Making a resolution to stop an old behavior, or start a new one, is about more than changing the action itself. We also need to develop a lifestyle and environment around the change we want to make. Some people blame the concept and say our annual failings only serve as proof that New Year's resolutions don't work. In reality, the reasons we fail have less to do with making resolutions and more to do with the fact that we lack the lasting motivation that will sustain us through thick and thin. When you're ready to quit drinking, stop smoking, or get off drugs, it doesn't matter if you start on January 1st or July 14th. If you're ready now, here are four essential steps to making that a lasting change in the New Year.

These are some of my favorite responses to the question, "Why aren't you drinking?"

Concerns over having a clean and sober holiday pop up all year round, but especially in the fall and winter months. Every year it happens -- people start talking about the holidays, complaining, planning and worrying. It seems like starting in October, the curmudgeons start to become more vocal. Personally, I enjoy the season, although it can certainly be stressful. Most of us field a lot of expectations, invitations and obligations in November and December. For those of us in addiction recovery, all these events can bring addiction triggers, especially when others are drinking around us and staying clean and sober can become a challenge.

Recognize other ways of dealing with stressful situations in order to avoid drinking or using your substance of choice.

On a warm October day, I hurried to to class, maneuvering around groups of slower-moving students. I checked my phone - fifteen minutes before class started, enough time to pop into the mini mart and buy some iced tea or soda. Approaching the entrance, I smelled the faint scent of fresh cigarette smoke from a passerby. Then my eyes caught the posters featuring cigarette brands on the mini mart door. All of the sudden, pleasurable memories wafted over me. I could feel the cigarette between my fingers and taste the hot smoke. I was experiencing a smoking craving.

Getting sick raises questions and concerns for people in substance abuse recovery. As the leaves fall and the heaters turn on, colds, flus and other illnesses make the rounds. Personally, I am prone to developing sinus infections. Every time I come down with something, I have to consider what kinds of remedies are safe for me as a person in recovery. 

Early in recovery, a young woman who had gotten sober several years before me gave me some good advice. She said that when I felt like drinking, I should make a list of possible actions I could pursue and rank them in order from least destructive to most destructive. Actions such as praying or taking a bath would probably rank high on the list, while drinking and suicide would come in last. In the middle, I might list such things as shirking responsibilities to watch TV all day or going on a reasonable shopping spree. (I should mention, I have not struggled with shopping addiction.) When I felt the urge to drink or use, I was to start at the top of the list and work my way down.

One of my biggest regrets from my drinking days is that I wasn't a support for my grandfather when he was dying.  We were very close throughout my childhood and adolescence, but when he experienced a recurrence of cancer I was totally immersed in my alcoholism. My mother and I lived with my grandparents for some of his last months, but I was more harm than help. He died a few months before I got sober and for years, my wreaking havoc on my family during this difficult time pained me. For the last seven years I have experienced troubling recurring dreams involving my grandparents and their home, which was a happy and magical place for me growing up.

A few days ago a good friend of mine, Leah, asked for my opinion on a situation she was having with a friend of hers, Sarah. Leah was struggling to stay clean and sober, but recently, she recommitted to substance abuse recovery. Leah wanted to help her friend with a history of drug abuse, who is on methadone, so she has been driving Sarah to the methadone clinic three days a week. Unfortunately, Sarah recently started using drugs again and is pressuring Leah for drug contacts and even to drive her to drug deals. Leah decided she needed space from Sarah and asked if I thought seeking temporary distance was okay. My response -- of course! As long as Sarah is overwhelmed by her drug-seeking behavior, she is not capable of being a good friend.

I took my last drink of alcohol (hopefully for good) on February 19, 2007. I smoked my last cigarette (also hopefully for good) on December 31, 2010. In contrast, my friend quit street drugs and alcohol years ago, but she doesn't know the exact dates. 12-step programs emphasize dates. Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous and Overeaters Anonymous all celebrate sobriety dates, clean dates and abstinence dates, respectively. For me, my sobriety date is extremely important. It commemorates a miraculous day when I was given another chance to live. The day I quit smoking is important to me too, but I might not remember it if it didn't coincide with New Year's. Perhaps I care more about my sobriety date because my struggle with alcohol was much harder. Even so, for the clean and sober folks I know who do not commemorate a specific clean date, (mind you, this is the minority of clean and sober folks I know) it is not because their sobriety isn't important to them.