Depression affects decision around parenthood. Decisions about if and/or when to become a parent are already tricky. Lots of us think about issues like financial security, career, age and whether or not we feel ready for parenthood, because parenting is hard. For those of us with mental health challenges, including depression, decisions about parenthood can be fraught with complexity .

When I sat down to write my blog this week, what came to mind is that I’ve been having trouble mood-wise lately – depressed mood, low energy, anxiety – and how this seems to go against what we commonly associate with the beginning of a new year. But I have to live life, even when I'm depressed.

One of depression's main symptoms is feeling alone, like no one in the world could possibly understand your situation, your pain, or your experience. You feel cut off from other people, like there's a glass wall between you and the rest of the world. The feeling of being alone can can make you want to isolate yourself from friends, family, and other people who care about us. Isolation feeds depression.

With the change of seasons to fall, I recently found myself in the grip of depression, yet again. First I noticed that my concentration seemed dulled and my motivation slowed. I started sleeping more and found it harder and harder to get out of bed. Soon, my lethargic body felt heavy and clumsy; my energy level plummeted. I felt empty, shut off from life around me. Daily functioning felt like swimming against the tide.

Being broke and having depression go hand-in-hand. I'm really sick of it. Even if money can't buy happiness, it can buy basic necessities like food and shelter. It's pretty hard to be happy without those things. I need more money, but my symptoms of depression make finding a job really difficult. While the average person in their twenties focuses on building a resume, I've been focused on surviving my depression. Instead of attending post-secondary school, I've been in depression treatment, learning about my own experiences and how to cope in everyday life. Living with depression is a full time job.

I mentioned to my psychiatrist that my sister is getting married this week and my doctor reminded me that if I have mixed or depressed feelings at the wedding not to panic because this can be normal. This made me think – for those prone to depression, maybe weddings are similar to the holidays in that they can provoke the exact opposite of what you think you should be feeling. At a very “happy” event like a wedding, we can feel pressure to feel very good. And what if we don’t?

I love language. I believe the words we choose shape our minds and our world. This is why I choose to say, "I have depression" instead of saying, "I'm depressed." My depression diagnosis is a part of me, but it isn't all of me. Using positive language to describe my illness helps me manage my illness. At times, I definitely feel like I am a walking pit of doom and gloom. I feel so depressed that I literally can't believe I'll ever feel anything good ever again. I wonder, why live when I feel like dying? No feeling ever lasts forever, though. If I wait it out, usually a friend will text me or I'll see a new recipe I want to try. The world reminds me that there is more to me than my depression.

Several years ago I did an inpatient treatment program for depression. At the end of my stay at the hospital, I was asked to complete a survey on my experience there. The form had room for comments and suggestions and as I filled it out, I realized I had a lot to say about my depression treatment.

Whether you are a parent with depression struggling to raise children or a new mom suffering from postpartum depression, know that you are not alone.

I've learned a lot of things from over a decade of treatment for depression. In the long list of recovery tips I could share with you, the most important thing I've learned is that you can't hate yourself out of being depressed. It can really stand between you and your recovery. Hating yourself is no way to accomplish anything, especially when it comes to recovering from depression.