I lost a friend to suicide last week.  A friend who struggled, triumphed and sadly, lost the battle with his mind.  I have witnessed many of my friends and loved ones struggle with mental illness and it is heartbreaking on many levels. Yet a *blessing* appeared in the form of a friend who experienced watching another friend’s depression and wanted to understand the cycle of depression better.  I will share with you what my response was.  

Are Self-Help Books, Videos The Answer? Whether the "problem" is mental illness, low self-esteem, feeling unfulfilled or any other "malady", there is a book, problem or savior for you! Walk into your local Barnes & Noble, Half-Price Books or independent bookseller and take note of how much real estate is devoted to the self-help titles.  You Can Change Your Life, The Secret, The Law of Attraction. . .the key to a happy life is contained within.  Can't you hear the harps playing as you crack it open?  No?  Me neither.

Once upon a time, a woman confident upon the stage, attended a TEDx event.  The woman wove her way through the crowd to find her seat and settled in.  The speakers were engaging, the topics diverse and she sat at  rapt attention. At the 1st break, the woman stepped out for fresh air.  Except that it wasn't fresh and there was no air.  Everyone else was taking all of the air.  She found herself swallowed up in the crowd and each time she re-established her personal space, the school of fish moved in again like a moving wall.  She spent every break wishing for a few moments of silence.  Even going outside the building brought no piece, the fish simply found another route to the "food".  The woman in this story is me and the story is about social anxiety, panic and the effects of PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) on the ability to persevere.

Halloween and Dia De Muertos (The Day of the Dead) can be child's play. Ghosts, goblins, superheroes, Disney princesses and more bring both smiles and horror. For those with a mental illness, PTSD or panic, Halloween can conjure up very intense negative responses. Sometimes horror flickers on the TV screen or in the movie theater, sometimes horror is found behind a mask, sometimes it comes to visit wrapped in "Trick or Treat!" Potential triggers lurk everywhere: black cats, oversized spiders, masks, horror movies and even costumes that perpetuate mental health stigma, domestic violence and much more. Ahhh, the midnight hour.

PTSD triggers. For those of us with a mental health diagnosis (diagnoses), the definition of a trigger is far more than a level with a catch or means of releasing it. Triggers are a response to stimuli and a result of past trauma. PTSD triggers can include certain odors, a particular tone of voice, certain objects, places and so much more. The brain creates a physiological response: increased heart rate and respiration, sweating, a need to escape, a need for silence, sleeplessness, hyper vigilance and so much more. Responses to triggers are unique to each individual. No cookie cutter responses here!

We know that adjectives are descriptive. We welcome adjectives and what they have the power to do: paint a mental picture, create an emotional response, fill in the blanks when an explanation is needed and so much more. What about when a normally positive adjective is used to describe us? When can an adjective intended to be a positive become a negative and a label instead? Allow me to explain:

In this age of awareness and enlightenment, mental health awareness still generates a great deal of ignorance. Sometimes, even well-meaning statements perpetuate stigma, even on sites that seek to eradicate said stigma.  Recently, the poster below came across my news feed from several mental health and depression pages. The depression quote is attributed to Mark Epstein, an American psychologist. While Mr. Epstein's credentials seemingly qualify him to speak knowledgeably on the subject, I do strenuously disagree with this quote's assertion.

If there is one thing I can count on in my life it's October. Yes, it's obvious that October arrives each year, but when you live with a mental illness, months can represent moods. And that can be scary. That said, I want to focus this post on a conversation I had with a relative who lives with depression in the summer, and thrives in the winter.

When you are diagnosed with a mental illness, it can feel like your life is suddenly on display. You can feel sort of like an exhibit at a museum - one your family and friends and psychiatrist want to tend to. It's not easy getting used to this, but what about when you encounter people, situations, on your road to recovery that make you feel exposed?

So, you've been diagnosed with a mental illness. Now what? You have--perhaps without much grace but with much persistence--come out on the other side. Life is, presumably, better than it was before the diagnosis. But it isn't easy and you are still trying to figure the whole thing out: medications, your new mental health care team, and the future. On the understanding that we have a future outside of mental illness, and it's important to get on with life, to the best of our abilities.