Bipolar Life is All About Choices

My father was diagnosed with Alzhiemer's at the age of 52. He struggled for 12 long years. Guess what? I am 52 and was just diagnosed with bipolar. I have too many things left in my life to accomplish. I have a 2 year old grandson who I need to see play ball, ride a bike, and drive his first car. Please tell me there is hope. I will not put my family through what we all went through with my father.

Dear Christina and Kathy
I am 62 years old and 8 years ago I woke up in the hospital and was told I had tried to kill myself, then I learned I was Bipolar. Not the best way to spend my golden years.
So I curled up in a ball and waited for more crap to come.
My salvation was in my first therapist who was a Forensic Physiologist, meaning he worked with mostly prison populations. He did some consulting on the side and took me on.
He was very good at kicking my butt when it needed kicking and telling me that my future would indeed be different but how different was still up to me.
It is now 8 years later and I have been facilitating a DBSA peer to peer support for 7 years, I am a certified peer Advocate, and took my states training to become a Certified Peer Specialist.
Has it been hard, YES VERY, WOULD I TRADE A MINUTE OF IT "NO"
If you want you family to be proud of you then push on, don't let the diagnoses define you, find what you are passionate about and move ahead.
We all find the way the look at our illness that works best for us. For me I look at it this way.
I was born BIPOLAR and I will die bipolar and there is nothing I can do about that , BUT what I do and how I live in between is all up to ME.
Mike

Christina, as a 40 year old bipolar female, diagnosed Oct 2009, I know exactly what you are saying. I, too, have children and reach those 'dark places' where I want to end the pain in the shadows, but know that I am living for them. We need to live for us. Though on mood stabilizers, I have had some hard dips in the past month, and often wonder how the heck can it go on in a life time. I know it's a matter of meds adjustment to reach the most stable point possible. Meanwhile, I'm working on coping skills, one of which is making sure choices are reality based. Whenever you take a plunge, just try to be armed with info. After being hospitalized fall, I immediately started back to college courses in winter thinking that the pills were stabilizing me. The course went south. Fail. The side effects of the drug were slowed cognitive functions (after all, part of the BP symptoms are racing thoughts, so the meds' job is to slow them down). Memory and retention became huge issues. By the time my psychiatrist was able to add another drug to help overcome those issues, I was so backed up in reading and writing assignments, that I couldn't even finish them with a two week extension granted. The point: Once we are stable, or at least feel reasonably confident in taking the next steps to do what we think is necessary, be aware/informed of what influences you have that may either propel you, or possibly bring you to your knees (drug effects, coping strategies, life circumstances, goals, etc.) Make a "pros" and "cons" columns. Know thyself, then plan the plunge. And even if you fall (even 'normal' people fall), have your coping strategies in place. After my fail/fall, I went in the next semester determined not to let BP symptoms overcome my dream. My expectations were more realistic. My motivation is consistent. I learned to know what I didn't know and move forward, with the realization. The result: This class (3rd year), I'm now in my last week with an expected low A for a grade (having had learned to work through my depression).
Sorry about this novelette, but I truly empathize with you, and wanted to share some insights. Hang in there and I wish you and your family best wishes and much success!

I was told I "may have slight bipolar" while I was in a detox. Ever since my teen yrs I guess I could say I always wanted to escape. My mom was very verbally aggressive is a nice way to put it. She said hurtful things and it was a battle just about every day. I had gone to a dr when I was 19, and was told I had major anxiety and depression. I was put on medication but it didn't hold. I ended up with a major drug addiction and it wasn't like it was one drug, it was anything I could get my hands on. If you had it I would take it. So the first I had heard about being bipolar wasn't in a very good atmosphere and I certaintly wasn't emotionally ready to face anything except for my addiction at the time. After leaving and then continuing to use drugs for about 4 more months I finally - don't ask me what changed but something did and I stopped. January 8th 2007 was the last day I used. After a few months the fog started to clear and again I realized I needed to see a psychiatrist (funny how I kept going back to that) and this new Dr said after he asked me 100 questions he said the same thing the Dr in detox said, he said that I have slight bipolar (to me u either are or aren't no?) and very bad anxiety. And then he medicated me beyond what I needed. So here we are now and we've gotten the medication thing in order but it doesn't go away with medication does it? I thank God have a patient and understanding boyfriend who has been with me thru hell and back quite literally. But still sometimes I drive him crazy. I don't really get manic anymore, like without medication which I may have drove everyone around crazy but I felt so good in that mode I really did it was like a constant adrenaline high but I know its not normal. Then I wouldn't really go down so to say I would become number one *itch. I get irritable and ugh its horrible. Why did the medication take care of the mania but I still get frustrated and irritable and agitated sometimes? I guess those are the things we have to learn to deal with. I just want to be normal I really do.

Cristina and others,
Hope is a strange beast. I often wonder what keeps me going. I put it down to hope. I have been bipolar for about 28 years. I consider myself stable but every day is a struggle in some respect. I wish I had the support system that Cristina talks about. I live alone and hardly ever interact with real people. My family is the online community and I think they keep me going. I have been through a lot of life's problems but I never lost hope. Even so, I still feel that hope is very fragile. I need to step over the edge but I need to know what I expect from it. I worry that I may lose hope if I don't find a purpose in my life. I would say I often go to bed and wake up feeling hopeless. I manage to navigate my way through the day. I feel that hope is more powerful than all the bad feelings. There doesn't have to be a reason for the hope. I feel the need to build a life that is worthy of the hope that I have. Then I may be able to step over the edge.
Clive

Hi there... *Smiles*
What a beautiful personal experience... thank you for sharing.
I am uncertain of whether or not or agree with your opinion that, specifically, 'bi-polar is all about choices'. I think that LIFE is all about choices and we can make them as all people, hopefully, do. Our's can prove to be more problematic, however, and can bring greater challenges and stresses, or those of a different nature.
I believe that some of us can also be rewarded in beautiful ways as well... perhaps any duration of intense, seemingly inexplicable, emotional pain enables us to feel a greater range of emotions, or to experience, with more intensity, the breadth of the human experience.
I am 16 years old and have bi-polar. My shrinks have all been sweet enough but closed tracked minds. I was told 'medication forever!' I vowed to come off immediately but I generally take them if I feel particularly awful, under the 'supervision' [hardly- note my sarcasm] of my attentive and ignorant psychiatrist.
The only point to these words is this; if I can meander on, despite being either hurried or slowed by something innate, then heaven has hope for ALL of us :)
At 19, I feebly attempted to cut my throat and at 21, I jumped, quite literally, into a coma and, yes, some times darker things can be tempting; the cool water of the river can hold such appeal etc, but sometimes, I think hope is not even a necessity and patience can be a gift, if we all choose to accept it, to embrace it, or even try it!!
Hope is quite abstract, but I think that it can be coupled with patience!! Maybe if everybody just has faith in their soul?!
The person above, who mentioned the seasons, spoke in truth!! *nods maniaclly* For so many of us, the drawing closer of summer can offer a form of hope, can it not?!
Good luck and love
Marri