min wage. No money more problems. I gave up my youth raising my son. My husband is a ass hole, never letting me dream, keeps me from school. he loves to throw me back to reality whitch is getting harder to do now, my son always bring bad notes from school to throw him out. I gave up my youth for them, I think what a waste. When I sleep it goes away. My pain to be alive fades away. It doesn't matter if I get drugs to make me happy or see a doctor. They can't fix me. I try to enroll to school or leave him but he prevents me, with money and my son.

Life is an insufferable word which causes me and my family misery everyday. My constant conversations with family members coercing me into believing life is worth living, what it would do to people if I were to end it. This is the biggest pain of everything for me personally, being told that something I wish to do can not be allowed to happen just to suit others. Life isnt about freedom or happiness, it's a death sentence in its self.

Apparantly depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Depression isn’t your fault. The chemical imbalance occurs when tragetty (I am a horrible speller) happens and a person doesn’t find a way to deal with the situation, doesn’t find an outlet. Like having a car accident and not talking about it, or someone close dying and not being able to properly greive, abuse and never coming to terms with it, etc. However, having had depression from a very young age, where I was 7 and took a bottle of pills because I wanted an end to my life and want to just go home where I was loved (heaven-I believed back then) I realized that dealing with the pain was better then trying to escape it. I realized I was in control of the toughts I allow into my head, I am master and builder of my life. I choose to see the glass half full rather than half empty. Yes, there is beauty in winter.

Perfect article.I love sleeping because of the same reason.The dreams I have in sleep make me so happy,it is like I am a king of my own world.I can do anything.But when I am awake,it is depressing.Most of the things are not in my control and life just seems to drag on.

Well I've been going to my bed almost for 10 years. I now live in Spain. My mother in law got involved in my marriage and said some really hurtful things to me in front of my children. Because my husband brought us to a foreign country and took my oldest girl away in the first 2 weeks of moving here. He was waiting for redundancy for 2 months. My husband just stood there and said nothing. My oldest daughter stayed behind in the UK which devastated me. I've never picked up from all this and blame my husband all the time and it's caused many problems in my marriage. She never apologised. I don't know whether this has triggered my depression off. But when I go to bed my mind rests. I have no energy and even doing small tasks wear me out. I recently come off lorepanzol and it has made me worse. I was a little better on them. I'm very lonely as all my children are grown up and gone back to the UK. I have no friends no car and sit up the house most days on my own while my husband works. He won't go by to the UK. I'm suicidal. Help.